glows Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 13 minutes ago, silkypink said: Yes that is true. I don’t want this situationship anymore but I also don’t want to close the door completely as well. I doubt he ever saw you as someone he would date, to be very frank. You might want to get to the bottom of it and ask him directly why is it he’s not looking for a relationship. He may have a number of reasons for you: too busy, working on himself, and so on. You may see his sentences trail off or he won’t be able to look you in the eye. The truth is you’re not for him. He will likely meet someone else while casually seeing you and fall in love with someone else. Maybe that’s what you need to see to understand that’s he’s just not that into you. Again, I empathize with you here but cannot in good conscience give you false hope. I don’t believe he sees you as more than something casual. When a man knows/sees what he wants there’s no doubt he will do everything in his power to be close or show to that person there are no holds barred and he’s willing to commit. Be careful also you’re not holding yourself in limbo for the other possibility that he has commitment issues or has some other severe hang up or is emotionally unavailable. 3
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 hour ago, silkypink said: I also don't want to have any conversation with him saying I am done and goodbye because I don't feel like he cares, or block him again. I don't feel anything bad about him, I am not angry or anything, I am just fed up. Fed up with what? That he won't ask you for a relationship? You're right he doesn't care. He also doesn't care what you say to him because he knows if he can reach you he can get you to have sex with him very easy. You block and then unblock, have sex with him, get angry with yourself and then repeat. None of this is his fault. You need to decide what you will not accept and stick to it. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: Fed up with what? That he won't ask you for a relationship? You're right he doesn't care. He also doesn't care what you say to him because he knows if he can reach you he can get you to have sex with him very easy. You block and then unblock, have sex with him, get angry with yourself and then repeat. None of this is his fault. You need to decide what you will not accept and stick to it. I was torn between ending the dynamic and continue because I liked him and wanted to see if more would happen. I am fed up of having this conflict with myself! I never said he is to blame. That is why I created this post on how to end it.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 You won't be able to keep the door open and still move on at the same time. If he wanted to date you, he would be dating you by now. Keeping the door open to him just means it's going to hurt you that much more when he someday stops knocking because he's met someone he's crazy about. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You won't be able to keep the door open and still move on at the same time. If he wanted to date you, he would be dating you by now. Keeping the door open to him just means it's going to hurt you that much more when he someday stops knocking because he's met someone he's crazy about. As long as I don’t see him anymore, I will disconnect from him.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 13 minutes ago, silkypink said: As long as I don’t see him anymore, I will disconnect from him. Be honest with yourself - are you hoping that by playing games, he will decide he wants to date you after all? 2
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 hour ago, silkypink said: I was torn between ending the dynamic and continue because I liked him and wanted to see if more would happen. Too many women have played this game and loss. They think they can sex a FWB into a relationship but it rarely if ever works. Most people don't pick FWBs to be their partners. They move on to someone else. If you want to make sure you don't see him again. Block him and delete and then you will be serious about moving on. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Be honest with yourself - are you hoping that by playing games, he will decide he wants to date you after all? It’s not that. It would just be a way to not see him again but without blocking him. But I see what you mean.
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Too many women have played this game and loss. They think they can sex a FWB into a relationship but it rarely if ever works. Most people don't pick FWBs to be their partners. They move on to someone else. If you want to make sure you don't see him again. Block him and delete and then you will be serious about moving on. You are right, is just difficult for me now to block and delete. And refusing to meet when he calls feels easier now.
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 just be honest with him...that this no longer works for you so you will have to end it. If he is interested in more you would be on board with that. In the meantime you wish to cut off all communication. There simple and straight forward. 1
Mrin Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, silkypink said: Yes that is true. I don’t want this situationship anymore but I also don’t want to close the door completely as well. This is your problem. You ask how to end it but then you say you'd really don't want to end it. I mean let's be really honest here OP: the facts that you have relayed demonstrate that if you simply do this ghost by being unavailable a) you will reconnect with him and b) he will not change his mind and is perfectly happy treating this as casual dating at best. This sounds like emotional self-mutilation to me. Why are you doing this to yourself? What do you get out of it? What is your payoff? Edited October 31, 2022 by Mrin 1
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 38 minutes ago, silkypink said: You are right, is just difficult for me now to block and delete. And refusing to meet when he calls feels easier now. Why? Then you aren't serious about getting over this. 2
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Why? Then you aren't serious about getting over this. Because I am emotionally involved with him.
