max3732 Posted September 12, 2022 Posted September 12, 2022 My last post I was totally confused and the consensus was she was way off the mark. This one I'm only mildly confused so I'd say things are looking better. Matched with this woman on Hinge who lives like 30 minutes away responding to her prompt and got a 1 word reply. Asked her about her thoughts and heard nothing for a while and sent a follow up about the same topic and then got a real conversation going. After a few messages I invited her for lunch and she said she can't do lunch only dinner. I said ok and suggested a place 10 minutes away for her, 20 for me. She says she doesn't like the place. Then I gave her 2 more options that are about the same distance away and she says she'd like to stick with something in her neighborhood and said she knows the places there well and gave a suggestion. The restaurant itself looks nice, but parking is notoriously difficult and a friend of mine had his car broken into there so I didn't really want to go there. It's also kind of in the middle of nowhere. I suggested another 2 restaurants in the same neighborhood but that were in an outdoor mall with plenty of parking (both relatively nice). Her reply was to complain that I'm not being flexible and am not making this fun. I pointed out I'm willing to try different places in different areas and even suggested another few places close to her. She then said she doesn't have a car and the man should be willing to drive to her. Also she was insulted I suggested a place in an outdoor mall since it's too "suburban". After that I wished her well and unmatched her. Was I right? Even if she doesn't have a car couldn't she use a ride share and have let me know that from the beginning. What does "too suburban" even mean? Why would she say I wasn't being flexible when she seemed to be set only on dinner and on one place? I don't understand women 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted September 12, 2022 Posted September 12, 2022 Wow yeah you were right. Don’t put up with that crap. 3
ccas93 Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 yeah actually you reacted very nicely. at best, she was mildly tempted by a free meal at a nice restaurant at location convenient for her car-less self. 2
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 At the moment she said she can't do lunch only dinner, you should have dropped her. Serious advice here, stick to coffee for 1st meeting. That way you won't grow financially frustrated to feed these women that can't be bothered to say thank you. 5
Alpacalia Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 Oh my goodness forget her. You're not Yelp. Was this a last minute date? It is never a bad idea to make plans a few days in advance. Having a few days to nail down details and commit to the date will give you both time to plan. Her means of transportation is not your responsibility. Romance should not feel like an obligation.
ShyViolet Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 Yes you were absolutely right to unmatched her. She sounds like a seriously negative and unpleasant person. I'm sure going on a date with that woman would have been the least fun imaginable. 1
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 3 hours ago, max3732 said: Was I right? If you can’t agree on where to meet for lunch, it’s pretty fair to say that this wasn’t going to work… I would have unmatched here too. I don’t think you were being unreasonable, she sounds pretty demanding. 1
bene Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 Way too much fuss for the first date, even reading that was exhausting. ”Too suburban” means that she wants to go to a fancy expensive place. And insisting that it’s your job to drive her? Downright demanding these things before you even met is unattractive and gives you a hint what dating her would look like. I think you did the right thing. 4
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, max3732 said: and heard nothing for a while and sent a follow up about the same topic and then got a real conversation going. Try to discontinue chasing distance relationships, double texting uninterested women, excess pre-meeting chitchat and all this self-defeating stuff. Then making them out to be wackos. "Real conversations" happen in person. Your first clue of zero interest was a one word response, your second was "heard nothing for a while". The key to preventing burnout is to know when to cut your losses. If someone does not enthusiastically engage in messaging or stalls meeting, cut your losses. Edited September 13, 2022 by Wiseman2 3
smackie9 Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 Not sure why you need opinions about this. She was rude/self entitled. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 It's OK that she didn't like lunch or the initial dinner idea, but the ball was in in her court to come up with a suggestion that worked for her and FOR YOU! That move never occurred to her. She never connected to you. Ignore her and move on. That behavior was only the tip of the iceberg. 3
poppyfields Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: The key to preventing burnout is to know when to cut your losses. If someone does not enthusiastically engage in messaging or stalls meeting, cut your losses. This^ exactly! 15 hours ago, max3732 said: Matched with this woman on Hinge who lives like 30 minutes away responding to her prompt and got a 1 word reply. max, it should have ended right there. Done, move on to next. My new motto which you might have read before on other threads is choose wisely from the getgo and avoid BS later. As you experienced, after that dismissive one word reply, it only got worse. Please don't say you wanted to give benefit of doubt. Sometimes, like here, there is no doubt. Total waste of time. 3
Calmandfocused Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 100% the right decision Op. You handled yourself very well indeed. Be proud of yourself. Very “me me me” princess mentality. Unfortunately some poor, unsuspecting guy will fall for it - count yourself lucky it’s not you.
JasonLaidlaw Posted September 13, 2022 Posted September 13, 2022 23 hours ago, max3732 said: Her reply was to complain that I'm not being flexible and am not making this fun. I pointed out I'm willing to try different places in different areas and even suggested another few places close to her. She was at fault here. I have had similar experiences before, I was almost lost for words at the blatant gaslighting and uncompromising behaviour. Her loss.
Alpacalia Posted September 14, 2022 Posted September 14, 2022 (edited) You made the right call. No need to demonize. It's okay to move on gracefully. Edited September 14, 2022 by Alpacalia
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