I asked for his last name and then he stood me up. Did I do or say something wrong?

[Wiseman2]

On 11/22/2022 at 9:34 AM, mothra said:

I wanted to make sure he was a real person and was hoping he'd reassure me somehow he was, but then I wouldn't give him my first or last name because I explained to him my first name is uncommon, and can easily be found. 

He may have thought you were a scammer or catfish. You can use a pseudonym, such as a nickname or middle name. 

[mothra]

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Is there anyway to shorten your name? Or use initials like MJ? You can navigate this better. What some people will do is face-time before meeting to make sure they are the real deal.

Next time, I may just use a fake first name so they stop asking me what my first name is, and then once I meet them in person, I'll tell them my real name.  Is that a better idea?  On the profile, I used my first initial only.

[mothra]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

He may have thought you were a scammer or catfish. You can use a pseudonym, such as a nickname or middle name. 

True.  And I hate to admit it without sounding too conceited, but I have almost all the traits of a fake profile that I have read about, and that probably sounded too good to be true almost to him...I don't know?  I don't look like a supermodel, but I did get a message from a guy on there, "Finally a good looking one!  I almost lost hope!"  I also have a good career and I put part of my title on there (which is also the same field as his), I'm well traveled, love the outdoors like him, and I have been mistaken for a much younger woman too.  Almost all the goals I listed on mine matched his (he even pointed this out).  He probably thought I curated the profile just for him (which I did lol), but everything I put on my profile was true and honest. 

[BaileyB]

I too felt really uncomfortable with OLD. It’s not for everyone. There are precautions you can/should take but it does require a certain about of trust - 

That said, more times than not it won’t work with online dating… I wouldn’t spend a lot of time on this. I remember one guy who I thought was wonderful according to our profiles/emails… and then we spoke on the phone - and I realized how misleading OLD can be. 

[mothra]

16 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I too felt really uncomfortable with OLD. It’s not for everyone. There are precautions you can/should take but it does require a certain about of trust - 

That said, more times than not it won’t work with online dating… I wouldn’t spend a lot of time on this. I remember one guy who I thought was wonderful according to our profiles/emails… and then we spoke on the phone - and I realized how misleading OLD can be. 

Was it his voice or his personality that just didn’t seem as great as his texting personality?  Because have experienced both.  Then I met someone online and his profile and messaging sucked, but had a great in person personality.

I wish my love language isn’t words of affirmation because I tend to fall for people with words and not actions.

Edited November 24, 2022 by mothra

[BaileyB]

7 minutes ago, mothra said:

Was it his voice or his personality that just didn’t seem as great as his texting personality?

He was a self absorbed jerk! I lost all attraction when it came time to get to know the person behind the profile. 

[Gaeta]

I'm not sure l fully understand the hesitation to give a first name. My first name is rare as well, l have no problem giving it. So they google me and find me on fb, then what? Everybody is on multiple media right now, it's so easy to find someone, they don't even need a name they just need to do an image search of your pictures. 

Just use common sense when online, no need to act so guarded that you're the one looking suspicious.

[glows]

2 hours ago, mothra said:

Next time, I may just use a fake first name so they stop asking me what my first name is, and then once I meet them in person, I'll tell them my real name.  Is that a better idea?  On the profile, I used my first initial only.

This seems a bit odd to me. I wouldn’t agree to meet someone again if they used a fake first name. There’s just too much weirdness and anxiety here. 

[BaileyB]

24 minutes ago, glows said:

This seems a bit odd to me. I wouldn’t agree to meet someone again if they used a fake first name. There’s just too much weirdness and anxiety here. 

I wouldn’t meet someone who gave me a fake first name - it would make me wonder what else they are/have lied about.

[glows]

Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve never thought of names when dating this hard. I too have unusual names but I think part of dating, even just this first start of it, is an exercise in vulnerability, being open and genuine. I don’t automatically believe there’s someone out to get me and have not been stalked before, thankfully. 

I don’t know how much of this is for a therapist to unpack and how much of any of this is realistic in the dating world. We have to take a chance at times and see how things go. I still like the idea of a paid app as I’m not sold on the quality of the free sites. Of course there are good apples in every bunch of bad and so on.

[Gobhoblin]

On 11/21/2022 at 5:21 PM, Ami1uwant said:

for a first meet don’t ask for last names. 

Don't agree. What's the harm in getting a last name? As a guy, I freely give it - I want women to feel as comfortable as possible.

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, mothra said:

Next time, I may just use a fake first name so they stop asking me what my first name is, and then once I meet them in person, I'll tell them my real name.  Is that a better idea?  On the profile, I used my first initial only.

This isn't a good idea.

If you are dishonest then that will put them off.

Do you have a nickname? 

Or just use your initials. Give a whole other fake name wont make you look good.

[Gobhoblin]

I can't say what you did or didn't do wrong, probably nothing. All I'll say is get used to it there's a lot of weird behavior with online dating. Some people do it just to get the matches and have no intentional meeting in person. It certainly doesn't excuse rude behavior.

[Ami1uwant]

11 hours ago, Gobhoblin said:

Don't agree. What's the harm in getting a last name? As a guy, I freely give it - I want women to feel as comfortable as possible.

Thr issue is d t ask unless you are willing to give.

 

asking for last name says I don’t trust you and I need to do a background check on you.