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 2 hours ago, Mrin said: This is your problem. You ask how to end it but then you say you'd really don't want to end it. I mean let's be really honest here OP: the facts that you have relayed demonstrate that if you simply do this ghost by being unavailable a) you will reconnect with him and b) he will not change his mind and is perfectly happy treating this as casual dating at best. This sounds like emotional self-mutilation to me. Why are you doing this to yourself? What do you get out of it? What is your payoff? I just like him and am emotionally involved with him, that’s why.
Weezy1973 Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) 9 minutes ago, silkypink said: I just like him and am emotionally involved with him, that’s why. So honestly what you want is a relationship with him. But that’s not going to happen - he’s told you clearly he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Keeping the door open stops you from disconnecting and moving on. It keeps a false sense of hope and prevents you from dating others who might want a relationship with an open heart as this guy will still be in the back of your mind as an option. He’s not an option (for a relationship). You can tell him you’re looking for different things therefore you’re not interested in seeing him again, then block and delete. That’s the best thing you can do to move on. If you choose not to do it, you’re choosing to stay stuck. And clinging to false hope. And wasting your time. Edited October 31, 2022 by Weezy1973 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 9 minutes ago, silkypink said: I just like him and am emotionally involved with him, that’s why. So you are hoping he at least calls, so you can feel validated that he's still interested in hooking up? Because you are shooting yourself directly in the foot, if so. 2
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) If you don't want to block and delete because you are emotionally involved with him, what in the world do you want from LoveShack? Edited October 31, 2022 by stillafool 1
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: If you don't want to block and delete because you are emotionally involved with him, what in the world do you want from LoveShack? Advice and some empathy. Not to be judged like his.
stillafool Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 minute ago, silkypink said: Advice and some empathy. Not to be judged like his. We are giving you advice. When you come to a public forum you may not like all the advice you receive. That's why people come to these forums because friends and relatives usually give biased opinions because they love them. 1
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 18 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: So honestly what you want is a relationship with him. But that’s not going to happen - he’s told you clearly he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Keeping the door open stops you from disconnecting and moving on. It keeps a false sense of hope and prevents you from dating others who might want a relationship with an open heart as this guy will still be in the back of your mind as an option. He’s not an option (for a relationship). You can tell him you’re looking for different things therefore you’re not interested in seeing him again, then block and delete. That’s the best thing you can do to move on. If you choose not to do it, you’re choosing to stay stuck. And clinging to false hope. And wasting your time. Well not exactly a relationship with him. What I would like would be to have proper dating, as in going out on dates, spend time together and getting to know each other and see if we are compatible for a relationship. But of course he is not going to do that because he is not interested and yes I know I’ll be clinging into a false sense of hope if I continue. I guess I am here to get the courage to move on.
silkypink Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 1 minute ago, stillafool said: We are giving you advice. When you come to a public forum you may not like all the advice you receive. That's why people come to these forums because friends and relatives usually give biased opinions because they love them. I guess I am here because I want to move on and I am getting the courage to do so by asking your opinions. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 13 minutes ago, silkypink said: I guess I am here because I want to move on and I am getting the courage to do so by asking your opinions. Think of it this way: no matter what approach you take, the end result is the same - no relationship with this guy. It's up to you if you want to drag that process out. 2
glows Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 Ok take the time you need to gather courage. In the meantime distance distance distance. Don’t pick up his calls and leave things unread. Not interested because you are not. What he offers is not what you’re buying. 2
mark clemson Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 6 hours ago, silkypink said: I also don't want to have any conversation with him saying I am done and goodbye because I don't feel like he cares, or block him again. I don't feel anything bad about him, I am not angry or anything, I am just fed up. What you are trying to avoid doing here IS what you need to do. Do it by text if you don't want to have a phone conversation. It sounds like you mostly need to practice "resolve" by saying no to him when he comes around looking for a hookup. Respectfully, it sounds to me like you are "playing games" here by trying to end things but not actually ending them. However, it's a game that HE'S going to win, because he's genuinely not emotionally committed to you but getting what little he wants, whereas you are wasting time being emotionally committed in a "non-relationship". 4
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 19 minutes ago, silkypink said: I feel I deserve so much more than just casual sex He's getting his needs met, but you're not. So this imbalance will eventually create resentment rather than hope, but you're not there yet. 1
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