cadaverock Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 hello friends my wife of 25 years marriage she is 41 years of age our kids are 19-22 we had a normal relationship ..i have not been the best husband ,. when my wife turn 40 she told me that she felt her body weird that she felt extremely aroused and wanted to have more sex often. i do make her have orgasm in bed with me . but 3 months ago she told me she wanted some freedom . she started to get more ready in her self . so for some weird reason i told her yes . but i look all over online and read and read ,,so i took some advice and set some ground rules ..she has agree to every single thing i have told her . i told her she needs to tell me everything in details and she wants to come home when it happens and have sex with me as well... she tells me i will ask them to bite me and i want you to look at it when i get home ..she tells me things like that it sounds fun at first when im alone is hell for me my mind thinks about everything and my heart sinks knowing that eventually my wife will get sex by another guy . she tells me shes not looking for love shes just looking for younger males 25 years and older to have sex with her . she tells me that eventually one day this phase will passed and she be not doing this no more ...when ? i dont have a clue ..i want to know where will our relationship end ??> i have told her we can leave each other and you can do this by yourself she wont ..i dont own anything am not we are not even married legally ..why do this turn me on when we talk bout it but once it sinks to me it kills me ? how will i be once she has sex with another dude will my mind change would i see her differently ? can she get feelings for another guy ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 22 minutes ago, cadaverock said: hello friends my wife of 25 years marriage she is 41 years of age our kids are 19-22 .i dont own anything am not we are not even married legally You got together quite young, when she was 16? And a child by 19? If you are not into this arrangement, then speak up. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 It's a choice and decision you need to make together, if you're going to stay together. Keep talking, and review any rules or boundaries you set periodically. Are you going to try to have sex with other women? We've had an open relationship for 22 years, starting about your age. It has worked because not only do we love each other greatly, we have good rules and boundaries in place for when either of us has sex with someone else. Another route to consider - if you want to participate - is join a swinger site, and do this together, with other couples. IMO, this is a better way to satisfy the urges and curiosity, as you do it together. This is something that could go on for 15 years - by mid-50s, most swingers lose interest, but there are exceptions. If this more about love than sex, then polyamory is the term to research; those relationships can (but often don't) last a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cadaverock Posted October 17, 2022 Author Share Posted October 17, 2022 she has said i can do the same go and have fun . but can she fall for a guy ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 26 minutes ago, cadaverock said: she has said i can do the same go and have fun . but can she fall for a guy ? Unfortunately, yes, it could happen. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 39 minutes ago, cadaverock said: she has said i can do the same go and have fun . but can she fall for a guy ? She could, but you can make a rule that neither of you see someone else more than 3 times, perhaps. That may not prevent her falling for someone, but if the rule is observed, it prevents it from going further. There are no guarantees; it depends on the strength of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 8 hours ago, cadaverock said: she has said i can do the same go and have fun . but can she fall for a guy ? Yes, absolutely. If you want to remain married, you need to put a stop to this immediately. It is obvious that this isn't the kind of marriage you want and you're just playing along to keep her happy. But it's going to tear you apart. If she won't give up her hunt for sex outside the marriage, well, it's time to call a divorce lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 17 hours ago, cadaverock said: .why do this turn me on when we talk bout it but once it sinks to me it kills me ? There's a specific type of fetish that is associated with this phenomenon. As arousing as the concept and fantasy may be, when it happens for real, it’s completely different, and much less arousing. Which you are now learning. It doesn't sound like something you ever really wanted? Unless you take action to maintain and strengthen your relationship, your relationship will deteriorate and distance will set in between you. Why? Because your wife will constantly evaluate the quality of her relationships with others. Inviting another romantic partner into the mix essentially provides her with another means of evaluating you. She'll be doing this without even realizing it, and if you don't provide her with things she values emotionally, then she will unconsciously pull away. Which makes her ripe for falling in love with another man. So either continue to indulge in this arrangement. Or, put an end to it. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 You’ll have to make up your mind whether you’re wanting an open relationship. By your accounts and fears this isn’t one. You’re terrorized by fear and your wife appears interested in herself and her need to go out, get bitten by other men and you are worried she has sex and falls in love with someone else. Figure out first what you want in a partner and go from there. You both may have grown apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 On 10/17/2022 at 12:58 PM, cadaverock said: i told her she needs to tell me everything in details In my humble opinion, the only thing worse than my partner having sex with other people is for her to come home and tell me all the details… You are in for a world of hurt here. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 On 10/17/2022 at 7:58 PM, cadaverock said: hello friends my wife of 25 years marriage she is 41 years of age our kids are 19-22 we had a normal relationship .. So she must have married you at 16 and got pregnant at 18 or 19. This is important background: she did not experience those days of carelessness, freedom and fun that so many people in the 16-25 age bracket are into. On 10/17/2022 at 7:58 PM, cadaverock said: when my wife turn 40 she told me that she felt her body weird that she felt extremely aroused and wanted to have more sex often. This could be a sign of hormonal changes, maybe menopause getting closer. Hormonal changes affect a woman's libido. As I understand correctly, some libido's go down, some go up. On 10/17/2022 at 7:58 PM, cadaverock said: i do make her have orgasm in bed with me . but 3 months ago she told me she wanted some freedom . she started to get more ready in her self . so for some weird reason i told her yes . This just might be the combination of both things above. Maybe she feels like she has some catching up to do. And maybe the hormones are triggering this. On 10/17/2022 at 7:58 PM, cadaverock said: [...] it sounds fun at first when im alone is hell for me my mind thinks about everything and my heart sinks knowing that eventually my wife will get sex by another guy . I think you should dig deeper into your own motovations. Why would you say yes to your wife sleeping around? Generally a man might feel offended, hurt, invalidated, rejected when his wife is sleeping with someone else. I don't think you are immune to those feelings. But you may have your reasons. Maybe you want to be altruistic and allow her the experience even if it is painful for you. Maybe you fear you would lose your wife if you said no. Maybe a part of you is into the idea of her being premiscuous. Whatever it is, you need to understand your own side before you can fully grasp the situation. On 10/17/2022 at 7:58 PM, cadaverock said: she tells me shes not looking for love shes just looking for younger males 25 years and older to have sex with her . she tells me that eventually one day this phase will passed and she be not doing this no more ...when ? i dont have a clue ..i want to know where will our relationship end ??> i have told her we can leave each other and you can do this by yourself she wont ..i dont own anything am not we are not even married legally ..why do this turn me on when we talk bout it but once it sinks to me it kills me ? how will i be once she has sex with another dude will my mind change would i see her differently ? can she get feelings for another guy ? This sounds like a perfectly natural amount of insecutity and worries. I generally don't think that inviting others into a marriage will make the marriage better. Even if both spouses thing it's a cool idea, it may backfire. Link to post Share on other sites
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