Gaslighting or was I wrong?

[glows]

That is not what I meant. Don’t catch yourself alone with this person. Avoid in person interactions and block all over all platforms/phone etc. Ignore what he says. Whatever he does, it’s not your issue or business. If he follows or harasses you report it to the police.

 

[Thunderburst]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

That is not what I meant. Don’t catch yourself alone with this person. Avoid in person interactions and block all over all platforms/phone etc. Ignore what he says. Whatever he does, it’s not your issue or business. If he follows or harasses you report it to the police.

 

Do you think hes capable of violence?

Because I was only expressing how I feel and he said hes going to get very angry, kicked a trashcan and was trying to smile to contain his anger. He is very vindictive it seems and he takes genuine issues as a personal attack rather than solving them

Edited November 8, 2022 by Thunderburst

[glows]

It doesn’t matter what I think he’s capable of. He is creepy AF. Just leave him alone and report it if he harasses you.

[Thunderburst]

1 minute ago, glows said:

It doesn’t matter what I think he’s capable of. He is creepy AF. Just leave him alone and report it if he harasses you.

Creepy????

[ExpatInItaly]

35 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

My friend who sits next to him in the computer room said he kept opening his whatsapp and looking at my chat to check if my pic and last seen is visible to him on both days of our fight and she said he was very anxious 

Again, so what? 

 

[stillafool]

16 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

Creepy????

Extremely!

[Thunderburst]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Extremely!

In which way specifically ? These are problematic traits but creepy I'm not understanding 

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

My friend who sits next to him in the computer room said he kept opening his whatsapp and looking at my chat to check if my pic and last seen is visible to him on both days of our fight and she said he was very anxious 

Tell your friends to stop reporting to you what's going on with him, it's not helping you. 

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

In which way specifically ? These are problematic traits but creepy I'm not understanding 

It's pretty obvious to me.  He's unstable as hell.  What does your mother say about him?

[Thunderburst]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It's pretty obvious to me.  He's unstable as hell.  What does your mother say about him?

I havent told my mom about our falling out

[Thunderburst]

13 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Tell your friends to stop reporting to you what's going on with him, it's not helping you. 

I felt bad because I have this motherly trait that I can help/fix but I'm trying to detach myself because I am not the one who lied and made things worse

[Thunderburst]

32 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Again, so what? 

 

 

Just now, Thunderburst said:

I felt bad because I have this motherly trait that I can help/fix but I'm trying to detach myself because I am not the one who lied and made things worse

This 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

I havent told my mom about our falling out

I mean what does she think about him.  Does she like him?

[Thunderburst]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I mean what does she think about him.  Does she like him?

Not much. She said she feels unstable just like you said and the way he behaved before, she said she is reminded of my father who was abusive 

Edited November 8, 2022 by Thunderburst

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Thunderburst said:

If 1 text can stir shch a reaction in him, who knows how he will react in group settings now that I asked him to stop saying hello to me.

Is it possible to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps? He doesn't seem to want to continue the relationship. Free yourself from this. Don't bother trying to stay friends or coming up to him in person. Just leave each other alone if it's not working out.

[Thunderburst]

40 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it possible to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps? He doesn't seem to want to continue the relationship. Free yourself from this. Don't bother trying to stay friends or coming up to him in person. Just leave each other alone if it's not working out.

He has no social media except whatsapp. 

I have left him and he was trying to keep it going that he has no opinion on not saying hello to me and was insisting that we should say hello. But then angry so he agreed not to say anything to say each other but then my friend told me that he kept watching my whatsapp after our argument and because i didnt block him, he was ok after that and hasnt been coming online much and simply writing his work

Edited November 8, 2022 by Thunderburst

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

he agreed not to say anything to say each other but then my friend told me that he kept watching my whatsapp after our argument

Delete him from all messaging apps. Protect your privacy and dignity. Avoid him. Don't stay friends. Do what's right for you, not him. Try not to drag out a breakup, even if he wants to. Make a clean break so you can be free to date men who respect you.

[Thunderburst]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete him from all messaging apps. Protect your privacy and dignity. Avoid him. Don't stay friends. Do what's right for you, not him. Try not to drag out a breakup, even if he wants to. Make a clean break so you can be free to date men who respect you.

I have deleted him but have opened my privacy settings because I am not sure how he will react. Because she did say that he would look through his whatsapp every 30 minutes and was very fidgety. He couldnt write everything so he extended his deadline by Wednesday 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Thunderburst said:

I have deleted him but...

Are you hoping to reconcile?

[Thunderburst]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you hoping to reconcile?

The behaviour in my absence makes me have 1% hope

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Thunderburst said:

Do you think hes capable of violence?

Because I was only expressing how I feel and he said hes going to get very angry, kicked a trashcan and was trying to smile to contain his anger. He is very vindictive it seems and he takes genuine issues as a personal attack rather than solving them

Yes!  He's capable of violence, did you miss the posts stating that next time it might be your face he punches? 

