silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) Well on the dating app he had there he was looking for a relationship. So I agreed to meet him based on that too. There are guys in these apps who have ‘looking for casual’ and I don’t even match them. Only after a few dates and sex happening he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. But anyway I agree we are not on the same page. Edited November 1, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
NuevoYorko Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 2 minutes ago, silkypink said: Well on the dating app he had there he was looking for a relationship. So I agreed to meet him based on that too. I figured as much and I get why you'd want to know "why" not you, not now. It's better to leave those thoughts behind. It really truly does not matter. If you come to the place in your life where you're open and available for the right person / relationship, you will understand the huge difference between that, and how it feels when you are trying to make something out of what really is not there. Relationships are not necessarily easy and they ARE "work," but not the kind of work that's involved in trying to forge one with a person who isn't there for it. 2
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 hour ago, silkypink said: Well on the dating app he had there he was looking for a relationship. So I agreed to meet him based on that too. There are guys in these apps who have ‘looking for casual’ and I don’t even match them. Only after a few dates and sex happening he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. But anyway I agree we are not on the same page. He still may be looking for a relationship but that doesn't mean he's going to just enter one with whomever matches and has sex with him. I'm sure he has other criteria for a relationship too as most people do. He just decided he doesn't want a relationship with you. That's okay because I'm sure others will. It's best to develop an emotional connection with a man before having sex witih him if you are not looking for casual sex. You'll have a better chance of entering a relationship that way. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 2 hours ago, silkypink said: Only after a few dates and sex happening he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. There are players who use this bait-and-switch approach. Wait until you feel more solid with someone to avoid hurt in the future. Guys know putting "looking for a relationship" works better than "looking for casual", but it doesn't mean they will have a relationship with you per se. 3
Mrin Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: There are players who use this bait-and-switch approach. Wait until you feel more solid with someone to avoid hurt in the future. Guys know putting "looking for a relationship" works better than "looking for casual", but it doesn't mean they will have a relationship with you per se. This. 100%. You can only draw two conclusions from this: 1) he lied on his dating app profile in order to dupe women like the OP into sleeping with him, or 2) he doesn't think the OP is relationship material. Either way OP, why waste any more of your time on this guy? If it's just good sex then dispense with this "I want a relationship" malarkey and have lots of good sex with the guy. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 56 minutes ago, stillafool said: He still may be looking for a relationship but that doesn't mean he's going to just enter one with whomever matches and has sex with him. I'm sure he has other criteria for a relationship too as most people do. He just decided he doesn't want a relationship with you. That's okay because I'm sure others will. It's best to develop an emotional connection with a man before having sex witih him if you are not looking for casual sex. You'll have a better chance of entering a relationship that way. Well I did that. We went on many dates before having sex and I did develop an emotional connection with him before. The thing is he didn’t.
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 25 minutes ago, Mrin said: This. 100%. You can only draw two conclusions from this: 1) he lied on his dating app profile in order to dupe women like the OP into sleeping with him, or 2) he doesn't think the OP is relationship material. Either way OP, why waste any more of your time on this guy? If it's just good sex then dispense with this "I want a relationship" malarkey and have lots of good sex with the guy. Is not just good sex, I really liked him. That is why I can’t separate things like that. Maybe a man can, I can’t.
