My boyfriend won't talk to me

[_Bunny_]

Hey guys I’m back,

so after starting Uni I met this handsome guy and after a while we started dating. So the problem is he hides his phone from me but controls mine every time we see each other. After starting dating he won’t talk to me in uni not even saying hi to me, I confronted him many times why he won’t talk to me in uni and he replied he is afraid someone will do the evil eye on us (🧿). I really want to spend more time with him bc we see each other only once a month, from Monday to Thursday he has uni and from Friday to Sunday he will work. So I really feel we are distancing ourselves. I always say to him I’m happy even if we see each other just for 5min but he won’t take time for me in uni and not on the weekends. We are currently fighting bc he keeps lying about not knowing a girl in uni even though I know last semester bevor wee started dating they where always hanging out with each other. I feel like he’s ashamed of me even though there are plenty of guys saying I’m pretty and I hang out with lots of guys who said they would like to know me better but I keep my distance we are just a group of friends nothing more it’s just I don’t know what to do. I feel like crying everyday cause he doesn’t understand my feelings even after telling him how insecure I feel every-time he walks past me without saying anything to me, doesn’t make time for me but still says he loves me and i should appreciate that he is doing all that for our future. So what should I do is he right am I too much ?

[poppyfields]

41 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

I really want to spend more time with him bc we see each other only once a month...

Once a month?   What do you do during these once of month get togethers/dates?  Does he take you out, plan something special?

43 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

We are currently fighting bc he keeps lying about not knowing a girl in uni even though I know last semester bevor wee started dating they where always hanging out with each other.

Please stop fighting with him.  If you are unhappy about his interaction with this girl and his lying, then break up with him.   Guys hate fighting, they hate drama.  If you continue fighting with him, he will for sure end the relationship, to whatever extent it IS a relationship.

46 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

I feel like crying everyday cause he doesn’t understand my feelings even after telling him how insecure I feel every-time he walks past me without saying anything to me...

This isn't good.   I hate to break it to you but this isn't dating.  He is not your boyfriend.  Boyfriends do not see their girlfriends only once a month, walk past them or ignore them like they don't exist, or carry on with other girls and lie about it.

54 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

doesn’t make time for me but still says he loves me and i should appreciate that he is doing all that for our future.

I have no idea why he says he loves you, his actions certainly don't indicate he loves you.  What exactly is he doing for your future?

Is this your first "relationship"?  Please understand this is NOT how it's supposed to be.

My advice is stop crying and break up with him.  He is not a good guy and a complete waste of your time.

I'm sorry.

 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, _Bunny_ said:

We are currently fighting bc he keeps lying about not knowing a girl in uni even though I know last semester bevor wee started dating they where always hanging out with each other. I feel like he’s ashamed of me even though there are plenty of guys saying I’m pretty and I hang out with lots of guys who said they would like to know me better but I keep my distance we are just a group of friends nothing more it’s just I don’t know what to do. I feel like crying everyday cause he doesn’t understand my feelings even after telling him how insecure I feel every-time he walks past me without saying anything to me, doesn’t make time for me but still says he loves me and i should appreciate that he is doing all that for our future. So what should I do is he right am I too much ?

Isn't it obvious to you what is going on?  He doesn't want anyone at Uni to see you together because he's interested in other girls.  He doesn't want to appear like he has a gf and turn them away.  I hope you aren't having sex with him because that is all he's interested in with you.  You need to stop caring for him (notice I didn't say break up) because you are not his girlfriend but just another girl he sees when it's convenient.  Start dating one of the other guys who think you're pretty.

[_Bunny_]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Once a month?   What do you do during these once of month get togethers/dates?  Does he take you out, plan something special?

You see 2 -3 months forward we would meet each other 2 times a week would plan something fun eat out be romantic and then he would drive me home. Now He picks me up from home and we go to a fancy restaurant and after that have s*x. I don’t even like the feeling anymore it feels empty and while doing it I feel so unloved eben though he says it the whole time it’s just something to please him. It’s not my first relationship and I really try to make this work cause he still has gods sides but I just don’t know....

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship is clearly over and he doesn't have the decency to tell you. 

