How to stop overthinking when dating?

[Lotsgoingon]

But that's the point: if a relationship is going to work, you will NOT have to bend over backwards. The other person has to step up every bit as much as you do. And there is no finessing that, no grading them gently. Remember: you are screening people out as much as screening to find the special one. 

Go ahead and screen them out! Otherwise, you waste time and you end up tortured and disempowered and dejected. You did nothing wrong. Nothing--he flaked. 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

A good dating partner will avoid getting drunk the night before a date that is important to him, that he looks forward to.

Exactly.

 

[lovesfool]

23 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It really sounds like you are sabotaging any dating prospects before they can get off the ground.  You sabotage yourself by being impossibly picky.  You have a really high bar for finding people that you would actually be interested in dating.  And then when you do start seeing someone, you look for things to be negative about, or you look for evidence that it's not going to work out.  Maybe seek therapy to work on this.

There are so many helpful replies to my post so sorry if I haven't responded directly to them all! I don't think I can help being picky. I'm either attracted to a man or I'm not. I've been on many dates with guys I wasn't really into and they never turn out well.

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

It would have made far more sense to tell him that you're looking forward to the date.  This shows that you expect him to meet his commitment.  

Instead, you've just showed that you have low expectations and were fine if he couldn't make the date.  On his end, it would make you look fairly disinterested

 

I think he knows I'm interested as I followed up with asking what day would suit for a reschedule.

22 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Yes, you self sabotage.  

I know it's hard to impossible to have perfect mind control, so you are probably doomed to overthink to an extent.  Some types of therapy can help with this.  What you can do, though, is make some parameters for your own behavior when you are starting to date.  You won't take actions based on your overthinking. 

In this case, the "provisional" date plan was something that would have been better left undone.   If you think he's likely to have a hangover today, then don't make a date for today.  Don't share why (frankly, I'm wondering why you're assuming he would have a hangover.  How old are you both?),  just plan for a few days out.  

What are the qualities that you like about this guy?

 

I am in my early thirties and it's very common for people to have hangovers the day after a party, at least where I'm from!

The qualities I like? He seems sweet, witty, smart and physically attractive. He is a bit different to guys I normally date as he's a bit more in touch with his feminine side, but it doesn't seem to bother me like I thought it might.

20 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It's strange that you were assuming he might be hungover or might cancel, when he gave you no indication of that.  He said he was free Sunday, and then you started talking about how that might not be the best day, and trying to give him an "out".  He might be interpreting this behavior as YOU not being that interested.  

If you want to plan a date, then just plan a date.  Don't assume he might cancel or be negative about it before it has even happened yet.

It's very common for someone to be hungover if they're planning on going to a party to the early hours of the morning. Maybe it's different where you're from?

20 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

What did you say after he texted you that he wasn't feeling well from being hungover? Was there any mention of setting up another date?

He immediately said he would like to arrange a date for during the week, which we have done already.

18 hours ago, glows said:

I’d just leave this until he comes back with a better plan for a date. Why bother with the texting when he’s hungover or not feeling well today. You are not his caretaker. I’d write something brief. “Hi —, great to hear you had fun at the party last night. Let’s chat on the phone and figure out a better time to meet again when you are feeling up to it.” Leave it there. I’d have no interest whatsoever about any running commentary.

Give him a day or two and move on with your life. In the meantime you’re chatting with others and planning other dates. 

Maybe I wasn't clear in my previous posts. He didn't give any clear indication that he wasn't interested, but my mind just kept thinking about ways that it could go wrong, overthinking to an extreme

 

9 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

OP could it be that because you’re so picky, when you do finally meet a man you’re attracted to, it sparks all your insecurities? You think because this guy is so attractive, he must have a ton of options, so why would he choose you? And that results in the overthinking?

I'm not sure that's entirely it. Some guys I'm interested in aren't what people would universally think is attractive, but they're attractive to me. I'm normally very good at interacting with people and I can be funny, but I find when I'm somewhat interested in a man I start to fumble over what I say and overthink. But this usually only happens when I'm not physically with him. Face to face I have no problem chatting and being relaxed. It's when I'm left with my own thoughts that I fall apart!