glows Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 It’s about compartmentalizing and some do it better than others. It’s difficult if you do have deep feelings for someone. Your first instinct to distance yourself is probably best. Spend more time with friends and family. Eventually block and delete his contact. Try not to sabotage your chances or freeing yourself finding someone more compatible. 2
Weezy1973 Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 9 minutes ago, silkypink said: Is not just good sex, I really liked him. That is why I can’t separate things like that. Maybe a man can, I can’t. Some men can. Some women can too. And in this case, you know he can, because he’s told you. Not a relationship. He’s just not that into you. Nothing wrong with you, just not right for this guy. There will be others. 2
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 13 minutes ago, silkypink said: Is not just good sex, I really liked him. That is why I can’t separate things like that. Maybe a man can, I can’t. If you know you are only looking for sex within a relationship, don't have sex until they ask you to be their gf. Having sex with a man normally draws women closer to them so avoid that it. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 13 minutes ago, glows said: It’s about compartmentalizing and some do it better than others. It’s difficult if you do have deep feelings for someone. Your first instinct to distance yourself is probably best. Spend more time with friends and family. Eventually block and delete his contact. Try not to sabotage your chances or freeing yourself finding someone more compatible. I don’t have deep feelings for him, I have feelings, which is different. Deep feelings I believe is only for when you are in a relationship for a long time. Well I am talking to other men and have a date scheduled next week with a guy. That helps me to keep perspective that this guy is not the only man in the world. 3
basil67 Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 3 hours ago, silkypink said: Well I did that. We went on many dates before having sex and I did develop an emotional connection with him before. The thing is he didn’t. This guy does want a relationship. He stated it upfront and took you on dates and did all the nice things to see if there was any potential. Unfortunately (and there is no nice way to say this) he found that he doesn't want a relationship with you, so has been using you for casual sex. There is nothing to save here. Send him a final goodbye stating that you're not on the same page then block him.
Mrin Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 8 hours ago, silkypink said: Is not just good sex, I really liked him. That is why I can’t separate things like that. Maybe a man can, I can’t. Okay so you said that you came here looking for empathy and advice. Let me give you a little bit of both. Empathy: holy smokes I know exactly where you're coming from. I was once wrapped up with a woman that I knew wasn't good for me. Strike that - she was amazing for me. But we had no future. There is no chance in my mind of whatever we had turning into something long-term due to circumstances in her life. But she was like a drug to me. The sex was good - great at the time. But there is this wildness quality to her that was intoxicating. We traveled the world together. I finally had to completely cut her out of my life. And thankfully I did because it opened up space for other wonderful women to fill. So yeah I get it. Advice: well if it isn't sex then what is it? You appear to be an attractive woman who probably has lots of options so it's not just attention. You haven't talked about his conversational skills or how connected you feel with him. It seems like you have a series of casual dates that result in casual sex so that's why I went the sex route with you. You haven't talked about his keen intellect or his incredibly successful career. So why the hell are you so stuck on a guy who essentially treats you like a booty call? Some women (and men) have an acute case of wantwhattheycanthaveitis. Is that you? Other women have a lot of fixerupperitis. I have a very good friend who has both in spades. She's incredibly beautiful and an amazing woman yet she will pour months of her time into a dude who is completely unworkable and comes wrapped in a red flag only to find out that he is banging five other girls and has a live in girlfriend. Cliff note: men are not fixer uppers. Take us at face value. Don't look for a hidden diamond in the rough. In the end you might not ever be able to figure out why you are wrapped around the axle on this guy. I get it - I was once there too - see above. That being said I think we can all agree that it isn't going to work out like you want it. Period. Full stop. Accept it don't try to argue with it - that's futile. There is a misattributed quote to Einstein that goes a little bit like "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." That's what you're doing now. Stop it. Seriously stop it. Move along - as hard as it might be - and open up space for somebody who might be really right for you to come into your life. It worked for me. I know it's hard but it's the right thing to do and you know it. Sending you a big virtual hug. Best of luck! Mrin 1
stillafool Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 15 hours ago, silkypink said: I don’t have deep feelings for him, I have feelings, which is different. Deep feelings I believe is only for when you are in a relationship for a long time. Well I am talking to other men and have a date scheduled next week with a guy. That helps me to keep perspective that this guy is not the only man in the world. You wouldn't have this thread going for so long if you didn't have deep feelings for this guy. He's shown you and pretty much told you he's not that into you but you're still wanting him so your feelings for him are deep. If not, you would have shrugged him off a long time ago and fallen for one of the other guys you're seeing by now.
FelipeBleichvel Posted November 6, 2022 Posted November 6, 2022 Marla, please, leave it. I'm a men. I can tell you that, the fact that he likes to fool around collecting bodies it's just the tip of the iceberg. There's a ocean of crap beneath that. I saw the type countless times and the kind of crude, brute things that they talk behind the back of girls like you would get you flabbergasted. He was just using you. Get your energies together and wait for someone that really wants something to life. A adventure, a romance. If never arrives, believe me, you're better alone than in ill company. 2
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