deepthinking Posted October 29, 2022 Posted October 29, 2022 I am/was friends with a married couple for 22 years. Used to be fun. She asks me for money all the time. And moans about her lazy angry husband. I get on with him, we debate stuff, she just sits. She asks everybody for money, as she now gambles and then thinks anybody family, and neighbours must help. She even asked me for money for her uncle. I am/was her only friend, which says a lot. Sat thru her problems, about her family, as i believed in her as a long-term friend meh. The husband invited me to visit {nothing improper} I think now that enemies as they may sometimes are, when it comes to asking people for money, they are a double act. My heart sinks at the thought of more asks. I am no longer paying any money, playing "busy" which is true. Were they both playing me?
Author deepthinking Posted October 30, 2022 Author Posted October 30, 2022 I know I posted about her before, but I was loyal/trauma-bonded. Now wiser and indifferent mostly.
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 6 hours ago, deepthinking said: when it comes to asking people for money, they are a double act. All you can do is stop giving her money and refer her to a support group such as Gambler's Anonymous: https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions
Author deepthinking Posted October 30, 2022 Author Posted October 30, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: All you can do is stop giving her money and refer her to a support group such as Gambler's Anonymous: https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions She calls that ,kind of advice a lecture. And believes she will one day win big. Edited October 30, 2022 by deepthinking
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 10 minutes ago, deepthinking said: She calls that ,kind of advice a lecture. And believes she will one day win big. That's fine but stop giving them money. That's your involvement over which you have control. If she wants to squander her own money then, fine. 1
glows Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 I’m so sorry to hear this. Someone I’ve known for over 10 years is a gambler and we tried a friendship before I was aware how deep her addiction was. We’re talking very large sums a month to gambling and unable to stop. What surprised me was how easily it was concealed but things took a turn when she lost her job. We don’t have any contact any longer. You’ll have to see that the way she treats you or if she lashes out isn’t because of anything you’ve done. She’s not responding to you. She’s responding to an addiction that she can’t control. She is not playing you. She’s just playing, period. Remove the personal from this. Let go and I strongly suggest you have no other contact with her or her spouse or any of their people. 2
Foxhall Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 I think the answer to your question is as the previous poster describes "she is merely playing her addiction" , you are a suitable target quite probably, Anyway just wishing to give you a slightly different take on it- coming from someone who knows a little or some might say a lot about gambling!! Quite often a gambler is looking for that support- someone to reach out to them and say well its ok to have lost xyz amounts of money- shyt happens for want of a better word- you dont have to feel bad about it and offer her a lending ear, If you wish to help her- that approach will be better than continuing to feed her habit. sometimes a gambler - well on the surface they are looking for money- but deep down they want support and someone to share their troubles with., If she feels she can still win big and all that- dont be as quick to shoot that down, you could even agree with her on that- but at the same time be there as a gentle outlet that she can share her guilt with. 1
glows Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 Her behavioural issues are not your burden especially if she would benefit from professional help. I don’t agree with enabling someone by remaining in their life especially where you’re in that person’s line of fire or your mental/emotional health is affected. Don’t be surprised if you see a different side once you cut off giving her money or dare to speak of a different opinion. If you don’t see eye to eye, distance yourself. She would benefit more from professional help. There seems to be a lot there under the surface in her marriage and it’s not your place to get involved. 1
Author deepthinking Posted November 6, 2022 Author Posted November 6, 2022 (edited) Well, she rung to see if I was still "busy" which had been my polite excuse and I just texted her to say more or less leave me alone, in no uncertain terms and repeated, for the very last time, after loads of me asking her to stop, why I wanted out. I hope she stays away. I blocked her, but she borrows other people's phones. Just a day or so of discomfort here. Thank you for your support. Edited November 6, 2022 by deepthinking 1
glows Posted November 7, 2022 Posted November 7, 2022 You may miss her friendship and that’s normal. Let go and keep telling yourself friendship is reciprocal and not when one person uses another to their own benefit. Harassing people or individuals by using others’ phones is just wrong. She is showing you that she has no idea what boundaries or respect means in a relationship. Just walk away and no need to explain yourself anymore. Good for you for taking care of yourself. 1
Recommended Posts