max3732 Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 Sometimes I feel a bit like a robot or alien and don't understand flirting signals/cues. During our first date at a restaurant we were sitting in a booth and about 20 minutes in I felt something rubbing against my knee. I had no idea what that was and thought maybe it was a dog or something that went under the table so I said "hold on" or something like that mid conversation and then looked and see her foot on my knee. She asked what happened and I just told her I didn't realize what was there and she stopped shortly after. Is that a way people flirt on a 1st date? Should I have just kept quiet or maybe reciprocated at some point? At the end of the date I didn't go for a kiss because I wasn't sure about her, but did invite her on a 2nd date and she agreed. Assuming we're seated in a similar fashion should I do the same thing with her? I've never had anyone do anything like that before in my life and I'm a bit confused. Or was she just looking to rest her foot and I'm reading too much into it?
introverted1 Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: Is that a way people flirt on a 1st date? Yes, she was flirting, or at least letting you know she was open to physical interaction. Haven't you ever seen a movie where the woman is using her foot to sort of caress a man's leg? 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: Assuming we're seated in a similar fashion should I do the same thing with her? No, I don't think you should do this. You can likely go for the kiss, though, or a hand on the small of her back as you cross the street (or both!). 1
Despin Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 The way to handle it is to reach down with your hand, confirm it isn't a wild animal that somehow snuck into the restaurant or a poorly monitored toddler that got away from the parents, and once "leg" is confirmed you rest your hand on it and start caressing slowly up and down. Things would have naturally progressed and you wouldn't even have to ask if a kiss was on the table for later in the evening. The whole "Hold on I gotta see what's going on under the table it might be an animal" thing is awkward, cringeworthy and offputting. 8
Wiseman2 Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 (edited) 29 minutes ago, max3732 said: At the end of the date I didn't go for a kiss because I wasn't sure about her, but did invite her on a 2nd date and she agreed. Assuming we're seated in a similar fashion should I do the same thing with her It sounds kind of weird (like poor manners/low class). No do not "reciprocate" this weirdness. A second date is a good way to determine if you're interested if you are on the fence at this point. Edited September 20, 2022 by Wiseman2 3
BaileyB Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 1 hour ago, max3732 said: During our first date at a restaurant we were sitting in a booth and about 20 minutes in I felt something rubbing against my knee. I had no idea what that was and thought maybe it was a dog or something I’m sorry, this just made me laugh out loud. Why would there be a dog under the table at a restaurant? Yes, she was flirting with you. It was pretty forward, for a first date. But she was initiating some physical contact with you which is definitely a sign of flirtation. 2
BaileyB Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, max3732 said: Assuming we're seated in a similar fashion should I do the same thing with her? No, other things you could do - touch her hand or her arm lightly when she is telling you something. Put your hand on the small of her back when you are guiding her to the table. If the right moment presents itself and you are standing next to her or sitting beside her, drape your arm across her shoulders and lightly touch her upper arm. Light touch is best, and don’t stay too long. A slight brush of her hand when you are sharing a laugh together is very appealing. You certainly could rub her leg with your foot, but I wouldn’t only do that - that would be weird. Edited September 20, 2022 by BaileyB
Wiseman2 Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 2 hours ago, max3732 said: Assuming we're seated in a similar fashion should I do the same thing with her? No, sit side by side. Do not put your shoes/feet on her clothes/leg, it's rude. You're in a restaurant, not on your living room sofa. It's unclear why she would do this but she does seem comfortable with you. However you seem on the fence about her. Why is that?
