Author flow28 Posted May 29, 2023 Author Posted May 29, 2023 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: But didn't you notice by him rejecting you multiple times, that he wasn't interested in you? Maybe by flirting at first he was only seeing if I was down for casual sex but he was not interested in a relationship. I saw he liked a lot of provocative pictures of girls on his social media. Basically he only wanted to see if he could score or he was only doing it for fun. Anyway, thank you for all your answers.
stillafool Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 2 minutes ago, flow28 said: Maybe by flirting at first he was only seeing if I was down for casual sex but he was not interested in a relationship. I saw he liked a lot of provocative pictures of girls on his social media. Basically he only wanted to see if he could score or he was only doing it for fun. Anyway, thank you for all your answers. Okay but again, after you asked him out several times and he rejected you why didn't you get the hint that he wasn't interested instead of leaving him alone and moving on? That was on you not him. He never tried to deceive you. 2
Author flow28 Posted May 29, 2023 Author Posted May 29, 2023 (edited) 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Okay but again, after you asked him out several times and he rejected you why didn't you get the hint that he wasn't interested instead of leaving him alone and moving on? That was on you not him. He never tried to deceive you. Because I thought he was doing it for revenge for ignoring him so I wanted to "make it up" to him and to show him that I liked him. I misunderstood everything. He never cared that much. Edited May 29, 2023 by flow28
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 4 hours ago, flow28 said: Honestly everything that happened really brings narcissistic abuse into mind This tells me you have no idea what narcissistic abuse actually is. 2
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 44 minutes ago, flow28 said: Maybe by flirting at first he was only seeing if I was down for casual sex but he was not interested in a relationship. I saw he liked a lot of provocative pictures of girls on his social media. Basically he only wanted to see if he could score or he was only doing it for fun. Anyway, thank you for all your answers. It worries me that you will leave this thread without giving a thought to the role you played in this story. 4
stillafool Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: It worries me that you will leave this thread without giving a thought to the role you played in this story. I agree. You seem to blame him for all your pain when you ignored all the red flags that were flying. When someone rejects you more than once it has nothing to do with revenge, it's simply because they are not interested. 4
Versacehottie Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: It worries me that you will leave this thread without giving a thought to the role you played in this story. Exactly! By not taking responsibility or looking at your own role in how this has played out, OP...you are just perpetuating your victimhood. I'm sort of in shock how much you are blaming him. For what? Choosing not to move forward with a relationship? That is neither abusive or manipulative. It hardly makes you a victim though you keep trying to paint that picture. Everything you are doing with characterization of what happened and what it means is disempowering toward yourself. I can't even fathom why you would continue to do this to yoursef. Taking responsibility and/or seeing the situation "as it IS--and simply as it is", is both your way forward and much more empowering. Why hand all the power over to a guy to see if he chooses you or not--when you can also decide you don't choose him?...and before you go off on a tangent about how bad he is all over again...that is not the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to say you need to stop making yourself the victim in this story and getting totally angry and bent out of shape over this. You are not the victim of anything....especially since this thing has gone on so long and much of it has played out in your mind. Change the story in your mind and change your real world outcomes. 3
Alpacalia Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 Flow stop fighting. Just stop. Stop defending yourself. Listen to your heart. Let go of the anger and hurt. Focusing on potential and what could have been won't take away the heartache. To have a better perspective, look at things from a realistic point of view. Understand that the person wasn't ready for a relationship with you let alone interested in dating and that it was never destined to make it that far. This doesn't make them bad; they just weren't right for you. Allow yourself to wish them the best and make space in your life for someone who will be a greater companion. Your 'you' muscle will get stronger and you'll eventually find your one. Simply put, cut off men who appear confusing to you rather than assuming they're actively playing games with you. Some do, but for the most part, they’re not. Let go of ambivalent situations. You either like someone or not. If you don't, it's time to say bye bye. 1
NuevoYorko Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 You liked a guy who wasn't interested in you. Ouch. That stings the ego a bit. Fortunately, you never even dated or got close, so it should be fairly easy to move on. Why are you putting so much weight on it?
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 I agree with all others : Just move on and forget about him. He is yanking your chain trying to make you interested then he lets you down. Why? Because he's evil and he likes to hurt people around him. This reminds me of a situation in my past. It didn't happen to me but to a guy I knew. He told me that last weekend he went out with this girl and he really liked her. I said "That's nice." Then he said but everytime I see her somewhere and come up to her, she screams and runs away. And everytime I call her on the phone, she screams and hangs up. What do you think that means? I said "You really don't need ME to tell you what that means, do you?" He is no longer with her. 1
Author flow28 Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 22 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I agree with all others : Just move on and forget about him. He is yanking your chain trying to make you interested then he lets you down. Why? Because he's evil and he likes to hurt people around him. This reminds me of a situation in my past. It didn't happen to me but to a guy I knew. He told me that last weekend he went out with this girl and he really liked her. I said "That's nice." Then he said but everytime I see her somewhere and come up to her, she screams and runs away. And everytime I call her on the phone, she screams and hangs up. What do you think that means? I said "You really don't need ME to tell you what that means, do you?" He is no longer with her. I agree completely. Honestly in this case he's just a d-bag in general. You can see it by only looking at him but I was blind. Evil smirks in photos, frowning to himself and the condescending chin up, he's up to no good. He was like this before I met him too. The 'niceness' is only a mask to get what he wants from people. Now I see him as extremely trashy. Apart from being very good looking there's absolutely nothing to like about him. He's not worth even considering going on a date with, or even thinking about. He's not a nice person. Such people do exist. They like playing women as they have nothing better to do in their lives to elevate their self-worth. They are mean individuals with a bit of a sadistic nature. Him going to waste her time is a blessing to me. Good for me that I didn't go deeper into it because darn, that would be terrible. People like him don't change, it's part of who they are. I should've left it like it was the initial time when I started treating him like air. In reality he's a jerk but he pretends to be all sweet. His expressions sometimes change from an evil smirk to a sweet smile literally within seconds. Double-faced individual. If overall he behaved nicely and if he was consistently respectfuI I wouldn't call him evil but in this particular case he definitely is. Others haven't seen him in real life but I have, and I know what I'm talking about. Trust me, if you took a glance at him you would agree that he looks like a major jerk. However, I was too blinded to see the huge red flags. Sometimes he would text "Can't wait to meet you" (a group meeting) and then he wouldn't show up. He knew I liked him and he knew what he was doing. Acting interested again after me getting mad everytime was a way to lure me back in and to continue his cruel game. It was his goal to hurt me. For his own pleasure.
