How to get sex

[Akashsingh]

I am back on an app and having a reasonable success. Albeit, I have lowered my standards than before. I have lined up 3-4 dates , a couple of them are concrete and another 3 will likley fall in place. My question is how to get laid with them. I have been shy of asking in the past. 

Date 1 : I had met her couple of times over the years. Recently she posted a bikini picture and I commented on it. I followed up asking if she remembered meeting me and if we could meet again. She replied she would. The past 2 dates havent been physical with her other than handshake . On the last date, a homeless person had come to talk to me and I was talking about wild life safaris and she suddenly mentioned sex between animals. I was startled and didnt say anything. She ended the date abruptly. That was a few years ago. How can I get her to sleep with me this time? Shes about 10 yrs older than me.

Date 2: This woman plays hard to get. She had rejected meeting me a couple of times but keeps things friendly. I recently complimented her again after a few months. This time she says she will meet me. Shes very pretty and asked me if I was dating and how long. I told her I had just got back on and I was quite happy to see her. To which she instantly accepted the date but a couple of weeks later. How can I get her?

Date3: I am part of a meet up group and a woman has a half decent picture. I sent her a message asking about hiking. She replied and after a couple of messages, I asked her out again. Now she wants to watch monday night football with me over drinks and moreover shes coming to a bar on my side of the town to watch the game. How can I seal the deal here? What game to have?

Date4: A full figured woman. I just asked her how dating was and she showed quite a lot of interest in me. Saying her parents live nearby and asking me how I do etc. She messages me couple of times a day. A date is tentatively set. Again , how would you approach getting laid with her. 

 

I am too shy to escalate things to physical in the past and want to get laid . So any guidance is much appreciated.

 

Edited September 18, 2022 by Akashsingh

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you using a regular dating app?

If so, you might want to consider an "adult" app or site that is specifially designed for hooking up and sex. You will probably have more luck because everyone is there for the same reason. 

[Gaeta]

Are you pretending to be looking for a relationship ?

Every dating app has a category looking for people looking for a sexual encounter or dating casually. 

Like ExpatinItaly said register to apps only aiming at sexual encounters.

[NuevoYorko]

What do you have to offer these women?  I mean, is having sex with you going to be a completely amazing experience?  

Do yourself a favor and, as others have suggested,  do not meet women on a dating app.  Look for "hook up" ones.  Or you can pay a sex worker for sex.  

[Akashsingh]

The quality of women on adult only apps is quite low. Second , many women and men pretend they are looking for relationship. Nobody says right out of the bat that they are looking for hookups, but a lot of them are open to hookups or are looking for hookups.

[ccas93]

don't ask a stranger to have sex. just set up a meet and be yourself, make her feel comfortable, and if you feel she's having a good time, start getting closer to her and break the touch barrier. get close with her physically and it should be pretty obvious when she's wants to kiss, and if you're any good at that, things will likely escalate to sex from there. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

Date 1 :How can I get her to sleep with me this time?

Date 2: How can I get her?

Date3:How can I seal the deal here? 

Date4: how would you approach getting laid with her. 

I am too shy to escalate things to physical in the past and want to get laid .

Either they will be up for it because of mutual attraction or not.

[Akashsingh]

22 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

don't ask a stranger to have sex. just set up a meet and be yourself, make her feel comfortable, and if you feel she's having a good time, start getting closer to her and break the touch barrier. get close with her physically and it should be pretty obvious when she's wants to kiss, and if you're any good at that, things will likely escalate to sex from there. 

Thanks . I have had success in the past directly asking for a kiss and have had intense make out sessions. If they say they want to hang out for more after dinner is a big clue that they want more. This is where I fail mostly closing the deal after kissing/ make out. I have had dates who said that was enough for them. How to avoid this trap?

Edited September 18, 2022 by Akashsingh

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Akashsingh said:

 I have had dates who said that was enough for them. How to avoid this trap?

It's not a trap. If someone isn't down for sex, you go home and be patient. Your mistake is reading these pickup artist sites and thinking it's all up to you if you just play your cards right. Of course that's nonsense because either someone is attracted to you and wants sex or they do not. In fact you're way too aggressive and off putting as it is. Once they sense you're just another horndog trying to get in their pants they'll be put off.

[Akashsingh]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not a trap. If someone isn't down for sex, you go home and be patient. Your mistake is reading these pickup artist sites and thinking it's all up to you if you just play your cards right. Of course that's nonsense because either someone is attracted to you and wants sex or they do not. In fact you're way too aggressive and off putting as it is. Once they sense you're just another horndog trying to get in their pants they'll be put off.

got it, so what to do ?

[glows]

3 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

I am back on an app and having a reasonable success. Albeit, I have lowered my standards than before. I have lined up 3-4 dates , a couple of them are concrete and another 3 will likley fall in place. My question is how to get laid with them. I have been shy of asking in the past. 

