Gaslighting or was I wrong?

[central]

2 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

I care and that's not what's important.  I asked if he's truly moved on from her ot he's trying mind games to reel her back in? 

So, basically you want more than FWB, o/w this would not really matter.

[Thunderburst]

4 minutes ago, central said:

So, basically you want more than FWB, o/w this would not really matter.

It's because of her that we are still fwbs . Otherwise if she wasn't in the picture , we wouldn't be fwbs

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

It's because of her that we are still fwbs . Otherwise if she wasn't in the picture , we wouldn't be fwbs

I'm guessing this means that if they broke up, you'd be his girlfriend?  Thing is, it's not because of her that you're still FWB.  It's actually because of him and that he chooses her over you.  He could rid her from his life if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to do that.

1 hour ago, Thunderburst said:

He wont tell me. I thought he cut her off but turns out that the moment she asked him to come for a chat, he agreed and listened to everything she said and even when she asked him to come to the corridor for privacy, he went with her.

I dont understand this kind of behaviour.  He deletes her then goes to say hi and follows her like a puppy?

It looks like he's the kind of person who does one thing and quickly changes his mind.  Lucky for him, she gives him more chances after his appalling behaviour. 

[glows]

He likes her so yes, he’s going to oblige if she asks to speak with him or meet him outside in the corridor. That she took the high road probably has him falling even harder for her as he respects her, appreciating her approach. 

My guess is regardless if she moves or leaves campus they will remain in contact and he’ll continue to keep his eye on her and she is someone special to him.

The heartbreaking part is that you’re here guessing at an fwb who is very much in love with someone else. You may share physical intimacy as an fwb but he’s emotionally unavailable. He may not ever be available or fit to be with anyone or treat anyone well judging from the way he treated her.

I think you’re spending your time with the wrong man and the romance is lopsided if you care about him or are too emotionally invested in this fwb. It’s not an fwb anymore. He’s more to you than just a friend so try not to lie to yourself there.

[NuevoYorko]

I will answer your question.  The reason all of this is going on is because when a person really likes another person, they are vulnerable.  It's hard to let go of a person once you've developed deep feelings for them.   

This guy is not going to be your boyfriend.  If he wanted to do that, he would.   Obviously you're hung up on him.   That is not healthy for you, since he is still very into this girl.   

It's extremely inappropriate for you to be aware of all the personal business  of this guy and the girlfriend.   It would be a good idea fro you to work on developing boundaries.  That would help you.  

[Thunderburst]

4 hours ago, glows said:

He likes her so yes, he’s going to oblige if she asks to speak with him or meet him outside in the corridor. That she took the high road probably has him falling even harder for her as he respects her, appreciating her approach. 

My guess is regardless if she moves or leaves campus they will remain in contact and he’ll continue to keep his eye on her and she is someone special to him.

The heartbreaking part is that you’re here guessing at an fwb who is very much in love with someone else. You may share physical intimacy as an fwb but he’s emotionally unavailable. He may not ever be available or fit to be with anyone or treat anyone well judging from the way he treated her.

I think you’re spending your time with the wrong man and the romance is lopsided if you care about him or are too emotionally invested in this fwb. It’s not an fwb anymore. He’s more to you than just a friend so try not to lie to yourself there.

But he deleted her and said he wants to move on so how can he love her?

[Thunderburst]

2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I will answer your question.  The reason all of this is going on is because when a person really likes another person, they are vulnerable.  It's hard to let go of a person once you've developed deep feelings for them.   

This guy is not going to be your boyfriend.  If he wanted to do that, he would.   Obviously you're hung up on him.   That is not healthy for you, since he is still very into this girl.   

It's extremely inappropriate for you to be aware of all the personal business  of this guy and the girlfriend.   It would be a good idea fro you to work on developing boundaries.  That would help you.  

Shes not his gf.But he himself chose to delete her number because he was telling her he wants to move on and forward?

Edited November 25, 2022 by Thunderburst

[Thunderburst]

4 hours ago, glows said:

He likes her so yes, he’s going to oblige if she asks to speak with him or meet him outside in the corridor. That she took the high road probably has him falling even harder for her as he respects her, appreciating her approach. 

