Ex still has photo of me on his socials.

[stillafool]

I agree with Wiseman.  Block everyone from contacting you who may be associated with him.  Stop and do not view anything that is related to him online.

[glows]

3 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

He also used to have Facebook, he told me he deleted it a few weeks ago and he did, but yesterday I saw he reactivated it as he posted. The same with Snapchat. He deleted it a few weeks ago and guess what, he undeleted it. Its all so bizarre when I think about it. Why delete all those things and then undelete them when single. Am I mad in thinking it was probaly deleted as he didnt want me to see something?

And now A girl he follows and follows him is looking at my stories. - I have no idea why. He is still blocked but the follower looking at my account I know he follows and follows him not sure how I know it lol I think I saw her comment on a pic of his or something. 

The first time I heard of people deleting accounts and disappearing on social media after a break up or event it struck me as strange as well. I’d chalk it up to the assumption some have that by deleting or deactivating an account it helps them maintain their privacy without having to delete that contact. That person keeps the contact but deactivates the whole account, intending to reopen it again at a later time. 

Frankly it’s a long winded way of saying I need a break right now but I’ll be back. It doesn’t mean he still thinks about you or wants to be with you. I also don’t think there is malicious intent to hide anything but can see where distrust and cheating in a relationship/break up can cause all kinds of thoughts. 

It’s going to hurt for awhile but you can limit the way you self-talk and tell yourself that life goes on and he has his life and you have yours. Random strangers are going to look anyway, so look. They have no access to your life and this man is gone and you’re finished with him. He has no access to your life either. It’ll take awhile to let go but keep on that track and don’t let your mind wander too much about these random strangers.

[truelovewinsall23]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

I agree with Wiseman.  Block everyone from contacting you who may be associated with him.  Stop and do not view anything that is related to him online.

But I don't know who is associated with him. Like I cant assume every person who watches my story or sends a request is connected to him. 

[truelovewinsall23]

51 minutes ago, glows said:

The first time I heard of people deleting accounts and disappearing on social media after a break up or event it struck me as strange as well. I’d chalk it up to the assumption some have that by deleting or deactivating an account it helps them maintain their privacy without having to delete that contact. That person keeps the contact but deactivates the whole account, intending to reopen it again at a later time. 

Frankly it’s a long winded way of saying I need a break right now but I’ll be back. It doesn’t mean he still thinks about you or wants to be with you. I also don’t think there is malicious intent to hide anything but can see where distrust and cheating in a relationship/break up can cause all kinds of thoughts. 

It’s going to hurt for awhile but you can limit the way you self-talk and tell yourself that life goes on and he has his life and you have yours. Random strangers are going to look anyway, so look. They have no access to your life and this man is gone and you’re finished with him. He has no access to your life either. It’ll take awhile to let go but keep on that track and don’t let your mind wander too much about these random strangers.

He Deleted before the break up.... Unless someone reached out to him that he didn't want me to know about and that's why he deleted it. He would reshare my story's that i tagged him in and he stopped the week before we broke up, it was also the time when I was told he had slept with someone but it wasn't me. 

I honestly think maybe there was someone else now that I look back in a calmer more clearer mindset. He also started working out and kept saying how he needed to get back into his routine too. 

[glows]

It’s not surprising if there was someone else. A fair number of people need to know there’s another option before ending a relationship even if for a morale boost and it’s just a crush. You are now aware he was on dating sites while you were still with him so you know the type of person he is. 

Again, you dodged a bullet. He’s entitled to his views about marriage or about you but instead of closing one chapter first he dabbled checking out other women and didn’t break it off cleanly with you first. 

[truelovewinsall23]

22 minutes ago, glows said:

It’s not surprising if there was someone else. A fair number of people need to know there’s another option before ending a relationship even if for a morale boost and it’s just a crush. You are now aware he was on dating sites while you were still with him so you know the type of person he is. 

Again, you dodged a bullet. He’s entitled to his views about marriage or about you but instead of closing one chapter first he dabbled checking out other women and didn’t break it off cleanly with you first. 

Yeah, 

I was shocked by it when I saw it, I came close to texting him being like WTF but I kept my cool and left it behind in the past. I honestly don't even know what to say about him. I feel like he had me hooked and I fell madly for him and of course there is still love there. Even with everything I found out I'm not even angry anymore because one thing I have learnt is how it ends says more about a person than anything else. 