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

OP, does this guy have a drinking problem?

Reason I ask is because I'm wondering why you assumed he wouldnt be responsible enough to drink responsibly and keep the date with you. 

Anticipatng that he's an irresponsible drinker and would be too hungover and giving him an out is a bit insulting, it's fratboy behavior. 

Trust that he will behave like a mature adult, drink responsibly and keep the date.

IF he gets too drunk and is too hungover the next day to meet, HE will let you know and reschedule.

Again not your job to do that and I'm sure you would find other things to do if it did happen. 

And IF that did happen, you can determine if he's someone you want to continue dating cause franky for me at least, a man unable to drink responsibly and being too hungover to keep a scheduled date with me, a woman he's presumably interested in, would be a real turn off.

Avoid giving men "outs," they're grown men, they can make their own decisions.

It also makes you appear insecure and distrustful.

 

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

A good dating partner will avoid getting drunk the night before a date that is important to him, that he looks forward to.

Maybe when he called to cancel, that was your cue to say to yourself "eff you" and to move on. You would have your own back! I have never dating someone who made excuses early on or who flaked out and then turned out to be a great partner. And oh, I wasn't beyond flaking out as a young person, but looking back, it was my missing maturity and/or my lack of serious interest in the person I flaked on. 

Again, it was a family celebration. I wouldn't expect anyone to not enjoy themselves just for a date with a woman they just met!

 

Edited October 17, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed response to hidden content

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

Getting so drunk that one needs to cancel a date the following day is behavior best left in one 20's, if at all.

Are you both very young, perhaps?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

I'm Australian and we drink like the Brits.  By US standards we a heap of alcoholics.  Yet, I am on board with the sentiment expressed.    If he thought he would have a big night, he shouldn't have booked lunch with you.  Alternately, if he was super keen to see you, he would have chosen to not drink to excess in order to meet you.  

I suspect he probably planned to see you the next day.  But half way through the night, he decided that getting plastered was a better option than meeting you and because you'd given him an out, he took it.   Seriously, hold a guy to higher standards.  

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

Agreed. This seems like a special occasion when there was a plan to party late. Age is kind of irrelevant especially considering he’s single and doesn’t have kids or anything. I don’t think he should have planned the date with you in the first place, but that’s irrelevant now as another date has been planned.

 

In terms of overthinking - you definitely have a scarcity mindset. But clearly this isn’t the first man you’ve been attracted to as you’ve noticed a pattern. How did this play out previously?

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

[This} would be hard to escape with most british guys in their 30s. I'm american and I do understand that it's probably pub culture and actually not that weird.

That said, even more so that you should have known or been able to figure out he'd be partying and hungover and just scheduled the date for another weekday from the beginning. Don't put yourself in the MAYBE column from the beginning. It devalues your appeal--whether that's justified or not--all that really matters is the other person's perception and if you are so accommodating to the point of not respecting your own time, the other person will likely assume that your time (and therefore, you) are not as valuable as they believed before a conversation in which it appears as if you will do anything/accept anything to make that date happen on his terms. Make sense?

Edited October 17, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
disrespect to other posters

[poppyfields]

OP, I still maintain my original opinion, one that a few of us share and @Lotsgoingonso eloquently posted:

"A good dating partner will avoid getting drunk the night before a date that is important to him, that he looks forward to."

And as @basil67said:

"...he decided that getting plastered was a better option than meeting you and because you'd given him an out, he took it.   Seriously, hold a guy to higher standards."

It doesn't matter what culture he's from, or how old he is, a man interested in a woman will make a point to NOT get so drunk that he needs to cancel a scheduled date the following day.   Having a good time and getting drunk are not mutually exclusive.

I recall dating a man who was quite into me or so he claimed.  I was into him as well.

I knew he drank a lot but it didn't affect me or our relationship so I naïvely continued dating him.

One day, I suggested we go bike riding the following day (a Saturday) and he responded he didn't want to plan anything as he was going out with the "boys" Friday night and would probably be too hungover to do anything the next day.   

