How do I end this casual situationship with him?

[dnd_girl]

23 hours ago, Marla said:

I met this guy a year ago. We went on a few dates, he was very forward and ended up having sex. 

After this he told me he is not looking for a relationship. I wanted to get to know him more and go on dates but no point in that after what he told me, right?

He wanted to meet again just for sex and because I was single and have been alone the past 2 years after I broke up with my ex I thought I could have a bit of fun with him until I meet the right guy for a relationship.

So we met two more times but then he would go away after the deed and didn’t spend the night and I ended up wishing he would and starting to like him.

Then he started asking me to invite him to dinner at mine or invite him to go to a spa (because he saw my Instagram stories of me at a spa), and I got annoyed why is he asking all this if he doesn’t want a relationship and why can’t he invite me to go out, so in the beginning of this year I ended up blocking him on social media and never told him bye. I know, not nice but I felt I was falling for him and he wasn’t.

After a while I unblocked him but we never talked again.

So two weeks ago he liked my social media posts and contacted me again. After a bit ot chitchat he asked if I want to meet for sex.

I told him I don’t like meeting just for sex and that I am looking for a relationship with the right person. He said he isn’t looking for that, but that we can also meet somewhere just to talk.

I told him ok but then I changed my mind and told him it makes no sense to meet to talk if we are on different pages, and I don’t want to waste each other’s time. He said ok and wished me luck to find what I am looking for.

He keeps watching and liking my social media posts after this, but we didn’t talk again.

I can’t stop thinking about him now and I wished he wanted to date properly.

Am I being an idiot for wanting that and thinking he’ll change his mind, and should I just forget him completely and move on?

I am talking to other men and going on dates, but can’t take him out of my mind. Thank you!

The way I see it, you should be super proud of yourself for telling him there's no point meeting as you're not on the same page. That's not easy when you like someone. You showed a lot of self respect!

He's been honest about what he wants, and continues to be so.

I would leave it at that (as hard as it is) and try to make a clean break in your own mind, and continue to meet guys who want a relationship.

[Marla]

2 hours ago, i_have_questions said:

The way I see it, you should be super proud of yourself for telling him there's no point meeting as you're not on the same page. That's not easy when you like someone. You showed a lot of self respect!

He's been honest about what he wants, and continues to be so.

I would leave it at that (as hard as it is) and try to make a clean break in your own mind, and continue to meet guys who want a relationship.

Yes thank you. I am proud of myself and my integrity. At the same time I feel sad I won’t see him again and that he wouldn’t want anything else as we got along really well and had lots of chemistry.

it almost feels like a break-up, at least for me. 

But yes I want to be with someone who wants me as much as I want them, so moving on. 

 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Marla said:

I stopped having sex with him at the beginning of the year - wasn’t that clear on my question?

Yes, you are right.

Excellent. 

[Will am I]

You’re just not compatible with this man on the level of your relationship goals.

It doesn’t make him a bad person, he was kind of honest about what he wanted.

It doesn’t make you a bad person either, for wanting more than he has to offer. You had sex and sex often comes with feelings. Feelings which make you crave for a relationship on another level than he is interested in.

 

It’s a logical step to end your relationship and go no contact. If you stay, the mismatching expectations won’t go away and might even hurt incrementally more.

 

Edited August 31, 2022 by Will am I

[stillafool]

On 8/30/2022 at 12:40 PM, Marla said:

After a bit ot chitchat he asked if I want to meet for sex.

OP, this would turn me off completely.  He isn't even trying to hide the fact that he's only interested in sex with you. I don't know why you'd even want to date this dude.  Surely there are better guys out there than this.

[Marla]

15 hours ago, Will am I said:

You’re just not compatible with this man on the level of your relationship goals.

It doesn’t make him a bad person, he was kind of honest about what he wanted.

It doesn’t make you a bad person either, for wanting more than he has to offer. You had sex and sex often comes with feelings. Feelings which make you crave for a relationship on another level than he is interested in.

