Guy overslept and missed our date.

[sushiandtacos]

Hey guys it's been a while

Moved into a new city and starting a new job, been so crazy! Also started to dip my feet back into dating again (scary IK).

Had a question regarding what happened this morning. I've been talking to this guy for a week now. He asked to meet up and we planned a coffee/breakfast date. We were supposed to meet this morning and he confirmed the night before the time and place. This morning I texted him to say that I was on my way and didn't hear back from him. My gut feeling told me to not go so I didn't, and so glad that I didn't leave my house! He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now. I didn't reply, I'm over with dating already (lol) Do I text him back and reschedule or drop him?

Hope everyone's been doing well

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now. I didn't reply,  I text him back and reschedule or drop him?

Sorry this happened. Just delete/block. If this is the why he makes a first impression/puts his best foot forward, forget it. Timewaster.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Wiseman2

[sushiandtacos]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Just delete/block. If this is the why he makes a first impression/puts his best foot forward, forget it. Timewaster.

This was my initial reaction! But idk if I should be more forgiving since this was his idea and he seemed really excited to go. Ironic he told me he hopes I'm a morning person and he's the one that ends up oversleeping And I don't really know him enough to make a judgment on him if he does this consistently or if this was an accident.

[glows]

48 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

This was my initial reaction! But idk if I should be more forgiving since this was his idea and he seemed really excited to go. Ironic he told me he hopes I'm a morning person and he's the one that ends up oversleeping And I don't really know him enough to make a judgment on him if he does this consistently or if this was an accident.

I’d look at the big picture here. He’s not a morning person and tends to sleep in. Do you see yourself with someone who sleeps in a lot? He just showed you his natural state and I think it’s fortunate this early. 

Did you pick up on any key elements about his lifestyle? Does he work late or was he out drinking and slept in? Those are factors for compatibility or lack thereof.

[stillafool]

57 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

But idk if I should be more forgiving since this was his idea and he seemed really excited to go.

If this was the case he should have been up early (grooming) and making sure everything went perfect for the meet.  At least setting an alarm.  Who does that?

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said:

Hey guys it's been a while

Moved into a new city and starting a new job, been so crazy! Also started to dip my feet back into dating again (scary IK).

Had a question regarding what happened this morning. I've been talking to this guy for a week now. He asked to meet up and we planned a coffee/breakfast date. We were supposed to meet this morning and he confirmed the night before the time and place. This morning I texted him to say that I was on my way and didn't hear back from him. My gut feeling told me to not go so I didn't, and so glad that I didn't leave my house! He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now I didn't reply, I'm over with dating already (lol) Do I text him back and reschedule or drop him?

Hope everyone's been doing well

Hi sushi, good to see you back!

My take on this is he didn't oversleep, he woke up on time but wasn't into it. 

Him asking "if I still wanted to go because it's raining now" reads like him hoping you'd say no.

If me, I wouldn't respond, and delete. 

Aim higher.

Good luck!

[Alvi]

First impressions count! Imagine if he overslept for a job interview and later on told a hiring company that he still wants to go to that said interview. But "oh, so it is raining so whatever." Do you think that he is ever going to get that job? Not likely, unless he is the best specialist in that area on this planet.

Chances are that he didn't oversleep. Maybe he wasn't that interested in meeting you. He woke up in the morning not feeling it. Or maybe he was but his nerves got better of him. Maybe he woke up with a feeling of doom and bloom, started to have self-doubts, a panic attack or was hyperventilating that morning. But I am willing to bet more for a scenario where he is married or in a relationship. Would not be a first married person who creating an on-line to see what else is out there. No, they don't want to cheat on their spouses just yet, they are only curious to get their feet wet a bit and chat with some ladies. Never know. Maybe his wife walked in just as he was about to text you back that he was coming. I've talked to plenty of those non-single time wasters. They ask for a date and cancel very last minute or do not show up for that said date. And later on (with some digging) I find out that they are married or have a partner. Or he could be a catfish for all that you know.

What to do? Nope, don't reschedule anything yourself. It is totally up to him to reschedule if he wants to get together ever again. But he is not doing that, is he? He didn't say "I sincerely apologize for standing you up but how about meeting tomorrow for me to make it up to you." What you need to do is to block him, no explanation needed. If he ever contacts you again sometimes in the future, block him again. NEXT.

2 hours ago, sushiandtacos said:

coffee/breakfast date

Breakfast dates are so lame. Even if you are super busy, why did you agree to it? It is sort of like he is trying to squeeze you in somewhere instead of arranging  real date. Why didn't he ask you for an evening coffee or a dinner date instead? More chances that he is married.