Author max3732 Posted September 20, 2022 Author Posted September 20, 2022 25 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I’m sorry, this just made me laugh out loud. Why would there be a dog under the table at a restaurant? Yes, she was flirting with you. It was pretty forward, for a first date. But she was initiating some physical contact with you which is definitely a sign of flirtation. It was outside and I've seen people with small dogs running around all the time. Even inside I've seen people bring dogs and there's a restaurant I've gone to where there are cats that wonder around. I just kind of panicked feeling something on my knee since I was nervous enough already. I debated asking about it since I feel so embarrassed about how I reacted
Author max3732 Posted September 20, 2022 Author Posted September 20, 2022 17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: No, sit side by side. Do not put your shoes/feet on her clothes/leg, it's rude. You're in a restaurant, not on your living room sofa. It's unclear why she would do this but she does seem comfortable with you. However you seem on the fence about her. Why is that? There's no question there is chemistry in our interaction and I enjoyed her company. Also seemed like she enjoyed my company since we stayed for longer than I expected and she didn't want to leave. We're also on the same page politically which is sometimes hard for me to find. There are things about her relationship (or lack thereof) with her family and the fact she said she can have a bad temper that were kind of off putting. Also kind of like with the leg across the table in the restaurant some things almost seemed like an overshare and were too informal. Lastly I'm not sure about her looks. The other 2 women I went out with I was sure I found them very attractive. With her she's attractive but I'm not sure if it's the look I really like. So I was on the fence about asking her for a 2nd date but decided it's worth trying to see how I feel after seeing her again
BaileyB Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 4 minutes ago, max3732 said: It was outside and I've seen people with small dogs running around all the time. That makes more sense. It would startle me too. A woman has to be very comfortable to do something like this, as I said it is very forward. For a woman to do this, it would be perceived as flirtatious. You need to be a little more careful, it could be perceived a little differently for a man. Best to keep your flirtations above board until you know her better - smile, laugh, touch her hand briefly, touch her back for a moment when you are walking to the table. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 The question isn't this incident, the question is: do you like this woman enough to want to go out with again? She is obviously more flirty and playful. Yes, that was flirty, but it was also odd, so tread carefully.
Ami1uwant Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Despin said: The way to handle it is to reach down with your hand, confirm it isn't a wild animal that somehow snuck into the restaurant or a poorly monitored toddler that got away from the parents, and once "leg" is confirmed you rest your hand on it and start caressing slowly up and down. Things would have naturally progressed and you wouldn't even have to ask if a kiss was on the table for later in the evening. The whole "Hold on I gotta see what's going on under the table it might be an animal" thing is awkward, cringeworthy and offputting. If itwas a dog or snake it might bite….. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 46 minutes ago, max3732 said: There's no question there is chemistry in our interaction and I enjoyed her company. Also seemed like she enjoyed my company since we stayed for longer than I expected and she didn't want to leave. We're also on the same page politically which is sometimes hard for me to find. There are things about her relationship (or lack thereof) with her family and the fact she said she can have a bad temper that were kind of off putting. Also kind of like with the leg across the table in the restaurant some things almost seemed like an overshare and were too informal. Lastly I'm not sure about her looks. The other 2 women I went out with I was sure I found them very attractive. With her she's attractive but I'm not sure if it's the look I really like. So I was on the fence about asking her for a 2nd date but decided it's worth trying to see how I feel after seeing her again pits hard to tell if this was accidental or a flirt attempt. It’s sort of like accidental touching. she could have had a nervous tick and thought she was kicking a table leg…not yours
Alpacalia Posted September 21, 2022 Posted September 21, 2022 Playing footsie with your knee? That's a pretty flirty gesture. Offer a foot massage. Or offer to paint her toenails. And don’t you dare color outside the lines.
Author max3732 Posted September 23, 2022 Author Posted September 23, 2022 On 9/20/2022 at 5:32 PM, Lotsgoingon said: The question isn't this incident, the question is: do you like this woman enough to want to go out with again? She is obviously more flirty and playful. Yes, that was flirty, but it was also odd, so tread carefully. Not 100% sold on her, but there seemed to be enough chemistry for a 2nd date and we're going on pretty soon. We exchanged a few texts and she sent me a kiss emoticon and then said it was by accident. Part of my issue as an older virgin is sometimes the idea of getting a kiss or any kind of physical attention destroys my logical reasoning. I also really miss that feeling just cuddling with an attractive woman, but don't want to get into anything with her if she's not right for me
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2022 Posted September 23, 2022 Someone that is that assertive with physical interaction might be on the crazy side...proceed with caution. 4
Gaeta Posted September 23, 2022 Posted September 23, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, max3732 said: We exchanged a few texts and she sent me a kiss emoticon and then said it was by accident. It was meant for someone else. Playing footsie with a man you meet for the first time is kind of [ ] behavior to me. If she does it with you, she does it to other men as well. Edited September 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 1
Author max3732 Posted September 24, 2022 Author Posted September 24, 2022 19 hours ago, Gaeta said: It was meant for someone else. Playing footsie with a man you meet for the first time is kind of [ ] behavior to me. If she does it with you, she does it to other men as well. She said she meant to send a different emoticon. I don't know. I feel very conflicted with her. She says she hasn't dated in a few years and I'm the 1st guy she's met on a dating app
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2022 Posted September 24, 2022 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: She said she meant to send a different emoticon. I don't know. I feel very conflicted with her. She says she hasn't dated in a few years and I'm the 1st guy she's met on a dating app People do lie. 1
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Posted September 26, 2022 On 9/23/2022 at 10:11 AM, max3732 said: Not 100% sold on her, but there seemed to be enough chemistry for a 2nd date and we're going on pretty soon. We exchanged a few texts and she sent me a kiss emoticon and then said it was by accident. Part of my issue as an older virgin is sometimes the idea of getting a kiss or any kind of physical attention destroys my logical reasoning. I also really miss that feeling just cuddling with an attractive woman, but don't want to get into anything with her if she's not right for me Did you end up seeing her again? I agree the leg up is odd but some are more open and less reserved. I also lol’d there and wondered if her foot was furry. Hopefully you’ll get a better read at the second date. Try not to waste your time with someone you’re not too keen about to start.
