Author Runninggirl Posted October 23, 2022 Author Posted October 23, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Try not to hope for contact or reconciliation. Instead delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Protect your privacy and dignity. If you run into him in the neighborhood, just be cordial and busy. No protracted chatting or anything. Just "hi nice to see you gotta go" . Done. Not hoping for a reconciliation, I don't want to be with a guy who treats me like that. but Im afraid seeing him will make me hope he contacts me for an ego boost, if that makes sense. Just because I feel rejected now. I didnt delete him, because I didnt want him to care enough, but Ive muted him everywhere so I see no updates of any kind, and I dont stalk at all, and I dont contact. Maybe I should practice a polite and short phrase like you said there, so I reply instant with the right thing to just go on, and not be so caught off guard. I think Im worried I will be and won't know what to say and let him play it out. Maybe I should just write down a short, polite way to end the conversation quickly, and practice it a few times. I know we will 100% run into each other from time to time. First time just polite sentence, and after that just nodding must be enough.
Wiseman2 Posted October 23, 2022 Posted October 23, 2022 4 minutes ago, Runninggirl said: . Maybe I should just write down a short, polite way to end the conversation quickly, and practice it a few times You really don't need to rehearse any speeches. You're putting too much effort into this scenario. For your own privacy, delete And block him And All his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. If you run into him be busy, and don't allow a window to your life digitally or otherwise. When it's over, they lose that privilege.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2022 Posted October 23, 2022 14 hours ago, Runninggirl said: Any advice? Im afraid seeing him will be awkward, but also give me a "set back" Just nod hello and keep moving.
Author Runninggirl Posted October 23, 2022 Author Posted October 23, 2022 Thank you. I agree I give this too much thought, I guess Im just an anxious individual, and I dont like to be ambushed. Hopefully I just won't run into him 1
FMW Posted October 23, 2022 Posted October 23, 2022 Just remember the reasons he disappointed you and let that help you let go of caring. When you run into him just smile and say hi and keep moving. It might feel awkward the first time, but after that you'll get used to it and at some point just not care anymore.
ShyViolet Posted October 23, 2022 Posted October 23, 2022 All you need to do if you run into him is literally say "Hi, how are you" and then he'll probably say "I'm ok, and you?" Then you say "I'm good. See you later." Then you leave. That's it. Act completely casual and distant, do not get into a conversation. Treat him like any other neighbor who you greet politely and then go about your day. 2
Calmandfocused Posted October 24, 2022 Posted October 24, 2022 Whenever I’ve accidentally bumped into anyone I don’t want to see, I’ve smiled sweetly, said “Hi, Y’alright?”, held my head high and kept on moving. The key is to make it look like their presence doesn’t bother you. And it shouldn’t. Be the bigger person. Those who don’t treat us well are meaningless in our lives. You’ll be ok. Probably won’t happen as often as you think. 2
Author Runninggirl Posted October 26, 2022 Author Posted October 26, 2022 Thank you I feel less anxious about running into him, when I thought about it I don't go out THAT often. The chances of seeing each other aren't that great. I also should stop running to the store every day anyway, its better for my economy to shop for the week, not for anytime I want something Ive been in no contact several times before with other people, and I always forget how gruesome the first two weeks are. I was fine the first few days, but now today it really hit me and its a bit difficult. I will 100% never reach out again, and I know that. It just sucks to feel so dumped. Even if we weren't really together. But I know no contact is the only way. I remember hearing after my first break up when I was addicted to listening to the break up coaches (only thing that would soothe me at the time), that someone said there's no point of giving someone more of what they already dont want. Which is what i tell myself every time after when I go into no contact. But still I hate the anxiety and I hate this period. Can't wait until a few weeks has passed, and not talking feels more normal. I went straight into the problem with my first post here, and didnt really write about how sudden this was. Prior to this issue he was really making an effort to see me often, seemed so serious, talked about the future and really get my hopes up. I got really attached, and honestly didnt think it would end this abrupt. I felt like every date we got a lot further, and more comfortable with each other. He seemed to really fall in love with me. So the "what the f*** happened"-question is what's making no contact difficult. REGARDLESS Im staying in NC. Its the only way to move on. Just a few difficult days now
Tiddytok5 Posted October 26, 2022 Posted October 26, 2022 Leave this guy alone. Block, delete, and move on.