My only worry is maybe its something with me. My last ex cheated on me and said the same thing, oh I don't want a relationship maybe I am not relationship material etc... and now what I know about this guy it's very similar, except with my previous ex I kind of knew where I stood. So maybe I am doing something wrong, as my previous ex is in a relationship that seems to be going well. Although he is constantly texting me or reacting to my Instagram etc while in a relationship with his new girl. 

I'm kind of curious now if maybe my both my exes are narcissists, my previous ex I am 100% sure was. This one I am not sure of but the love bombing, the future faking, making it out like I was 100% the reason we broke up and then becoming nasty and mean at the end and then completely cutting me off and having his friend text me instead of doing it himself.

Any Narcs on here care to share how they ended a relationship? or anyone been through an ending with a narcissist what was it like and at what point did you realise your ex might actually be one? 

[glows]

Well, everyone who appears as a selfish or deceiving twat is going to sound like a narcissist so try not to fall into that trap. You may be attracted to selfish people for partners and give too much without checking yourself.

In this case, you were sharing life together as most couples do and he showed you he doesn’t have much integrity as a person.  

[stillafool]

50 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I honestly think maybe there was someone else now that I look back in a calmer more clearer mindset. He also started working out and kept saying how he needed to get back into his routine too. 

This could very well be true because most men don't like to break up if they don't have sex lined up somewhere else. They don't like to go without.

[truelovewinsall23]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

Well, everyone who appears as a selfish or deceiving twat is going to sound like a narcissist so try not to fall into that trap. You may be attracted to selfish people for partners and give too much without checking yourself.

In this case, you were sharing life together as most couples do and he showed you he doesn’t have much integrity as a person.  

I couldn't agree more with you. I think maybe I do attract selfish people. With everyone of my exes I helped them whether it was finding a new job, a new place to live and even dealing with family issues which funnily enough I did for my ex and a few others before him. I think what you have just said had just flipped a switch in my mind and the light has come on. Maybe I go for selfish people because I am a career, I love taking care of people. 

Even with my ex his previous house was under going renovations so he stayed with me for 16 days straight and I done everything, cooked, cleaned, done his washing everything all while working full time and my job is a lot more stressful and longer hours than his. But I still done all the above.

Maybe I am an idiot for doing that. 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Am I mad in thinking it was probaly deleted as he didnt want me to see something?

And now A girl he follows and follows him is looking at my stories. - I have no idea why. He is still blocked but the follower looking at my account I know he follows and follows him not sure how I know it lol I think I saw her comment on a pic of his or something. 

No, you're not "mad." But you're driving yourself there. I know it's hard, but you have to STOP. Stop looking at social media and searching for answers. That alone would drive anyone mad.

Can you stay off it for a while? 

You have to start taking care of yourself and give yourself some peace of mind and your mind a much-needed rest. 

[truelovewinsall23]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

No, you're not "mad." But you're driving yourself there. I know it's hard, but you have to STOP. Stop looking at social media and searching for answers. That alone would drive anyone mad.

Can you stay off it for a while? 

You have to start taking care of yourself and give yourself some peace of mind and your mind a much-needed rest. 

I have made my account private so no more random people viewing my story and he is blocked so its all good on that point lol 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

 

My only worry is maybe its something with me.

First - it's not useful and it's straight up unhealthy to look for a way to make yourself a victim in this breakup scenario. It's the predictable next step in this "search for hidden meanings" (like you scouring your past photos and finding the TInder time stamp on the screenshot or whatever that was).    Maybe he was interested in someone else.  What does it matter.  It's over now and both of you are free.    So stop.

Where you are responsible for this is your choice of  men like your prior ex, where evidently you "knew where you stood" (he was cheating) and, then this guy, who is going to tell you your eyes are different sizes because he's feeling mad.   This whole thread is based on your desperate hope that he left a photo of the two of you on his SM because he had regrets about the breakup.  

Instead of looking at various ways that he wronged you now, why not investigate why you wanted to marry a man like this.  If you're being honest, this will not have been the first time he showed you this side of himself.

YOU would choose to be with a man who spoke to you like during a difficult time?  