 

It’s a logical step to end your relationship and go no contact. If you stay, the mismatching expectations won’t go away and might even hurt incrementally more.

 

Yes you are right. A few years ago when I divorced I had a friends with benefits situation with a guy but that made sense at the time because I didn’t want anything serious. 

Now after all this time I am emotionally available and open and so I was catching feelings for him. 

So no wanting just sex doesn’t make him a bad person. And wanting more doesn’t make me a bad person, we are just not compatible and I don’t want to compromise on what I want and feel attached to him and not able to date other men. 

[Marla]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

OP, this would turn me off completely.  He isn't even trying to hide the fact that he's only interested in sex with you. I don't know why you'd even want to date this dude.  Surely there are better guys out there than this.

I don’t see that in a bad way. He has his goals and is being honest, not pretending like many other men do.

[dnd_girl]

15 hours ago, stillafool said:

OP, this would turn me off completely.  He isn't even trying to hide the fact that he's only interested in sex with you. I don't know why you'd even want to date this dude.  Surely there are better guys out there than this.

Honestly, the fact he's being upfront about that is a positive imo. It would be worse if he was leading OP on, and pretending he wanted more than sex I think. 

[glows]

Yes, forget him. And this time block the contact as you know he and you don’t see eye to eye. I don’t see him as anything but honest with you. All that’s left is being honest and true to yourself and remaining accountable for your own actions.

If someone keeps contacting you or viewing your stories or is part of your social media when you feel you’d prefer them not to, then remove that person. You can’t have someone around inviting them into your private world and then become upset or uncomfortable that they’re part of your life. Better boundaries are needed. 

Live your life in a way that suits you and be with other who add to your life in meaningful ways. It’s nothing personal - you’d rather be around other individuals who share the same views or treat you as you want to be treated. Keep things simple and block him or delete his contact. 

[stillafool]

49 minutes ago, i_have_questions said:

Honestly, the fact he's being upfront about that is a positive imo. It would be worse if he was leading OP on, and pretending he wanted more than sex I think. 

 

1 hour ago, Marla said:

I don’t see that in a bad way. He has his goals and is being honest, not pretending like many other men do.

Yes I agree he's not to blame because he's being honest.  It's just I can't believe you would be attracted to that and still want to be involved with him.

[dnd_girl]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

Yes I agree he's not to blame because he's being honest.  It's just I can't believe you would be attracted to that and still want to be involved with him.

Really? Just imagine how little art, music, etc etc there would be if people could resist the allure of unrequited love/lust. If only it were that easy to be so logical about this stuff (I know I wish I could be, and I admire you for being able to!)

[stillafool]

19 minutes ago, i_have_questions said:

Really? Just imagine how little art, music, etc etc there would be if people could resist the allure of unrequited love/lust. If only it were that easy to be so logical about this stuff (I know I wish I could be, and I admire you for being able to!)

Thank you.  Fortunately not all art nor music is centered around unrequited love and lust.

Edited September 1, 2022 by stillafool

[Marla]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

 

Yes I agree he's not to blame because he's being honest.  It's just I can't believe you would be attracted to that and still want to be involved with him.

I am not attracted to that, that is why I told him I don’t wish to see him anymore.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Marla said:

 I told him I don’t wish to see him anymore.

Good call. He's not a quality man to waste your time on. You are better off investing in men who want what you want. Skip empty situationships like FWB, etc.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Marla said:

I am not attracted to that, that is why I told him I don’t wish to see him anymore.

But that isn't really true or this thread wouldn't exist.

 

On 8/31/2022 at 2:32 PM, Marla said:

At the same time I feel sad I won’t see him again and that he wouldn’t want anything else

Nor this statement.  

[Marla]

9 hours ago, stillafool said:

But that isn't really true or this thread wouldn't exist.

 

Nor this statement.  

What exactly isn’t true?

He wants casual, I want a relationship. We are not compatible so I told him goodbye.

[silkypink]

Hi everyone, need some great advice thank you!

