poppyfields Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Guys, he just texted back that he's really sorry about today and that he's having anxiety problems. IDK anymore So he didn't oversleep after all? He woke up with anxiety about meeting you so blew you off? Lord. Believe it or not, that's what I suspected. It's not that uncommon, people have gotten so comfortable communicating behind a keyboard, when it's time to meet in person, anxiety hits and they start panicking and flake. SMH Edited September 10, 2022 by poppyfields 2
Gaeta Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 I would not cut him off because he overslept, we all overslept at some point in our life because the alarm didn't go off. The fact he asked if you still wanted to go with the rain might just have been him being considerate. He was checking with you first if the rain was a problem. What do you have to lose? Go meet him. If he's unreliable or uninterested you will know it pretty fast. 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 10, 2022 Author Posted September 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He seems full of it, frankly. He stood you up. Not because of alarm clocks, rain or now..."anxiety"? Oh boy. Delete/block. Timewaster. 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 10, 2022 Author Posted September 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: So he didn't oversleep after all? He woke up with anxiety about meeting you so blew you off? Lord. Believe it or not, that's what I suspected. It's not that uncommon, people have gotten so comfortable communicating behind a keyboard, when it's time to meet in person, anxiety hits and they start panicking and flake. SMH I really don't know what to believe now! IDK why he had to lie about oversleeping if it was anxiety. This guy seems trouble lmao Or do you think he meant that he overslept because of his anxiety?
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 10, 2022 Author Posted September 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I would not cut him off because he overslept, we all overslept at some point in our life because the alarm didn't go off. The fact he asked if you still wanted to go with the rain might just have been him being considerate. He was checking with you first if the rain was a problem. What do you have to lose? Go meet him. If he's unreliable or uninterested you will know it pretty fast. Yes I was also thinking this too! IDK it's hard in this case because I haven't actually met him yet.
Gaeta Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 Just now, sushiandtacos said: Or do you think he meant that he overslept because of his anxiety? Why not asking him? and he'll tell you everything you need to know. 1
ShyViolet Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 16 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Guys, he just texted back that he's really sorry about today and that he's having anxiety problems. IDK anymore I would just say "let me know if you want to reschedule" and then leave the ball in his court. But if anything else weird happens, I would forget this guy. 2
poppyfields Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Or do you think he meant that he overslept because of his anxiety? No. Agree with Wiseman, guy is full of you know what. My take is same as initially, he didn't oversleep, he woke up and wasn't into it. He now claims due to anxiety. Please, common sense. Just next him sushi, like I said choose wisely from the get go and avoid additional BS later. You haven't even met, there's nothing good or positive here. Edited September 10, 2022 by poppyfields 3
Wiseman2 Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 6 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I really don't know what to believe now! IDK why he had to lie about oversleeping if it was anxiety. This guy seems trouble lmao. Or do you think he meant that he overslept because of his anxiety? He is still not coming up with another date, just another excuse. Keep in mind "mental health issues" is the new "My dog ate it". Why is he on apps chatting, setting up dates etc. if he's so tired, anxious and so on? 6
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 10, 2022 Author Posted September 10, 2022 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No. Agree with Wiseman, guy is full of you know what. My take is same as initially, he didn't oversleep, he woke up and wasn't into it. He now claims due to anxiety. Please, common sense. Just next him sushi, like I said choose wisely from the get go and avoid additional BS later. You haven't even met, there's nothing good or positive here. 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He is still not coming up with another date, just another excuse. Keep in mind "mental health issues" is the new "My dog ate it". Why is he on apps chatting, setting up dates etc. if he's so tired, anxious and so on? True, his anxiety doesn't give him an excuse to treat ppl disrespectfully! Also, this response is also lacking lol. A better response would've been asking to make up for it instead of just apologizing and blaming it on something else.
