Dating confusion

[glows]

About establishing another partnership absolutely if it’s feasible, run the numbers and speak to others more experienced, look at other business models and chat with other business owners. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Develop your business and see where that takes you. Keep things very neutral in this shop and don’t burn any bridges. You’re also building your reputation at the same time. Put your heart and soul into your work. 

If someone else comes along at the right time and he notices you, consider it then but right now it seems there’s a lot of work you can be doing to refocus. 

[CuriousSara]

1 minute ago, glows said:

About establishing another partnership absolutely if it’s feasible, run the numbers and speak to others more experienced, look at other business models and chat with other business owners. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Develop your business and see where that takes you. Keep things very neutral in this shop and don’t burn any bridges. You’re also building your reputation at the same time. Put your heart and soul into your work. 

If someone else comes along at the right time and he notices you, consider it then but right now it seems there’s a lot of work you can be doing to refocus. 

Yes, I totally agree. No need to burn any bridges. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, CuriousSara said:

When I first saw her at the shop I was surprised how she was dressed. She seems unkept and not caring about her clothes or looks. I thought odd for a new sales lady to be so indifferent with her looks and so comfortable with him too. Also the way they interact with each other seems like an old married couple. She also sometimes clings to him oddly for a salesgirl.  

Why the need to be so unkind about her?   She's done nothing to hurt you

[Wiseman2]

On 11/25/2022 at 7:14 PM, CuriousSara said:

The call was a total of 2 minutes he was on the way to the grocery for Shabbat dinner tonight. 

He probably figured he could call while diving because his family and GF were home. If they are all the same religion and culture and you are not, they will do business with you but that's it.

[CuriousSara]

23 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Why the need to be so unkind about her?   She's done nothing to hurt you

I’m not being unkind in any way. Rather she was not kind or friendly from the beginning. That’s how I noticed something was up. She knows her boyfriend is keen on doing business with me. She is familiar with their culture and  she should be kind and professional with me as an outsider working with her boyfriend. I’m  a very professional person and not  interested in judging either one of them. Again I’m only trying to describe everything as I see it.

[basil67]

With further thought, I've changed my mind and agree with those who've said that his actions show that he still has some feelings for you.  But because you let him go after summer, he was left with little choice to move on.

Had you continued to show interest, the two of you would likely be an item now.  So I don't understand why you're being mean about her or why you're feeling used by him or why you're confused that he told you he'd met someone else.   Perhaps you regret your actions?  Or perhaps you stopped seeing him for good reason and are upset that he didn't chase you? 

Why did you choose to stop seeing him after summer?

[CuriousSara]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He probably figured he could call while diving because his family and GF were home. If they are all the same religion and culture and you are not, they will do business with you but that's it.

That’s fine with me but he’s the one that invited me to his country home which I declined back in the summer. As I tried to keep friendly and professional even though I may have had some type of interest. I didn’t want to show it at the time because I felt it was too soon.

[basil67]

1 minute ago, CuriousSara said:

I’m not being unkind in any way. Rather she was not kind or friendly from the beginning. That’s how I noticed something was up. She knows her boyfriend is keen on doing business with me. She is familiar with their culture and  she should be kind and professional with me as an outsider working with her boyfriend. I’m  a very professional person and not  interested in judging either one of them. Again I’m only trying to describe everything as I see it.

What you wrote was very unkind. How she dresses and acts towards him is completely irrelevant to you or the story

Further, if she does sense he has feelings towards you, it's not strange that she'd feel uncomfortable with you

[CuriousSara]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

With further thought, I've changed my mind and agree with those who've said that his actions show that he still has some feelings for you.  But because you let him go after summer, he was left with little choice to move on.

Had you continued to show interest, the two of you would likely be an item now.  So I don't understand why you're being mean about her or why you're feeling used by him or why you're confused that he told you he'd met someone else.   Perhaps you regret your actions?  Or perhaps you stopped seeing him for good reason and are upset that he didn't chase you? 

Why did you choose to stop seeing him after summer?

I am upset for not showing my true feelings I guess but now it’s too late

[CuriousSara]

Just now, basil67 said:

What you wrote was very unkind. How she dresses and acts towards him is completely irrelevant to you or the story

Further, if she does sense he has feelings towards you, it's not strange that she'd feel uncomfortable with you

Exactly and the same for me. Im uncomfortable now too

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, CuriousSara said:

She is familiar with their culture and  she should be kind and professional with me as an outsider working with her boyfriend. 

All you need is a professional relationship with him. It's not her job to make you comfortable. Sorry to say but don't you seem to understand their cultural and family dynamics and are taking this much too personally.

[CuriousSara]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

All you need is a professional relationship with him. It's not her job to make you comfortable. Sorry to say but don't you seem to understand their cultural and family dynamics and are taking this much too personally.

I don’t agree with your statement.. She will encounter many customers and beautiful girls in this shop. If she continues to act like this there will  be only friction for all. 

[basil67]

Great, so now we're getting somewhere.  You seem to regret your actions in letting him go.  Thing is though, the situation you're in now is nothing more than consequence for your own choices.   Neither he or her has done anything wrong.

You have four choices at this point

1. tell him you made a mistake in not continuing to date him.  This is a high risk strategy because he may not want to dump her or may be wary of giving you another chance

2. wait in the wings and see if they break up, then try again

3. do the best you can in this current situation

4. cut him from your life and do business with someone else

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, CuriousSara said:

I don’t agree with your statement.. She will encounter many customers and beautiful girls in this shop. If she continues to act like this there will  be only friction for all. 

What is the relevance of her meeting many customers and beautiful girls in the shop?   Does she report to you? 