Author Runninggirl Posted October 31, 2022 Author Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) Update: Its been a tough weekend. In the weekend I found out he was dating someone else, and that that someone probably is the reason why he ended things with me, which made me feel worthless. Apparently the timing overlaps. When I finally got through the weekend I went out of my house and there he was right behind me. He said hello, initiated a hug, and I said "Hi, its been a while, how are you", and was ready for a "fine, you?" and leave. But he really stood there and tried to make conversation, asking what I was doing and so on. And he was so nice and a lot more handsome than I remembered, and it made me miss him A LOT later. [ ] He acted as if he was really happy to see me, if I didnt know he had met someone else I would have thought he really wanted me back. Ofc he doesn't. I also haven't heard from him after. But this [messed] me up. Especially since I didnt see him, he was suddenly just behind med and grabbed me. Just needed to share.. Edited October 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
stillafool Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 3 hours ago, Runninggirl said: When I finally got through the weekend I went out of my house and there he was right behind me. How did that happen? Was he jogging past your house?
glows Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 (edited) I was wondering the same thing.^ I’m sorry you had to make small talk or run into him at all but you seemed to know you’d run into each other some time. He was trying to be cordial and he’s with someone new. It may be tough news but does it help you move on knowing he has moved on? Edited November 1, 2022 by glows
Author Runninggirl Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 He is moving here, I didnt know he was already here. Normally he wouldn't go past my house, but he had visited a friend he said
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 13 hours ago, Runninggirl said: I found out he was dating someone else, and that that someone probably is the reason why he ended things with me. Sorry this happened. How did you find out he's with someone else and that it overlapped the tail end of your relationship? While running into him may be somewhat unavoidable since he lives near you, what you can do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. If you do run into him keep it brief and cordial rather than engaging in this much catching up chitchat. Simply say hi and gotta run. 1
Author Runninggirl Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How did you find out he's with someone else and that it overlapped the tail end of your relationship? While running into him may be somewhat unavoidable since he lives near you, what you can do is delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. If you do run into him keep it brief and cordial rather than engaging in this much catching up chitchat. Simply say hi and gotta run. Someone told me who he was dating, and I know for a fact they started hanging out a few weeks before he quit me, I just assumed they were friends. (They are colleagues, so I didnt wanna be the crazy saying he couldn't go out with colleagues). I was planning on the hi and gotta go, but in this instance I was fixing something on the house, so I was in the middle of something when he approached me, I had no reason to just run away. He even asked what I was doing, and I was very obviously in the middle of it. I feel like absolute s*** today. Im contemplating sending him a message to have a conversation for ending, because I feel like this ghosting hurts me. Something like: "Hey, I know you've been busy, but when we were seeing each other it seemed very serious until the last time we met, and that you made a lot of effort, so it hurt me when you just disappeared a few days later without an explanation. I feel like we need to have a talk, Ive felt pretty shitty after, and just need to get a few things off my chest. Are you available tomorrow?" Like a closure chat. Just to get what I feel off my chest. What do you think? Im thinking just so I get to say that I felt badly treated, and not have any regrets that i let him so easily off the hook, so I can get closure and move on inside?
assertives Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Girl, no. Don't do it. Doing this will make you feel even worse. he was just someone you dated for a brief time, not a long time partner spouse or loved one. He is obviously not going to care enough to give you the "closure" that you want. He is already seeing someone else. Why message and ask to meet another person's boyfriend? You get the closure by accepting that for whatever reason it was, he didn't ultimately decided he didn't want to pursue a relationship with you, was shitty to you and wasted your time. But now you are free to go date available men. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Don't ask to chat about this, no. It will keep you hung up on him, and needlessly prolong your hurt. He won't be able to say anything that will make it feel better, and you likely won't feel any better for it either.
