Should I just block him or tell him honestly how I feel?

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said:

If I tell him how I feel, is not for him but for me. And I don’t intend to let him respond. I just want to tell him how I feel and then block and delete.

Well, being intimate does change things and explains your feelings about this better. 

There are many opinions on this, but I believe in doing whatever YOU need to do, for you, to make you feel better and enable you to move on. 

It doesn't matter what he thinks, he can think whatever the hell he wants. That's not your concern. 

Your concern is you and if you have things to say, not with the intention of elicting a reaction or response, then I'm all for saying them.

Again, for yourself, to make you feel better and bringing you to a place of peace. 

And yes do block him after you say your piece otherwise you risk him replying with something hurtful which only serves to keep the drama going. 

Or he may ignore it and not reply at all. 

Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened. 

 

Edited October 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[Beachead]

@Msblueeyez

10 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said:

If I tell him how I feel, is not for him but for me. And I don’t intend to let him respond. I just want to tell him how I feel and then block and delete.

I think that's fine.  I've done that for me as well. 

[NuevoYorko]

There's nothing wrong with "speaking your truth," for sure.  Go ahead. 

It will be a good sign of growth on your part if you come to a point where you will probably not be in this situation because you have higher self esteem and a realistic outlook on what goes on when people are in dating mode.  If and when this happens, you will not need to share your emotions with a person who has let you know that they are not worthy of that.   

Why did you get so enamored of this guy, and when?  You still have not shared anything about him except that you "got along fine", which is absolutely not meaningful when people are trying to pair up.   Not enough at all. I get along fine with the guy who sold me a saw yesterday.   And you didn't seem bothered by not speaking with him for weeks.  Then you see him again one time and you chose to have sex.  I am not critical of that at all.  Just wondering how it fell into place for you.   

I see this a lot on here, mostly women, who come to find out "does he like me" or whatever but with no mention about the individual man.  It seems like any decent appearing fellow who shows up with any level of interest is a candidate for an intimate relationship.  

Maybe you need to reexamine your standards.  

[Msblueeyez]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Well, being intimate does change things and explains your feelings about this better. 

There are many opinions on this, but I believe in doing whatever YOU need to do, for you, to make you feel better and enable you to move on. 

It doesn't matter what he thinks, he can think whatever the hell he wants. That's not your concern. 

Your concern is you and if you have things to say, not with the intention of elicting a reaction or response, then I'm all for saying them.

Again, for yourself, to make you feel better and bringing you to a place of peace. 

And yes do block him after you say your piece otherwise you risk him replying with something hurtful which only serves to keep the drama going. 

Or he may ignore it and not reply at all. 

Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened. 

 

Thank you! I am still deciding if I say something or I just ignore him. 

In fact, I might just do nothing, and if one day he comes back and wants to meet, I’ll simply ‘I am BUSY’.

[basil67]

I agree that you can say what you want.  But be prepared that the most likely responses will be that he doesn't care how you feel, or he will argue back and tell you that you're wrong.   

If either of the above responses would bother you more than you already are, then I'd advise you to not bother saying anything.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said:

Thank you! I am still deciding if I say something or I just ignore him. 

In fact, I might just do nothing, and if one day he comes back and wants to meet, I’ll simply ‘I am BUSY’.

Or you could say what Wiseman2 advised earlier - "We're not a match."

Then block to avoid him chiming back with something hurtful or asking why, IOW keeping the drama going. 

That's what I typically did anyway.  Saved me a lot of unnecessary aggravation.

JMO but "I'm BUSY" sounds a bit snarky, like you're pissed off about something. 

But you do you as they say. 

 

Edited October 15, 2022 by poppyfields

[ShyViolet]

Let go of this need to "have the last word."  Honestly, there is a good chance that he will not care about what you have to say.  It won't mean much to him, because he has already decided, for whatever reason, that he is not interested in you.  You won't be teaching him any lesson... you will only be wasting your energy on someone who isn't worth another minute of your time.  When someone isn't interested in you, or isn't the person for you, keep your dignity and self-respect and walk away.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Msblueeyez said:

In fact, I might just do nothing, and if one day he comes back and wants to meet, I’ll simply ‘I am BUSY’.

Why not just be honest, that it isn't working for you?

You are going to need to let him go one way or the other. The sarcastic reply will keep you embroiled in it. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Msblueeyez said:

, I might just do nothing, and if one day he comes back and wants to meet, I’ll simply ‘I am BUSY’.

Delete and block. He's not worth the headspace. You may hope that telling him off will make you feel better, and it might for a moment, but he doesn't seem worthy of this much thought.

[Msblueeyez]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

I agree that you can say what you want.  But be prepared that the most likely responses will be that he doesn't care how you feel, or he will argue back and tell you that you're wrong.   

If either of the above responses would bother you more than you already are, then I'd advise you to not bother saying anything.

If I tell him how I feel I won’t bother to wait for his response, I tell him what I need and then block and delete.

Edited October 16, 2022 by Msblueeyez

[Msblueeyez]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why not just be honest, that it isn't working for you?

You are going to need to let him go one way or the other. The sarcastic reply will keep you embroiled in it. 

It would just be for him to have a taste of his own medicine, how it feels when someone does the same to him.

But now I’ve had some time to think about it, I guess I am going to block and delete him and move on without saying a word. 

And what helped me decide was the fact that he did what he did and now has been checking my Instagram stories every day. I don’t like for him to have access to me and my life after his behaviour. It also messes with my head and is confusing.