Date 1 : I had met her couple of times over the years. Recently she posted a bikini picture and I commented on it. I followed up asking if she remembered meeting me and if we could meet again. She replied she would. The past 2 dates havent been physical with her other than handshake . On the last date, a homeless person had come to talk to me and I was talking about wild life safaris and she suddenly mentioned sex between animals. I was startled and didnt say anything. She ended the date abruptly. That was a few years ago. How can I get her to sleep with me this time? Shes about 10 yrs older than me.

Date 2: This woman plays hard to get. She had rejected meeting me a couple of times but keeps things friendly. I recently complimented her again after a few months. This time she says she will meet me. Shes very pretty and asked me if I was dating and how long. I told her I had just got back on and I was quite happy to see her. To which she instantly accepted the date but a couple of weeks later. How can I get her?

Date3: I am part of a meet up group and a woman has a half decent picture. I sent her a message asking about hiking. She replied and after a couple of messages, I asked her out again. Now she wants to watch monday night football with me over drinks and moreover shes coming to a bar on my side of the town to watch the game. How can I seal the deal here? What game to have?

Date4: A full figured woman. I just asked her how dating was and she showed quite a lot of interest in me. Saying her parents live nearby and asking me how I do etc. She messages me couple of times a day. A date is tentatively set. Again , how would you approach getting laid with her. 

 

I am too shy to escalate things to physical in the past and want to get laid . So any guidance is much appreciated.

 

Less focus on sex. Focus on these women as people. What you’re looking for sounds transactional and cold. I can’t even tell if you like these women and respect seems borderline or nonexistent.

[NuevoYorko]

1 minute ago, Akashsingh said:

got it, so what to do ?

Like you've already been told - find women who are looking for "casual" and go from there.  If you don't find them attractive, don't try to have sex with them.  When you meet one you do find attractive, give it a shot.  Of course, as you've also learned here, they have to be sexually attracted to you as well.   If they are not, you have to move on and try again another day with another woman.  

Or, also suggested:  pay a sex worker.  Since your only goal appears to be "get laid," this would be the most direct route.  

[Akashsingh]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

Less focus on sex. Focus on these women as people. What you’re looking for sounds transactional and cold. I can’t even tell if you like these women and respect seems borderline or nonexistent.

Indeed transactional but I make my intentions clear and I am straight in asking for it even though someone might get offended.

[mark clemson]

I would forget about making things "transactional" but if that's working for you, then I suppose continue. It doesn't sound like it is as you mention not being able to actually get to sex. Here is my suggestion FWIW.

Make yourself as attractive as possible. Then just be friendly and nice to them and not off-putting. DON'T "make everything about sex" when you're with them (you're probably not since you're having some success, but it's worth repeating). They'll want to have sex with you soon enough.

While every woman is a bit different, there are some tendencies. If you could give them their rathers in life, I believe that many women would want:

- A guy who is clearly attractive, "could have any woman he wanted" (never true, but you get the idea), looks good in the clothes he wears, is confident, independent, socially skilled, perhaps just a bit cocky, and seems quite interested in them, but in a socially appropriate and emotionally secure (not overly clingy or too overtly sexual) way.

Such a man would quickly get snapped up in the dating pool, and women tend to know this. So, for such a man, the ones who are willing and/or emotionally able to "get to sex quickly" (not all are) will do exactly that. They'll escalate the (budding) relationship to the next stage (sex) relatively quickly, with the intent of pinning this guy down.

So, the closer you can come to what is described above, IMO the better "luck" you will have.

Some might see the above as "player-ish" and indeed it somewhat is. However, you are asking about getting sex relatively quickly and that's exactly what players are good at, so learn.

I would add that you should "exude confidence" as much as possible, just not to the point where it's over-the-top (which can be a fine line sometimes). Some women semi-consciously analyze this and it can be one important factor.

Edited September 18, 2022 by mark clemson

[Akashsingh]

4 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I would forget about making things "transactional" but if that's working for you, then I suppose continue. It doesn't sound like it is as you mention not being able to actually get to sex. Here is my suggestion FWIW.

Make yourself as attractive as possible. Then just be friendly and nice to them and not off-putting. DON'T "make everything about sex" when you're with them (you're probably not since you're having some success, but it's worth repeating). They'll want to have sex with you soon enough.

While every woman is a bit different, there are some tendencies. If you could give them their rathers in life, I believe that many women would want:

- A guy who is clearly attractive, "could have any woman he wanted" (never true, but you get the idea), looks good in the clothes he wears, is confident, independent, socially skilled, perhaps just a bit cocky, and seems quite interested in them, but in a socially appropriate and emotionally secure (not overly clingy) way.

Such a man would quickly get snapped up in the dating pool, and women tend to know this. So, for such a man, the ones who are willing and/or emotionally able to "get to sex quickly" (not all are) will do exactly that. They'll escalate the (budding) relationship to the next stage (sex) relatively quickly, with the intent of pinning this guy down.

So, the closer you can come to what is described above, IMO the better "luck" you will have.

Some might see the above as "player-ish" and indeed it somewhat is. However, you are asking about getting sex relatively quickly and that's exactly what players are good at, so learn.

Thank you that was helpful. I am playerish because monogamy is boring for me and I am fiercely independent too. I hate someone bothering for small stuff or nagging me every now and then.