NuevoYorko Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 This is called "splitting." You've never had any interest or clue about who this guy is or what he's about. You made up a big story for yourself about his interest in you and now you've created a whole new narrative about how he's evil. In reality, you don't know him; never have. It's very unhealthy. 5
Author flow28 Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 1 minute ago, NuevoYorko said: This is called "splitting." You've never had any interest or clue about who this guy is or what he's about. You made up a big story for yourself about his interest in you and now you've created a whole new narrative about how he's evil. In reality, you don't know him; never have. It's very unhealthy. It's not a narrative, I'm just describing what he's like in real life and how he acts. I will stay away from him. Such people should be avoided.
NuevoYorko Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 On 3/23/2023 at 2:38 PM, flow28 said: My crush flirted with me and suggested to start hanging out regularly but neither of us ever made any plans. The above is from your first post about this poor guy. And it would have been appropriate to be the last one. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. Anyway, I'm glad you're moving on and I hope you've learned some things about yourself. 3
stillafool Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 1 hour ago, flow28 said: I'm just describing what he's like in real life and how he acts. Truth is you have no idea what this guy is like in real life because you've never been with him. Not even on a date. 3
Alpacalia Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 In the future, you'll need to learn to recognize and shut down behavior that you perceive as flirty. There would be nothing better than if people only dated for reasons that are honest and true, but that is just not the world in which we live. Giving some guy your time and emotional investment without knowing what's really going on is a risky move. Not every man you meet is going to try and lead you on, but you still have to be on guard for this kind of thing. Learn to be mindful of your own boundaries and prepare to put them in place. Having such disdain and animosity towards him tells me you are projecting your own insecurities onto him. Instead of constantly blaming him for not being interested in you, find out what you need to do instead if this happens again. Start gaining control over your emotions and distance yourself from undesirables. Regardless of your situation, you deserve respect and kindness. Go find it. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 1 hour ago, flow28 said: It's not a narrative, I'm just describing what he's like in real life and how he acts. I will stay away from him. Such people should be avoided. Oh jesus, it 100% is a narrative. You are still pouring a tremendous amount of energy into this guy---positive or negative. You are still making him more important than yourself in many ways. And your ego cannot take that he isn't interested...so much so that you are now turning him into the second coming of the devil. It's ridiculous. I'm sure if he flipped and wanted to spend time with you tomorrow, you'd be all over it. Be real with yourself--that is the first step. Gosh, the lengths people go to to avoid an ego bruise.....if he's really anywhere close to that bad, you would consider yourself lucky that he didn't want to date you and move on. Why aren't you moving on to other guys? Why are you focusing this much energy on this guy still? 5
Author flow28 Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 21 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Oh jesus, it 100% is a narrative. You are still pouring a tremendous amount of energy into this guy---positive or negative. You are still making him more important than yourself in many ways. And your ego cannot take that he isn't interested...so much so that you are now turning him into the second coming of the devil. It's ridiculous. I'm sure if he flipped and wanted to spend time with you tomorrow, you'd be all over it. Be real with yourself--that is the first step. Gosh, the lengths people go to to avoid an ego bruise.....if he's really anywhere close to that bad, you would consider yourself lucky that he didn't want to date you and move on. Why aren't you moving on to other guys? Why are you focusing this much energy on this guy still? No, I wouldn't want to because we talked irl a few weeks ago for the last time and he friendzoned me face to face. I already mentioned here that I have other dates lined up so I am moving on.
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 17 minutes ago, flow28 said: No, I wouldn't want to because we talked irl a few weeks ago for the last time and he friendzoned me face to face. I already mentioned here that I have other dates lined up so I am moving on. This is lip service...your actions, time and attention say otherwise. Even re-posting to this thread after you initially started it, is evidence of that. There's a big difference between saying you are over it (another ego protection thing) and actually being over it. Your responses are highly emotionally charged. Want to ask yourself why? I read that you have other dates lined up and didn't forget. If they meant more to you, you'd be done talking about this guy. He's still your number one and it really bothers you that he rejected you. Friendzoning you doesn't equal evil. Anyway, good luck. I think you might need it.
Wiseman2 Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 (edited) 8 hours ago, flow28 said: , I'm just describing what he's like in real life and how he acts. I will stay away from him. Such people should be avoided. Have you ever heard of the term "sour grapes"? (Google it) It's an Aesop fable about diminishing the value of something unattainable to rationalize the disappointment. Edited June 1, 2023 by Wiseman2 1
glows Posted June 2, 2023 Posted June 2, 2023 21 hours ago, flow28 said: No, I wouldn't want to because we talked irl a few weeks ago for the last time and he friendzoned me face to face. I already mentioned here that I have other dates lined up so I am moving on. Yes, move on. Avoid speaking badly about anyone, too much wasted energy there. Enjoy your life. 1 1
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