Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 I’ve been with this guy for 6 months, we’ve had our bumps like most but otherwise it was a great relationship or so I thought. The last week had been great, he even came with me while I baby sat my nieces. He would tell me all the time he loved me, and randomly kiss me etc so I thought it was all good. that was until I was made aware he was on a dating app. He had he was just seeing what was out there. So I pulled him up on it and somehow it got turned around on me. He picked all the negatives about me, said he thought I was too high strung, and that he wanted to ask me stuff but was afraid I’d get annoyed with him. He said I had bad breath, my nose wasn’t even and so on. He said he missed being single. I asked him why he was planning all these things down the line if he was going to break up with me, there where holidays, concerts and weddings and he always talked and planned them. Like even the concert it’s not till March but he wanted to get me tickets for it. He said he planned those bits to keep me happy. I just can’t understand how he went from loving to totally done with the relationship the last time I saw him he was super happy. I am by no means an angel but I’m really taken back by the whole thing. How is it, that I caught him on a hook up app but now the blame is all on me for the relationship ending. he said we don’t have anything in common, we do but for instance he loves politics I don’t, I’ve asked him before if that’s an issue and he says his friends like it so he doesn’t mind that I don’t I would joke about wedding stuff and baby’s and I would ask him if it made him uncomfortable cause I would stop and he said no he liked that I joked about it. but now it’s all thrown back in my face even though I asked if it bothered him so as that I wouldn’t do it again. He wants to meet, I should mention this was all done via text and I’m not sure if I should meet him or not. I really do love him and feel like something happens in the last 24hrs that’s changed him and I don’t know what he’s back visiting his hometown with his friends. any advice on what to do?
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 (edited) Girl, the guy was never a good guy. This is who he is for real...a cheat/manipulator. He just acted like he was all in...in reality he just told you what you wanted to hear. You were a place holder until he found something else. At 6 months with bumps in the road is not healthy or normal. You don't continue to see someone that talks to you like that. You don't stay with someone who is cheating or going to cheat on you. Love is making you stupid. Shake that crap off. My advice, is to cut him off for good. protect your heart! Edited November 20, 2022 by smackie9 2 1
ShyViolet Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 This guy is a major jerk and you're better off being rid of him. You thought he was a good guy, but he just showed you who he truly is. No do not meet him, what would be the point of that?? This relationship is over, just accept that and move on. 1 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 20 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Girl, the guy was never a good guy. This is who he is for real...a cheat/manipulator. He just acted like he was all in...in reality he just told you what you wanted to hear. You were a place holder until he found something else. At 6 months with bumps in the road is not healthy or normal. You don't continue to see someone that talks to you like that. You don't stay with someone who is cheating or going to cheat on you. Love is making you stupid. Shake that crap off. My advice, is to cut him off for good. protect your heart! Sorry by bumps in the road were little arguments over random stuff like normal relationships. I honestly just don’t get where it all came from and the meanness in his texts. He’s never been like that. Like I’m really taken back even saying my nose wasn’t even, I thought that was mean. I can tell when he’s stressed with work and so on so I can usually tell his mood but this whole thing has taken me by surprise.
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: This guy is a major jerk and you're better off being rid of him. You thought he was a good guy, but he just showed you who he truly is. No do not meet him, what would be the point of that?? This relationship is over, just accept that and move on. Yeah it seems like it, I also think maybe he’s turning it around on me because he got caught on a hook up app. And is trying to shift the blame from him to me. I’m devastated by the whole thing. How can someone go from being so sweet and caring to cold and mean. Like he was texting me about doing plans during the week that he really wanted to do with me. Like if he was acting distant I’d expect it and wouldn’t be as shocked but it’s like a flip switched even though I didn’t do anything except pull him up on being on hook up app.
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 He said those things because he got caught and instead of facing it like a man he turned the table on you like the emotionnally immature boy he is. It hurts for sure but if you are true to yourself this man probably dropped hints here and there that he had a hidden agenda. Bottom line no matter how much he loved you he is a cheated and it ends here. Be glad you caught him after 6 months and not 5 years like l did. He's not worth your trouble, no meeting, block and move on. 2 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 26 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He said those things because he got caught and instead of facing it like a man he turned the table on you like the emotionnally immature boy he is. It hurts for sure but if you are true to yourself this man probably dropped hints here and there that he had a hidden agenda. Bottom line no matter how much he loved you he is a cheated and it ends here. Be glad you caught him after 6 months and not 5 years like l did. He's not worth your trouble, no meeting, block and move on. You’re right, but I just can’t wrap my head around how it all came out. it’s annoying so my friend who he hasn’t met saw him on the app and asked him if he wanted to meet and said he didn’t cause he didn’t want to ruin his relationship. I had my friend ask him why he went on and he said just to see, and that it made him happy he was in a relationship and now I can’t understand why he’d say that and then when he gets caught break up . Why tell a total stranger he’s happy he’s in a relationship and that he wouldn’t do anything to risk it but when he gets called out on bad behaviour he ends the relationship
BrinnM Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 45 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Like I’m really taken back even saying my nose wasn’t even, I thought that was mean. Yeah and that you have bad breath. Next! What a rude jerk. He doesn’t love you. He’s on hookup apps fishing to see what else is out there, and when confronted he starts insulting you. 1 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 10 minutes ago, BrinnM said: Yeah and that you have bad breath. Next! What a rude jerk. He doesn’t love you. He’s on hookup apps fishing to see what else is out there, and when confronted he starts insulting you. But why get so mean I don’t get that. He’s not normally a mean person. It’s not like he said he wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore he launched into a full on tirade of everything I’ve been doing wrong and things we’ve been incompatible on. Rather than just being nice or even saying listen I don’t think is going to work we need to have a chat later instead he launched into it.