Met this guy on a dating app last year, we went on a few dates and hooked up. I then told him I am looking for a relationship and he said he isn't. I didn't want to meet him anymore but he pursued me and I decided to give it a try on the casual thing.

After a month I realised is not for me and blocked him on my phone (which I know wasn't a very nice thing to do).

After a couple of months I unblocked him and after another couple of months he contacted me again and we hooked up again, and again he said he doesn't want a relationship. We met a few more times casually and now I am seriously fed up of this dynamic.

Especially because on the last time we met he called me on a Friday afternoon asking if I am free and then we met that evening, and he said he was at home and had some things to do he didn't want to, and then decided to call me to see if I am available. 

I like him but don't want to be treated this way and am done. For some time I thought maybe he likes me and this will turn into something more, but I feel like I am accepting breadcrumbs.

I also don't want to have any conversation with him saying I am done and goodbye because I don't feel like he cares, or block him again. I don't feel anything bad about him, I am not angry or anything, I am just fed up.

I was thinking in just not being available anymore next time he calls. Just say I am busy again and again until he realises I am not interested and moves on. Any advice? Thank you!

Edited October 31, 2022 by silkypink

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, silkypink said:

I realised is not for me and blocked him on my phone

After a couple of months I unblocked him and after another couple of months he contacted me again and we hooked up again, and again he said he doesn't want a relationship.

Sorry this happened. I think you already know the best recourse is to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps permanently. Don't settle for things you don't want.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, silkypink said:

I was thinking in just not being available anymore next time he calls. Just say I am busy again and again until he realises I am not interested and moves on. Any advice?

No, don't do this. It will keep you needlessly embroiled in this. It's counterproductive to your goal of ending it. 

Just be direct and say you're not interested in meeting up anymore. Simple. 

[Msblueeyez]

21 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, don't do this. It will keep you needlessly embroiled in this. It's counterproductive to your goal of ending it. 

Just be direct and say you're not interested in meeting up anymore. Simple. 

Agree.

Edited October 31, 2022 by Msblueeyez

[glows]

You’re not blocking someone out of spite or because you’re angry or feel bad about him. You’re blocking because you’re finished and don’t want to hear from him. There’s a difference. 

You’ll have to make up your mind to be done. You can tell him it’s finished and block him or just block him, period. I highly doubt he’ll be losing sleep over you. 

I get the sense you’re hoping he’ll go away and come back to you when he wants a relationship and that’s why you’re not comfortable telling him you don’t want to see him again.

[silkypink]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

You’re not blocking someone out of spite or because you’re angry or feel bad about him. You’re blocking because you’re finished and don’t want to hear from him. There’s a difference. 

You’ll have to make up your mind to be done. You can tell him it’s finished and block him or just block him, period. I highly doubt he’ll be losing sleep over you. 

I get the sense you’re hoping he’ll go away and come back to you when he wants a relationship and that’s why you’re not comfortable telling him you don’t want to see him again.

Yes that is true. I don’t want this situationship anymore but I also don’t want to close the door completely as well.

Edited October 31, 2022 by silkypink

[silkypink]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. I think you already know the best recourse is to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps permanently. Don't settle for things you don't want.

I don’t want this situationship anymore but I also don’t want to close the door completely and blocking him feels too extreme.

[silkypink]

31 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, don't do this. It will keep you needlessly embroiled in this. It's counterproductive to your goal of ending it. 

Just be direct and say you're not interested in meeting up anymore. Simple. 

I don’t want to say that to him because it feels like I am using a strategy or making pressure for him to commit. Lots of women do that.

Edited October 31, 2022 by silkypink

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, silkypink said:

I don’t want to say that to him because it feels like I am using a strategy or making pressure for him to commit. Lots of women do that.

No, it doesn't. You've got it backwards. 

It is definitively ending something that isn't working for you. Blowing him off every time until he gets the hint? That is what will make it look like you are hanging on and hoping he changes his mind.