47 year old BF (long time friend) is temporarily broke and homeless, how long do I support him?

[Acacia98]

On 11/9/2022 at 11:11 PM, NuevoYorko said:

I wonder.  A guy that can't even buy a meal or pay for a hotel room?  Whatever real estate he owns must be mortgaged up the wazoo or he'd be borrowing against it already, rather than being a literal homeless person.   

The OP is certainly a "soft place to fall" but if he had other options I don't think he'd be as destitute as he is now.  I'm afraid that his options are tapped out. 

He may not be a millionaire, but he has other options. Manipulative, entitled people always do. They may be modest options, but they are options all the same. Folks like him just don't want to pursue those options because they require them to make a greater effort and inconvenience themselves. I have recently been dealing in a professional capacity with someone pretty similar to OP's guy. She has an income, she has assets. But she does a good job at manufacturing sob stories that will inspire people to reach into their pockets.

11 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He kept insulting me...via text and then this morning I woke up to a screen shot of his bank account with only 50 bucks in it...saying he has no means to survive and asked to BORROW 400 dollars.  Sent me his Zelle bank info.  Then said he wouldn't contact me further if he could just have that to get another night at the hotel.

I sent him the money and he replied with "thank you , but it's pretty pathetic that you won't talk to me.  You are pathetic.  Then said he thought I was more emotionally stable than this..  and that now I'm ...him up in the process"

I haven't replied.  and I won't ... but, WOWWWWWWW is all I have to say.  WOWWWWW.  He has SOME NERVE!  

OP, you forgot to do the most important thing: blocking this guy. The thing you need to understand about highly manipulative people is that they get what they want out of people like you by keeping you at your most emotional. That ensures that you're not thinking logically and gives them continued access to your pockets or whatever else they may want from you. This guy has studied you well enough to know how to push your buttons. He knows that even if he makes you angry, he will get the desired outcome. It may seem counterintuitive, but it worked, didn't it? The surest way to rid yourself of him is to become indifferent to all his misfortunes, real as well as manufactured. When you're at the point where his best performance evokes nothing but a bored yawn from you, he will pack his bags up and move on to his next mark. But you're not likely to become indifferent overnight. That's where the blocking comes in. You block him, he has no access to you, you get a break from the manipulation, his hold on you weakens.

Don't make the mistake of trying to give him a piece of your mind or show him you know his game. As long as you engage with him, you give him the opportunity to manipulate you. Just block him everywhere, take back any and all keys, and make sure he can't use your name or ID to access other resources behind your back or manipulate other folks.

Edited November 11, 2022 by Acacia98