Aquarius9 Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 So, I'm meeting up for a drink with someone in a couple of days. I'm a little bit worried about how I come across to her - what if she thinks I'm not confident in how I speak? Thing is, sometimes I am socially confident while other times it's lower - it fluctuates for some reason. I know I can do it. I know my worth, I'm just fraught with self-doubt and this evaluation of my 'social performance', as such. They say be yourself, I'm just trying to shake off all of this and I'm struggling to do so! Any advice?
BrinnM Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 36 minutes ago, Aquarius9 said: Any advice? “Prepare” is my only advice. Know what you’re gonna wear, lay it out the night before, make sure you’re comfortable in your outfit; it’ll make you feel better if you think you look good. Know what you’re gonna order. Look at the menu online in advance. That’s sth you can get out of the way so that you don’t have to worry about it when you finally meet her in person. Takes away some nervousness as well.
Weezy1973 Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 I suffered from social anxiety which made me really nervous on first dates back in the day. What I found worked was going to a place that I’d been to before so I was comfortable with the logistics. Second, I’d just focus on getting to know her. Have a few questions in the back of my mind that I could ask if the conversation lagged. But the main thing that I realized was that my nervousness before the date far exceeded any nervousness during the date. Your just talking to someone. Something you’ve done many times.
Alpacalia Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 (edited) Try not to worry about impressing her so much. Your focus should be to have fun and decide after if you want to see that person again. On a first date, I'm usually not nervous only because I tend to look at it like I am just going there to meet the person. When I start really liking another person, THAT'S when I get nervous. Take a few moments to think about your date and how they seem to be doing and less on worrying about how you are 'performing' or coming across. When you put the weight of the world (or the weight of your future) on a date you ruin it before it even begins. So don't stress too much about what happens on the date. Make sure you have fun! Remember, if you’re nervous, most likely the other person is, too. Edited September 19, 2022 by Alpacalia
Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Aquarius9 said: . I'm a little bit worried about how I come across to her - what if she thinks I'm not confident in how I speak? The best thing you can do is relax, be polite and be a good listener. Everyone, especially women, loves a good listener. Remember, you only learn things when your ears are open and your mouth is closed. Don't worry about putting on a fake show for a specific outcome. Keep it brief and of course do not get drunk. Sit down say hi ask her what she would like to drink, have relaxed conversation. Try not to chatter nervously or be a comedian or cheeky or cocky. Simply decide if you are attracted enough to want another date and if so, ask. That's it. Either there's mutual chemistry... or there's not. Edited September 19, 2022 by Wiseman2
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 (edited) Dress for success! look good smell good and pick a place that busy, hustling with activity, and fun. Need positive vibes. Edited September 19, 2022 by smackie9
Despin Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 Being nervous isn't necessarily a bad thing, some women find it endearing and it can be a "barrier breakerdowner" if you know what I mean. Being vulnerable sells, as long as you aren't a complete mess. 2
Author Aquarius9 Posted September 19, 2022 Author Posted September 19, 2022 12 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Try not to worry about impressing her so much. Your focus should be to have fun and decide after if you want to see that person again. On a first date, I'm usually not nervous only because I tend to look at it like I am just going there to meet the person. When I start really liking another person, THAT'S when I get nervous. Take a few moments to think about your date and how they seem to be doing and less on worrying about how you are 'performing' or coming across. When you put the weight of the world (or the weight of your future) on a date you ruin it before it even begins. So don't stress too much about what happens on the date. Make sure you have fun! Remember, if you’re nervous, most likely the other person is, too. Thanks, those are valuable insights. I have been worrying about impressing her - I've been putting pressure on myself. I would say that I'll try to have fun - but I won't 'try,' as such. I'll have fun, whatever happens. In terms of conversational lulls, I think my mind might scramble to fill that quickly, to avoid any silences. 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: The best thing you can do is relax, be polite and be a good listener. Everyone, especially women, loves a good listener. Remember, you only learn things when your ears are open and your mouth is closed. Don't worry about putting on a fake show for a specific outcome. Keep it brief and of course do not get drunk. Sit down say hi ask her what she would like to drink, have relaxed conversation. Try not to chatter nervously or be a comedian or cheeky or cocky. Simply decide if you are attracted enough to want another date and if so, ask. That's it. Either there's mutual chemistry... or there's not. Sure, I can be a good listener. I do take things in quite well and I've always been polite. I won't get drunk, it's coffee to begin with Thanks alot. 1
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 Don't worry much about if she will like you, you have a meeting to see if YOU like her! If she likes you she will find your shyness endearing. Do not try to be someone you're not. I met someone new not long ago and sometimes he stutters, l think it's adorable!!
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