 Looking for more advice. 

[mark clemson]

^^  more advice:  Read the chapters on female attraction in "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" (which is a long read, but you can focus on just those chapters). This will give you expanded insights into what tends (not always/every women) to make men attractive to women, which you may figure out ways to apply.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Akashsingh said:

I hate someone bothering for small stuff or nagging me 

 So why are you expecting women from  average apps to provide you with free escort services? 

[ccas93]

there are plenty of women who want what you want OP. make sure you're on the same page as them first. I sort of read your post in the context that these women are also looking for hookups, but they might not be. 

[Akashsingh]

54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 So why are you expecting women from  average apps to provide you with free escort services? 

Escorts have much higher rates of diseases and its also illegal

[Akashsingh]

7 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

there are plenty of women who want what you want OP. make sure you're on the same page as them first. I sort of read your post in the context that these women are also looking for hookups, but they might not be. 

I dont make out unless we are on the same page and I am absolutely not leading them with false promises. I dont get physical unless we are both clear its casual. But then closing the deal after a hot make out has been an issue.

Edited September 18, 2022 by Akashsingh

[glows]

Maybe you should be asking them what they like or engaging with them a bit more. You aren’t socially awkward or unattractive if you’re getting dates. Closing the deal sounds like leading a lamb to the slaughterhouse or coercive. As was pointed out you can’t coerce someone or persuade someone to sleep with you. Is that the thrill you’re after? 

Im a woman and have had more than my share of relationships or partners. What puzzles me is you’re breaking this down as if needing notes by point form on how to up your game. These people may not be that interested or as interested as you think. I’m sorry you’re finding it so frustrating. Sometimes it’s best respecting what others are showing you instead of forcing the situation. Women generally have no problem showing their feelings or what they want if they’re in the mood. 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, Akashsingh said:

I dont make out unless we are on the same page and I am absolutely not leading them with false promises. I dont get physical unless we are both clear its casual. But then closing the deal after a hot make out has been an issue.

Then they clearly were not on the same page as you, unless they had a bad time making out with you.

Did you tell them outright that you were not interested in them personally in any way, or in any kind of relationship beyond "getting laid"?  If you have, I'm wrong.  If you haven't, then you are unlikely to be on the same page.  That's why you didn't end up having sex with any of them.

People looking for a relationship - men and women alike - generally do escalate to kissing / making out along the way.  This doesn't mean they are DTF that day at all.  Lots of people spend quite a long time in the make-out stage before they are ready to move on to sex.   In many of those cases, they are waiting to see whether it's leading to a relationship that they think is likely to work out.  

[ ] You seem to have no interest in any women beyond your potential access to their vaginas. 

[ ] 

 

Edited September 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
citation required

[mark clemson]

At the risk of beating a dead horse, it's not "closing a deal" - it's doing something together that you are both interested in doing. Generally I have found that the more she's interested in sex, the more likely it is to happen. At the start of a relationship, that happens because you seem like an awesome guy to her, one she's interested in doing that with.

[poppyfields]

My advice is stop acting so "thirsty" for sex, it comes off weak and desperate.  Which needless to say is a huge turn off for most women.  Even the ones who enjoy casual sex.

I am telling you this as a woman who has experienced this a zillion times when I was dating. 

Thirsty men, pushing, reaching.  Again, hugely unappealing even when initially I was attracted. 

Slow down.  Be playfully arrogant, tease her, banter, mention NOTHING about sex and stay away from having prolonged make out sessions. 

Give it three dates, nothing elaborate or expensive.  Even the most experienced "players" will typically give it three dates. 

They're cool, playfully arrogant, and confident.  Versus thirsty for sex, desperate and needy. 

If you play it right, cool and confident, she will be asking YOU for sex!  

I think you know this too so confused why you're even posting this, but whatever, good luck..

Edited September 18, 2022 by poppyfields

[Akashsingh]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

My advice is stop acting so "thirsty" for sex, it comes off weak and desperate.  Which needless to say is a huge turn off for most women.  Even the ones who enjoy casual sex.

I am telling you this as a woman who has experienced this a zillion times when I was dating. 

Thirsty men, pushing, reaching.  Again, hugely unappealing even when initially I was attracted. 

Slow down.  Be playfully arrogant, tease her, banter, mention NOTHING about sex and stay away from having prolonged make out sessions. 

Give it three dates, nothing elaborate or expensive.  Even the most experienced "players" will typically give it three dates. 

They're cool, playfully arrogant, and confident.  Versus thirsty for sex, desperate and needy. 

If you play it right, cool and confident, she will be asking YOU for sex!  

I think you know this too so confused why you're even posting this, but whatever, good luck..

Thats a pretty good advice and I appreciate it. 3 dates sounds good and I can wait more too. I have also been rejected in the past for not having any type of physical contact by 2nd date.  Those ladies were cute and I was interested in them but I had played it too cool. So its kinda tricky. I also agree with you that long and hot make out sessions is kind of a problem.

Edited September 18, 2022 by Akashsingh