Author max3732 Posted September 26, 2022 Author Posted September 26, 2022 10 hours ago, glows said: Did you end up seeing her again? I agree the leg up is odd but some are more open and less reserved. I also lol’d there and wondered if her foot was furry. Hopefully you’ll get a better read at the second date. Try not to waste your time with someone you’re not too keen about to start. I went on a second date again and there were no more foot or other odd issues like that. She's definitely very open about her likes/dislikes and the good and bad with her family. Physically she seemed more attractive this time, but with all she's shared about negative family issues (she doesn't get along with her parents/siblings but has/had a great relationship with her grandparents) I'm not sure how much of that she'd bring into a relationship with me. She's very friendly/personable and I enjoyed her company. I also did more physical touch as people here have suggested like her shoulder, back, touching her hand to examine some jewelry, etc. Almost went for a kiss at the end of the date but we were surrounded by people walking by the car and cars driving by and it didn't feel like a good environment.
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Posted September 26, 2022 31 minutes ago, max3732 said: I went on a second date again and there were no more foot or other odd issues like that. She's definitely very open about her likes/dislikes and the good and bad with her family. Physically she seemed more attractive this time, but with all she's shared about negative family issues (she doesn't get along with her parents/siblings but has/had a great relationship with her grandparents) I'm not sure how much of that she'd bring into a relationship with me. She's very friendly/personable and I enjoyed her company. I also did more physical touch as people here have suggested like her shoulder, back, touching her hand to examine some jewelry, etc. Almost went for a kiss at the end of the date but we were surrounded by people walking by the car and cars driving by and it didn't feel like a good environment. Aw she seems quite affectionate. I’d give it a shot but remain wary about those relationship issues and angst with her family. I worked hard personally to maintain and keep good relationships with my family members no matter how challenging through the years and succeeded reaching a respectful two way street. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to support someone else’s issues that are unresolved when it comes to family. Good for you for giving this a try! See how it goes.
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2022 Posted September 26, 2022 I have a different opinion ...when you have her being negative about her whole family, what is the common denominator? Her. proceed with caution.
Author max3732 Posted September 26, 2022 Author Posted September 26, 2022 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: I have a different opinion ...when you have her being negative about her whole family, what is the common denominator? Her. proceed with caution. How would you suggest proceeding? I've never gone out with someone who had so many family issues. On the plus side she adores her grandparents and does have a lot of close friends. Anything else I should ask or look for regarding her family? When I talk to her she seems very friendly, happy, and has a lot of different interests.
Rider on the Storm Posted September 26, 2022 Posted September 26, 2022 (edited) On 9/23/2022 at 1:16 PM, smackie9 said: Someone that is that assertive with physical interaction might be on the crazy side...proceed with caution. I agree. But personally, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt on the family issues before I'd give her a pass on having her foot on my knee within 20 minutes of our first date. Something about that just isn't right. OP, if you decide that she's cute enough to continue dating, my guess is more 'interesting' threads will be forthcoming. Edited September 26, 2022 by Rider on the Storm
Recommended Posts