Guy playing games, what to do [merged thread]

[flow28]

This guy acted interested in me, he stared, flirted, touched me quite a lot and tried to talk. I reciprocated flirting. He suggested to hang out too but we didn't make any plans which made me think that he wasn't actually interested. Sometimes he acted pretty rude as well. Once he told me to strengthen my relationship with one of my acquaintances. I got pissed and pretended he didn't exist anymore but he still stared to an annoying extent or said stuff like 'you never liked me'. I decided to get clarity and ask him out after a while. He didn't say yes or no and still flirted. After that I tried to make actual plans and he started avoiding me. Now he avoids eye contact and turns his back at me or stares from the corner of his eye. We are both very young but not teenagers. Why would he bother to suggest anything if he wasn't interested? Did I read too much into it? It really felt like he was into me. Right now I feel so stupid for asking him out. I feel worthless and unwanted. He never tried to initiate any longer conversation with me, just some pointless bollocks. I'm thinking that I might've turned him off with my ignoring but I just thought he was playing with me the whole time. I'm also thinking that he might just be a rude and mean person in general or someone who will do anything for some attention, even if he has no intention of following through. He bragged a lot. Deep inside he seems insecure and immature. Why would he do that to me? He was never interested, right? I want to fix this somehow but at the same time I feel that if I run after him more it will make me look even more desperate and like a girl who has no self worth at all.

Edited June 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Some people just like to flirt and get a rise out of people.  No he's not interested in dating you as you can see or he would have jumped at your invitation to go out.  He might just be looking for an ego boost or a way to sharpen his skills with women.  Who knows?  You see he's not interested so don't give him anymore eye contact or attention.   He's a time waster.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, flow28 said:

Sometimes he acted pretty rude as well. Now he avoids eye contact and turns his back at me or stares from the corner of his eye. He bragged a lot. 

Sorry this happened. How do you know each other? Do you work or go to school together? He seems like a sort of jerk. You did the right thing just ignoring him.

[smackie9]

2 hours ago, flow28 said:

This guy acted interested in me, he stared, flirted, touched me quite a lot and tried to talk. I reciprocated flirting. He suggested to hang out too but we didn't make any plans which made me think that he wasn't actually interested. Sometimes he acted pretty rude as well. Once he told me to strengthen my relationship with one of my acquaintances. I got pissed and pretended he didn't exist anymore but he still stared to an annoying extent or said stuff like 'you never liked me'. I decided to get clarity and ask him out after a while. He didn't say yes or no and still flirted. After that I tried to make actual plans and he started avoiding me. Now he avoids eye contact and turns his back at me or stares from the corner of his eye. We are both very young but not teenagers. Why would he bother to suggest anything if he wasn't interested? Did I read too much into it? It really felt like he was into me. Right now I feel so stupid for asking him out. I feel worthless and unwanted. He never tried to initiate any longer conversation with me, just some pointless bollocks. I'm thinking that I might've turned him off with my ignoring but I just thought he was playing with me the whole time. I'm also thinking that he might just be a rude and mean person in general or someone who will do anything for some attention, even if he has no intention of following through. He bragged a lot. Deep inside he seems insecure and immature. Why would he do that to me? He was never interested, right? I want to fix this somehow but at the same time I feel that if I run after him more it will make me look even more desperate and like a girl who has no self worth at all.

The BOLDED is all you should focus on....this guy is a jerk. Stop wasting your time. 

[NuevoYorko]

There's nothing to talk about here.  I think you've posted before with a similar situation.  These are just interactions that are going nowhere.  It is not worthwhile or healthy for you to be analyzing minute details of interactions with a person who is not important in your life.  Keep it simple.  If a guy asks you out and you're interested, go out.  Get to know what he's all about, let him get to know you. If it doesn't really take off, it might sting a little but really it's just part of life.   If you want to ask a guy out, go ahead.  if he says no, again, it can be an ego bruise but it's really nothing.  You just learned that he was not for you, and you move on.