I responded "can't you go out, have fun and make a point to NOT get drunk'?  He replied "Maybe but doubtful." 

I stupidly let that go and after that, I was invited to a wedding with a plus 1 and asked him to be my guest.  He responded "will there be booze there"?   I knew there would be but said I didn't know and he declined the invite!

I dumped him after that.

Aim higher is my advice.  Hold a guy to higher standards and you might find you will be treated kinder and with more respect as a result.

 

 

 

Edited October 17, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, lovesfool said:

He immediately said he would like to arrange a date for during the week, which we have done already.

I see.

It's not scarcity when you're regularly getting dates and date invitations from men.

Rather than being open to anyone, you're a tad more selective.

In some ways, that can be both positive and negative. The downside is that you may overcompensate or get too involved in a relationship too soon when you find someone you like. The other is you don't allow yourself to be open to the infinite possibilities of love because you set your standards too high.

Do not make it a habit to accept a date from men that propose a date and it does not sit right with you. Even if it's just that you'll "play it by ear." Just say that you're not available and you hope to do it another time.

[glows]

10 hours ago, lovesfool said:

Maybe I wasn't clear in my previous posts. He didn't give any clear indication that he wasn't interested, but my mind just kept thinking about ways that it could go wrong, overthinking to an extreme

You were very clear in your initial post but misunderstood what I wrote. I was responding to your anxiety and overthinking the day after as his texts became shorter. You aren’t his caretaker means you don’t have to stick around for short texts, at all.

Just be clear that you’d like to speak on the phone and be more direct when you communicate. Arrange a time to meet and do it in a phone call. Bypass the texts and overthinking that seem to be creating all these issues.

[Ami1uwant]

20 hours ago, lovesfool said:

There are so many helpful replies to my post so sorry if I haven't responded directly to them all! I don't think I can help being picky. I'm either attracted to a man or I'm not. I've been on many dates with guys I wasn't really into and they never turn out well.

I think he knows I'm interested as I followed up with asking what day would suit for a reschedule.

I am in my early thirties and it's very common for people to have hangovers the day after a party, at least where I'm from!

The qualities I like? He seems sweet, witty, smart and physically attractive. He is a bit different to guys I normally date as he's a bit more in touch with his feminine side, but it doesn't seem to bother me like I thought it might.

It's very common for someone to be hungover if they're planning on going to a party to the early hours of the morning. Maybe it's different where you're from?

He immediately said he would like to arrange a date for during the week, which we have done already.

Maybe I wasn't clear in my previous posts. He didn't give any clear indication that he wasn't interested, but my mind just kept thinking about ways that it could go wrong, overthinking to an extreme

 

I'm not sure that's entirely it. Some guys I'm interested in aren't what people would universally think is attractive, but they're attractive to me. I'm normally very good at interacting with people and I can be funny, but I find when I'm somewhat interested in a man I start to fumble over what I say and overthink. But this usually only happens when I'm not physically with him. Face to face I have no problem chatting and being relaxed. It's when I'm left with my own thoughts that I fall apart!

It's strange to me that the hangover remark has caught so much attention. Maybe it's a cultural difference? I'm from Europe so maybe drinking to excess occasionally is not a thing in America?

Again, it was a family celebration. I wouldn't expect anyone to not enjoy themselves just for a date with a woman they just met!

 

Many on here are overreacting….anyone at any age can drink too much on a given night.  I don’t call it a drinking problem until I see a pattern.  
 

also going on now with Covid you also have uncontrolled exposure risk which could also factor into how you feel the next morning.

[NuevoYorko]

28 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Many on here are overreacting….anyone at any age can drink too much on a given night.  I don’t call it a drinking problem until I see a pattern.  
 

But if you are very interested in a new person and you are going to ask them on a date, would you leave yourself an "out" in case you were incapacitated from drinking the night before?   I doubt it.  You would either  schedule for a different time when the projected hangover would not be a potential issue, or else you would not get drunk because you'd want to be at your best the next day.

I hope, anyway.