I don't know how old you are but I think it's somewhere in this thread that you are in your 30's and he's late 30's.  Is that right?  I assure you that it's completely bizarre to trash talk a person's physical appearance during an argument or a breakup among basically sound people.   Of course there are plenty of those who do it and they are ALL people who need to be avoided.  You would not be yearning, obsessing, hoping about a guy who would treat you this way EVER (unless he had a brain tumor or psychotic break) if you were in a good state to have a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship.

Edited December 1, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I assure you that it's completely bizarre to trash talk a person's physical appearance during an argument or a breakup among basically sound people.

Totally agree.

Give it some thought, OP. In the midst of your upset and pain, how does he respond?

By insulting you.

That's pretty low class.

 

 

[truelovewinsall23]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Totally agree.

Give it some thought, OP. In the midst of your upset and pain, how does he respond?

By insulting you.

That's pretty low class.

 

 

Well guys.....

I got an email and an apology. I forgot he had my email. Now it was sincere honest and sad. He still doesn't want to be together but said he hasn't moved on as he misses and loves me too much.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Well guys.....

I got an email and an apology. I forgot he had my email. Now it was sincere honest and sad. He still doesn't want to be together but said he hasn't moved on as he misses and loves me too much.

The proper response to that email is no response since he doesn't want you back.  Followed by blocking him from emailing you.

[truelovewinsall23]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

The proper response to that email is no response since he doesn't want you back.  Followed by blocking him from emailing you.

So I did reply, and he reiterated that he still doesn't want a relationship His words in fact where i don't want to go back.. I never asked to get back but to meet to talk and end it like mature adults and out of respect for the last year. 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Well guys.....

I got an email and an apology. I forgot he had my email. Now it was sincere honest and sad. He still doesn't want to be together but said he hasn't moved on as he misses and loves me too much.

Don't fall for the bait.

Whether he knows it or not, your ex is manipulating your feelings for him. He wants you to say "I miss you too."

He is feeling lonely and insecure.

It will make him feel good to know that you miss him, and this small boost of confidence will help him get through the hard days ahead.

Simply put, he's using you as an emotional support system to move on. Don't be that person.

There is no longer a relationship between you and your ex. You are no longer together, you are no longer romantic partners, and you are no longer friends.

He broke it off so let him deal without you.

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Well guys.....

I got an email and an apology. I forgot he had my email. Now it was sincere honest and sad. He still doesn't want to be together but said he hasn't moved on as he misses and loves me too much.

Told ya he'd be back.  Like I said, now that the commitment noose has been lifted, the pressure is off, and he's missing you, longing for you.

So so typical.

Well, at least he's got enough insight to understand it's not a good idea to go back, he knows the same issues will resurface.

He's a commitment phobe, period.  This is how commitment phobes behave.  Mixed and double message, and lots of confusion.

He may miss you, long for you, love you but NOTHING is gonna change that fact except therapy.

Edited to Add:  How was he able to email you?  I thought you blocked him.

Anyway, this is why you block.  You allow him NO access to you.  Text, email or SM.   Saves you a lot of confusion, as I am sure you are experiencing now.

I miss you, I love you (too much?) BUT I don't want to get back together. 

What the heck.  If that isn't a double message, I don't know what is.

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

So I did reply, and he reiterated that he still doesn't want a relationship His words in fact where i don't want to go back.. I never asked to get back but to meet to talk and end it like mature adults and out of respect for the last year. 

To meet and talk about what exactly?  Old times, good times, bad times, what difference does any of that make or what good is it going to do at this point?  It would have been better to ignore and not respond letting him stew in his original decision.  I hope you aren't going to meet and talk.

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

So I did reply, and he reiterated that he still doesn't want a relationship His words in fact where i don't want to go back.. I never asked to get back but to meet to talk and end it like mature adults and out of respect for the last year. 

This is a mistake.

This is how you'll get drawn back into some entanglement with him. It won't be a full-blown relationship. It'll be something casual that will leave you feeling even more terrible about yourself. And when you inevitably try to talk to him about your feelings, he will abuse you verbally again. There really is nothing to discuss with him. The relationship is already over.

He keeps reiterating he doesn't want to reconcile for various reasons: 1) it's the truth, 2) to make you feel shitty (he gets a kick out of rejecting you and making you feel undesirable), 3) to make sure that when he does have sex with you and you start to feel like he manipulated you, he can point back to what he said as proof that he was honest with you.

Rest assured that there's nothing original about what he's doing. It's been done millions of times before.