[flitzanu]

that's not a guy "playing games" because you've never dated and not even gone out on a date, it is time to stop entertaining him because it is a waste of time

[ShyViolet]

7 hours ago, flow28 said:

I want to fix this somehow but at the same time I feel that if I run after him more it will make me look even more desperate and like a girl who has no self worth at all.

This right here is the most accurate thing you have said.

If you run after him, it will make you look desperate and like you have no self-worth. So don't do it.  Why would you even do that?  There is nothing here to "fix".  He was a jerk to you, he started avoiding you when you tried to make any actual plans with him.  So you already know that he's not interested.  Leave this in the past and move on.

[BaileyB]

These interactions don’t mean anything. This guy is not worth your time. 

 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, flow28 said:

Once he told me to strengthen my relationship with one of my acquaintances. I got pissed and pretended he didn't exist anymore 

Given that what you've described on his part appears quite innocuous, this was pretty rude on your part too.  

This whole thing just sounds like a mess

[flow28]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

This right here is the most accurate thing you have said.

If you run after him, it will make you look desperate and like you have no self-worth. So don't do it.  Why would you even do that?  There is nothing here to "fix".  He was a jerk to you, he started avoiding you when you tried to make any actual plans with him.  So you already know that he's not interested.  Leave this in the past and move on.

I'm just thinking that he may be avoiding me for revenge that I ignored him or something, since he had suggested hanging out before.. unless he never actually meant it at all. I didn't reject him though, he just didn't follow up on his suggestion and neither did I. After some time me acting like he didn't exist could have triggered that. However, probably if he was truly interested he would've forgotten that and would've confirmed plans. I don't know anymore. 

Edited November 19, 2022 by flow28

[Lotsgoingon]

He suggested to hang out too but we didn't make any plans which made me think that he wasn't actually interested.

Game over right here.  Quit paying attention to people who don't follow through with you. Immediately lose them, lose all interest in these people or curiosity about them. Otherwise, you will get hurt.

A good potential partner will not leave you confused. 

[NuevoYorko]

Forget it.

[glows]

He’s rude to you, appears immature and childish, so let this go. The whole crush needs to reduce to smithereens and get washed in the gutter. Pay less attention to him and what he says. Raise the bar a bit in your company and be with people who treat you with kindness and respect, not this low life crap. 

It doesn’t matter whether he’s interested. Move on. And it has nothing to do with what he wants or what you feel. Don’t stick around being around people who don’t treat you well.

[Lotsgoingon]

@glows, have you copyrighted this? Do I have permission to use it?

The whole crush needs to reduce to smithereens and get washed in the gutter. 

I can think of many situations where this wording fits!

[ShyViolet]

17 hours ago, flow28 said:

I'm just thinking that he may be avoiding me for revenge that I ignored him or something, since he had suggested hanging out before.. unless he never actually meant it at all. I didn't reject him though, he just didn't follow up on his suggestion and neither did I. After some time me acting like he didn't exist could have triggered that. However, probably if he was truly interested he would've forgotten that and would've confirmed plans. I don't know anymore. 

Even if he was interested in you at some point, that absolutely doesn't matter.  His behavior shows that he is immature, a jerk and not someone who is worth one more second of your time.

[DreamGuyxo]

From what I read it sounds like you are somewhat giving him a chance, thats a good thing to do when being in a relationship or working on a better one

 

You have to have good communication with your partner and when it comes down to questioning if he appreciates or understands you first have to understand him

 

Better communication, and letting him know your considerations to see how he responds is best so that way you both can be affectionate 

 

Cheers!

[JTSW]

On 11/18/2022 at 3:35 PM, flow28 said:

Once he told me to strengthen my relationship with one of my acquaintances. I got pissed and pretended he didn't exist anymore

Maybe a bit of an overreaction on your part?

Did you ever consider that he may have just been trying to help?

And your reaction turned him off.

Without much info on this acquaintance saga, it's hard to pinpoint the issue better.