The way the OP made a provision for the probability that he'd be incapacitated the next day immediately signaled that she feels his drinking / hangover is going to be more important than seeing her.   That made her look like not such a prize, because women who think highly of themselves would simply not think like that.  AND, clearly he did not prioritize seeing her over becoming nonfunctional.  So ...

[Ami1uwant]

21 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

But if you are very interested in a new person and you are going to ask them on a date, would you leave yourself an "out" in case you were incapacitated from drinking the night before?   I doubt it.  You would either  schedule for a different time when the projected hangover would not be a potential issue, or else you would not get drunk because you'd want to be at your best the next day.

I hope, anyway.

The way the OP made a provision for the probability that he'd be incapacitated the next day immediately signaled that she feels his drinking / hangover is going to be more important than seeing her.   That made her look like not such a prize, because women who think highly of themselves would simply not think like that.  AND, clearly he did not prioritize seeing her over becoming nonfunctional.  So ...

 

i don’t what the event he went to was such as a bachelor party, wedding, etc….. it’s not some age range when someone might get hungover for various reasons such as they drink the same the did 20 years ago when the body adjusts to tolerance level so you were fine then, now you wake up with a bad headache.

 

I’m not talking about being pass out drunk, I’m talking of you drinking something you typically had but waking up witha bad headache. Because you drank you stayed the night at your friends instead of returning home.  
 

on top of that is you are going to a party where friends come into town for plans could change and the group also talks about doing something on Sunday together because friends are in town.  Saying you do t feel well is easier than going through allthe details.

 

 

[poppyfields]

I suppose what this boils down to is this.

Did this guy care enough to put his best foot forward, to make a good impression? Or not? 

OP this was your first or second date, it's been said numerous times that these early dates are when a man should be on his BEST behavior.  So should a woman for that matter, good behavior and making a good impression aren't gender specific.

Was this his best behavior?  Getting plastered the night before a scheduled date with you and so hungover that he couldn't make it? 

But well enough to spend time on the apps all day?  Searching for other women?  Please, raise your standards.

As I shared in my earlier post, during the early stages of dating a new man, I let a man's drinking slide for the same reasons you are and it set the tone for the entire rest of our relationship, and not in a good way.

His drinking took priority over me and our relationship, drinking was more important to him than me and our relationship and had I dumped him after the first episode where getting drunk was more important than spending time with me the following day, it would have saved me a lot of frustration.

I do wish you luck though, perhaps this was a one off.  I hope so.

Hope your next date goes well and if you're inclined, keep us posted, good luck.

 

 

 

Edited October 18, 2022 by poppyfields

[NuevoYorko]

I looked at some of your other threads for examples of "overthinking" about dating. 

It seems to me to be mostly a control issue.  As soon as you get contact you start scrambling to find ways of gaining some kind of control over what is going to happen.  In this example, it was you preemptively giving him an out because he might have a hangover.   In a sense, you gained control because it was your idea.  

You're always trying to decipher meanings or nuances in texts or superficial banter so you will "know" what is going on before anything actually happens where you would LEARN.  You're trying to protect yourself but in reality, you are blocking everything.  You are not letting yourself get to know the guys and they are not getting to know you, you can't find out whether you are compatible or anything, because you are too busy looking for all the answers ahead of time to save yourself from possibly getting rejected, hurt or disappointed.  

Ironically for you, you are setting all of the contacts up to fail because there is no opportunity for anything to develop naturally.  You are too busy trying to head anything off at the pass.  

It is taking a toll.  

[poppyfields]

On 10/16/2022 at 11:46 AM, lovesfool said:

Sure enough, he said he wasn’t feeling good this morning. Totally understandable and I expected it. Yet now I’m constantly thinking about why he’s so short with his messages today, why he’s not asking me about my weekend, why he is online and active on dating apps and not replying to my messages, why he didn’t wait to see how he was feeling later, did he hook up with someone at the party last night etc. We're not in a relationship so I shouldn't care...

I just read this^ again.  And with respect to both bolded sections, yes you should care. 

Why?

His behavior was quite telling and would suggest he considered you an afterthought.  You shouid care about that imo.

Interested men do NOT blow women off (for any reason) and then spend the time he should have been on a date with you perusing dating apps and not replying to your messages. 