Just end all contact and be done. Find a guy who is proud to be with you. 

[_Bunny_]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Isn't it obvious to you what is going on?  He doesn't want anyone at Uni to see you together because he's interested in other girls.  He doesn't want to appear like he has a gf and turn them away.  I hope you aren't having sex with him because that is all he's interested in with you.  You need to stop caring for him (notice I didn't say break up) because you are not his girlfriend but just another girl he sees when it's convenient.  Start dating one of the other guys who think you're pretty.

That s*** hurt but I swear to god he said he loves me and told his fam about me. We are now 8 months together like how am I just another girl I’m so sure maybe it’s because I’m always fighting 

[Foxhall]

Time to give him the red card honey,

Why are you attracted to a guy who will boss and control you?

build up a network of girlfriends and join some groups to meet new people- this will help you gain confidence to get away from him.

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

and I really try to make this work

I'm sorry Bunny, but there is nothing there for you to make work.   The way he treats you is insulting, it's demeaning.  

I wish you could see that, I'm a little surprised you can't, I mean it's just so obvious.

Sees you once a month for dinner, sex then drives you home.

Ignores you at uni.

Talks to other girls and lies about it.

10 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

he still has gods sides

What are his good sides?  I see nothing good about this whatsoever, like I said it's demeaning, it's insulting.

Please consider breaking up with him, there is nothing good or positive here.   

Going forward, think more highly of yourself and raise your standards.

You deserve better.

Edited October 13, 2022 by poppyfields

[_Bunny_]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This relationship is clearly over and he doesn't have the decency to tell you. 

Just end all contact and be done. Find a guy who is proud to be with you. 

But he writes me almost everyday goodnight and good morning with an I love you askim ( Askim means something like “my life” in Turkish) and he often tells me where he’s going or what he’s doing. Are we really over we are together for 9 months and I really do love him I even pack lunch for him for uni. And he says I would be the perfect wife in the future 

[salparadise]

11 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

He picks me up from home and we go to a fancy restaurant and after that have s*x.

I'm surprised that he even bothers to take you to a restaurant. He's just in it for the sex, and wants to keep anyone else from knowing. You need to lose this guy quick. I'm sorry, I know it's not that easy from your side but this is absurd. 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

But he writes me almost everyday goodnight and good morning with an I love you askim ( Askim means something like “my life” in Turkish) and he often tells me where he’s going or what he’s doing. Are we really over we are together for 9 months and I really do love him I even pack lunch for him for uni. And he says I would be the perfect wife in the future 

I'd tell you "I love you" too if  you were packing my lunch, giving me sex, not making me acknowlege you as my gf, and just going along with whatever I do and say.  What's not to love about that?

[_Bunny_]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm sorry Bunny, but there is nothing there for you to make work.   The way he treats you is insulting, it's demeaning.  

I wish you could see that, I'm a little surprised you can't, I mean it's just so obvious.

Sees you once a month for dinner, sex then drives you home.

Ignores you at uni.

Talks to other girls and lies about it.

What are his good sides?  I see nothing good about this whatsoever, like I said it's demeaning, it's insulting.

Please consider breaking up with him, there is nothing good or positive here.   

Going forward, think more highly of yourself and raise your standards.

You deserve better.

It was so hard to move on from my last relationship. My heartbreak lastet almost 3 years to heal. When I met him I felt so comfortable and happy he would make me laugh all the time and would always look for me in uni to talk with me. He would come to Uni even on his day off to pick me up and make random road trips. He always talks about our future and that he would like me to meet his mom. He bought me an promise ring and said that he would marry me. He always says he loves me and yeah he is a bit dominant but that’s okey I like that side of him too. 

[_Bunny_]

12 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'd tell you "I love you" too if  you were packing my lunch, giving me sex, not making me acknowlege you as my gf, and just going along with whatever I do and say.  What's not to love about that?

But he said he would kill me if we break up and that there is no other for him. But his kisses on my forehead and all the small gifts and compliments that he gives me and always talking about sour future is that really not love ?

