allaboutchoices Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Hey guys! I was just wondering if you could share your NC experience with me. Was it getting better, then bad, then better again? I know it gets better with time, but have you had up'n'downs? And for how long? I've been missing talking to my ex for last three days. Not to the point I would want to call, but ugh!, I'm tired of this. I've been doing NC for two weeks now (again )
meltwithme Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I'll try to explain how it's been for me. On a 1-10 Scale with ten feeling great and one feeling awful. At first you'll hover around 3-4 and it will be pretty ****ty, you won't sleep, you will eat nothing, then constantly eat. You will cry, let it happen but don't talk to your self at all unless it involves something along the lines of "I will get better, this is hurting now but it will make me stronger." Any negative self-talk will be detrimental to your progress. After a few more weeks things will slowly get better, you begin to go to about a 6 and feel pretty decent about your confidence.... at this time you will be very tempted to call because you are starting to feel better but trust me your emotions are still way strung out and you will only sound needy, even if you don't feel it (people can sense this, so don’t think you can act around it.) Mornings are going to be helll, you will wake up with them on your mind and want to show them how different you feel but just think of something, anything else as much as possible and get a quick start to the day. Then you will go to an 8 and this is critical part, because it is when you’re letting go of the hope of it working out. You will either come out of it and feel like yourself or will want to grasp anything that’s left drop to a 1 and feel worse than ever. If you are tempted into thinking of setting a date (ex 3 months) to feel better, triple this time at least, again your going to have to trust me on this. Start a journal and just let everything come out of you, write with a rage if you must. This helped me, write theese down on paper atleast one sentence for each I feel sad because I am angry because I am hurt because I am afraid because I am still happy because I am still hopefull because Think of it this way, if you are determined to hold on. It is never TOO LATE to break NC…. timing can be crucial if you must try again, the only mistake to make would be to break it before your actually ready. If you do that you will fall back to a –5 and there will be no trust left on the other end. If you truly want to get better you must allow yourself time to do so. The longer the better, pretty logical eh? It took me a while to realize the people here have gone through this and are trying to help. But I’m starting to see the light now.
teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 well, I did NC for about 8 months with my ex. We talked about once a month, but it was good. At first it was hard, but I soon realized I was crying everytime i got off the phone with him, so why was I doing this to myself? I already felt bad enough without that! Now, I see him about 14-15 times per week if I don't see him on the weekend at parties since he transferred to my school. Its been hard and a huge surreal shock to see him everyday, and at first I was in tears a lot, but its been getting easier. He still would prefer NC I think since he's shown how not over it he really is...
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 Meltwithme, Thanks for your words. I have already passed all that ****ty times, I feel very confident and mostly happy. It's been an ungly break-up and I believe I have gotten over it. HOWEVER I realize my emotions are still not where I would like them to be, and I am wondering what else to expect. I know I can handle all my urges to call/see the ex with strenght now, I am just tired of thinking of it so often! I would say I feel about 8 most of the time, but just the last three day I have been missing him some. Just wondering if that's how it's gonna be for a while now... Good luck to you, guys. Obviously NC is hard, but I see it's worth the pain
brooke7777 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 You will definitely experience ups and downs with NC. I was with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we had maintained soem contact for the first few weeks after we broke up. It was devastating and really hard on me. Once we moved into NC, I had an even more difficult time for the next few weeks. Slowly, I started to feel a little bit better, but I still felt like I was in the middle of an ocean...up and down, up and down. This went on for about 1 1/2 months. Then for the last two weeks I really struggled. Each day it became harder and harder. I think this was the critical point that meltwithme had mentioned. I, however, did not make it through this critical part. I contacted him just last week. So...how did it go? It was ok, but left me really confused. I don't think I'll contact him again...at least not for a little while, but I don't know if I am strong enough to ignore his attempts at contact...if he tries. Good luck and fight through those urges to call. Write a letter instead and then tuck it away in a drawer somewhere.
J dub Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 think of it this way: its way better to deal w/ the ups & downs during NC but maintaining your dignity and gaining strength, than it is to break down and call and then over analyze every second of the conversation IF you even get to talk to her/him. NC is win/win no matter which angle you want to look at it from
Nikita20 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 It seems like most of the advice in here is if you are the dumpee to never contact them again until they contact you. But, if they do contact you, when do you contact them again? Or do you contact them again? For example my bf broke up with me on August 19th. I tried to reconcile, but he basically told me it is over and told me to stop emailing him and calling him. I completely stopped on Sept 1st, then he calls on Sept 18th. I haven't spoken to him since because I'm not convinced he wants to get back together. Plus I recently found out he is seeing someone at work. I'm not sure how serious this is. I just think it is a rebound to help him cope. If you want to read the details of my breakup (it is long, just to forewarn you), here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72685/ This NC is driving me nuts, but I did read in a post from Lost In Chicago that states if the ex does call, you can call him back, but wait. Any thoughts?
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 Nikita, I know that I will not call even if he contacts me. Doing NC has helped me to realize that I indeed want to figure out and become ME. Also my situation with my ex is different...let's just say that he is (and has been) unavailable Good luck
AllegroIowa77 Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Here's my story and my advice. My boyfriend and I broke up Aug. 7. (I broke up with him because he was seeing other women behind my back. We dated for almost a year.) For the first 6 wks, we stayed in contact (phone calls, but didn't see each other). Then I decided I needed a "clean break" and asked him to stop calling me and he did. We had no contact for 4 wks. Then I sent him an email out of the blue and he called me that night and we talked for 45 mins. I grew hopeful again, and we started talking more often. We're now back in NC (five days so far), or at least I am after talking to him late last week and finally realizing there is no hope. I love him, but he doesn't love me. He's made that crystal clear. My advice? Yes, NC is hard but it's the ONLY way you will ever get past your ex and move on with your life. To be honest, this time NC is easier. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to talk to him. But honestly, the last time I talked to him, he was a total a**hole to me. It dawned on me that I deserve BETTER and that the only way I'm going to find BETTER is to let him go and move on.
unintentional Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to talk to him. But honestly, the last time I talked to him, he was a total a**hole to me. It dawned on me that I deserve BETTER and that the only way I'm going to find BETTER is to let him go and move on. I can relate to AllegroIowa in a way. My ex also was a total a-hole to me the last time I saw him..well, in my eyes he was. He did say I love you and that he cares for me ..but everything else was just kind of assy..I hated him treating me like that..especially when I know he used to be such a sweet heart and loved me so incredibly much that he wouldn't be able to do that to me ..or say the things he said. BUT because he did it..and because he's been doing it...it HELPS A LOT because it does help me in realizing that I do deserve better. No lie. We all do...we all deserve someone who can't walk away so easily. Atleast I'd hope that I do... I always want to talk to my ex. We were very very close..he was like my best friend..unfortunatly it doesn't appear that he feels the same way about me...He hasn't tried to contact me or anything...SO DOES THAT MEAN HE DOESN'T MISS ME?? ..I don't really know what to think. Sometimes I get naive and sign on to MSN IM just out of curiousity to see if he is on..I did it tonight. He was on the internet. In some strange way..it made me feel a little good..to know that he didn't block me. ..But then Im still heart broken. Im not really looking out for myself by doing this am i? No contact really does help though! Good luck!!!
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