I strongly urge you to research abusive relationships, because sweetness, you're in one.

Even though technically you're "broken up" he still has a tremendous hold on your psyche, I am actually afraid for you right now. 

Abusers are actually weak, emotionally.  Are you surprised to hear that?  Most people are. 

They seek out those weaker than them to feel strong and powerful and to control. 

Abuse escalates.  Starts with verbal, then escalates to punching walls or kicking trashcans, escalating further to pushing you, punching you, beating you. 

Abusers have wicked tempers and are emotionally out of control, which is why they abuse, to feel IN control! 

You need to take this very very seriously because abuse among young people, especially in university where the pressure is enormous is becoming more and more prevalent.

I encourage you to Google abuse cases on internet.  One young woman's abusive boyfriend threw acid on her face disfiguring her for life!

There are a few stories like this actually, they ALL started out like yours.  

Yes this post IS meant to frighten you because this is a very very serious thing. 

This "person" (I can't in good conscience even call him a man) is very troubled, a monster, mentally and emotionally!  

Is there a counselor at uni you can talk to? 

I encourage you to do so asap.

This could become very very bad for you if you don't. 

I'm sorry. 

 

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Thunderburst said:

Not much. She said she feels unstable just like you said and the way he behaved before, she said she is reminded of my father who was abusive 

Oh dear. 

Your own father being abusive explains why you're drawn to this, unconsciously.

And why you don't seem that troubled by it, like the rest of us. 

It's familiar to you, "normal."

Again, I encourage you to seek counseling at Uni or from a qualified therapist specializing in abuse, otherwise you will continue attracting abusive men, like your dad.  And this person. 

All the best. 

Edited November 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Thunderburst]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Yes!  He's capable of violence, did you miss the posts stating that next time it might be your face he punches? 

I strongly urge you to research abusive relationships, because sweetness, you're in one.

Even though technically you're "broken up" he still has a tremendous hold on your psyche, I am actually afraid for you right now. 

Abusers are actually weak, emotionally.  Are you surprised to hear that?  Most people are. 

They seek out those weaker than them to feel strong and powerful and to control. 

Abuse escalates.  Starts with verbal, then escalates to punching walls or kicking trashcans, escalating further to pushing you, punching you, beating you. 

Abusers have wicked tempers and are emotionally out of control, which is why they abuse, to feel IN control! 

You need to take this very very seriously because abuse among young people, especially in university where the pressure is enormous is becoming more and more prevalent.

I encourage you to Google abuse cases on internet.  One young woman's abusive boyfriend threw acid on her face disfiguring her for life!

There are a few stories like this actually, they ALL started out like yours.  

Yes this post IS meant to frighten you because this is a very very serious thing. 

This "person" (I can't in good conscience even call him a man) is very troubled, a monster, mentally and emotionally!  

Is there a counselor at uni you can talk to? 

I encourage you to do so asap.

This could become very very bad for you if you don't. 

I'm sorry. 

 

Hes a doctoral student and he has started hanging out with other phd students especially the female students in front of whom he acts really nice. I feel like if I do talk to anyone, they will think I'm lying and jilted because he "rejected" me because he has people to back him up. The incident which led to our break up was that he acted like he isnt into me a lot and I'm after him (when he pretended to act shocked). 

Those female students seem to like him and have previously invited him to going out to drink which he went to as well.

So I feel that even if I do tell, who will believe me now?

One time he wasnt talking to me properly but then complimented one of the phd students as "looking good" in front of me and to another one, he began acting like hes close to her as when she told him that the guy friend with whom shes always hanging out went to Italy, he was like "you never told me he went to italy" even though they arent really friends.

On our very first date too, he had told me that he will go to a female friends house and sleep on her couch. Then made a afake instagram account which had his name as his username and in the bio, was a girls name.  But he deleted the account.

 

Edited November 8, 2022 by Thunderburst

[Thunderburst]

56 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Oh dear. 

Your own father being abusive explains why you're drawn to this, unconsciously.

And why you don't seem that troubled by it, like the rest of us. 

It's familiar to you, "normal."

Again, I encourage you to seek counseling at Uni or from a qualified therapist specializing in abuse, otherwise you will continue attracting abusive men, like your dad.  And this person. 

All the best. 

I do think thats the problem and because I ve seen abuse, and rebelled, I feel like I can do the same either rebel or fix them. Though I know my father never changed and is basically a covert narcissist 

[NuevoYorko]

8 hours ago, Thunderburst said:

Because he is

In what way?  He doesn't talk to you, if he does he's rude and dismissive,  you both appear to particularly dislike one another.  And in your 3rd or 4th post you wrote 

Quote

I did it (dropped him) but he was telling me how he has no opinion over it and while I have deleted him off my social media and whatsapp, he still didnt even after he agreed that we wont talk again

.You claim you already broke up.

How are you "partners"?