MakeMeBeautiful Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I am 26. I have been doing quite a bit of dating the last couple years and I am just about ready to give up. I just don't get it. The most recent guy is 33. I met him the end of August. I was still seeing someone else but that ended in early September. I accepted the date with this guy after I broke up with the other guy. I was devastated over guy number one but decided that I should give guy number two a chance. I got over guy number one and started seeing guy number two. We took things slow. We didn't kiss until the fourth date (just over a month of dating). We had sex after about 7 weeks of dating. After that night he sent me an email saying that to him the evening we spent together was perfect. The last date we had was just over a week ago. He took me to a nice french bistro. He went home early that night. I felt like something was not right. I knew that last week he wanted to finish his home improvement projects and he had an old friend visiting from out of town. I knew he was busy so I didn't think there was anything wrong when I didn't hear from him. But it has been like 11 days since our last date. He hasn't called or emailed me. Why is it that guys lose interest after you show them the least bit of interest? He was actively pursuing me when I was still mourning over guy number one. Am I over-reacting? Has he just been really busy? If he was interested in me he would want to see me right? There is really no use for me to chase after him or is there? Should I call or email him and ask what is up?
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 By all means, give him a call. From the sounds of it, he's snowed under with the home improvement project - they ALWAYS take longer and are more complicated than one originally plans - and his out-of-town guest. Besides, you're not chasing him. You're just following up. So keep the conversation non-confrontational. Instead of, "Why haven't you called me?" try something like, "How is your home improvement project coming along?"
kitkat826 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 From the sounds of it, he's snowed under with the home improvement project - they ALWAYS take longer and are more complicated than one originally plans - and his out-of-town guest. ..but too "snowed under" to pick up the phone, dial her number and have a quick conversation? What does that take, general manual dexterity and all of five minutes? I'm of the belief that if someone is interested, they MAKE time, no matter how "busy" they are. Besides, "home improvement project" and "out-of-town guest" sounds like code for "my LDR girlfriend who's visiting for two weeks". I would be be very weary. Of course, you haven't called him either. So he could say the same thing about you losing interest as well. I'd give him a call to say Hi, but keep by guard very much up.
Author MakeMeBeautiful Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 the home improvement project is a real project. i've been to his house several times. he just bought a house and moved out here from new haven early august for his new position with the university. he just finished putting in the hardwood floors in the master bedroom and he mentioned that he wanted to finish the baseboards and hang pictures last week. his friend from out of town is named mike. his friend mike just got married and moved to san francisco and was in town for business. we already had a conversation about me being more traditional and he said he was more than happy to be the one doing the pursuing. there really is no excuse to pick up the phone or send me a short email. i know he has time throughout the day because he has one fifty-minute lecture on monday/wed/fri. the other times he sits in his office and waits for students to show up for office hours, faculty meetings, research. i have really been trying to concentrate on this relationship and give it a fair chance even though guy number one has been calling me a lot lately. we agreed to remain friends. i spend more time on the phone with a guy who i am no longer dating than i spend with a guy i am dating. am i wrong to be worried? did he lose interest? i will never hear from him again?
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 ..but too "snowed under" to pick up the phone, dial her number and have a quick conversation? <snip> I'm of the belief that if someone is interested, they MAKE time, no matter how "busy" they are. Oh pullleeezzze. He said he'd be busy, so he already set the expectations. As for "making" time, well, the last I checked everyone on the planet got the same number of hours in a day. Subtract work, commute, sleep, meal prep and clean up, plus the projects going on at home right now, there probably isn't much, if any, time left. Been there, done that. So make the effort yourself. Give him a call!
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 am i wrong to be worried? did he lose interest? i will never hear from him again? any time that I have ever drug my feet calling someone that I was just starting to see there has alway's been a reason for it.. the reasons are NEVER work or just being too busy..the reasons are always' I'm just not interested and I don't want to hurt someones feelings.. This is the issue here..
Outcast Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 the reasons are NEVER work or just being too busy.. Maybe for you. Maybe you're one of those sorts who has a beautifully-regulated and organized life. Then there are folks like me who get involved in projects, don't notice time passing, and then have to hustle to eat, sleep, and do whatever else is necessary. Before I know it a week has passed and things I meant to do a week ago have fallen by the wayside as I worked on the current projects. It can't hurt to just call the man and ask how everything is. He may be grateful that you took the initiative.
jtlouis Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 If a man is interested in a woman, there is nothing in the world that would stop him from contacting her. Now to sit here and say, "He has a home improvement project", and cannot pick up the phone is absolutely ridiculous. For 11 days?????? Not 2 minutes of free time? Cant text? Send an email? Dial 7 digits? Come on people...
noclobber Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I am 26. I have been doing quite a bit of dating the last couple years and I am just about ready to give up. I just don't get it. The most recent guy is 33. I met him the end of August. I was still seeing someone else but that ended in early September. I accepted the date with this guy after I broke up with the other guy. I was devastated over guy number one but decided that I should give guy number two a chance. I got over guy number one and started seeing guy number two. We took things slow. We didn't kiss until the fourth date (just over a month of dating). We had sex after about 7 weeks of dating. After that night he sent me an email saying that to him the evening we spent together was perfect. The last date we had was just over a week ago. He took me to a nice french bistro. He went home early that night. I felt like something was not right. I knew that last week he wanted to finish his home improvement projects and he had an old friend visiting from out of town. I knew he was busy so I didn't think there was anything wrong when I didn't hear from him. But it has been like 11 days since our last date. He hasn't called or emailed me. Why is it that guys lose interest after you show them the least bit of interest? He was actively pursuing me when I was still mourning over guy number one. Am I over-reacting? Has he just been really busy? If he was interested in me he would want to see me right? There is really no use for me to chase after him or is there? Should I call or email him and ask what is up? Being busy is a lame excuse, atleast according to me. The woman i am interested in comes before everything else!! we r in the 21st century and there is something called a cell phone that can be used to make calls from anywhere... i would suggest that u give him a call but don't act desperate. just a casual hi.. see how he reacts, if doesn't even care to apologize then i don't think he is worth ur attention.
