Jenkees Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Hey all... I'm new here, not sure where this should go so go easy on me... Here's what I'm facing: Okay... I wrote this post out in much greater detail than I've put here, but i accidentally deleted it, so I shortened it 'cause I couldn't be bothered typing it all out again LoL... When I was around fifteen in high school I fell in love with a girl and we were together for a little over a year... then two things happened: One: She tells these two guy friends of hers some personal information that I'd told her, which they used to humiliate me in front of a group of my friends, and Two: my mother buys a new house 30 or so miles away. I was pissed at her for blabbing my personal sh*t to these guys, so didn't talk to her at all about it... I then moved away without telling her i was even leaving, and didn't hear from her again. ...Until 8 years later when she calls me up out of nowhere asking me to see her and catch up for a drink, which surprised, delighted, and terrified me all at the same time. Over those past 8 years, I never stopped loving her, I thought about her every day, compared every other girl I'd meet to her, and none even came close. So I was happy as hell to be given a second chance I go see her and we still gel perfectly, and start seeing each other again right away. She tells me about her abusive ex, and I feel even closer to her since I grew up with my mother in a seemingly endless string of abusive relationships. I grew to hate these macho-a**h*** types and became a quiet and rather introverted person, but respectful and caring towards women... even though I couldn't talk to them properly, they know I'm not someone to be untrusting of, that I'm not a threat. I believe this is a major reason why she sought me out. She wanted someone to make her feel loved, and she knew I loved her in school... So we've been together for a little under two years now and the relationship is dying It was so beautiful for the first year, pathetic, even... We were rarely apart, professing love for one another a hundred times a day... I fell for her all over again, but twice as hard <3 She asks me to have kids with her, points out engagement rings in shop windows with a look in her eyes that just melts my heart. Makes me promise never to leave her, that she loves me so much she never wants to lose me... I made her make the same promise <3 ...I told you I was the quiet type, didn't I? *ahem* yes, well... this is my great undoing ...Despite how strongly I feel for her, I can't seem to get the words out of my head and into the air... I tell her constantly that I love her and want nothing more than to live this life with her... but I just don't have all that much to say to people. It's not just her, it's people in general. They don't impress me much... So I've never really talked to them. She shouldn't take it so personal, but she thinks I have nothing to say to her, or won't say it. Says it makes her feel sh*t that I'm so damned quiet ALL the time, that she gets no conversation & that I should talk to her about stuff. Oh yes, the other thing- She says that I've got no real idea of where I want to go in life and have no real interests in anything (?) This is due to the fact that I've not worked in almost a year. Not from lack of looking for work though, try being a 24yo computer operator in the Printing industry and competing with new school-leavers who are smarter and cheaper to employ... <---excuses, excuses.... ) I know she's right and there needs to be an open line of communication, and I need to find work and get serious about my life, and I've told her I want to change... want to be more easy-going and that I don't want to lose her over this but I can't understand why she would throw it in my face like she has... I'm exactly the same person now that I've been from the start, still the same person she claimed to love so much, and it hurts like hell thinking that I might not have the life with her that she has made me long for.. Basically she says I'm a loser with no idea and no intention of getting one. I hate to write that, but I need some advice on this 'cause I'm lost. I've asked what SHE wants and she won't give me a straight answer, just tells me what she doesn't want.. says she's can't deal with it right now, too much on her plate... I can't even get her to see me.... I know all of this doesn't sound bad compared to some of the stories I've read on this site , but it's been this way for a long time, getting more uncomfortable as time passes... and she seems to take every little thing I do and make a big deal out of it, making me feel like sh*t and becoming even quieter and unsure of what to say... like I can't do anything right anymore. I just want to get back to where we were. I know we are meant to be together... If she would just let me I'd talk her ear OFF and work 3 jobs at once, I don't care. If that's what she wants... I'd do anything to get back to those days when we were happy in love, and couldn't bear time apart. ...I still can't bear the time apart, but it seems she can take or leave me at this point. *siGh* sorry for the long post, but it was way longer (and a lot more understandable, dammit! I can't convey my feelings any better in text than in words) before I screwed it up, so you should consider yourself lucky to have been exposed to a lesser amount of rambling than you could have been! Thanks guys.
EyeOfTheTiger999 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Just get a job doing whatever and buy her a huge bouquet of flowers with your first check. Many a man has reformed for love...
Author Jenkees Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 ...well it's too late anyway, she f*kn left me today would'nt listen to me... said it's too late... she wouldn't even say if she still loved me. ........I'm f*cked.
EyeOfTheTiger999 Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Go ahead and do that anyway! minus the flowers. She may kick herself seeing you moving on and employed!
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