Author Msblueeyez Posted October 18, 2022 Author Posted October 18, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: Go dark Msblueeyez, that's all you need to do. The moment someone’s patterns show you they don’t want the best for you, cut them off. It will sting like hell, but this saga has mind ****** (insert expletive), broke, and damaged you MORE than the relationship you have not-so-gracefully exited. Being the training wheels for toxic people makes you toxic yourself. Kindly. You are right, this has hurt me and is the total opposite of the kind of man I want: a kind, consistent, protector, loving man who cherishes me every day. If I don’t block him I am ignoring him but I am also leaving the door open for him to contact me after his behaviour and how he treated me. Somehow I still hang onto the fantasy that he’ll come back and change. I know I am being delusional. I am getting the courage to delete and block. Edited October 18, 2022 by Msblueeyez 2
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 18, 2022 Author Posted October 18, 2022 (edited) 44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: At the very least, delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media. Since you are uncertain if you want further communication with him, that is a good place to start. You could ignore him, but if you were to delete and block him from messaging apps also, he would automatically be ignored. Delete and block is the kind of ignore he deserves, zero access to me after what he did. Somehow I am still being a bit delusional and hoping he’ll come back and apologise and change. He won’t. I am the one who needs to change and getting the courage to delete him. Edited October 18, 2022 by Msblueeyez 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 18, 2022 Author Posted October 18, 2022 (edited) Ok everyone so I went and blocked him on social media and deleted and blocked him from my phone. Gone. If he treats me as an option, I treat him as nothing. And funny thing is I feel relieved! No more waiting for him to contact me, how much time has passed since we last talk, if he is checking my stories, no more of that toxic BS. Goodbye. And now I can focus on my self-esteem and in meeting new men who treat me right. Thank you all for your help! Edited October 18, 2022 by Msblueeyez 7 1
Beachead Posted October 18, 2022 Posted October 18, 2022 @Msblueeyez 3 hours ago, Msblueeyez said: And funny thing is I feel relieved! No more waiting for him to contact me, how much time has passed since we last talk, if he is checking my stories, no more of that toxic BS. Goodbye. And now I can focus on my self-esteem and in meeting new men who treat me right. Thank you all for your help! Exactly. It's a waste of energy and time. Don't burn yourself out for people who treat you in a manner they fully know they wouldn't be okay with. Goodluck OP. - Beach 2
NuevoYorko Posted October 18, 2022 Posted October 18, 2022 Good for you, that was a strong step. Please try not to give in to your thoughts that lead you to think that maybe he could feel bad and come back or whatever. Well, that could happen. People who do trashy things to others often decide to try again. The thing is, you KNOW what kind of person he is. If he came back and made promises to you etc that would have nothing to do with the fact that he's showed you his true colors early on. He did you a favor really - you know who he is already. I know it hurt though. 3
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 18, 2022 Author Posted October 18, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Good for you, that was a strong step. Please try not to give in to your thoughts that lead you to think that maybe he could feel bad and come back or whatever. Well, that could happen. People who do trashy things to others often decide to try again. The thing is, you KNOW what kind of person he is. If he came back and made promises to you etc that would have nothing to do with the fact that he's showed you his true colors early on. He did you a favor really - you know who he is already. I know it hurt though. Thank you! Actually it was hurting more before because I was feeling still connected to him (or to the fantasy of him). Right after I blocked him I felt instant relief and like I cut the cord linking me to him. It really felt like I took a weight off my shoulders. And then later on I found a coach on FB that has a programme about healing deep wounds around not feeling good enough to be loved and stop attracting narcissists, will have a session with her and give it a try. Edited October 18, 2022 by Msblueeyez 1
stillafool Posted October 18, 2022 Posted October 18, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Msblueeyez said: programme about healing deep wounds around not feeling good enough to be loved and stop attracting narcissists, Too bad someone doesn't have a programme to help people stop being attracted to narcissists. That would be more helpful. You can't help who you attract; but you can stop yourself from getting involved with them. Edited October 18, 2022 by stillafool 4
poppyfields Posted October 18, 2022 Posted October 18, 2022 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: Too bad someone doesn't have a programme to help people stop being attracted to narcissists. That would be more helpful. You can't help who you attract; but you can stop yourself from getting involved with them. Ain't that the truth sista. 2
