One-sided relationship - what to do

[haveaquestion]

Heeeyyy,

So. There's this girl. If you read my last post, you know the origin story, in short, we kinda got messed up and almost had sex once. This has repeated itself until the we-even-kiss-when-sober-stage which is honestly too far for me. Stay tuned to find out why and to find out how I let everything happen and she doesn't realise I'm not whole heartedly investing in our thing that we got going now. 

Ok first things first to clear up any confusion, I'm a girl but I'm absolutely not okay with it and I guess I'm incapable of having sex/ even being naked while being a girl. This is a whole different psychological [ ] issue that kinda ruins everything all the time but ok. I know I have a serious mental health crisis about this that's been going on for years and although I hate it it's uhh important for this particular story so. Yeah. My first post on here is where you can read more about that. By the way: no one knows. The girl in question doesn't know. I guess she suspects it but I have a strict no-telling policy. Oh by the way I don't care about my sexuality I guess I'm bisexual but I don't mind or anything. 

So I live in a dorm with a girl (separate rooms, she has a roommate, I don't), I'm 18 [ ]  and she's almost 17. She moved in after summer, I've been staying here for a year prior. We didn't have much interaction at first, as she made friends with a different group than I was mostly in, and although I was friendly with everyone, my main friend group would always talk s*** about everyone behind their back, also about her and they agreed on not liking her. I didn't know her well enough but she struck me as weird at least, talking little to not at all to anyone, acting all shy but then for example suddenly joining us in a friend's room without even asking. They were too polite to tell her to go but visibly uncomfortable. 

Oh, and here's another thing about her: she can't tell if you don't want her around. She can't tell if someone is acting nice but being mean, like, underneath, and everyone thinks she's weird but she's unaware. Anyway that was my first impression of her. And that she's very pretty. She's also been kind of in your face about being lgbt or at least supporting them. 

Then one night I was at a party in another friends room and she showed up out of nowhere and instead of leaving after asking my friend something like a normal person who isn't friends with anyone there, she just stayed and drank with us. The night ended with the two of us making out in my room (I was kinda horny and take chances and she seemed very keen) and her staying the night, but we didn't have sex. I didn't really know how to, what I should even do without making myself incredibly uncomfortable about my body, and she was giving me no feedback or response whatsoever. This obviously discouraged me a little so I stopped before we took our clothes off. 

Since then, she's come into my room in every free minute, spent most evenings at my place and texted me excessively. I thought I'd play along because it still seemed fun and exciting and she is still an [ ]  attractive girl, all right. She's hot. And I don't totally dislike her personality, just... making conversation with her is tiring and boring, she doesn't understand the overall mood or underlying messages people convey so you're there like... doesn't she notice? And the fact that she thinks our thing is homosexual is upsetting as well. But that's due to my problem with being a girl. 

I do like her looks and sometimes I'm just bored and then it's nice to have someone to [mess] around with a little. My friends told me to go get laid and see how the school handles it and if they impose rules on us. But I'm hesitant. 

There have been 2 more occasions that we've made out in my room with her sleeping over (watching netflix too) and more kisses and cuddles all the time. Not in public yet, aside from her leaning on me and me putting my arm around her etc. We've gone for walks together and made plans to go to the park and to the club together. She's the perfect comealong to parties every week to take me home when I'm too hammered and to take videos to show me if something relevant happened. She likes music too and her taste is great. She admires me so much, in everything I do she roots for me. She's cute and hot and a distraction from my stupid problems. But I think she wants to be more than that. She wants me to mean it when I text her heart emojis and she wants me to make love to her rather than f***, if we ever get this far. Which I doubt. 

Now I feel like an a**h*** because if I stop right now, I'll hurt her feelings and I'm ruining my chance for my first relationship with an overall nice girl. 

If I don't stop what we have, it's going to grow more intense and she'll be even more hurt when I break it up. Or I'll start liking her for real. But I feel this relationship is not equal? She likes me far more than I like her and she needs more attention of me and wants to spend time all the time. And I don't really need anything from her except for a bit of fun? That sounds not like a give and take, more like a give give give give give and maybe take. I keep giving her time and attention and I don't enjoy it that much myself. With what outcome? We're not even going to have sex. 

So what do i do? Do I need to talk to her? That would be really uncomfortable. For real. Here's what I'd do if I were a boy. I'd have sex with her. And then I'd like it so much I'd spend more time with her and see if I like her personality. There aren't only bad things about her. But all the good things are sort of  unasked for, like why are you supporting me like that? Why do you admire me so much? Ok I help you with your math sometimes but why do you want to spend so much time with me? I'm a boring loser and I'm worried she might find out. Or she's caught up on the fact that the cooler kids don't like her so now she's turned to her only option. 

So what should I do? Am I too incompetent to be in a relationship or should I try? And see what happens? We're both still teenagers. It's not too serious anyway. I guess I'm interpreting too much into it and she's not even that serious about it herself when she texts me heart emojis but I can't help feeling uncomfortable about the whole situation. Help?

Edited October 30, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Ami1uwant]

End it

[glows]

If you see her as a mere plaything and don’t sense you’re on the same page, then yes, end it. This is already messy and gone on too long if you’ve only seen her as a convenience and trophy gf. Be respectful of your interactions as you meet in similar circles. 

My guess is she strokes your ego and makes you feel good, a distraction in your words. The root of these issues is not accepting yourself fully. 

[stillafool]

I completely agree that you should end it.  You see her as someone to experience a bi sexual relationship with but she's looking for a partner.  Leave this girl alone.