So despite your tendency to be controlling by calling the shots, your instincts here were spot on, imo..

If me, and after only two dates, this would have been a next.

In any event, I hope your next date goes well, assuming he didn't cancel again.

Good luck.. 

Edited October 19, 2022 by poppyfields

[lovesfool]

15 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I looked at some of your other threads for examples of "overthinking" about dating. 

It seems to me to be mostly a control issue.  As soon as you get contact you start scrambling to find ways of gaining some kind of control over what is going to happen.  In this example, it was you preemptively giving him an out because he might have a hangover.   In a sense, you gained control because it was your idea.  

You're always trying to decipher meanings or nuances in texts or superficial banter so you will "know" what is going on before anything actually happens where you would LEARN.  You're trying to protect yourself but in reality, you are blocking everything.  You are not letting yourself get to know the guys and they are not getting to know you, you can't find out whether you are compatible or anything, because you are too busy looking for all the answers ahead of time to save yourself from possibly getting rejected, hurt or disappointed.  

Ironically for you, you are setting all of the contacts up to fail because there is no opportunity for anything to develop naturally.  You are too busy trying to head anything off at the pass.  

It is taking a toll.  

This is interesting. Can you please elaborate? I would have thought it was normal to try and find meaning in a message or behaviour. It's practically what everyone on this forum does when replying to topics! Is that trying to gain control? It's always good to get an outside perspective as this could be an issue that I'm very unaware of, and the first I've heard it mentioned.

Also, everyone focussing in on the drinking is very strange. It's the furthest from an issue I could think of. Guy wants to meet me at the earliest opportunity he's free. Says he's going to a party the night before so I expect him to be drinking substantially. I would be surprised if he didn't! The probability of him (or anyone) being hungover was high so I said I'd avoid being disappointed if he needed to cancel. It would be crazy of me to expect him to reign in his enjoyment of his night out just for me, a person he has only met twice.

[basil67]

Yes, we do look for meaning in what people do.   But there does come a point where we can overanalyze or start reading stuff into things which are non-issues.  The trick is to be aware, but don't over think it.

With regards to the drinking, if he expected to be hungover the morning after, he should have allowed for it and made the date for that evening.  Or next day.   First impressions count - and this is something people do look for meaning in. 

Do you have another date planned?  

[Lotsgoingon]

If I got a hot date the next day, a brunch time date, there is no  dang way--NONE!!!--that I'm going to get hangover-drunk in a way that interferes with meeting the date.

This isn't even virtue or some act of restraint. It just is. Same with if I'm going on a hike the next day or doing something else I want to do. 

I haven't connected going to a party with being hangover-drunk since my college keg days. The whole point of a party is to be engaged and alert enough to interact, share real laughs, share stories, meet people. You can't interact in a great way if  you're drunk. I can't remember the last party I went to where someone was over-drinking. 

I think the vast majority of people can and do go to parties and emerge without hangovers.  And it ain't heavy lifting. 

[poppyfields]

Not sure if you read all our posts, but the issue is not his drinking per se, it's the fact he thought so little of YOU that he chose to get s***-faced drunk versus following through on a date he scheduled with you.  And then proceeded to spend that day on dating apps and ignoring your messages.  THAT's the issue, for many of us anyway.  It would be for me!

How is it not for you?  You did express concern about that in your original post (see my last post) as well you should have.   Not sure why you're choosing to shuffle under the carpet now, it's a big red flag @lovesfool.

Not only that, but it's quite concerning that, in your eyes anyway, he is only capable of enjoying himself when drunk?   How is this not a concern?

Having been on only two dates, all the more reason to NOT get drunk so as to make a good impression and not turn you off as it would me and other women who have higher standards.

Don't know the the type of men you have dated in the past, but interested men make an effort to be on their BEST behavior on early dates, not the crap he pulled, including spending the day of your date on dating apps and ignoring your messages.

Just because you're picky about who you fall for, that doesn't mean you should tolerate BS @lovesfool.

When you expect to be treated like yesterdays' news, that is exactly how you WILL be treated.