poppyfields Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 (edited) @MsblueeyezI am really happy to hear you blocked him and that you're OKAY with it. Ya know the more I think about this, the more I think this "person" was a bonafide jackass for doing what he did. And when you think about it, after having sex with you, him telling you to let him know when you're free comes across so cold and dismissive. I am picturing it now, the arrogance of it. He just had sex with you and he arrogantly and dismissively announces "let me know when you're free." Arghh! Lesson learned going forward, when a man tells you this immediately after having sex with you, simply ignore him. A man sincerely wanting to see you again will ask to see you again and make a plan, especially after just having had sex with you! He had no intention of ever seeing you again, I also think he had a hidden agenda from when you dated him prior and according to him, he was forced to make all the effort. Guy's got issues, good riddance! Edited October 19, 2022 by poppyfields 2
glows Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 17 hours ago, Msblueeyez said: Thank you! Actually it was hurting more before because I was feeling still connected to him (or to the fantasy of him). Right after I blocked him I felt instant relief and like I cut the cord linking me to him. It really felt like I took a weight off my shoulders. And then later on I found a coach on FB that has a programme about healing deep wounds around not feeling good enough to be loved and stop attracting narcissists, will have a session with her and give it a try. I’d cross check this person’s credentials and do some research beforehand. There are a lot of people claiming they’re qualified and have zero qualifications apart from failed relationships and a made up title. Good for you for letting go. Keep focusing on you with all that extra time and stay productive, have some goals and go out and do things on your bucket list. 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 19, 2022 Author Posted October 19, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, poppyfields said: @MsblueeyezI am really happy to hear you blocked him and that you're OKAY with it. Ya know the more I think about this, the more I think this "person" was a bonafide jackass for doing what he did. And when you think about it, after having sex with you, him telling you to let him know when you're free comes across so cold and dismissive. I am picturing it now, the arrogance of it. He just had sex with you and he arrogantly and dismissively announces "let me know when you're free." Arghh! Lesson learned going forward, when a man tells you this immediately after having sex with you, simply ignore him. A man sincerely wanting to see you again will ask to see you again and make a plan, especially after just having had sex with you! He had no intention of ever seeing you again, I also think he had a hidden agenda from when you dated him prior and according to him, he was forced to make all the effort. Guy's got issues, good riddance! I think he had the intention of seeing me again but on a casual way, like ‘when I feel like it’, not seriously. That’s why he was being so aloof about it. Anyway, his behaviour was not acceptable to me and I was wasting too much time thinking about him and the situation and is ridiculous. I don’t want to be sit at home wondering about a guy, I want to go on dates and be treated right. Thank you for your help! Edited October 19, 2022 by Msblueeyez
stillafool Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 18 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said: I think he had the intention of seeing me again but on a casual way, like ‘when I feel like it’, not seriously. That’s why he was being so aloof about it. Anyway, his behaviour was not acceptable to me and I was wasting too much time thinking about him and the situation and is ridiculous. I don’t want to be sit at home wondering about a guy, I want to go on dates and be treated right. Thank you for your help! When was the last time he took you out? 1
poppyfields Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said: I think he had the intention of seeing me again but on a casual way, like ‘when I feel like it’, not seriously. That’s why he was being so aloof about it. If that were true, even casually, then why would he have shut down the three instances when you gave him your availability? Not only that, he offered no alternative day. Even a guy wanting a casual FB wouid have agreed to one of the days you offered, don't you think? Like I said earlier, this guy had some sort of hidden agenda, I'd bet money on it. Some bug up his rear from when you dated previously and, according to him, you made no effort. I have an opinion about the type but will refrain as this isn't the place. Doesn't matter now anyway, he's gone, you've moved on and thats all that matters. Edited October 19, 2022 by poppyfields 2
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 19, 2022 Author Posted October 19, 2022 22 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If that were true, even casually, then why would he have shut down the three instances when you gave him your availability? Not only that, he offered no alternative day. Even a guy wanting a casual FB wouid have agreed to one of the days you offered, don't you think? Like I said earlier, this guy had some sort of hidden agenda, I'd bet money on it. Some bug up his rear from when you dated previously and, according to him, you made no effort. I have an opinion about the type but will refrain as this isn't the place. Doesn't matter now anyway, he's gone, you've moved on and thats all that matters. Yes you are right, he rejected me 3 times and I agree he had an hidden agenda. Last time we were together he asked me when he can see me again and I responded ‘but do we have to book it right now?’ Maybe he didn’t like my response, and then proceeded to reject me. I dunno. Anyway it is irrelevant now. 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 19, 2022 Author Posted October 19, 2022 43 minutes ago, stillafool said: When was the last time he took you out? The last time we saw each other.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said: The last time we saw each other. 