[_Bunny_]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Bunny, do you think it makes sense that he tells you he loves you but only sees you once a month for sex, then drives you home? 

Does it makes sense that he (a man who claims to be your boyfriend and loves you) would ignore you at uni, walk right past you like you don't exist? 

A man can "tell" you anything he wants.  He can tell you he loves you, wants you to meet him mum, wants to marry you.

Please understand words mean jack **** when not followed up by actions.

What do you his actions tell you?  From what you've posted what his actions tell me is that he has no respect for you, and is basically keeping you around for sex, once a month.

His actions are that of a single man and there's no doubt he is meeting and having sex with other girls when not with you, which is only once a month anyway so he has plenty of time to carry on as a free agent, doing what he wants, when he wants and with whom he wants.

What do your girlfriends think of the situation?

If my girlfriend were in this situation, I would want to shake her and tell her to wake up, the way he treats you is unacceptable, as I said insulting and demeaning.

My personal prayer for you is that someday you will think more highly or yourself and seek out better men.  Men who give a *.

That's not this man, I am sorry. 

 

 

 

 

I really appreciate your honesty but I think I need him I feel so lonely without him my girlfriends are overloaded with work and uni so it’s kinda hard for me to give them more stress. The only girlfriend I have that listens to me is the one in uni we don’t know each other for long but she’s a really good friend it’s just that I can’t tell her everything but she also says I should forget him and break up bc his actions tell a lot but I think if I let him go I will have no one expect for that one friend in uni 

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

but I think if I let him go I will have no one expect for that one friend in uni 

There are thousands of students at universities, is there a reason you can't make new friends and date new guys?  This is what people do in college.  Open up your world.

[poppyfields]

Well, speaking for myself, I would rather be alone than with a man who ignores me, does not acknowledge my presence in public, makes me cry all the time and feel insecure.  

A man who only bothers to see me once a month for sex, doesn't wish to spend the night with me or wake up in the morning with me.

A man who carries on with other women.

A man who doesn't understand or care why I would be upset about any of this.

Yes, being alone would be WAY better than that, but your call Bunny, it's your life.

I wish you the best, take care.

 

 

Edited October 13, 2022 by poppyfields

[NuevoYorko]

Can you imagine how terrible it would be to be married to this guy?  You'd be locked in the house.  Fortunately it will not come to that since he is already having sex with you, and he doesn't want other people to know he's involved with you.  

I'm concerned about him saying he'd kill you if you broke up.  Clearly this guy is a loser. 

[_Bunny_]

So should I break up with him ? I don’t even know how to it’s always me who lets them break up so that I don’t hurt them. I just want him to love me how he did when we first started dating I just want him to talk to me in Uni ist that so much to ask about. Crying right now cause I feel so lost and he never talks to me after an argument till I say I’m sorry 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

So should I break up with him ? I don’t even know how to it’s always me who lets them break up so that I don’t hurt them. I just want him to love me how he did when we first started dating I just want him to talk to me in Uni ist that so much to ask about. Crying right now cause I feel so lost and he never talks to me after an argument till I say I’m sorry 

Bunny, I am so sorry to hear this.   Is there a counselor at Uni you could talk to?   You appear to be extremely fragile emotionally, please reach out for assistance, it's not healthy and might lead you into potentially harmful and abusive situations if you don't get a handle on this.  Just as it did here, but worse.

Don't be concerned about hurting HIM, take care of YOU.  You are your first priority.

The way he treats you, I hardly think you would hurt him anyway.  He doesn't care.

Please take care.

((Hugs))

 

Edited October 13, 2022 by poppyfields

[glows]

He treats you terribly, OP. You came here for advice. Can you reread what you wrote and every single detail you wrote about how this man treats you from controlling your phone, ignoring you when he walks past you, you crying constantly, worried about some other woman from last year and so on. Please reread all you’ve written and ask yourself what advice you’d give to, let’s say, a sister or close friend who just told you all this. Would you advise her to stay? 

You deserve so much better than this. Please don’t settle for so little. It may hurt once and for all getting rid of him. It won’t hurt every single day like it does now indefinitely, I can tell you that.