My guess is regardless if she moves or leaves campus they will remain in contact and he’ll continue to keep his eye on her and she is someone special to him.

The heartbreaking part is that you’re here guessing at an fwb who is very much in love with someone else. You may share physical intimacy as an fwb but he’s emotionally unavailable. He may not ever be available or fit to be with anyone or treat anyone well judging from the way he treated her.

I think you’re spending your time with the wrong man and the romance is lopsided if you care about him or are too emotionally invested in this fwb. It’s not an fwb anymore. He’s more to you than just a friend so try not to lie to yourself there.

He has deleted her number so he cant keep contact. She was saying she still has his number. He said he archived her chats.

He wasn't accepting his faults. He was telling her that it's good she changed her attitude which means he wasn't remorseful at all and said that once you bake a cake it can't go back to how it used to be. So hes already decided to move on from her?

Edited November 25, 2022 by Thunderburst

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Thunderburst said:

  He deleted her then proceeds to say hello to her and then hears her out and said he will see her around in the next few days.

He doesn't seem respectful to you or interested in how you feel. . Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

When you free yourself of him, you can enjoy university much more and date the type of men who want what you want and you won't need to follow them around or worry about them.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you her?

You know way too much to be the bystander. I'm not buying that. 

EDIT: Your previous thread strongly suggests "the girl" in this scenario is you, and this guy is your manipulative ex that you had no choice but to dump because he treated you badly. Why change the angle of the story, OP? Are you hoping to hear he still likes you?

Edited November 25, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Thunderburst]

[ ] 

@glows you said he likes her so he's obliged to see her but like I said he deleted her and said he wants to move on so how can he love her? He has deleted her number so he cant keep contact. She was saying she still has his number. He said he archived her chats.

 

He wasn't accepting his faults. He was telling her that it's good she changed her attitude which means he wasn't remorseful at all and said that once you bake a cake it can't go back to how it used to be. So hes already decided to move on from her?

@NuevoYorkoShes not his gf.But he himself chose to delete her number because he was telling her he wants to move on and forward?

 

Edited November 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JTSW]

I read the whole 8 plus pages in the other post and now my head really hurts.

OP, 8 plus pages of advice and you didn't listen to or understand anything anyone said.

You asked the same questions over and over. Got defensive when people didn't agree with you.

This guy is bad news for everyone involved with him.

He is abusive and narcissistic. He just tells girls what they want to hear. 

Why are females so obsessed with him? It baffles me.

OP, you really need to wake up. Stop pretending to be someone else to gain different insight. 

Everyone will tell you the same thing, LET IT ALL GO!

He is not worth anyone's time and effort.

He is definitely putting in this much effort to wonder about you. The only person he truly cares about is himself.

[Thunderburst]

16 minutes ago, JTSW said:

I read the whole 8 plus pages in the other post and now my head really hurts.

OP, 8 plus pages of advice and you didn't listen to or understand anything anyone said.

You asked the same questions over and over. Got defensive when people didn't agree with you.

This guy is bad news for everyone involved with him.

He is abusive and narcissistic. He just tells girls what they want to hear. 

Why are females so obsessed with him? It baffles me.

OP, you really need to wake up. Stop pretending to be someone else to gain different insight. 

Everyone will tell you the same thing, LET IT ALL GO!

He is not worth anyone's time and effort.

He is definitely putting in this much effort to wonder about you. The only person he truly cares about is himself.

He's the one who deleted her, told her he wants to move on but still interacting ? That's all I want to know

Edited November 25, 2022 by Thunderburst

[JTSW]

10 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

He's the one who deleted her, told her he wants to move on but still interacting ? That's all I want to know

Who the hell cares!

Maybe if you had to balls to officially block him then he wouldn't be able to interact with you.

He just likes the attention. That's it!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Thunderburst said:

He's the one who deleted her, told her he wants to move on but still interacting ? That's all I want to know

Then you need to delete and block him from ALL your social media and messaging apps so you can move forward.

[Thunderburst]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Then you need to delete and block him from ALL your social media and messaging apps so you can move forward.