1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said: Yes you are right, he rejected me 3 times After being rejected by him 3 times I'm surprised you made another effort to see him. It's good you finally blocked him. He wasn't interested and a waste of your time. How long ago has it been since you last seen him for a date? 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 20, 2022 Author Posted October 20, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, stillafool said: After being rejected by him 3 times I'm surprised you made another effort to see him. It's good you finally blocked him. He wasn't interested and a waste of your time. How long ago has it been since you last seen him for a date? After being rejected 3 times I didn’t make any other effort, that’s when I blocked him. But yes 3 times is too much. I last saw him 3 weeks ago. Last time we were together was on the 29th September. He told me to tell him when I can meet again. Then the next day I told him I was free that Friday, he wasn’t. I told him I can also meet Saturday, he couldn’t. And offer no alternative but AGAIN he told me to let him know when I am free again! I told him ok I will and for him to tell me as well, he said ok. Then he said nothing else. On the 12th October I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and told him I will be free to meet that Friday. He said he thinks he was going to get out late of work but if he can meet he’ll let me know. He said nothing else that day or the entire weekend, and I decided this week enough is enough and blocked him. I don’t know if he was doing that on purpose, or what, but is ridiculous and I don’t want to be treated this way. His loss. Edited October 20, 2022 by Msblueeyez
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2022 Posted October 20, 2022 Didn't it feel great to hit the "block" button? It should because the more attention you give someone like this, the more unnecessary aggravation and stress you would have allowed. 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 20, 2022 Author Posted October 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Didn't it feel great to hit the "block" button? It should because the more attention you give someone like this, the more unnecessary aggravation and stress you would have allowed. Absolutely! It felt like a huge relief and a weight taken off my shoulders! And also, the end of a saga! He showed me how he is and I believe him, and I want different. 1
Alpacalia Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 On 10/19/2022 at 2:18 PM, Msblueeyez said: Last time we were together he asked me when he can see me again and I responded ‘but do we have to book it right now?’ What was your reasoning behind saying this to him on your last date? Not that it matters given his behavior. Feeling rejected, he acted like a jerk. 1
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 21, 2022 Author Posted October 21, 2022 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: What was your reasoning behind saying this to him on your last date? Not that it matters given his behavior. Feeling rejected, he acted like a jerk. The reason was because that day we met, he said he took the whole day off to meet me, and then after 1h together (and after having sex) he said he has to go and asked me when we meet again. I felt taken aback as I was expecting to spend more time together that day, so I responded that. I guess probably yes he felt rejected by my answer but my answer was because I felt rejected by him.
Author Msblueeyez Posted October 21, 2022 Author Posted October 21, 2022 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: What was your reasoning behind saying this to him on your last date? Not that it matters given his behavior. Feeling rejected, he acted like a jerk. So basically I felt rejected by him, answered him the way I did, then he rejected to meet me several times because he felt rejected by me, and now I blocked him and rejected him for good. All this due to total lack of communication between us. What a saga! 1
stillafool Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 24 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said: The reason was because that day we met, he said he took the whole day off to meet me, and then after 1h together (and after having sex) he said he has to go and asked me when we meet again. I felt taken aback as I was expecting to spend more time together that day, so I responded that. I guess probably yes he felt rejected by my answer but my answer was because I felt rejected by him. Your reply to him didn't sound like a rejection but a notice that you need time to plan and arrange. Him seeing you for only 1 hour to have sex sounds like a paid arrangement. Then no follow up with you afterwards. Also the way he said "when can we MEET again?" also makes it sound like he just wants sex with you when and if it's convenient for him. I would never want to see a guy again who treated me like that. I'm surprised you still want him after that. 1
Alpacalia Posted October 21, 2022 Posted October 21, 2022 7 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said: The reason was because that day we met, he said he took the whole day off to meet me, and then after 1h together (and after having sex) he said he has to go and asked me when we meet again. I felt taken aback as I was expecting to spend more time together that day, so I responded that. I guess probably yes he felt rejected by my answer but my answer was because I felt rejected by him. Oh, so he left shortly after doing the deed. I’m sorry this happened to you, unfortunately I think it’s something most women experience at one point. It was not dramatic to feel upset by that. It's far better when he intertwines his limbs with yours like you are the eucalyptus tree to his koala post intimacy. This isn't it. Your decision to end contact with him was the right one. 2
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