ohjess Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 Matched with him on Bumble. Quite flirtatious but respectful. We both like similiar music and seem relatively similar. He keeps the conversation going, I admit that I haven't asked him a lot but he did ask some questions. Then he stopped talking to me. So I sent a final message if he would be down for a drink. He apologised for his late reply, claimed he deleted the app and wouldn't have left me out to dry (although, he still had his profile up, and added a new photo and could see when he was travelling). Then noticed him on my FB 'people you may know' the other day, despite us not having mutual friends. I just get the indication he's interested with his well thought out responses, compliments etc, but he hasn't suggested or agreed to meet? Advice? **TL;DR** bumble date seems interested but seems either not interested (possibly) or shy to meet up.
Wiseman2 Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 1 hour ago, ohjess said: bumble date seems interested but seems either not interested or shy to meet up. It's best to delete and block timewasters like this. Keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others. If he's not eager to set up a meeting, there's low interest.
basil67 Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 Why didn’t you ask him many questions? If I were on the receiving send of that, I’d figure that my date was a poor conversationalist and not bother with them any further. 4
Gaeta Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 No, he's a no-go. When a man is interested, he acts interested. Put your attention on those giving you the right amount of attention and suggesting meeting in the first couple of days of communicating. If you don't give yourself some dating rules you will waste years online dating. 3
glows Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in meeting with you. How long were you speaking with him? 1
salparadise Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 4 hours ago, ohjess said: I admit that I haven't asked him a lot but he did ask some questions. If you're not engaging and behaving as though you're interested too, then he may have said screw-it and moved on to someone who shows enthusiasm. If he's an attractive guy, which I assume he is or you wouldn't be asking, then he probably has plenty of options... so why would he spend energy on someone who isn't giving anything back when many others will. I really do not get why women have the expectation that a man should persist indefinitely when they play coy. Do you think his motivation should be that he's obsessed with your profile pics and is on a mission? Nah, it's about the interactions. 3
NuevoYorko Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 You made it clear that you weren't interested in him - obviously, if you had been, you would have asked him about himself. You'd have wanted to get to know him. You didn't. He's moved on. This is as it should be. 1
ShyViolet Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 This person is what's known as a time waster. If you've suggested meeting up and he makes excuses or avoids it, then this is going nowhere. Don't waste any more of your time with this..... stop talking to him and move on. 1
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 Really well thought out questions/answers is someone screening you thoroughly because that is the type of person he is. If there is no date planned, he's not interested. An interested man will try to nail you down before anyone else gets to you. He's not making any kind of effort so put him in the trash. 1
poppyfields Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, ohjess said: He keeps the conversation going, I admit that I haven't asked him a lot but he did ask some questions. Then he stopped talking to me ^^Yeah he got bored with it. Too much work attempting to engage you. Gotta rely on more than just your looks if you want to maintain a man's interest. Unless he's looking for a quick hookup in which case he doesn't care about talking to you or your personality, only how hot he thinks you are and getting you into bed asap. Men seeking relationships will view you as an entitled woman who doesn't feel she has to put forth much effort, including having a decent conversation wherein you're both engaging each other. A mutual effort. Sorry it didn't work out. Edited November 24, 2022 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 6 hours ago, ohjess said: Then noticed him on my FB 'people you may know' the other day, despite us not having mutual friends Is this^ why you think he's interested? If so, it doesn't mean a damn thing, it's FB. PS: This isn't a dig against you specifically OP but I've noticed lately the number of women who believe because they're attractive, they don't need to show enthusiasm and make effort. And then wonder why men lose interest and/or dump them As stated previously men seeking relationships versus hookups need and desire more than just a pretty face. Based on what you posted, you yourself weren't displaying much interest and he got bored. 1
stillafool Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 7 hours ago, ohjess said: I just get the indication he's interested with his well thought out responses, compliments etc, but he hasn't suggested or agreed to meet? Advice? **TL;DR** bumble date seems interested but seems either not interested (possibly) or shy to meet up. When they're interested they want to see you in person. Shy guys are not very forthcoming with compliments. I would say he's not interested. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 10 hours ago, ohjess said: I sent a final message if he would be down for a drink. , but he hasn't suggested or agreed to meet? Advice? If you took the first step to suggest meeting and he sidestepped it then let it go and move forward. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 11 hours ago, ohjess said: I just get the indication he's interested I don't get that impression. He's not interested anymore, anyway. He wouldn't have stopped talking to you and dodged your invitation to meet otherwise. There's nothing more to work with here.
