jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 So, I just had a second date with this woman not too long ago (33F). The date went just as well as the first, dinner, went for a walk, had drinks, went back to my place and made love. Nothing really seemed wrong, she said she enjoyed the night and she even thanked me right in the middle of sex with a smile on her face (which is a first). Very quiet since then though. Usually she’s texting me non-stop but today I was the one to text her. Which I’m fine with doing, but her communication via text just seemed to do a complete 180 all of a sudden. If the dates had gone badly. then I could understand, but there’s really nothing negative to say about them. So I guess, I’m just a bit confused. Only thing I can think of is she’s seeing multiple men right now and just pre-occupied with another one?
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 4 hours ago, jgraham11 said: her communication via text just seemed to do a complete 180 all of a sudden. Yes, unfortunately after 2 dates you're both still talking to and meeting others. Slow down on the texting and schedule another date if you are interested in seeing her again. Try for some dates that don't end up in bed.
ShyViolet Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 Maybe she regrets having sex so soon. Just try asking her out on a 3rd date and see if she accepts. 2
glows Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 If she’s responding she’s interested. Don’t read into the texting non-stop or lack thereof. Focus more on the dates and time spent in person. It’s also Thanksgiving weekend. Most people are busy or have plans. Ask her out again and see how it goes.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2022 Author Posted November 27, 2022 Nah, she broke things off via text. I woke up to it this morning. Said she really likes me, but apparently we were missing that “spark”.. I really don’t know what more I can do anymore. Had a great time on both dates, emotionally, physically, everything and yet I get this... I’m a 31 year old bachelor who hasn’t had a real relationship in way too long. I’m starting to get pretty damn concerned now. 1
glows Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 I’m sorry to hear this. Give yourself some space, get back up and brush yourself off. What she means is she wasn’t as attracted as you are. It doesn’t mean you’re not an attractive person to everybody. Step back a bit and don’t sleep with someone so early if you feel emotional about this. You seem to have gotten emotionally invested very quickly. Keep the first couple of dates short and sweet. You think you know this person but you really don’t after such a short time.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2022 Author Posted November 27, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, glows said: I’m sorry to hear this. Give yourself some space, get back up and brush yourself off. What she means is she wasn’t as attracted as you are. It doesn’t mean you’re not an attractive person to everybody. Step back a bit and don’t sleep with someone so early if you feel emotional about this. You seem to have gotten emotionally invested very quickly. Keep the first couple of dates short and sweet. You think you know this person but you really don’t after such a short time. I think you mean to say interested.. if she wasn’t attracted then we wouldn’t have gone on any dates, certainly not 2 and certainly nothing physical would have come from it. I’m not all that invested. I’m more disappointed that I’m still single at 31 than I am that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. It could have been anyone that did this and I’d feel the same way. Edited November 27, 2022 by jgraham11 1
glows Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 Just now, jgraham11 said: I think you mean to say interested.. if she wasn’t attracted then we wouldn’t have gone on any dates, certainly not 2 and certainly nothing physical would have come from it. Same thing. And note I said not as attracted as you are. She doesn’t feel the same thing no matter what you wish to call it.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 27, 2022 Author Posted November 27, 2022 Just now, glows said: Same thing. And note I said not as attracted as you are. She doesn’t feel the same thing no matter what you wish to call it. Again, “Interested” is the word. Attraction and Interest are not mutually intertwined. I’ve been attracted to plenty of people but felt no connection with them, thus the interest level is lower.
glows Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 8 minutes ago, jgraham11 said: Again, “Interested” is the word. Attraction and Interest are not mutually intertwined. I’ve been attracted to plenty of people but felt no connection with them, thus the interest level is lower. You’re entitled to your opinion. I think it’s a lot of semantics over the same issue and don’t buy into the interest vs attraction topic. The issue is she doesn’t feel the same way.
poppyfields Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, jgraham11 said: I’m not all that invested. I’m more disappointed that I’m still single at 31 than I am that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. It could have been anyone that did this and I’d feel the same way. No doubt she sensed this (bolded) which I suspect had a bearing on why she broke things off. In truth, neither of you felt the "spark." She just had the courage to say it first and stay true to her own values and standards of dating men with whom there is mutual interest, a mutual spark. I get how you feel though. How many men feel. The sex was good, you got on fine, why not continue? Because most women aren't wired that way. We seek substance AND physical attraction. By substance I mean an emotional connection and a relationship with "legs" between two people with equal interest AND attraction that has the potential of going somewhere other than the bedroom. Not just physical attraction and mediocre interest which is what was happening given your quoted words above. Or what SHE felt was happening anyway. I'm sorry this one didn't work out but try to stay positive. Edited November 27, 2022 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Nah, she broke things off via text. I woke up to it this morning. Said she really likes me, but apparently we were missing that “spark”.. I really don’t know what more I can do anymore. Had a great time on both dates, emotionally, physically, everything and yet I get this... I’m a 31 year old bachelor who hasn’t had a real relationship in way too long. I’m starting to get pretty damn concerned now. Sorry this happened. As you know, any excuse can be used to stop seeing each other. The semantics: spark, interest, attraction, etc. doesn't matter. Are you afraid it's code for 'bad in bed'? Was she drunk? How did it happen that you hooked up so soon? Sounds like she just wants to wash her hands of the hookup-like vibe. In the future, slow your roll, no in house dates until you have gone out a few times. One disappointment is ok. Just keep talking to and meeting women. Edited November 27, 2022 by Wiseman2
Will am I Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 4 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Maybe she regrets having sex so soon. Just try asking her out on a 3rd date and see if she accepts. I share this feeling. Your opportunity to becoming “all that” lies in your ability to have a third date, have lots of fun, and don’t steer towards sex at the end. If your sexual episode after the second date is brought up, tell her that you enjoyed it a lot and show gratitude. This talk may turn into the question whether you want to be exclusive. If you do, tell her. Make her feel safe and respected and loved.
smackie9 Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 You scratched an itch, she had an enjoyable time, but not enough to pursue anything more than what was. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2022 Posted November 28, 2022 13 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Attraction and Interest are not mutually intertwined. I wouldn't split hairs over this. The bottom line is the same - she has said she doesn't want to continue seeing you. It stings, but at least you know not to waste time here. It could have been anything, and after just two dates, you can't really hazard a guess as to what has happened. But you read the signals right that something had changed for her, so you also know you can trust your instincts.
Acacia98 Posted November 28, 2022 Posted November 28, 2022 15 hours ago, jgraham11 said: I’m more disappointed that I’m still single at 31 than I am that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. Perhaps you should find a way of moving beyond the idea that you should be settled with someone by a certain age. Because that kind of belief can cause you to feel like you're failing when you really aren't. It's okay to take time to meet the person that's right for you.
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