poppyfields Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 20 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Guys, he just texted back that he's really sorry about today and that he's having anxiety problems. Did he offer to reschedule? Or did he just leave it as he has anxiety problems? I am confused as to why you would even consider texting and asking him if he'd like to reschedule? If you are. Please don't reward bad behavior, that sets a really bad precedent for future bad behavior. Guy blew you off, with no reason other than he overslept and "anxiety." Didn't offer to reschedule. That's all the information you need to know to make an intelligent informed decision. Take care of YOU. 1 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 10, 2022 Author Posted September 10, 2022 (edited) He texted again saying how sorry he is and how he feels bad even tho I didn't reply to his last message. But if he felt so bad why not reschedule? Edited September 10, 2022 by sushiandtacos
basil67 Posted September 10, 2022 Posted September 10, 2022 1 minute ago, sushiandtacos said: He texted again saying how sorry he is and how he feels bad even tho I didn't reply to his last message. But if he felt so bad why not reschedule? Unless you plan to see him again, don't waste time wondering about something you'll never have the answer to 2
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 13 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: He texted again saying how sorry he is and how he feels bad even tho I didn't reply to his last message. But if he felt so bad why not reschedule? Why don't you ask him? You will never succeed at relationships if you don't communicate and it starts at the very beginning like this. 2
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 20 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Why don't you ask him? You will never succeed at relationships if you don't communicate and it starts at the very beginning like this. That's true, maybe I can work on my communication too
Alpacalia Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 (edited) @sushiandtacos Your only task is to determine whether you think his initial explanation is reasonable. Give him the benefit of the doubt IF you think that he has a good reason for being late. 30 minutes is a long time. I would decline discussing further any reasons for his lateness that he gives you. In the future, if this occurs with another man, don't wait around just go out and make sure you have a blast afterwards with your friends! As for snoozy snoozersen, I would have said something like, "I understand. It sounds like you have a lot going on, hopefully, we can reschedule soon!” Then leave it. If he is genuinely sorry, he'll want to make it up to you. The best thing to do sometimes is to leave it alone altogether. This is easier to do if it’s a new relationship or the first date. The idea of being let down can be very disappointing after you have spent a great deal of energy and time getting ready and putting together a beautiful outfit for the day and you have really tried your best to look great. No one enjoys having their date canceled. One benefit, however, stands out. You'll be better equipped to deal with situations like this if an unforeseen event has you running late or forces you to cancel an important event. Edited September 11, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said: He texted again saying how sorry he is and how he feels bad even tho I didn't reply to his last message. But if he felt so bad why not reschedule? sushi, in my opinion, the reason he's not rescheduling is because he realizes his limitations. Admittedly, he suffers from anxiety. Before meets/dates (as happened with you and perhaps at other times too) and he fears it will happen again. I think it great he's aware of it, acknowledged it, apologized and feels remorseful. He sounds like a decent guy afflicted with a debilitating disorder - anxiety. If you choose to pursue this @sushi, please consider what dating a man who suffers from such anxiety on this level where he couldn't even make it to a first meet would be like. My brother struggles with this. Before dates, I have witnessed him break out in a cold sweat, have trouble breathing and cannot eat or even sleep sometimes. He broke many dates for this reason. Now he only dates casually with zero commitment. That's anxiety. I have also struggled with it, so I understand it. Not on this level where I needed to break dates, but it was still a struggle. I sought professional help and am fine now, without meds, thankfully. I think it's fine if you want to talk to him, I'm sure he would appreciate it. But think very carefully about pursuing anything further. Jmo but I think if you do, you'd be setting yourself up for disappointment and possible heartbreak. Good luck though, hope it works out if that's what you want. Edited September 11, 2022 by poppyfields 1 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 I think his anxiety was triggered by oversleeping and missing the date. To know exactly what happenned you need to talk to him. 1 1
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think his anxiety was triggered by oversleeping and missing the date. To know exactly what happenned you need to talk to him. Possibly. But then why not reschedule? But yeah @sushi, reach out and talk to him. We are all just speculating anyway. Keep us posted! Edited September 11, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Possibly. But then why not reschedule? Still speculating... he was probably down spiralling into negative thoughts like she'll tell him to get lost. 1
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 Feeling anxious because he overslept and missed the date is one thing. The way he phrased it that he's having "anxiety problems" suggests something much deeper that goes beyond simply missing a date. It was one date, it's actually not that huge of a deal. All he had to do was apologize and suggest they meet later or another time. Easy peasy. For someone without "anxiety problems" that is, jmo. I think it's more than that and I still don't believe he overslept, it was an excuse. He owned his "anxiety problems" a short time later. Anyway again, it's all speculation. @sushi are you going to talk to him? 2
Author sushiandtacos Posted September 11, 2022 Author Posted September 11, 2022 I messaged him back now saying not to feel bad and asked him if he's doing okay. I figured i'd be understanding I've had my experiences with anxiety, but didn't ask to reschedule because unsure how I feel about that right now. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: . But if he felt so bad why not reschedule? Exactly. You never even met him because he stood you up. There's no point being his therapist or communicating further. Benefit of the doubt is one thing and you've been more than patient, even reaching out after he blew you off. However the important thing in dating is preventing burnout. Unfortunately there's a lot of cheaters and catfish and flakes and clowns like this out there so know when to cut your losses. Edited September 11, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2022 Posted September 11, 2022 Haven't even made it to the first date and already talking about anxiety problems? I would give this one a pass, sorry. It's not your job to be supportive to a dude you have never met. 3
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