rojoe Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Thank you in advance to whomever reads this and a special thanks for those with sound advice. My girlfriend (27) and I (30) have been dating for close to two years. I’ve had my share of girlfriends and I knew (as well as she) that were going to be together forever. It just felt right and it still does. In the midst of this, we’ve had our share of issues. I ended up purchasing a ring back at the end of April 2005 in the hopes to propose to her in the next month or two and then I we had a falling out with her mom and step-father back in May 2005. They were concerned about their daughter. She and her mom were fighting with each other for months and they both work together. I apparently demonstrated some traits that they thought weren’t right for their daughter (from an email I received from them after I sent one to them apologizing for my behavior). Basically, it turned out to be a lack of communication with them and they let things just build up over time. She and her mom eventually patched things up with a therapist. Also, I’ve been a drunk jackass on a three separate occasions that had made her think twice about being with me, with the last incident taking place over this past Labor Day. I was angry, bitter, and mean to her when these events took place, with each time me apologizing and telling her I'd never do it again. I manage to talk her into working things out this last time after she was prepared to leave our house for good. She loves me, wants to work things out, and knows we can have a great future with one another. With that said, I have been seeing a therapist to work out my issues of jealousy and insecurity. It’s been doing wonders for me and I can see the improvements it’s making in my day to day life. Now, right before this last blow up over Labor Day, she had met this guy for drinks to supposedly talk business. It all seemed too fishy to me (she didn’t know where they were going or what time, blah blah blah, not your typical business meeting setup). I eventually found out through bits and pieces from her that this guy’s mom and her mom were trying to set them up. To make a long story shorter (I can fill more details in later if need be), I think that this guy’s mom and her mom are still pushing for this to happen. Things in the mean time with us seem to get better as time goes on. I’ve managed to control all my tendencies with a little hiccup from time to time, but nothing near what was going on before. I’m not sure what to do here. All I keep telling myself is to be myself, not revert to what I was doing before, and things will work out. I just don’t know if I should say something to her mom about kindly staying out of this (and I’ve bonded with her parents in the last month or so without bringing anything up from last May), or just not say anything at all in the hopes that my choice to change for the betterment of myself (and our relationship) will be enough. PLEASE HELP!!! I’ll be more than happy to answer anything in question, but I just want to get the discussion rolling because I need answers (or suggestions). Thanks.
glittergurl Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Whoa, that totally reminds me of my husband (without the drunk/jealous part). His ex-girlfriend's parents did everything to wreck their relationship. I met him right at the end, before they split up. I have to admit I played quite a part in this; I couldn't stand the girl so while her parents already did a pretty good job at messing things up, I sort of finished it off nicely by pushing him to dump her And you know what, he ended up marrying me and he's never been happier Anywayzzzzzz, back to your situation: if this girl is letting other people wreck it all; then maybe the problem doesn't come from her parents or whoever organized this. She could say NO at any point, but it seems like she's just going along with them instead. I think you need a serious talk with her.
superd Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 That must really hurt that she went out with another guy after you have been with her for two years. I meet a girl like that. After two years of going out with my friend she started feeling her oats and decided that she was too good for him and that she wanted to do more exploring. The thing was that she wasn't even really goodlooking and she had a peasant-like personality. Anyway, I think that you really have to question how serious your girlfriend takes the relationship between you two. If she could do that, wow, thats just pretty crappy.
glittergurl Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 lol you must have known my husband's ex. What a Fugly twat.
Author rojoe Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 We have talked about this and she assures me that she's doing nothing wrong. So with that said, I guess I'll have to trust her, just be myself, and see what happens.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I was in a similar situation where I had been dating this guy for several years (we dated for four yrs total, but I think this happened in year three) and my parents' new neighbor's stepson was in med school. My parents invited them over to play cards with us, and my mom wanted us to hook up, despite the fact that I had a boyfriend at the time. Never mind that this other guy doesn't even live in the same STATE we do, but oh well. I guess all she needed to hear was "med school." THEN, a year or two later I begin dating a new guy, and my parents were trying to set me up with a guy who goes to law school with my dad. Once again, my parents must just be seeing dollar signs, because we lived in completely different cities, about 2 1/2 hours away from each other.
Cecelius Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Frankly, your problem is not with her mom, it's with her. Parents often want things for and push things on children. Not bending to them is part of not be a child. It shouldn't matter to you that what her mon wants, it's what she does. Going for drinks (on a "date") is pretty much cheating as far as I am concerned. I'd put the ring away. Either your girl is too weak to be dated, or she doesn't feel the right way anymore and is using her parents actions to get the message accross. You think they are going to stop this kind of thing when she actually DID go out with the guy? How do you know drinks was all the happened?
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