[LynneVicious]

I think you should re-read every post you made about him and pretend it’s your best friend, not you. What would you tell her?

[Acacia98]

11 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

That s*** hurt but I swear to god he said he loves me and told his fam about me. We are now 8 months together like how am I just another girl I’m so sure maybe it’s because I’m always fighting 

First things first, I'm reading between the lines in your various posts, and it sounds to me like you have low self-esteem and are interpreting the way he treats you as some kind of suggestion that there's something wrong with you.

There's nothing about who you are that justifies his treating you the way he's treating you. The reason why he's behaving the way he's behaving is because that's who he is. A sincere man who genuinely loves you does not introduce you to his family too early in the relationship then start distancing himself from you as the relationship progresses. He shows you that he cares for you, in small ways at first, and then in more pronounced ways as the relationship progresses. And you can tell that such a relationship is progressing because you spend more time together and he shares more of himself with you and vice versa. And a sincere man who has lost interest in you does not string you along, keeping you in a relationship that he seems to be ashamed of while telling you things like "I love you." He breaks up with you so that both of you eventually have the opportunity to meet people who are better suited to you.

You're not crazy. He truly is not treating you right. And the correct response is not to beg him to do different. It's to recognize that this is who he is once he gets comfortable and it's not what you want, so it's time for you to go your separate ways. Yes, he has positive traits that you've not mentioned. But everyone has positive traits. Even abusive husbands and wives have some positive traits. You don't stay in a relationship because someone has positive traits. You stay because it's a healthy relationship that's working for you both.

Edited to add: Your relationship has an emotionally abusive dynamic, OP. You need to get out now.

Edited October 14, 2022 by Acacia98

[Maldives]

14 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

Hey guys I’m back,

so after starting Uni I met this handsome guy and after a while we started dating. So the problem is he hides his phone from me but controls mine every time we see each other. After starting dating he won’t talk to me in uni not even saying hi to me, I confronted him many times why he won’t talk to me in uni and he replied he is afraid someone will do the evil eye on us (🧿). I really want to spend more time with him bc we see each other only once a month, from Monday to Thursday he has uni and from Friday to Sunday he will work. So I really feel we are distancing ourselves. I always say to him I’m happy even if we see each other just for 5min but he won’t take time for me in uni and not on the weekends. We are currently fighting bc he keeps lying about not knowing a girl in uni even though I know last semester bevor wee started dating they where always hanging out with each other. I feel like he’s ashamed of me even though there are plenty of guys saying I’m pretty and I hang out with lots of guys who said they would like to know me better but I keep my distance we are just a group of friends nothing more it’s just I don’t know what to do. I feel like crying everyday cause he doesn’t understand my feelings even after telling him how insecure I feel every-time he walks past me without saying anything to me, doesn’t make time for me but still says he loves me and i should appreciate that he is doing all that for our future. So what should I do is he right am I too much ?

Him ignoring you at uni is not a healthy sign. Sorry to say but people that really are into each other don't do things like that.

[BaileyB]

17 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

So the problem is he hides his phone from me but controls mine every time we see each other.

Um, no. Why do you allow him to control your phone, that’s not ok.

17 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

every-time he walks past me without saying anything to me, doesn’t make time for me but still says he loves me and i should appreciate that he is doing all that for our future.

Why are you dating this jerk? Surely there are other men at university you can date -

Edited October 14, 2022 by BaileyB

[_Bunny_]

So I texted him that I feel like we are talking away from each other and that I feel like that he doesn’t understand my feelings and the problems. He just wrote good morning with an heart and that he understands me the best. I literally asked him 4 times why he doesn’t talk to me in uni and why he is lying to me about a girl and all he had to say was:” what does that have to do with it?, I don’t want to argue” I literally spilled the tea told him clearly what the problem is and what I want from him but he just can’t read I guess? It makes me so mad and sad at the same time is it too much I’m asking for ? I just want to see him more regularly and want to speak to him in uni and I don’t care if someone will see us or speak about us cause I really don’t care. And the feeling of being completely ignored feels so shitty. Writing a whole paragraph and he not even understanding or replying to one thing is just.... . I really think I’m done.