Girl I haven't met in real life but know over Instagram, talks to me/wants support and then stops when she gets back with a guy we both had a thing with

[ohjess]

So I was sleeping/casually seeing someone and although I didn't know at the time, he was also seeing this other girl, lets call her Amy. The guy and I stop seeing each other due to other things and a lack of interest really on my behalf. I didn't know Amy at all at this stage.

So Amy and him get into a so-called relationship, she messages me on Instagram claiming she's also had a bad time with him, calling him the worst person, I give her my support. As he had followed me again, out of interest, obviously sparking a lot of jealousy in her as she knew my name and didn't like that he was following me again. We sort of start becoming friends. I once stayed on the phone with her till 5am telling my side. Then she backs away, and anytime she does this, I know she has gone back to him.

Few months later, she does the same. This time she actually follows me. Sends me messages about how horrible he is and that he's disgusting etc. We start chatting again, she claims she has so much respect for me, apparently dumped him and that she owes me a drink for my support. He ends up following me on Instagram after he had blocked me previously. She tells me all about this nasty stuff he had said about me. Then about a week later, he unfollows me again. We end up sending each other voice notes, somewhat about him, but mainly our lives. 5 days go by recently and I think, she's obviously back with him. I sent her a message yesterday asking how she is, no reply. A stark difference to her messages to me beforehand. Literally just drops off the face of the earth and to my suspicion, they are following each other again after she had just blocked him when she left him a few weeks ago apparently. Claiming she was going to go NC with him etc.

Advice? They're obviously as toxic and unstable as each other.

**TL;DR** girl I haven't met, but messaged me after we had both been seeing the same person. She only gets in contact when they've broken up and wants support. She is nice enough and we seem to somewhat get along. I just can't deal with her sending me all this stuff about him, their interactions/texts and everything he has apparently done wrong (don't deny it) for her to then pull away just because she has run back to him, when it is everything she has told me she shouldn't be doing. They both have pulled me into this, and it is annoying. As they both sort of seem to run back to me when times get even tougher.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, ohjess said:

They're obviously as toxic and unstable as each other.

Agree, that's why your best course of action is to delete and block both of them and all their people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[glows]

43 minutes ago, ohjess said:

She is nice enough and we seem to somewhat get along. I just can't deal with her sending me all this stuff about him, their interactions/texts and everything he has apparently done wrong (don't deny it) for her to then pull away just because she has run back to him, when it is everything she has told me she shouldn't be doing. They both have pulled me into this, and it is annoying. As they both sort of seem to run back to me when times get even tougher.

Is there a reason why you haven’t blocked them both? You seem to have invested a lot of energy and emotion into seeing whether she’s ok but you seem to be the one who needs TLC the most. Take care of yourself independently without needing these people. Associating with her won’t redeem you in his eyes or change the way things ended. Avoid contact with negative and dysfunctional individuals.

[stillafool]

I agree with the others it's way past time to block both of them.  You've said you have no interest in him and she's only using you to find out if you're still involved with him.  So leave them to themselves and block them both.  Why haven't you done this already?

Edited September 18, 2022 by stillafool

[basil67]

Another vote for "block them both".   Too much drama

[ShyViolet]

Isn't it obvious what you should do?

Just stop talking to her.  I'm not sure why you thought it would be a good idea to become "friends" with this girl and repeatedly get sucked into this drama.