I know this but just want to know why is he still interacting when he said he wants to move on and deleted?

[Alpacalia]

Colossal waste of your time OP.

[Mrin]

I once watched a cat torture a mouse it captured. It went on for a very long time. Sometimes the cat would toss the mouse in the air and bat it about with its paws. Other times the cat would let it run away before snagging it again with it's claws.  It would act like it was ignoring the mouse sometimes. I even saw the cat pretend to be asleep and then, at the last second pounce on the mouse as it scurried away. After an hour or so of this the mouse died. Not sure why exactly - maybe it was because of injuries. Or fright or even exhaustion. Maybe it simply didn't want to go on living like this. 

The cat nudged it a bit to make sure it was really dead and then walked off not even taking a nibble.

Why did the cat kill the mouse like that? It obviously wasn't hunger. Instinct maybe? Hate? Or perhaps the car tortured the mouse because it was amusing to do so on a warm sunny day with nothing better to do.

What do you think OP?

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

Ijust want to know why is he still interacting when he said he wants to move on and deleted?

You could ask him or you could walk away with dignity and simply get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start dating interested men.

It sounds like you still have a crush and wish you two could get together again.

[Thunderburst]

25 minutes ago, Mrin said:

I once watched a cat torture a mouse it captured. It went on for a very long time. Sometimes the cat would toss the mouse in the air and bat it about with its paws. Other times the cat would let it run away before snagging it again with it's claws.  It would act like it was ignoring the mouse sometimes. I even saw the cat pretend to be asleep and then, at the last second pounce on the mouse as it scurried away. After an hour or so of this the mouse died. Not sure why exactly - maybe it was because of injuries. Or fright or even exhaustion. Maybe it simply didn't want to go on living like this. 

The cat nudged it a bit to make sure it was really dead and then walked off not even taking a nibble.

Why did the cat kill the mouse like that? It obviously wasn't hunger. Instinct maybe? Hate? Or perhaps the car tortured the mouse because it was amusing to do so on a warm sunny day with nothing better to do.

What do you think OP?

This implies that he's a narcissist?

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Thunderburst said:

He's the one who deleted her, told her he wants to move on but still interacting ? That's all I want to know

He talked to her in the private place that she requested to finally put it out in the open that he doesn't want anythiing to do with her.  He doesn't want to be friends either but to prevent an awkward situation will speak and nod to her in public when passing.  He's hoping that this time she'll finally get the message to stop asking him to talk and move on with her life and leave him alone.  Got it now?

[Mrin]

5 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

This implies that he's a narcissist?

Was the cat a narcissist? And does it matter to the mouse?

What it implies is that he is acting this way because he gets something out of it. He enjoys it. It amuses him. He might be a narcissist. He might be a serial killer. Or he might be just messed up guy with serious boundary issues. 

The point is, when you find someone who behaves like this, it is better to just not play their game and move on as fast as you possibly can. 

[Thunderburst]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He talked to her in the private place that she requested to finally put it out in the open that he doesn't want anythiing to do with her.  He doesn't want to be friends either but to prevent an awkward situation will speak and nod to her in public when passing.  He's hoping that this time she'll finally get the message to stop asking him to talk and move on with her life and leave him alone.  Got it now?

No that's not what happened. She didnt request it.  He said hello and she said can we talk and he came along with her. He himself said he will see her around and he's willing to be like before when she said she wont be coming to uni

Edited November 25, 2022 by Thunderburst

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Thunderburst said:

No that's not what happened. She didnt request it.  He said hello and she said can we talk and he came along with her. He himself said he will see her around and he's willing to be like before when she said she wont be coming to uni

"Can we talk" is a request.  He came along to talk because YOU REQUESTED IT and he only went to finally get you off his back so you will leave him alone.

[Thunderburst]

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

"Can we talk" is a request.  He came along to talk because YOU REQUESTED IT and he only went to finally get you off his back so you will leave him alone.

No he didn't and he didnt need to considering how hes behaved. He could easily say he has nothing to talk as he had already deleted her number.

 

and to update- He spoke again to her and re-added her number just a few minutes ago.

Edited November 25, 2022 by Thunderburst