@NuevoYorko is right about your needing to figure out why you are attracted to this kind of person. It's time to focus on your own decision-making and to take responsibility for it. That's the only way to avoid getting dragged back into an unhealthy relationship with this guy or ending up in another emotionally abusive situation in the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe his new crush isn't going the way he hoped and he's sniffing around for attention, OP. Or perhaps his guilty conscience is speaking to him. 

Don't fall for it. Stop responding to him. There is no need to meet up with him and discuss anything else. 

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

 I'm kind of curious now if maybe my both my exes are narcissists, 

The label is not as important as you moving forward. In this case he seems immature. Try not to view yourself as someone who chooses defective men. 

Don't fall for a demotion to FWB. He's being saccharine again because he misses sex. If he missed you he wouldn't have thrown you away like trash.

It would be best to take a rest from overanalyzing him. While hindsight is 20/20, at some point you'll have to let go.

Keep in mind that it's popular now that everyone's ex has some sort of armchair diagnosis. But remember that what faults you are seeing now were always there just on the other side of the same coin.

However, all you can do in the future is slow down and observe rather than get so wrapped up in walking down the aisle that you turn a blind eye to red flags when you sense them. Trust your instincts.

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by Wiseman2

[truelovewinsall23]

My morning took a horrible twist. I woke up still reeling from the email. I forgot he had my email address, I gave it to him months ago as he was booking flights. 

I think he message was one to try clear his conscience of all the bad things he done. I appreciate him sending it to me in a way but I wish he didn't as it reset my healing. I feel like hes trying to string me along in a way, ending things but putting hope with certain words that he didn't need to include. I've copied some of the things he's said that I think he is trying to manipulate me. 

I get that you probably don’t want to see or hear from me because of what I’m putting you through and so I’m not writing this expecting a reply or looking for forgiveness or anything else. Sorry if this is a bad idea, I just feel that it’ll help us both to move on slowly.

I broke your trust, and you deserve a guy that you can trust without question. I told you I want to date a bit more in the future, but after downloading the apps this week I’ve deleted them again. I can’t stand talking to other girls yet, I miss you too much and it’s way too soon for me to move on. Instead, I need to sort myself out first.

You were my first proper relationship, maybe that’s why I struggled. Maybe I’ve spent so long on my own that no relationship will feel right. I will never forget you and I’ll never regret our time together, all I can do it thank you some much for the times we had together. I’d like us to one day be friends, but this probably isn’t realistic.

When we first started going out you asked if I was looking for something serious or dating for fun. I told you I was dating for something serious. In hindsight, I realise I’m not ready for that, it just doesn’t feel completely right between us for me. You are such an amazing girl and I wish I could change how I feel but I can’t, I have tried. I know you would have preferred if I brought this up with you sooner, but you did nothing wrong here and there was nothing for you to change. You couldn’t have done anything more to make me feel welcome and included and loved.

Those are some of what he said.  I got this email yesterday and then today I got a call to say my grandmother who I am very close with passed away in her sleep. I just feel like there is so much loss happening that it is very overwhelming and I really wish he didn't send that email. I wish he could have just left it in the past but between getting that email and then my grandmother passing I am very fragile today. 

The only reason I responded to it mainly was because even though I said it clearly that I didn't want my stuff back, all he had belonging to me was jeans, a blouse and a bag that tbh I never wore or needed so I told him he could throw them away with my blessing but he wont he wanted to give them back to me today by bringing them to me in my house. I honestly don't even know what to say. Why is he insisting on giving me my stuff back. I don't want it back, I have expressed this and told him I don't need them back. I also gave him a jacket I had bought for a friend as a gift but it didn't fit my friend so I gave it to him and he loved it. Now he wants to give that back to me too.

 

[Alpacalia]

Geesh. Sorry about your grandmother's passing.

What I did was go and get my things when my ex wasn't there.

We both agreed to and arranged it that way.

No fuss, no muss.

Edited December 2, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

  The only reason I responded to it mainly was because even though I said it clearly that I didn't want my stuff back,  he wanted to give them back to me today by bringing them to me in my house. 

Sorry to hear that   . Condolences.

Sadly he's looking for excuses and using saccharine faux remorse to see you and prey on you for sex . Re-read the email. He continues to say he knows he hurt you and doesn't want a commitment.  Keep in mind that by generating confusion he keeps you off balance.

Edited December 2, 2022 by Wiseman2