stillafool Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Oh goodness no don't do that. It will only make you feel worse when the talk ends. Did he ever actually ask you to be his gf? If not, he's just going to say we were dating but now he's chosen a relationship. Let him go and meet other guys. 1
Author Runninggirl Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 (edited) @stillafool he did call me his girlfriend once, but Im not sure if it was as serious as I interpreted it. Right now I just feel so [ ] aweful, and its difficult to make rational decisions. Im very grateful that lovesick exists. I dont feel like I can overwhelm my friends with all this constant [thinking] Edited November 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 3 hours ago, Runninggirl said: I know for a fact they started hanging out a few weeks before he quit me, I just assumed they were friends. Im contemplating sending him a message to have a conversation for ending, because I feel like this ghosting hurts me. Something like: "Hey, I know you've been busy, but when we were seeing each other it seemed very serious until the last time we met, and that you made a lot of effort, so it hurt me when you just disappeared a few days later without an explanation. I feel like we need to have a talk, Ive felt pretty shitty after, and just need to get a few things off my chest. Are you available tomorrow?" Please don't send this. Do not chase him for a date. The breakup itself is "closure". Do not reach out. Delete and block him. If you want to get anything off your chest talk to trusted friends, family or a therapist. 1
glows Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 It looks like you’re struggling to make sense of why he “disappeared” on you. The answer is he was interested in someone else and not you. It sounds harsh but you already know the reasons why. There’s no discussion needed. Think about it from his pov as well. Would he engage in such a discussion with you when he has a new girlfriend? You claim to care about him and speak highly of him so why not let him go. He found someone else who makes him happy. Knowing that he has moved on is closure enough. I think it was nice of him to stop by and chat like that. Going forward tell yourself you both owe one another nothing. Just be pleasant and cordial and brief and that’s all. Keep your answers short. If you’re feeling overwhelmed afterwards take a deep breath and know it’s part of how much you cared. You’re feeling overwhelmed but it doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. You move on. 1
Author Runninggirl Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 I know, you are all right, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I appreciate this website so much. And overwhelmed is exactly the right word. I just feel overwhelmed by the lack of control, feelings and trying to make sense of everything. I know it gets better over time, and that the beginning of NC is the worst. Just gotta hang in there. I just hate that I can't get myself to do other things at the same time (like studying, work) and I get behind on everything. My concentration is all over the place and I feel sick. Its great to have a place like this to vent. 1 1
glows Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 It can be hard at first but it gets easier with practice. You’re coping by feeling what you need to feel and facing that you cared. Don’t shove that where the sun don’t shine. Appreciate you and what you have to offer. Feel sad. Then go slay. Do your thing and finish anything you have to do. You can take moments of your day to sit and appreciate life in general and then go back to work at your own pace and meet deadlines.
ms.stressed Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Don't call them. Let them call you. Continue being single and let him come to you. Don't reach out. Don't text. Don't call. Let him make the plans. Let him come to you. I don't do anything I'm not comfortable doing. I don't do anything that doesn't feel right. Don't chase him. Be chased. Don't choose him. Be chosen. Be single.
ms.stressed Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 On 10/23/2022 at 4:36 AM, Runninggirl said: Thank you. I agree I give this too much thought, I guess Im just an anxious individual, and I dont like to be ambushed. Hopefully I just won't run into him I'm sorry that happened. In the future, don't give it too much thought. Continue being single. Don't call him. Don't text him. Let him reach out to you. Even when they do text, ignore his calls. Let him leave a message and call you back. I don't get comfortable in relationships until it feels right. It needs to feel right. I hope this helps. I don't say anything negative. If I can't make it, I ignore it. If I don't want to go, I ignore it. Allow him to accommodate
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