stillafool Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 5 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: But why get so mean I don’t get that Because he is mean and that brought it out. He's told you how he feels that you have bad breath and nothing in common. Basically telling you he's looking for replacements and I wouldn't be surprised if he's not already seeing other people besides you. BTW, why are you getting your friend involved to set him up? Not cool. He's already shown you who he is and how he feels about you. 1
salparadise Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 51 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I also think maybe he’s turning it around on me because he got caught on a hook up app. And is trying to shift the blame from him to me. I’m devastated by the whole thing. How can someone go from being so sweet and caring to cold and mean. Because he's fundamentally disingenuous and uncaring. You were filling a role, occupying a vacancy. Then when you caught him on the hookup app he can't even own it and apologize. Instead he blame shifts and tries to convince you that you're defective. You're not, he is. It's a perfect demonstration of who he truly is. Yea, he hid it for six months and you didn't suspect. It's a shock, but in a short time you will realize that his defective character was going to show up sooner or later... better for you to find out sooner. Try not to take it personally –– it's not really about you at all. He's just not who you were led to believe he was. Sorry, you'll heal in time. Take good care of yourself and move on taking however much time it takes. Delete and block. You'll be over him before you're over the hurt, but you will be okay. 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Because he is mean and that brought it out. He's told you how he feels that you have bad breath and nothing in common. Basically telling you he's looking for replacements and I wouldn't be surprised if he's not already seeing other people besides you. BTW, why are you getting your friend involved to set him up? Not cool. He's already shown you who he is and how he feels about you. I didn’t get my friend involved she saw him on her profile and told me. I asked her to message him to see if he would reply to which he did, that’s all. I understand that I’m just hurt because of the immediate switch from loving to mean and then picking out my flaws and throwing them back in my face. I wouldn’t mind even when I texted him about being on the app I wasn’t rude or angry I just asked what’s up? Why is he using a dating app.
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 18 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: But why get so mean I don’t get that. He’s not normally a mean person. It’s not like he said he wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore he launched into a full on tirade of everything I’ve been doing wrong and things we’ve been incompatible on. Rather than just being nice or even saying listen I don’t think is going to work we need to have a chat later instead he launched into it. Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He is using the "the best defense is a good offense" principle to deflect and blame when he got caught with his pants down. He seems like a low integrity man. Is this the same man?: 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 9 minutes ago, salparadise said: Because he's fundamentally disingenuous and uncaring. You were filling a role, occupying a vacancy. Then when you caught him on the hookup app he can't even own it and apologize. Instead he blame shifts and tries to convince you that you're defective. You're not, he is. It's a perfect demonstration of who he truly is. Yea, he hid it for six months and you didn't suspect. It's a shock, but in a short time you will realize that his defective character was going to show up sooner or later... better for you to find out sooner. Try not to take it personally –– it's not really about you at all. He's just not who you were led to believe he was. Sorry, you'll heal in time. Take good care of yourself and move on taking however much time it takes. Delete and block. You'll be over him before you're over the hurt, but you will be okay. I know I’ve dated a-holes before so I usually know what will happen but with him it’s just such a shock. I honestly am dumbfounded by the whole thing. He really showed his true self but I’m hurting bad, I loved this guy so much and it’s so hard to go out separate ways. Every single person said it about us that we are so good together. And even last week he brought me to meet his best friend who he hasn’t seen in a while so that I could meet him. He does all This positive stuff and then throws it all away.