Aim higher, have higher standards for both yourself and the men you date.

 

 

 

Edited October 19, 2022 by poppyfields

[glows]

Did you hear from him?

[NuevoYorko]

8 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I would have thought it was normal to try and find meaning in a message or behaviour. It's practically what everyone on this forum does when replying to topics! Is that trying to gain control? It's always good to get an outside perspective as this could be an issue that I'm very unaware of, and the first I've heard it mentioned.

 

[You are] OVERTHINKING.  You don't need to concern yourself with such things.  What you need to do is to pay attention, lean towards taking with is said or done at face value,  experience the interactions you have with any man in the present moment,  deal with it in that moment, and see what is next.  

Just this particular situation is a perfect example.  If you made a date with the guy, your next job where he's concerned should be to look forward to the date, get ready for it and  be open to learning about him while you're together.

If he cancelled it because he thought twice about planning something when he expected to have a hangover,  then it's up to you to decide how you feel about that.

If he came on a date with you and was useless because of having a hangover, also, up to you to decide how you feel about that.

You blocked any of those learning opportunities from happening and I am sure it put him off.  It would put me off, a lot.  If I asked you out, even if I told you I was going to a party the night before, I would be confused and turned off by you telling me that if I got too sh**tfaced to function the day after that we could reschedule.  

Edited October 20, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, lovesfool said:

 It would be crazy of me to expect him to reign in his enjoyment of his night out just for me.

That's fine. So if you believe someone  will drink and be hungover, just say no. Don't sit by the phone waiting for him to decide if he's too hungover or not.

Certainly there's enough better things to do such as being with friends or going on confirmed dates with not hungover men that you could spend your time on.

It's not ok to say "it's ok if you stand me up, you deserve it". Think about this. 

[Weezy1973]

14 hours ago, lovesfool said:

Also, everyone focussing in on the drinking is very strange. It's the furthest from an issue I could think of.

For sure. Not sure why there’s so much focus on it. Obviously there was a party organized for him by his family and friends prior to you two meeting. And you had only been out on one or two dates. If he were to change plans or act differently at the party because he wanted to be on best form to date you, that would be more of a flag than just being himself and enjoying the party with the people he loves. In fact while planning a date on a day he was probably going to be hungover was a mistake, it likely shows how interested he was as he just wanted to see you ASAP. The typical advice on here is that when a date gets cancelled, if the person doing the cancelling doesn’t plan another date than it’s likely they lost interest but in this case he did plan another date, so no harm, no foul.

 

As for your overthinking, I generally think people need to calm down in the early stages. You see people getting way over invested after one or two dates or people ending things over nothingburgers. Just relax and let time do its thing. You’ll find out soon enough whether the two of you are compatible. All you really know now is that you find him attractive. It takes months or even years to know someone well enough to commit long term. Don’t jump ahead in your mind. At this point it’s more about getting to know him, letting him get to know you, and assessing whether or not you want to keep seeing him. You can’t control what he thinks of you so worrying about it really is just a waste of emotional energy.
 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Weezy1973

[poppyfields]

OP, perhaps the bigger red flag besides the drinking was that he chose to peruse the dating apps and ignore your messages the following day, after essentially blowing your date off due to 'hangover.'

That speaks volumes as to his interest level imo and if I chose to not see him again for this reason, I'm not ending anything, there was nothing to end.  It was two dates..

I'm choosing to not continue to date a man with a very low, if any, interest level.

My motto has always been "choose wisely from the getgo and avoid disappointment and hurt later."

These early stages are so important, it's the time to observe.

If him blowing your date off and ignoring your messages the following day is something you're OK with, so be, and I wish you luck.

Personally speaking, whenever I have ignored such things during early stages, and gone with the flow as they say, it never NEVER worked out well. 

But your call. 

Asked earlier by a different poster, but have you heard from him?  When is your next date?

PS:  If you have not, it's possible the hangover was just an excuse and he was turned off by something else, as @NuevoYorkoalluded to in his last post. 

All the best. 

 

 

 

 

 

. 

Edited October 20, 2022 by poppyfields