Is she pretending to have met someone new to test me?

[Corduroy]

I'm in a bit of situation. I've met this girl online and we hit it off instantly. Became IG buddies for a few months, and I finally made a move to ask her out. We made plans to go out for dinner but she works weekends & I don't. I told her I'll let her know when I could get a weekend off and we'll go out then. 2 weeks went by and she started to not like my posts or messaging me. Yesterday I told her we could go out next weekend, but she was playing koi. She texted me this morning and told me she started talking to someone else & that I took too long. I told her that wasn't fair because I gave her the exact date when I would know if I had a weekend off. She said that was true and the other might not work out because he's long distance. I did my thing and try'd to convince her to give me a shot, made her laugh, etc, seems like we're on good terms again, but she's still playing koi. 

I just find it funny another guy shows up conveniently out of the blue and ruins everything. I don't know if it was wrong for me to leave her hanging, but I had my reason. How should I take this??

[basil67]

Sorry this happened, but it doesn't sound like there was anything to ruin.   She's happy enough to have you as a chat buddy, but if she was interested in a date....she seems to have cooled on the idea. 

I think that working different hours would be a problem too.   I suspect that there's a typo and you're the one who works weekends and she doesn't?   If it takes a couple of weeks to rearrange your schedules to suit, how would a relationship work?  You'd never see each other. 

[poppyfields]

36 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

She texted me this morning and told me she started talking to someone else & that I took too long.

I would suggest avoiding women who say this to you.  It's manipulative and entitled.

It's like saying "nah nah you took too long, I met someone else, you lose."

This is not kind.

A decent kind woman might have told you she started talking to someone else and left it at that.

The "you took too long part" was not necessary and said to guilt trip you and make you feel like a piece of *.

Hard next on this one.

Choose wisely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 13, 2022 by poppyfields

[Corduroy]

14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Sorry this happened, but it doesn't sound like there was anything to ruin.   She's happy enough to have you as a chat buddy, but if she was interested in a date....she seems to have cooled on the idea. 

I think that working different hours would be a problem too.   I suspect that there's a typo and you're the one who works weekends and she doesn't?   If it takes a couple of weeks to rearrange your schedules to suit, how would a relationship work?  You'd never see each other. 

Yes, she doesn't work weekends & but I do sometimes, sometimes I have them off. I made my request at work & now know my new schedule for the next 6 months. I feel that there's always a way to make it work. She also said, she just started talking to him and it may or may not work out, but she'll let me know when she's "single" again and she'll hit me up. I argued with her and told her that she's not in a relationship with him, and she's still single and I deserve my date lol

[BaileyB]

Why were you not able to meet during the week? I have to say, if I met a man and it took weeks to meet up, I would lose interest too… So no, I don’t think he “came out of the blue.” I think she is likely talking to several people and exploring her options as many people do when online dating/in the early stages of matching/meeting someone. 

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

Yes, she doesn't work weekends & but I do sometimes, sometimes I have them off. I made my request at work & now know my new schedule for the next 6 months. I feel that there's always a way to make it work. She also said, she just started talking to him and it may or may not work out, but she'll let me know when she's "single" again and she'll hit me up. I argued with her and told her that she's not in a relationship with him, and she's still single and I deserve my date lol

Oh dear. Well if you weren't out of the competition before, you certainly will be after that response.

 

Edited October 13, 2022 by basil67

[BaileyB]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Oh dear. Well if you weren't out of the competition before, you certainly will be after that response.

 

I missed that last line. 

Yup, that would be the end of that. 

[Corduroy]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Oh dear. Well if you weren't out of the competition before, you certainly will be after that response.

 

No, it was a joke and she laughed at it. She agreed with me

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Corduroy said:

No, it was a joke and she laughed at it. She agreed with me

That is how I read it as well, as a joke.  Teasing, playful.

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Corduroy said:

I'm in a bit of situation. I've met this girl online and we hit it off instantly. Became IG buddies for a few months, and I finally made a move to ask her out. We made plans to go out for dinner but she works weekends & I don't. I told her I'll let her know when I could get a weekend off and we'll go out then. 2 weeks went by and she started to not like my posts or messaging me. Yesterday I told her we could go out next weekend, but she was playing koi. She texted me this morning and told me she started talking to someone else & that I took too long. I told her that wasn't fair because I gave her the exact date when I would know if I had a weekend off. She said that was true and the other might not work out because he's long distance. I did my thing and try'd to convince her to give me a shot, made her laugh, etc, seems like we're on good terms again, but she's still playing koi. 

I just find it funny another guy shows up conveniently out of the blue and ruins everything. I don't know if it was wrong for me to leave her hanging, but I had my reason. How should I take this??

You never actually met yet face to face ???

[Corduroy]

9 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

You never actually met yet face to face ???

Well a coffee date, casually. 

[Beachead]

@Corduroy

Quote

 She also said, she just started talking to him and it may or may not work out, but she'll let me know when she's "single" again and she'll hit me up. I argued with her and told her that she's not in a relationship with him, and she's still single and I deserve my date lol

She made her choice.  As far as you know right now, it's done.  If she wants to contact you again, that's on her.   Don't contact her again.  If you find having her on social media is beginning to affect you down the road, you can unfollow or unfriend and just keep her number for awhile. 

