do dating guides work?

[deepthinking]

Those books and videos.... any good come out of them? ....any horror stories?

[Gaeta]

Depends who made them. There are qualified & licensed relationship/dating psychologists that are worth reading. 

[Alpacalia]

Determined by? From whom.

A book once told me to live life and the right one will come along. Thanks, just the philosophy I wanted to hear. This is like saying don't get a job and work to make a living, just wait for that winning lottery number. This was also said by someone who put in a lot of effort to achieve success.

[deepthinking]

any of them will be interesting 

[Alpacalia]

Maybe try a chapter of a few books that interest you until you can narrow it down?

 

Edited September 12, 2022 by Alpacalia

[mark clemson]

If you're up for a bit of a deep dive, you might check out the specific chapters on female attraction in A Billion Wicked Thoughts. IMO a good proportion of men either don't understand or don't bother to "implement" many things that women find attractive - this gives men that have hit upon these these things "naturally"/incidentally as they went through life an edge in dating.

I would suggest reading (those chapters) twice at least to let the factors "sink in" as it's a bit academic (rather than "do this") in style.

Edited September 12, 2022 by mark clemson

[deepthinking]

7 hours ago, mark clemson said:

If you're up for a bit of a deep dive, you might check out the specific chapters on female attraction in A Billion Wicked Thoughts. IMO a good proportion of men either don't understand or don't bother to "implement" many things that women find attractive - this gives men that have hit upon these these things "naturally"/incidentally as they went through life an edge in dating.

I would suggest reading (those chapters) twice at least to let the factors "sink in" as it's a bit academic (rather than "do this") in style.

Thanks but I want more guidance on dating over what references to seduction. I know how to look sexy and all that. In fact being sexy does not necessarily lead to love and is a syndrome I want to  stop. [ ] 

Edited September 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Alpacalia]

Authors typically recommend what works for them according to their objectives.

Do you know what your objectives are? 

You can read books about flirting, planning your first date, finding a life partner, and so on. If you're planning on buying a house, reading up on the process first will probably save you a lot of time, money, and frustration.

I think the same is true of dating.

But I do not have a title to recommend.

Maybe look for an author that you respect.

Then see if you still respect them after reading their book.

[mark clemson]

No worries @deepthinking . If you are able to get dates, what is it you're looking for in terms of "guidance" as it sounds like something specific. Turning "dating" in to LTRs or ?

Edited September 13, 2022 by mark clemson

[Clarity1]

As @mark clemsonasks, what is it that you're after? What's your end goal? because different guides will direct you differently depending on what you want. Do you want to attract someone to ultimately have a happy, successfully long-term relationship?

[deepthinking]

1 hour ago, Clarity1 said:

As @mark clemsonasks, what is it that you're after? What's your end goal? because different guides will direct you differently depending on what you want. Do you want to attract someone to ultimately have a happy, successfully long-term relationship?

Yes. Long-term. Thanks.  When you say different guides, I want the names of a few titles, just to read up all of them, that are ok, and thus to be well-informed.

[mortensorchid]

Dating guides can and do help, to be sure.  They can give you some kind of insights into behavior and how people can and do think.  It depends on the motivations and experiences of the person writing them.  Would you, for example, trust someone to give you relationship advice who married their high school sweetheart having never dated someone else (at least not seriously) that you know of?  Probably not.  I'm not saying that two people can't achieve it, some people can and do meet in high school and just know this is who they are going to be with, they are very few and far between anymore.  But as most of us do not marry our high school sweethearts, it's harder that it is in high school.  But I digress... 

I learned two very important lessons from 2 dating guides and they were this:

1) 48 hour rule - If you have not heard from the man within 48 hours after the first get together (phone call, text, IM, etc.), you will never hear from him again.  He might call or text you a few days later, you might even have a second get together with him, but you will never hear from him again after the second get together.  In fact, he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to the second request.  

2) Bad Boys - There is a terrible phenomenon out there which I am just as guilty of as the next woman : Why women go for Bad Boys aka Losers.  I didn't know this about myself until I read this and maybe this will help someone else reading this as well.  There are double standards for men's and women's behaviors, women are expected to behave themselves and are disciplined more when they act up.  That discipline comes from many sources (parents, teachers, friends, etc.), even the general public.  Look at how people think about (or used to) about celebrity Bad Girls like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, etc., for their bad behaviors.  When boys act up, we just say "boys will be boys".  Look at Charlie Sheen.  The reason women go for Bad Boys is because it appeals to our wants and needs to be bad and we are acting out through them.  I would say to any woman who goes for Bad Boys if you want to be bad?  Be bad.  You're allowed.  Go out and raise some hell and you'll be as bad as you want to be.  When I read that, it all made sense.  And I knew then, that was why, and I changed after that. 

So yes, dating guides can and do help others.  

[mark clemson]

Perhaps you can/should read some reviews e.g. on Amazon or Goodreads of various dating guides, and see which ones seem focused on turning dating into LTRs (rather than simply getting dates, which I think some large fraction of that audience may struggle with).

I do think that once you find the right person who a) also wants a LTR, b) genuinely likes you (which IMO includes attraction as one factor) c) is genuinely compatible with you, and d)  is emotionally and otherwise able to have a LTR, things should fall into place naturally.

However, achieving that may be a lot easier said than done, and it's possible some of the "guides" out there will have good advice for helping that happen or preventing possible missteps along the way.

[smackie9]

It's kinda hard just to read about it...better just to go through trial and error /get pointers from friends who have lived it. That's why dating as a teenager is so important...you learn because everyone else is learning with you. You fail lots but you eventually figure it out.