[CuriousSara]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Great, so now we're getting somewhere.  You seem to regret your actions in letting him go.  Thing is though, the situation you're in now is nothing more than consequence for your own choices.   Neither he or her has done anything wrong.

You have four choices at this point

1. tell him you made a mistake in not continuing to date him.  This is a high risk strategy because he may not want to dump her or may be wary of giving you another chance

2. wait in the wings and see if they break up, then try again

3. do the best you can in this current situation

4. cut him from your life and do business with someone else

Ok, I like your layout and choices. 2 and 3 for now seem like my picks

[CuriousSara]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What is the relevance of her meeting many customers and beautiful girls in the shop?   Does she report to you? 

No, I’m trying to say she will encounter many girls that are interested in him so working there for her will not be easy or enjoyable.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, CuriousSara said:

 She will encounter many customers and beautiful girls in this shop. If she continues to act like this there will  be only friction for all. 

That is not your concern since you are only a part time contractor. How they run their business is up to them.

[CuriousSara]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That is not your concern since you are only a part time contractor. How they run their business is up to them.

True

[glows]

52 minutes ago, CuriousSara said:

No, I’m trying to say she will encounter many girls that are interested in him so working there for her will not be easy or enjoyable.

That’s an interesting line of thought. Why would a person of reasonable intelligence date a man she’s insecure with? I’m leaning more towards her being a lot more grounded than that and not as insecure. I know many women who think in the sense “if he’s that easy to lose, get lost”. Life is short - I’m sure she sees he’s in the public or has to work with others regularly and isn’t as swayed.

Either way, I’d treat this as work only and stick to your boundaries. 

Edited November 27, 2022 by glows

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, CuriousSara said:

I am upset for not showing my true feelings I guess but now it’s too late.

Why is it too late?  Is he married?  No.  Therefore it's NOT too late. 

You're copping out and I will ask again, what are you so afraid of? 

As stated previously, time to start being real with people, real with HIM. 

Stop running, stop hiding.

Take a risk. 

Of the choices @basil87gave, I like no. 1.

Stretch yourself!  Step out of your safe comfort zone. 

There is still something there otherwise none of this would be happening.

Take a chance!

Edited November 27, 2022 by poppyfields

[CuriousSara]

1 minute ago, glows said:

That’s an interesting line of thought. Why would a person of reasonable intelligence date a man she’s insecure with? I’m leaning more towards her being a lot more grounded than that and not as insecure. I know many women who think in the sense “if he’s that easy to lose, get lost”. Life is short - I’m sure she sees he’s in the public or has to work with others regularly and isn’t as swayed.

Either way, I’d treat this as work only and stick to your boundaries. 

Exactly, she’s very sure of her self up to a point, this is why she’s openly demeaning to him and he’s ok with that so that’s fine. I’m saying it’s not a professional  way to behave in front of customers and coworkers Or rather I wouldn’t do that to others.

[CuriousSara]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Why is it too late?  Is he married?  No.  Therefore it's NOT too late. 

You're copping out and I will ask again, what are you so afraid of? 

As stated previously, time to start being real with people, real with HIM. 

Stop running, stop hiding.

Take a risk. 

Of the choices @basil87gave, I like no. 1.

Stretch yourself!  Step out of your safe comfort zone. 

Take a chance!

I know I’m hiding and I’m not sure of myself why but I can’t do it . I’m afraid  and I’ve never been so easily open when I like someone. I figure if he likes me enough he would try his best to connect with me.

[glows]

5 minutes ago, CuriousSara said:

Exactly, she’s very sure of her self up to a point, this is why she’s openly demeaning to him and he’s ok with that so that’s fine. I’m saying it’s not a professional  way to behave in front of customers and coworkers Or rather I wouldn’t do that to others.

He’s a big boy and is making his own choices. I’d try not to feel sorry for him. 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, CuriousSara said:

I know I’m hiding and I’m not sure of myself why but I can’t do it . I’m afraid  and I’ve never been so easily open when I like someone. I figure if he likes me enough he would try his best to connect with me.

You let him go, remember?  And now he's back with his ex who frankly he seems quite lackluster about and still calling you.  Which is his attempt to connect with you despite YOU letting him go. 

What do you want him to do, declare his undying love? Lol 

Girl, I have never witnessed this level of fear in my entire life.

I hope y'all can work it out otherwise you're gonna end up alone, but maybe that's what you want?

I went through a period wherein all I wanted was to be left alone a few years back, so on some level I understand it. 

But I didn't create threads nor was I confused, I accepted that I wanted/needed to be alone at that time and that was that. 

By creating threads, seeking clarification and answers but wanting to be left alone, in a way you're sending yourself your own mixed messages. 

 

 

Edited November 27, 2022 by poppyfields

[CuriousSara]

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

You let him go, remember?  And now he's back with his ex who frankly he seems quite lackluster about and still calling you.  Which is his attempt to connect with you despite YOU letting him go. 

What do you want him to do, declare his undying love? Lol 

Girl, I have never witnessed this level of fear in my entire life.

I hope y'all can work it out otherwise you're gonna end up alone, but maybe that's what you want?

I went through a period wherein all I wanted was to be left alone a few years back, so on some level I understand it. 

But I didn't create threads nor was I confused, I accepted that I wanted/needed to be alone at that time and that was that. 

By creating threads, seeking clarification and answers but wanting to be left alone, in a way you're sending yourself your own mixed messages. 

 

 

You are right. I’m sending myself mixed messages.I’m way too nervous and shy. So I thought talking it out here with this thread would help me.  I know I won’t say anything to him and will most likely work as long as it works out for the both of us.  If he doesn’t want to work any longer together he will tell me. If he ever asks me anything about my feelings  I will tell him how I feel but I don’t expect much since she’s already in his life and she’s from his culture too.