Author Ellin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 (edited) 54 minutes ago, poppyfields said: By his actions, or rather non-actions (over a four month period), and his history. His history: 60+, little to no experience with women or relationships. To me, that combined with his lack of any romantic interest over four months, spells unavailable. If it spells something different to you, then so be and continue pursuing. To @EllinI feel like I was rude earlier so to answer your question, you could ask him casually if he'd like to go on a "date." Gauge his response. Good luck! Thanks but you already answered that question. I don't see why you keep arguing that I shouldn't be interested in him or that he isn't interested in me, especially you kept going on after I told you clearly that I am not asking for your opinion on that, I am perfectly able to make my own decisions. You also don't know what he thinks or wants and it's not that clear at all. All you know is a few facts I mentioned which are by no means a proof of any single possibility. Edited October 4, 2022 by Ellin 1
Author Ellin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: You can always just ask him. Would he rather things between move to something romantic or did he see you as just friends? Straight and to the point. You get an answer and can then act accordingly. But something for you to ponder - why are you interested in a man that is unavailable? And by your own description not really a good candidate for a relationship regardless? What is it in you that seeks that? Thank you for your suggestion. I like it. As for why I'm interested I already know and I don't need to ponder but thank you for your concern.
Author Ellin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said: Hi @Ellin, The approach depends on your personality and what you feel comfortable with. Do you prefer a direct approach? Or test the waters first? You can open up to him (as a friend) about your desires to be in a relationship -- to experience physical affection and intimacy with a man. Ask him what he thinks. Here, you open him an opportunity to reveal if he feels the same, otherwise the opportunity is not understood. The answer will be clear. This next approach involves deceit. Insinuate or suggest that you've been sexual intimate with a man recently, and observe his reaction. Lastly, catch him on a night when you look sexy. Allow him to see you in this light. Consider his response to you in this language. Brilliant, Hopeful! Thanks a lot, nice suggestions and ideas. Finally a fun / optimistic / creative response. 1
Hopeful30 Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 3 hours ago, Ellin said: Ok, posting here is helping me clear my mind. So... If it cannot go anywhere other than friendship, I do not want to continue in the same way. I would have to see him less often and focus my scarce free time on something that is higher on my importance list. I don't meet any other of my friends that often. This kind of frequency would have time in my life for dating. Another reason I wouldn't want to continue in the same way is that I am attracted to him and I want more. If I'm supposed to just sit there with him and talk about random subjects, I would feel the discomfort of not being able to touch him when I want to. I miss physical intimacy and affection more than anything when it comes to what romantic relationships can add to our lives. I do want this in my life. I want sex but not just for the sake of it - I want it with a "special" person, which is not easy to find. I don't meet every day someone I feel like being intimate with. I know it's ironic that I'm trying to get this out of a guy who seems to be the last man on the planet suitable for the job, but who knows? Haha. Maybe he would want to make up for all that time he lost. I'd like to know. I resonate with you here. I'm 6 years single and sexless. I understand the deep urge, which is why I'm also compromising on what's 'ideal' or best-suited. At this point, the next best thing will do. If you cannot continue with him only as friends, then best way forward is to express this to him. Anticipate that he won't be agreeable, yet accept that you were fully honest and that's a reflection of your nature. We cannot deny our nature. Because you're right, being friends with someone you want more is not a good feeling. It's worth the risk.
Author Ellin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said: I meant sex lol! Also, how do we know he's unavailable? Exactly lol!! This guy is not the most promising when it comes to that but it's worth finding out.since he is lovely in many other regards.
smackie9 Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 You do whatever. Relationship at your age I say just live in the moment, have fun. You and your kids is your life and you have that covered, you can keep your dating life separate. 1
Author Ellin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: I resonate with you here. I'm 6 years single and sexless. I understand the deep urge, which is why I'm also compromising on what's 'ideal' or best-suited. At this point, the next best thing will do. If you cannot continue with him only as friends, then best way forward is to express this to him. Anticipate that he won't be agreeable, yet accept that you were fully honest and that's a reflection of your nature. We cannot deny our nature. Because you're right, being friends with someone you want more is not a good feeling. It's worth the risk. Yes! So good that you understand. You said it better than I could. And I'm not really bothered if it's not something that could lead to a serious and very long term relationship. I've been married and in serious relationships and now living with my kids, I don't feel the need to find something like that. I just want romance, being in love, some passion, plus friendship. I hope we'll both find what we're looking for soon. Edited October 4, 2022 by Ellin 1
poppyfields Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Ellin said: Thanks but you already answered that question. I don't see why you keep arguing that I shouldn't be interested in him or that he isn't interested in me, especially you kept going on after I told you clearly that I am not asking for your opinion on that, I am perfectly able to make my own decisions. You also don't know what he thinks or wants and it's not that clear at all. All you know is a few facts I mentioned which are by no means a proof of any single possibility. My response was to @Hopeful30. Answering her question asking how do we know he's unavailable? And I am not arguing with you or anyone, that is not my style. You created a thread on a message forum and I provided my opinion. You are free to take or leave. If you had read all my posts, you'd notice I did acknowledge I may have been rude and answered your original question - to casually ask him on a "date," see how he responds. I am not the enemy. I as well as all of us are here to help you or attempt to. Whether we succeed or not is irrelevant, some graciousness for our attempts would be appreciated. I"m out and again good luck. Edited October 4, 2022 by poppyfields 1
stillafool Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 3 hours ago, Ellin said: I am looking - as I have stated clearly in my first post and subsequent - for ideas what is the best way to find out from him in basically verbal communication whether he is interested in something romantic. The next time you see him say, "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?" If he says yes, go for it. If he stalls or makes excuses, he's not interested. 2
poppyfields Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: The next time you see him say, "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?" If he says yes, go for it. If he stalls or makes excuses, he's not interested. Exactly what I advised. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 4, 2022 Posted October 4, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Ellin said: what do you mean by "Make sure a romantic relationship is what you want with him"? Did you mean he wants? Yes, what I mean is decide if it's right for you considering his apparent age-related and personality complications. While you may find him to be a nice man but he may be a poor prospect as a far his ability to be emotionally available and physically capable. Edited October 4, 2022 by Wiseman2
Alvi Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 Why don't you ask him what he is looking for? Have a honest, candid conversation with him about he actually wants. Don't worry about putting him on the spot. Tell him that you are looking for (whatever that is you are looking for) and see what he says. Also, you could reach out across the table and touch his hand playfully. Or put your hand over his hand. Or something like that. If he pulls his hand away or starts looking at you like you have three eyes or something, you are going to have your answer. But if he goes along and smiles, that means that he is interested. What else are you doing in a meantime regarding meeting men? Are you talking to other guys? If not, why don't you put up a profile with some good pics on a reputable dating site and start meeting new men. Do you volunteer or take some classes or go to the church/synagogue/mosque? Perhaps you could meet some better prospects that way.
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