Kimberly4737 Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 Boyfriend(28m)and I(21f) met through a mutual friend, started dating immediately. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost 10 months and things have been really really good so far. I have never had these strong of feelings for a guy before. He bought me a ring a couple months ago and we have talked about moving in together. As things have gotten more serious it seems like we get into more fights. The last couple of months we have gotten into arguments. 1st was him not wanting me to go back home after a few days with him. I don’t want to either but I have no clothes and have things to do. We got into arguments about that couple of times. He sees it like I don’t want to be there I guess, which isn’t true at all I hate when I have to. I tell him to come with me, sometimes he does and other times is just mad for like an entire day. He has been asking about who I’m texting lately. It is always my friends or about work. I ask him why and he just gets quiet and weird? If we go out somewhere with friends it always turn into a fight if alcohol is involved, always. He has accused me of “wanting” to cheat twice whatever that means. If I go somewhere with my friends it constant texting until we get in a fight and I just leave. I try to bring these things up and talk to him about it he brushes it off, tells me this is what a serious relationship is and that he just cares about me loves me and is then really nice. I have never been through this in a relationship and I stay confused. As a side note the sex has also gotten way too rough which I was thinking of making a desperate post about. It was fine when it was like 20 minutes but he discovered these pills and he lasts way longer which we have also had some arguments about. Please help me understand and how I can talk to him about these things in a calm way. I hate us arguing and hate confrontation, makes me feel awful. Is my relationship doomed
basil67 Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Kimberly4737 said: The last couple of months we have gotten into arguments. 1st was him not wanting me to go back home after a few days with him. I don’t want to either but I have no clothes and have things to do. We got into arguments about that couple of times. He sees it like I don’t want to be there I guess, which isn’t true at all I hate when I have to. I tell him to come with me, sometimes he does and other times is just mad for like an entire day. He's got no respect for your (very reasonable) needs and then holds on to anger Quote He has been asking about who I’m texting lately. It is always my friends or about work. I ask him why and he just gets quiet and weird? This is controlling behaviour Quote If we go out somewhere with friends it always turn into a fight if alcohol is involved, always. He has accused me of “wanting” to cheat twice whatever that means. If I go somewhere with my friends it constant texting until we get in a fight and I just leave. I try to bring these things up and talk to him about it he brushes it off, tells me this is what a serious relationship is and that he just cares about me loves me and is then really nice. I have never been through this in a relationship and I stay confused. Controlling behavior and doesn't trust you Quote As a side note the sex has also gotten way too rough which I was thinking of making a desperate post about. It was fine when it was like 20 minutes but he discovered these pills and he lasts way longer which we have also had some arguments about Sex takes too long and isn't pleasant for you. Probably also painful. He argues his right to have sex in this manner and doesn't care at all how bad it makes you feel. This is likely in the realms of sexual assault. This guy has more red flags than a bullfighting convention. Thank heavens you haven't moved in with him yet. Run for the hills before you get even more involved with him! Edited October 21, 2022 by basil67 4
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 Read up on "red flags for abusive relationships" and "signs of controlling relationships". Many of them are there including trying to move way to fast with talk about moving in, rings, possessiveness, interrogations, etc. Talk to trusted friends and family about what is going on. 2
ShyViolet Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 The way he has been behaving is absolutely not normal in a relationship; in fact it's borderline abusive. You are young and maybe you're not experienced enough in relationships to know what's normal and what's not. On 10/20/2022 at 10:33 PM, Kimberly4737 said: As a side note the sex has also gotten way too rough which I was thinking of making a desperate post about. It was fine when it was like 20 minutes but he discovered these pills and he lasts way longer which we have also had some arguments about. Whoa. So you've told him you're not ok with this, you've told him to stop and he refuses? That is abusive and in the realm of sexual assault. You need to get yourself out of this situation. You need to take this seriously and not let this continue for one more day. This is not about you and him "having arguments". This is about him being controlling and abusive, and it's not going to get better. 2
lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 Yikes get out of this relationship immediately. You must break up with him via text or phone then block him. Do not break up in person. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 (edited) You need to get away from this man, OP. Today. This is quickly slipping into an abusive relationship. Please don't stay in this and learn the hard way that things are only going to get worse. Because they will. Edited October 24, 2022 by ExpatInItaly 2
glows Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 I agree with the previous comments. Don’t move in with him. It’s better you start educating yourself now and seeing this for what he is. The relationship is controlling and abusive. Be careful on moving in with him and preventing you from going about your life or seeing friends and family. It often comes under the guise of thinking of your best interests but it’s a form of abuse if he’s isolating you from your network of friends/family. Please tread with caution. Imo, there’s no room for individuals like this. No way would I put up with someone who insinuates cheating especially when there’s nothing to indicate that or any other disrespectful behaviour/accusations.
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 (edited) This guy is a controlling jerk...that's abuse. Sorry you have such strong feelings for him but he's bad news. He knows you are crazy about him, that makes you weak/vulnerable, which makes it easier for him to control you. It's a cycle that will never stop. I have been in your shoes my advice is to Get OUT NOW! This is not fixable. Edited October 24, 2022 by smackie9
NuevoYorko Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 Surprising that you say things are "really really good." Sounds really really awful.
Gaeta Posted October 25, 2022 Posted October 25, 2022 Abusers will treat women like gold at the beginning then once you are emotionally attached they start doing things like your bf, then you find yourself in a full blown abusive relationship. You need to leave this man. ASAP.
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