Sailynn Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 After over a year of NC, I heard from my ex-GF. We have been communicating over the past 3 months off and on. We've had some long and rather honest and revealing talks. I believe we've held nothing back. We've spent time together talking, hiking, jogging and dining. This past weekend, we went out on some "dates", so to speak - dinner, State Fair and some conversation. On that date, we kissed for the first time since we've been talking. It took both our breaths away, yet we stopped. Generally, she's been the one to open up relationship talk. She's said things like: "I was wrong about you." "You are a really good man." "I made a mistake." "I miss you." "I haven't stopped thinking about you." You're a stud." "You're handsome." "You're smart," "You're funny and make me laugh." "We do have fun together." "We play well together." "You listen to me." "You challenge me on things." You get the picture. I asked her to have a talk with me and I told her that I thought a lot of positive things had been said, yet it was my notion that saying such things implied some goal or wish. She responded by saying that maybe it was to become more than friends. I honestly thought she was going to hold the "friends" line that has no agenda, but she said "more than friends". Funny thing is though, I was thinking the same thing. She just wants to go slow. Is it possible that it could happen? A real second chance?
brittanyjean259 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 yeah second chances happens...so she wasnt acting like her usual self?... well you guys havent spoke in 1 year...and than those 3 months of contact...of course things are going to be a lil hazy... how did you guys break up in the first place? and how long did you guys go out?.... if you still have those feelings with her...and you trust her, go for it... question ?....was that year of no contact dreadful?
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Depends on why you broke up in the first place. If there are still unresolved issues, then make sure you're both aware of them and what they are. With that said, I'm all for second chances. Good luck!
Author Sailynn Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 ....was that year of no contact dreadful? DREADFUL? Yes, indeed. I wrestled with that dragon over and over again, but I trusted it was the right thing to do. We dated for nearly three years and we split because my time to be with her became limited due to extra work, classes and a sick parent. She resented it and ended the relationship. I was a little put off that she couldn't stay committed and understand this patch I was going through and that it would soon be over. I did NC for over a year and only contacted her once in that year. She came to my health club for nearly a year after our break up, yet wouldn't speak to me but would wave. Anyway, I went on with my life. However, I still loved her. I dated other people, improved myself and started a new life. It took all the willpower, motivation and stamina I could muster, yet surviving is paramount. We started taking in July and I told her I basically was not interested unless we could have some mature and brutally honest conversations about our relationship and its demise. To that end, we have done that. We have pointed at the sores and have healed the wounds. To that, I honor her and myself for our courage. Remakably, now that we've revealed everything, we're both in agreement that it's fixable and worth pursuing, albeit, carefully. We still manage to tease, cajole, create mystery, play and yet honestly communicate intimately. That was what was lacking. Honest communication. Do I trust her, I would say yes.... Am we still turned on by each other, I'd say yes to that...howeve there is no sex.........yet.....hehehe..... I think this is working because I'm not pushing her. I am also letting her know that I have a life that remains open for a true love to walk in. My thoughts about her is that she is entitled to a most magnificent love that is without bounds and that shows an appreciation and respect for all her struggles and, yet recognizes that she always tries and that special man will find beauty in that.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 well how much better doyou feel with her now?...or talking to her.. im sure you feel a hole alot better... why did you guys break up? that will help out some
whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 so i guess being friends wasn't such a bad idea after all was it? hmmmm........... what do you think i'm floating in the same boat you are sailynn..... my ex wants to do the same thing, think i should go for it it's been four months of break up
Author Sailynn Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 ...as us sailors say. I'm trying to be friends and it seems, lately, the relationship slips back and forth into "friendship" mode and "more than friends" a minute later. Something is working, but her behavior is not congruent to a full blown relationship reconnect. It's slow. It's cautious. It's wishy-washy. The thing is, I love this woman and she may have feelings for me. The difference lies in willingness to choose. I'm ready to go for it all and she balks. One minute it's soft kisses, the next day it's cold hugs. I've tried being nice and I've been unavailable and mysterious and haven't called her or kissed her ass. Nice doesn't work. Being nearly a jerk, without the abuse, seems to work. You could probably be friends, but keep connected with other people. Date other people. That in itself will soften any blow should she bail. Be aloof, mysterious and busy. Be nice, but firm.
Author Sailynn Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 well how much better doyou feel with her now?...or talking to her..im sure you feel a hole alot better... I do feel better....and STRONGER. I'm not afraid of being without her anymore. I can live without her, yet, I will continue to struggle on how to do without her. After such a long period of NC, it is good to talk. For a long time, she came to my health club and ignored me and didn't speak to me. If you had told me that today, I would be in her house, having her fix dinner, hugging her, jogging with her, I would have believed it. Life is funny. I would love for us to be back together, but she takes two steps forward and one step backward. It's frustrating and I'm staying strong. I won't take any crap from her, but if I feel like it's too much, I'll be the one to stop it. Sometimes I wonder how a woman, who knows she won my heart, then dumps me, now is back, showing affection, but so unwilling to go all the way, can live with herself, day in and day out. It must be a power trip she's on.
whereismylifegoing Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Put the defense on......i'm talking a full court press or a all out blitz.
head/heels Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 put on your armor and either a. ) wait it out or b.) tell her you just dont think she is the girl for you.... and live and let live
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