Guy overslept and missed our date.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Haven't even made it to the first date and already talking about anxiety problems? 

Yesterday on the news they were saying a study showed 58% of young adults suffer from anxiety. OP herself has admitted of having dealt with anxiety. It's everywhere, it's impossible to avoid it.

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yesterday on the news they were saying a study showed 58% of young adults suffer from anxiety. OP herself has admitted of having dealt with anxiety. It's everywhere, it's impossible to avoid it.

This doesn't surprise me.  I mentioned earlier but people, and imo especially younger, have become so accustomed to interacting behind a keyboard that they haven't developed the necessary social skills needed for interacting in the real world.

And as such, have developed social anxiety and other issues when faced with doing just that - getting out of the house and socializing/interacting in the real world with real people. 

There was an article in the Wall Street Journal not too long ago about this very thing happening in the workforce as well, since COVID.

People not showing up for scheduled in-person interviews or when interviewed via Zoom and hired, not showing up on the first day of work!

The company I now work for has experienced the same thing. One employee showed up and was there only a few days when she asked our bosses if she could work remotely from home. 

She said she felt  anxious coming in every day after working remotely from home for two years during Covid and doesn't feel comfortable being around people. 

She quit after one week.

It's become a real problem and I suspect this is what happened with @sushi's guy. 

He was  fine communicating behind a keyboard or phone, no mention of anxiety problems then, but when it came time to actually meet in person, anxiety hit and he couldn't make it. 

It's not uncommon, I've heard this from other people too, it's a real problem, especially since Covid when we were all stuck at home and forced to interact via the computer, zoom, etc. 

 

Edited September 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

22 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yesterday on the news they were saying a study showed 58% of young adults suffer from anxiety. OP herself has admitted of having dealt with anxiety. It's everywhere, it's impossible to avoid it.

That may indeed be true. 

But if it's an issue even before the first meet-up, I wouldn't bother. 

[poppyfields]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

That may indeed be true. 

But if it's an issue even before the first meet-up, I wouldn't bother. 

100% agree. 

There's nothing good or positive about this, and dating someone with such issues (or trying to) would be a real struggle. 

Again choose wisely from the get go and avoid confusion, disappointment and pain later. 

I think it was Maya Angelou who said this but when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!

[sushiandtacos]

Yeah I think I'm going to drop him I decided. He didn't even bother answering back after I asked if he was okay lol. 

Going to a rooftop bar to meet some new people today with some friends! I'm so tired of OLD and apps lol might want to try meeting people IRL this time around

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Yeah I think I'm going to drop him I decided. He didn't even bother answering back after I asked if he was okay lol. 

Going to a rooftop bar to meet some new people today with some friends! I'm so tired of OLD and apps lol might want to try meeting people IRL this time around

At least you extended a hand and you can now block and delete him with the satisfaction that you kept an open mind. 

 

[Alpacalia]

29 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Yeah I think I'm going to drop him I decided. He didn't even bother answering back after I asked if he was okay lol. 

Going to a rooftop bar to meet some new people today with some friends! I'm so tired of OLD and apps lol might want to try meeting people IRL this time around

Date cancellations happen.

Just shoot a quick text if they're running late, "hey, sorry to hear about that, hope we can reschedule" then let it go.

Don't go back and forth.

If he wants to reschedule, he'll tell you. Then you decide.

Now, go to that rooftop bar and have yourself a well-deserved cocktail. 

[sushiandtacos]

Thanks guys  

[Maldives]

On 9/10/2022 at 11:34 PM, sushiandtacos said:

Hey guys it's been a while

Moved into a new city and starting a new job, been so crazy! Also started to dip my feet back into dating again (scary IK).

Had a question regarding what happened this morning. I've been talking to this guy for a week now. He asked to meet up and we planned a coffee/breakfast date. We were supposed to meet this morning and he confirmed the night before the time and place. This morning I texted him to say that I was on my way and didn't hear back from him. My gut feeling told me to not go so I didn't, and so glad that I didn't leave my house! He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now. I didn't reply, I'm over with dating already (lol) Do I text him back and reschedule or drop him?

Hope everyone's been doing well

Drop him  a sign of things to come

[glows]

It’s ok to let this one go. I hope you’re doing ok and enjoying the company of others. 

[NuevoYorko]

From my perspective, it is much healthier to use ONLY the actual facts when deciding how to handle situations with people we actually know nothing about and have never met.  Maybe never even spoken to on the phone.   

You had one experience with this guy when you made this thread.  That is what you have to work with.  It's a pretty good chunk of info.

According to him, he either slept in, or was paralyzed by anxiety, and did not communicate with you about your planned meeting due to either or both of these things.   He handled it the way he did.   It's a valid glimpse into this person and how he functions.

Is that OK for you?

There is no point in trying to apply "intuition" or pseudo analysis to the situation; in fact, I think that it's detrimental to do it. 

When we do that, we are simply projecting from ourselves onto other people.  This hinders us from actually experiencing and dealing with the situation at hand.  Conjecturing about PUA, how "into" you he is or not,  etc. is a waste of time and also blocks you from actually getting to the real question:  with the information you DO have, are you still interested in pursuing something with this guy?  Yes, or no?  If you can listen to your intuition in a truly authentic way, the answer to the "Yes" or "no" question will be what you need to hear.