Ami1uwant Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 (edited) You understand bumble is linked to Facebook for verification. Facebook uses this bumble linkage. by you not talking to him , his interest went away and he moved on. I’m turned off if I am always asking questions, she might respond, but she’s not engaged in questions to me. Edited November 27, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote 1
glows Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 11 hours ago, ohjess said: He keeps the conversation going, I admit that I haven't asked him a lot but he did ask some questions. Then he stopped talking to me. So I sent a final message if he would be down for a drink. He apologised for his late reply, claimed he deleted the app and wouldn't have left me out to dry (although, he still had his profile up, and added a new photo and could see when he was travelling). It’s odd he replied to you at all with such a cop out response about deleting the app and so on. Did he not ever answer you directly about going out for a drink? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted November 24, 2022 Posted November 24, 2022 There is no such thing as interested and yet unwilling to meet up. We are not interested in theoretical interest. Interest has to be tied to action. 2
Author ohjess Posted November 25, 2022 Author Posted November 25, 2022 14 hours ago, glows said: It’s odd he replied to you at all with such a cop out response about deleting the app and so on. Did he not ever answer you directly about going out for a drink? Yes, this is what I find the most strange and I'm not latching onto anything, however, wouldn't you just not respond or simply say 'Thank you. I've met someone else' (even if you haven't). I think his response to the drink was that he didn't intend to leaving me hanging.
glows Posted November 25, 2022 Posted November 25, 2022 2 hours ago, ohjess said: Yes, this is what I find the most strange and I'm not latching onto anything, however, wouldn't you just not respond or simply say 'Thank you. I've met someone else' (even if you haven't). I think his response to the drink was that he didn't intend to leaving me hanging. And then proceeds to leave you hanging further. Something tells me this man is all words giving a grand idea he’s a good catch and anything but. Be mindful many like to talk a great deal but don’t follow through. You say he travels so his lifestyle may just not be conducive to dating reliably in the long term either. The interest is lukewarm at best. It doesn’t quite sound like there’s any chemistry there or he’s not that interested when he realized you weren’t as easy. If I’m generous with my read you may have hung back to observe him a bit more so you were reserved in your conversations. Frankly long drawn out texts and novellas or lovebombing with compliments before having even met once are mild red flags. If you didn’t reciprocate it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’d block and delete, free up your time for new matches. 2
Author ohjess Posted November 27, 2022 Author Posted November 27, 2022 On 11/25/2022 at 10:52 PM, glows said: And then proceeds to leave you hanging further. Something tells me this man is all words giving a grand idea he’s a good catch and anything but. Be mindful many like to talk a great deal but don’t follow through. You say he travels so his lifestyle may just not be conducive to dating reliably in the long term either. The interest is lukewarm at best. It doesn’t quite sound like there’s any chemistry there or he’s not that interested when he realized you weren’t as easy. If I’m generous with my read you may have hung back to observe him a bit more so you were reserved in your conversations. Frankly long drawn out texts and novellas or lovebombing with compliments before having even met once are mild red flags. If you didn’t reciprocate it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’d block and delete, free up your time for new matches. Thanks glows. You always give solid advice. I'll post an update here if there's any news but doubt so. Thank you for reassuring me that I didn't come across too desperate with your 'you weren't as easy as he may have liked'. However, who knows honestly. But to be honest - not too down about it. Tried my shot. 1
glows Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 5 hours ago, ohjess said: Thanks glows. You always give solid advice. I'll post an update here if there's any news but doubt so. Thank you for reassuring me that I didn't come across too desperate with your 'you weren't as easy as he may have liked'. However, who knows honestly. But to be honest - not too down about it. Tried my shot. I agree. Onwards.
poppyfields Posted November 27, 2022 Posted November 27, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, ohjess said: Thank you for reassuring me that I didn't come across too desperate with your 'you weren't as easy as he may have liked'. @ohjessyou certainly did not come across as desperate or too easy, I think we can all agree on that. However, you did not come across as very interested either. Try to find some balance. Not too easy/desperate but not too elusive and 'hard to get' either. Gone are the days when men will chase a reluctant woman not displaying signs of interest. Oh some will, but best to avoid as those men seek a "challenge" NOT a girlfriend and once a woman is no longer a challenge, he will move on to his next challenge (i.e reluctant woman). Good quality men need encouragement, equal effort or at least some effort and enthusiasm. Asking them questions, engaging in conversation and enthusiastically responding. Yes you asked him for a drink but unfortunately it came a little too late. Up till then, you were holding back, displaying apathy and indifference and he lost interest. Again, strive for balance. There is a lesson to be learned here if you're open to it. All the best moving forward. Edited November 27, 2022 by poppyfields 1
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