- Beach

[basil67]

44 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

No, it was a joke and she laughed at it. She agreed with me

Ah, your use of the word "argument" threw me.   So you weren't arguing, but joking around.  That's better

[glows]

All the fish aside, I think you were also playing koi. Anyway, it was in poor taste that she had to mention someone else. I think both of you will end up going on that date anyway as LDRs are difficult to sustain. It sounds like a much ado over nothing/nobody else she’s seeing. 

Just remain respectful and keep it fun and flirty. You should date other women too as she hasn’t made you a priority. Your schedules may mean this doesn’t last long either. 

[Corduroy]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

All the fish aside, I think you were also playing koi. Anyway, it was in poor taste that she had to mention someone else. I think both of you will end up going on that date anyway as LDRs are difficult to sustain. It sounds like a much ado over nothing/nobody else she’s seeing. 

Just remain respectful and keep it fun and flirty. You should date other women too as she hasn’t made you a priority. Your schedules may mean this doesn’t last long either. 

I admit I was playing koi, tbh I didn't want to rush into dating her because I needed some time to work on myself before I could focus on her. I told her LDRs never work out from my past experiences. I admitted to her that I was seeing someone while I was talking to her at first, but I took a step back because I wanted to get to know her instead. She replied "awwww! So Sweet!" So I see that comment as a plus. I will remain respectful with her choice, and continue to make her smile.

[glows]

7 minutes ago, Corduroy said:

I admit I was playing koi, tbh I didn't want to rush into dating her because I needed some time to work on myself before I could focus on her. I told her LDRs never work out from my past experiences. I admitted to her that I was seeing someone while I was talking to her at first, but I took a step back because I wanted to get to know her instead. She replied "awwww! So Sweet!" So I see that comment as a plus. I will remain respectful with her choice, and continue to make her smile.

I think both of you are playing games and probably have time to or like the flirts. It’s ok but try not to waste your time on too much back and forth making each other jealous and so on. It may create misunderstandings like you see now. I would be a puff of smoke if someone tried that with me. No need to mention other people, imo. You’re either the real deal or you’re not.

Edited October 14, 2022 by glows

[Corduroy]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

I think both of you are playing games and probably have time to or like the flirts. It’s ok but try not to waste your time on too much back and forth making each other jealous and so on. It may create misunderstandings like you see now. I would be a puff of smoke if someone tried that with me. No need to mention other people, imo. You’re either the real deal or you’re not.

Yeah, mentioning the other girl was to get back at her. But the other girl is back on my mind, and we work together too

[glows]

1 hour ago, Corduroy said:

Yeah, mentioning the other girl was to get back at her. But the other girl is back on my mind, and we work together too

I do think your schedules may prove this to be a challenge in the long run or a source of frustration. You both haven’t met yet so try not to invest too much time here or emotions into this. If she won’t meet with you let this fade out and ask other women on dates. I wouldn’t give her so much time or attention if you can’t sense this going anywhere.

By the way what do you mean you needed time to work on yourself? Are you recently out of a relationship or have something else going on? Keep in mind that unavailable people date unavailable people. Someone else wouldn’t put up with it because they’re looking for someone more sincere or willing to meet and have more compatible schedules/lifestyles.

Edited October 14, 2022 by glows

[ShyViolet]

This whole thing sounds like a complete waste of time.  It shouldn't take weeks or months to schedule a simple date.  If it's this difficult for you to schedule a date, how would you have a relationship and see each other consistently?

[Corduroy]

2 hours ago, glows said:

By the way what do you mean you needed time to work on yourself? Are you recently out of a relationship or have something else going on? Keep in mind that unavailable people date unavailable people. Someone else wouldn’t put up with it because they’re looking for someone more sincere or willing to meet and have more compatible schedules/lifestyles.

Death in the family/ terminally ill family members. It's hard to deal with but I think dating would help get my mind of things.

[glows]

I see. Yet keep in mind that chatting isn’t dating and if someone’s schedule is far too busy or mismatched from yours it’s not likely to work. 

Do you have access to counselling as in grief counselling? It’s better to deal with the grief rather than pushing it aside.

[mark clemson]

Quote

Is she pretending to have met someone new to test me?

 

Maybe, maybe not - but the real question is - why date time wasters/game players/people with only marginal interest in you?

If you're (very understandably) depressed then consider seeing a therapist for help. Dating/attempting to date flaky people isn't going to help anything.

[smackie9]

You met once and planned maybe sometime to have a date. TBH she doesn't know much about who you are and how you roll. She owes you nothing. She has probably been through it too with guys flaking on her and is cautious. She is free to date and talk to others. I think it's fair that she had let you know that at least. If you don't like her tude, just ditch her and move on. 

[Corduroy]

Yesterday I disabled my Instagram, & today she texted me that I blocked her. I had to explain to her that I didn't & just needed a social media detox. I feel she must have some kind of feelings because she's always the first one to view my stories and knew I wasn't on IG anymore...

[basil67]

She probably gets an ego boost over have you as an obiter for attention.  Let's face it, if she had feelings of any strength, she wouldn't have said no to your offer of a date.