stillafool Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I asked her to message him to see if he would reply to which he did, that’s all. This is getting her involved. Why did you want her to message him? To see if he'd bite and he probably knew you were involved in that message. 4 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Why is he using a dating app. Because he's looking for other women, it's obvious and he told you why. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 24 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: He’s not normally a mean person You've only been with him 6 months. You've just learned he absolutely is a mean person. This is who he really is: mean, dishonest, disrespectful, and disloyal. Don't make the mistake of meeting him, or ever talking to him again. 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He is using the "the best defense is a good offense" principle to deflect and blame when he got caught with his pants down. He seems like a low integrity man. Is this the same man?: But he’s been so good to me too. And yes that’s the same guy. And what annoys me is that he said he was afraid to say stuff In case it annoyed me, but I explained if I have bad breath etc I can’t know unless he tells me and can’t fix the problem. The stuff he said today never crossed my mind before ever. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I explained if I have bad breath etc I can’t know unless he tells me and can’t fix the problem. The stuff he said today never crossed my mind before ever. Probably because none of it is true. He's deflecting and pulling mean things out of thin air to make noise and distract you from the fact that he's a terrible excuse for a man. 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Probably because none of it is true. He's deflecting and pulling mean things out of thin air to make noise and distract you from the fact that he's a terrible excuse for a man. Thanks, I’ve no doubt I probably do have bad breath at times but my friends and family would definitely tell me if I did and they never have. He said he was worried it would annoy me if he said it, yet I’ve said to him when he has had bad breath and to always tell me if I do. the comment about my nose I thought was mean I have never I’m my entire time on this Earth ever had someone say it to me His exact words where “your nostrils aren’t the same size one is larger than the other and I wanted to know if it was natural or you broke it doesn’t bother me but I knew you’d be annoyed If I asked”
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 Maybe I did make mistakes and maybe my breath was bad and my nose isn’t perfect but how can someone say those things to someone they say they loved. Why not just say we’re done keep them to yourself and move on. I’m now doubting looks and my breath, I’m doubting if I’m high strung and everything else he said.
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 I also don’t mean to be annoying everyone I just honestly can’t explain how shocked I am at how it all turned around so quickly
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 11 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: Why not just say we’re done keep them to yourself and move Because he wanted to hurt you for catching him in the act. As simple as that. Don't try to understand him, it's a waste of your energy, energy you should focus on yourself and on understanding *your* part in the equation, not his. 4
NuevoYorko Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 You are completely entitled to your hurt feelings and being heartsick, but please do not get into a victim role right now. He IS a jerk. No person who was not a jerk would 1) be on dating apps and messaging women when in a supposedly committed relationship and 2) speak to ANYONE the way he spoke to you. So go ahead and go through your feelings, but be 100% confident that this is not a man you want to be with, and you are lucky you know right now. I must say that you have had opportunities to know before this, having just looked at your posting history. This is not the first time you've been given information about the shady side of this person. In the past, somehow you talked yourself into pushing the information under a rug. I'm sorry that it took this much blatant cruelty to get you to face up to the truth about the guy: He sucks. Never do yourself wrong like this again. You are worth so much more. And no one deserves to be cheated on and spoken to this way by ANYONE. 5 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted November 20, 2022 Author Posted November 20, 2022 8 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: You are completely entitled to your hurt feelings and being heartsick, but please do not get into a victim role right now. He IS a jerk. No person who was not a jerk would 1) be on dating apps and messaging women when in a supposedly committed relationship and 2) speak to ANYONE the way he spoke to you. So go ahead and go through your feelings, but be 100% confident that this is not a man you want to be with, and you are lucky you know right now. I must say that you have had opportunities to know before this, having just looked at your posting history. This is not the first time you've been given information about the shady side of this person. In the past, somehow you talked yourself into pushing the information under a rug. I'm sorry that it took this much blatant cruelty to get you to face up to the truth about the guy: He sucks. Never do yourself wrong like this again. You are worth so much more. And no one deserves to be cheated on and spoken to this way by ANYONE. Thank you for that. I do agree, being on a dating app when in a relationship is a deal breaker and secondly I do think you’re right about the way he spoke to me. I don’t think if someone loves you that they would speak to you like he did. He really cut deep when there was no reason for it. He could’ve just left without saying a thing and not have hurt me the way he did. I agree, he has done stuff in the past that have upset me and I did forgive and move on because I really wanted the relationship to work. I’m just sad and hurting that someone I loved could be so careless of my feelings and so quick to end things when I should’ve been the one to do it and I didn’t. I wanted to meet him to discuss why he was on a dating app and if we broke up then so be it but he launched into this whole we aren’t compatible, listed everything that I do wrong. I had mentioned earlier that he said he was willing to meet me if I wanted too. I read it but I’ve ignored it. im not perfect by any means but even before this the idea of him being upset made me sad I couldn’t hurt him and then he goes and cuts deep into me. Even with the nose thing if it doesn’t bother him why say it, I feel like he was trying to get a response out of me and instead I was calm.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2022 Posted November 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: he has done stuff in the past that have upset me and I did forgive and move on because I really wanted the relationship to work What has he done? 4 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I don’t think if someone loves you that they would speak to you like he did. Exactly, and nor would they be on a dating app window-shopping for the next woman. This man does not love you. It hurts a lot now, but this was not the relationship you thought it was or wanted it to be. 1
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