Sheilia Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 My boyfriend is almost 70 however age shouldn’t matter, I am young at 50 years, well he always comments on young girls mostly the ages of 20-30 on Facebook, mostly girls he knows through friends or work friends, or his daughters friends, he always tells them they look hot and he comments same on their profiles, he also has been commenting on web sites, mostly female web sites anything really any groups with large female orientation could even be a mums with bubs group or a coffee morning group he has notification all the time in his Facebook indicating he has joined groups and therefore has conversation this way with women in general. Do you think this is cheating ? I confronted him and he stated that he is just a nice guy who likes to make people feel good particularly larger female who may not be confident, or young women. Is this cheating ? Thanks for commenting . Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 30 minutes ago, Sheilia said: My boyfriend is almost 70. , or his daughters friends, he always tells them they look hot How long have you been dating? How do you know so much about his social media activity? It's hard to call likes and sexual comments "cheating", but do you really want to date the classic dirty old man? Is it possible he has mental health or neurological or cognitive issues? Commenting "you're hot" on his daughters friend's profiles seems inappropriate and unfiltered. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilia Posted October 5, 2022 Author Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) Thank you Wiseman2, been with this person for two years I agree with you, dirty old man, he leaves his phone lying around however he claims he has nothing to hide. Edited October 5, 2022 by Sheilia Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 It is definitely inappropriate. Tell him how it makes you feel when he compliments these women. And ask him if it is more important to him to have some stranger feel good about themselves or for you? Because when he makes these other women feel good, I'm assuming it hurts you, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Sheilia said: He always comments on young girls mostly the ages of 20-30 on Facebook, mostly girls he knows through friends or work friends, or his daughters friends, he always tells them they look hot and he comments same on their profiles I wouldn’t call that cheating but I would call that kind of behavior very creepy. If my friend’s father told me in any way that I was hot I would find that very inappropriate and it would make me feel very uncomfortable. 3 hours ago, Sheilia said: I confronted him and he stated that he is just a nice guy who likes to make people feel good particularly larger female who may not be confident, or young women. This is not the behavior or a nice guy, it’s the behavior of a creepy old man. I doubt that his comments help these young women to feel confident - they are likely laughing at him and trying to ignore/keep their distance. Edited October 5, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 1 hour ago, Starswillshine said: And ask him if it is more important to him to have some stranger feel good about themselves or for you? This is it - Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilia Posted October 5, 2022 Author Share Posted October 5, 2022 Stars will shine yes that correct I confronted him and he stated he likes making them feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Sheilia said: Stars will shine yes that correct I confronted him and he stated he likes making them feel good. But, he’s not making them feel good. Since when does the comment of a seventy year old man make these women feel confident and good about themselves? I was walking down the street the other day and a man riding a bicycle told me that I looked hot. It made me feel very uncomfortable to be sexualized in that way by a man that I didn’t know. Is this not the kind of sexual harassment that we are trying to get away from… I know why he would think this is appropriate, because this was acceptable in this generation of men. I hope some day it changes… Edited October 5, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 3 hours ago, Sheilia said: I confronted him and he stated that he is just a nice guy who likes to make people feel good particularly larger female who may not be confident, or young women. I’m sorry to hear this. It’s inappropriate and I was also leaning towards mental health issues. He could learn a new language or take up a new hobby, one that doesn’t involve social media. Volunteering in the community or working at a soup kitchen gives him a chance to interact with people in person as well without remaining removed behind a screen. He may be bored out of his mind and just isn’t using his time well. I can’t imagine how you view this but I would be saddened and wonder if he needs help or if this is a cry for help and if he is struggling with self-esteem or loss of direction. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) It's not cheating IMO, but "cheating" is sometimes in the eye of the beholder. If it bothers YOU, it's an issue. You can ask that he stop, just like you ask him to stop playing music at 3 am, gardening in the nude, or whatever other weird habits a partner might have. IF that's too much to ask then either you or he is free to end things. Unless he's a celebrity, I sincerely doubt that any of his comments are doing anything to help "boost the spirits" of any of these women. Some may be experiencing it as sexual harassment. And I wouldn't be particularly shocked if he's aware of that at some level too. Edited October 5, 2022 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 6 hours ago, Sheilia said: I confronted him and he stated he likes making them feel good. Unfortunately that is bunk. it's not an altruistic desire to improve these women's feelings. Pull back and decide if someone this age and already showing signs of poor judgement, inappropriateness and unfiltered actions is someone you want to waste your time one. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 Wrong question. Doesn't matter if it's cheating (I don't think it is) but it's in the category of disrespectful and weird behavior that anyone in your position would be annoyed by. It's enough that this bothers you. That's enough. Definitely obsessive and objecting of women. Most people can let beauty cross their path and just acknowledge it. This guy focuses time and attention on flirting with women (under the guise of just being "friendly"). You sure you wanna be with this guy? Does he do this at dinner with female waiters? At stores with female clerks and so on? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flaxcapacitor Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 Seems like anything I can add at this point mirrors what has already been said but in the interests of strenghtening the consensus. It might not be cheating but it is insensitive and inappropriate. Both to your feelings having your boyfriend make sexualised comments about other women all the time, and also to theirs as his comments are more likely to make them feel unsafe than reassured. The claim that he's doing it as a kindness, to boost their self-image is probably just bogus. I know it's common among men to say things like 'it was meant as a complement' after making some inappropriate comment or action, anything from cat-calling to groping is passed off this way. I don't know if they genuinely believe it, or if they're just trying to find a way to make their actions seem acceptable to others, but they can't possibly be blind to the evidence that women don't appreciate this kind of behaviour. Does he see them squirm uncomfortably, does he get called out a lot, does he get blocked on social media, does he wonder why nobody is thanking him for his 'kind comments'? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 About 10 years ago, I was a member at a gym and there was an older guy there (70's). He was widowed and seemed like such a nice man. Then, one day, he started commenting on my body and, over the space of a few months, became more and more crude in his comments. I don't know if this was a result of familiarity or some sort of cognitive issue but it was creepy as hell. I didn't need someone to help me feel good about myself, but, even if I had, this would not have been the path to it. It felt violating and upsetting. I doubt very much that the women your bf is targeting appreciate his comments. And it's clear you don't. Has he always been like this or is this a recent development? There is a specific type of dementia that results in a loss of inhibition. It's also seen in long term heavy drinkers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sheilia Posted October 8, 2022 Author Share Posted October 8, 2022 No I think his now in the creep category Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 4 minutes ago, Sheilia said: No I think his now in the creep category Ok so no matter if it's cognitive issues or not, it's inappropriate, embarrassing behavior. Yes it's creepy but he seems to lack insight into or appropriate judgement about it. Maybe this relationship has run it's course if who he is or is becoming is creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
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