 

[flow28]

Male perspective is especially welcome. The story goes like this. My crush flirted with me and suggested to start hanging out regularly but neither of us ever made any plans. He seemed interested but finally I got pissed because he never made actual plans with me and thought he was a player so I started acting like he didn't exist. He stared at me a lot and seemed upset, after a while he started avoiding me. Then I asked him out to get rid of the uncertainty & got no answer. We started talking again though. When I asked him out the 2nd time he said he really wanted to but he was travelling at that time and I believe he did. He started texting me all the time for weeks, he'd mostly text first, he was flirty too. However, irl he was avoiding me, he would literally run away when he saw me. I told him that I noticed he was acting like that but he denied he ever avoided me or ran away.. He suggested via text to meet again but this time he wanted our friend to be with us too, which made me confused. I said I wanted it to be just the two of us. Again no plans were made. I messaged him that he's being manipulative and I have no more time to lose if he's not meeting up, I added that it doesn't take much effort to text. I said I wouldn't entertain him again until he took action. He stopped texting me as much. After a week he replied he was sorry that he didn't arrange a hang out and that he wants to continue what we have, he was flirty again. I said I was glad he's being honest and flirted with him back a little to give some encouragement. The problem is, he's still not making any actual plans. What should I do? I feel if he wanted to, he really would at this point.. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, flow28 said:

. I messaged him that he's being manipulative and I have no more time to lose if he's not meeting up, I added that it doesn't take much effort to text.

Try to step back. You've already asked him out, discussed texting, confronted him about not asking you out, so you've done as much as you can.

Let this fade and set your sights on someone who is interested.

[SoulOfOne]

Not a male perspective but

Could he be only wanting a fun diversion on his own time? Nothing IRL? 

I would find myself thinking "if he wanted to, he would" in fact a similar situation happened to me, guy ran hot and cold. Hot when it came to text, cold when it came to IRL. 

I'd back way off. That's hard if it's something you want, but save the dignity. You've shown interest, why does he have to chase? If he wanted to, he would.

You deserve better than that. I know it's hard. But you do.

[stillafool]

He's not interested.  If he were he would have jumped at the too many chances you've given him to get together. Block and delete him.  This sounds very familiar.

[JTSW]

You gave him many opportunities to meet up and he hasn't budged.

He likes the text flirting, that's all he's interested in. 

Don't send him anymore messages.

I can guarantee that if you stopped with the text flirting he would back off completely.

You deserve better than that.

[NuevoYorko]

Overall, the advice you need to take is: Just move on and forget about this guy.

I would like to suggest that you avoid this type of game playing & drama from here on out, for the rest of your life.   I couldn't even keep track of it all.

Dating  is actually a very simple process, at first anyway.  If someone wants to go out with you, they will ask you.  Alternatively, you can do the asking.  If either person turns the other down and fails to suggest an alternative date / time / activity, you can pretty much be assured that there is not sufficient interest and move on immediately. 

If you're super determined, maybe ONE more try.  If that doesn't pan out, take it as a NO.

Zero need for being pissed, acting like somebody doesn't exist, running away, staring, etc.  

 

[Gaeta]

Block & delete, complete loss of your time. Men take action tosow their interest, this guyis only interested in getting text attention, he probably got his sight on someone else and don't want to be seen with you.

Do not put your hopes in men that don't show their interest with 'actions' like setting up dates, driving to you, making time to see you. 

[flow28]

17 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Overall, the advice you need to take is: Just move on and forget about this guy.

I would like to suggest that you avoid this type of game playing & drama from here on out, for the rest of your life.   I couldn't even keep track of it all.

Dating  is actually a very simple process, at first anyway.  If someone wants to go out with you, they will ask you.  Alternatively, you can do the asking.  If either person turns the other down and fails to suggest an alternative date / time / activity, you can pretty much be assured that there is not sufficient interest and move on immediately. 

If you're super determined, maybe ONE more try.  If that doesn't pan out, take it as a NO.

Zero need for being pissed, acting like somebody doesn't exist, running away, staring, etc.  

 

Yes, I decided to give it one more try by asking when he's available for the last third time. I told him it's the only way to prove that he indeed wants to continue. If he doesn't do anything, I'm really moving on. So far no answer, but I'll see what happens. Then I'll be absolutely certain and won't have to guess anymore.