RecordProducer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 My BF is too busy running a company and still has ALWAYS made the time to call me and talk to me. He has thought about me all the time since the moment we hooked up. Same on my part. This guy is simply not interested enough any longer in dating you. Don't call him. Many guys will just want casual sex with you, but don't let this discourage you in looking for your soul mate. If he continues to act this way in the near future, ditch him. Don't let yourself fall for someone who treats you like this. You sound like you want a serious relationship so don't waste your time with men who don't feel the same about you. It's not the end of the world.
d'Arthez Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 RP, your guy flew a couple of thousand miles just to meet you. There is a big emotional investment there, even before you met, and one he was willing to back up with financial investment. That is not the case for OP - so the two situations don't really compare. If he is just wasting his time on university computers of the faculty, chances are extremely high, that no mail is allowed there. That is a form of protecting the productivity of the workforce. It is not hard to come up with explanations, especially as you have been given all the clues beforehand. Whether or not his busy-ness is an excuse or not, is impossible to determine now. I am not optimistic, but after 7 weeks of dating you are hardly engaged - the both of you still have your own separate lives. Of which the other is still yet a minor part, and certainly not everything. Call the guy and find out what the deal is. Fretting about this will not give you any answer. Only a headache.
RecordProducer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 RP' date=' your guy flew a couple of thousand miles just to meet you. [/quote'] Yeah, he did. There is a big emotional investment there, even before you met, and one he was willing to back up with financial investment. Thanks. I still think that when a guy likes a girl, he shows it. In 11 days he would probably be able to find 5 minutes to just say "hi, I am thinking of you...kisses." After having sex with her once, he disappeared. But things may change and love may start blooming later. I wouldn't call him though.
SmoochieFace Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 any time that I have ever drug my feet calling someone that I was just starting to see there has alway's been a reason for it.. the reasons are NEVER work or just being too busy..the reasons are always' I'm just not interested and I don't want to hurt someones feelings.. This is the issue here.. Why are honesty and "being upfront" with people so seemingly "bad?" What ever happened to having a backbone and confronting issues instead of disappearing? I find this "don't want to hurt s/o feelings" to be a copout and disrespectful. I have more respect for people who are honest with me instead of playing silly games. To the OP: I would call or e-mail him one more time and if he continues to play his game then it would be better, IMO, to break off contact and find someone who is more on your level of emotional maturity.
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I'm sorry, but I just don't buy the "if he's interested he'll make time" argument. This has been discussed before. Many men compartmentalize their lives, and sometimes it's good, other times it's not so good. But the point is that while it seems that the OP is a portion of the fellow's life, she is just that: a portion. Not the be-all and end-all. That will probably come in due course. But to suggest that the fellow is playing games or stringing her along is to arrest, try and execute the fellow based on insufficient information. Point is, we don't know exactly why he hasn't called. No one does. So the assumption that he's an a**h*** is completely unfounded and based on nothing but interpretations and perceptions, and not reality. I don't know, maybe the guy is a jerk and is playing games. But we simply don't know.
johnny1968 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Just my opinion: I don't think he's playing games. Honestly, I don't think he's playing "the game" at all. Perhaps this guy could sense that he's a "rebound" and moved on? One thing's for sure. After 20 odd years of dating I can say that with very FEW exceptions, if someone suddenly becomes "too busy" and stops contact with you, they're moving forward without you in the picture. That's a tough pill to swallow for just about everyone, but....it is what it is.
Hot Coco Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I guess I'll throw my opinion in here too. I dated for many years and can tell you the same thing some of the others did and that basically is that he's not interested. But what a PR-CK!!! You did all the right things and didn't jump into bed with him right away. He used you. Sorry to be harsh but it looks that way. He knows you are a traditional woman so NO I wouldn't call at all. Wait and see but I wouldn't hold my breath. It could be he has a LEGITIMATE excuse but unless he was sick or had a death in the family, since you already slept together, he should have called you by now. Don't obsess over it though. Move on mentally and if he calls he calls. If not, you'll have your answer.
westernxer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 If a guy likes you, he'll make time. Eleven days is way too long...
Aimée Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 If a guy likes you, he'll make time. Absolutely right and nobody will ever be able to convince me of the opposite. I've seen the same guy dump his girlfriend because she wanted to chat with him too much while he was able to chat with me for hours and play games on the messenger (ok, now he's in a phase where he does not want to talk with me anymore, but whaaaateeeeever... )
lilmoma1973 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Maybe he is busy doing his home improvements to his house.. That type of stuff can be very time consuming depending on what you are doing!! I would just sit back and wait .. Maybe he is giving you two a break .. Maybe you were spending too much time together and it was enabling him to finish his home improvements !!!! Good luck
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