[ExpatInItaly]

52 minutes ago, Msblueeyez said:

It would just be for him to have a taste of his own medicine, how it feels when someone does the same to him.

The thing is, if he doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about him (and it doesn't appear he does), it won't be a taste of his own medicine because he just doesn't care as much. 

So, better to just block and delete and move along. 

[glows]

2 hours ago, Msblueeyez said:

It would just be for him to have a taste of his own medicine, how it feels when someone does the same to him.

But now I’ve had some time to think about it, I guess I am going to block and delete him and move on without saying a word. 

And what helped me decide was the fact that he did what he did and now has been checking my Instagram stories every day. I don’t like for him to have access to me and my life after his behaviour. It also messes with my head and is confusing.

Yes, definitely block and delete and move on. Take care of yourself in other ways, having nothing to do with him.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't do anything, no message, don't block/delete. Just leave it. If he reaches out to you again, that's when you can tell him that you have already moved on.

[Msblueeyez]

37 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I wouldn't do anything, no message, don't block/delete. Just leave it. If he reaches out to you again, that's when you can tell him that you have already moved on.

I am more calm now and this makes all the sense. Just do nothing, and ignore him. He won’t even know what I feel (not that he cares). 

And if one day he contacts me I can tell him how I feel (if I still want to respond).

Edited October 16, 2022 by Msblueeyez

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said:

And if one day he contacts me I can tell him how I feel...

Please don't do that, any expression of "feelings" gives him too much power over you.

Unless he asks you out again, simply ignore it. 

If he asks you out, that's when you say "thank you but I've moved on."

Period, end of.  Next. 

 

[ShyViolet]

7 hours ago, Msblueeyez said:

It would just be for him to have a taste of his own medicine, how it feels when someone does the same to him.

 

You're only punishing yourself by playing these games.  It probably would not be a "taste of his own medicine", it would just show him that you are not over him and still putting your energy into trying to make him feel something, trying to make him feel "bad" for not wanting to be with you?  It's not a good look.  

The best thing you can do is show him you're done with him by blocking him once and for all, and not wasting another minute of your time on him.

[glows]

1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said:

I am more calm now and this makes all the sense. Just do nothing, and ignore him. He won’t even know what I feel (not that he cares). 

And if one day he contacts me I can tell him how I feel (if I still want to respond).

In moments like this reserve the right to have no opinion on the matter. Don’t think about what you’ll do then. Just focus on yourself and letting this go/moving on. In a few days you may feel differently. In a week, have no desire to have anything to do with him. Time has a way of making decisions for you and you may be too busy to care to hear from him.

[Msblueeyez]

3 hours ago, glows said:

In moments like this reserve the right to have no opinion on the matter. Don’t think about what you’ll do then. Just focus on yourself and letting this go/moving on. In a few days you may feel differently. In a week, have no desire to have anything to do with him. Time has a way of making decisions for you and you may be too busy to care to hear from him.

That is true. When I started this topic I wanted to tell him off, then I wanted to block and delete and now I just don’t feel like doing anything. 

I am realizing the way he treated me deserves zero of my attention and energy. 

[Msblueeyez]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

You're only punishing yourself by playing these games.  It probably would not be a "taste of his own medicine", it would just show him that you are not over him and still putting your energy into trying to make him feel something, trying to make him feel "bad" for not wanting to be with you?  It's not a good look.  

The best thing you can do is show him you're done with him by blocking him once and for all, and not wasting another minute of your time on him.

Is not because of him not wanting to be with me, is because of the way he treated me.

But yes his behaviour deserves zero energy from me. 

[Msblueeyez]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Please don't do that, any expression of "feelings" gives him too much power over you.

Unless he asks you out again, simply ignore it. 

If he asks you out, that's when you say "thank you but I've moved on."

Period, end of.  Next. 

 

That’s what he deserves yes. Just ignore him and if he contacts me again wanting to meet I tell him ‘no thanks’ or even better, tell him ‘I’ll let you know when I am available’ and then say nothing more.

Edited October 16, 2022 by Msblueeyez

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Msblueeyez said:

 even better, tell him ‘I’ll let you know when I am available’ and then say nothing more.

This is game playing.  And game playing requires you to give him thought and energy.   Just block him and be done with it

[Msblueeyez]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This is game playing.  And game playing requires you to give him thought and energy.   Just block him and be done with it

You are right. By not blocking him I am kinda expecting him to contact me so I have the chance to tell him that. And that occupies my thought and energy that I can apply to focus on myself and meeting other men.

[Alvi]

There is absolutely no point telling him how you feel. He is not going to have any sort of epiphany. He is not going to apologize to you. Nor he is going to admit not being interested in you. Block and be done with him him if you are truly, honestly don't want to ever deal with him again. Blocking is not much about him but about you being able to put him behind you and moving on. Blocking is not about being angry and/or trying to prove anything him. It's about you putting past in the past and going on with your life without any unnecessary disruptions or second thoughts. 

P.S. Don't be surprised if one day he reappears (even if you block him). He might act butthurt because you dared to block him. A woman that he is not that much into dared to block him. Just how dare she? Or he might act dumb and pretend like he has no clue why you blocked him.  In case he ever comes back, tell him that you are no longer interested and block him again.

[mortensorchid]

Block delete and move on.  Not sure what kind of game he is playing but he is certainly doing so with you.