 

 

[ShyViolet]

[ ]  I don't think it would be unreasonable to give him another chance.  Maybe it was an honest mistake.  

Edited September 10, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
argumentative

[poppyfields]

sushi, to add to my previous, if he did truly over sleep and were still interested, do you think it makes sense that he would have asked "if I still wanted to go because it's raining now"?

He didn't even say HE still wanted to go, he only asked if you did, but oops it's raining so probably not. 

Sometimes all it takes is good ole common sense.

Had he said "I'd still like to meet, it's raining but so what, you up for it"? I would give another chance but his response was so mediocre and meh.

I dunno, I always passed on such guys, your call though.  

Edited September 10, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, sushiandtacos said:

He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now.

Too soon to form judgment.

I do not think you give him a free pass, but you do engage.

I would be blunt.

You have nothing to lose at this point.

In the meantime, be cautious and avoid excessive texting. 

Meet him if HE asks. But if he acts weird again next time or opts out, you know what to do.

I'd add a caveat though and would say if this tends to happen a lot to you then pass. Don't want to risk burn out.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Lotsgoingon]

Might be something (his oversleeping). Might be NOTHING. As in nothing negative.

You don't know why he overslept right? He could have been drunk? Or he could have been attending to the emergency illness of a parent. Or he could just have been exhausted and spaced out from work and just didn't set the alarm right. 

Saying you are done with dating already (I hope in jest) just don't go there. This incident is neutral just slightly leaning to concerning.

If I felt good talking to the person after they called to explain, then yeah, I would schedule another date. I came so close not long ago to oversleeping and missing an appointment. I was tired the night before, really tired. I didn't have good concentration setting the emergency alarm. Turns out I didn't turn it on ... or can't remember, might have put in p.m. as opposed to a.m.

You are reasonable if you want to stay. But this could be a one-off. 

[smackie9]

It's always a crap shoot....if want to reschedule then do so.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, sushiandtacos said:

He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now. I didn't reply,  Do I text him back and reschedule or drop him?

No don't text him to reschedule. His last text was just a lame excuse so don't chase. For all you know he had some hookup from the night before in bed with him.

If he were interested/remorseful for standing you up he would have offered to make it up to you.

 Don't let this taint your view on dating. This is just one bad apple.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Wiseman2

[sushiandtacos]

Wow thanks guys for all the input! Missed ya'll  

4 hours ago, glows said:

I’d look at the big picture here. He’s not a morning person and tends to sleep in. Do you see yourself with someone who sleeps in a lot? He just showed you his natural state and I think it’s fortunate this early. 

Did you pick up on any key elements about his lifestyle? Does he work late or was he out drinking and slept in? Those are factors for compatibility or lack thereof.

Good point, but I don't think I know him at all to the point to decide this  just tricky when it's the first time meeting someone bc he could be lazy/sleeps a lot or it was truly an accident. 

4 hours ago, stillafool said:

If this was the case he should have been up early (grooming) and making sure everything went perfect for the meet.  At least setting an alarm.  Who does that?

True very true lol. 

 

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hi sushi, good to see you back!

My take on this is he didn't oversleep, he woke up on time but wasn't into it. 

Him asking "if I still wanted to go because it's raining now" reads like him hoping you'd say no.

If me, I wouldn't respond, and delete. 

Aim higher.

Good luck!

Hi poppy!! Hope you've been well  

Yeah I wasn't a fan of his response after, although he apologized. Would rather have him try to make up for it because he was the one who asked initially!

3 hours ago, Alvi said:

First impressions count! Imagine if he overslept for a job interview and later on told a hiring company that he still wants to go to that said interview. But "oh, so it is raining so whatever." Do you think that he is ever going to get that job? Not likely, unless he is the best specialist in that area on this planet.

Chances are that he didn't oversleep. Maybe he wasn't that interested in meeting you. He woke up in the morning not feeling it. Or maybe he was but his nerves got better of him. Maybe he woke up with a feeling of doom and bloom, started to have self-doubts, a panic attack or was hyperventilating that morning. But I am willing to bet more for a scenario where he is married or in a relationship. Would not be a first married person who creating an on-line to see what else is out there. No, they don't want to cheat on their spouses just yet, they are only curious to get their feet wet a bit and chat with some ladies. Never know. Maybe his wife walked in just as he was about to text you back that he was coming. I've talked to plenty of those non-single time wasters. They ask for a date and cancel very last minute or do not show up for that said date. And later on (with some digging) I find out that they are married or have a partner. Or he could be a catfish for all that you know.

What to do? Nope, don't reschedule anything yourself. It is totally up to him to reschedule if he wants to get together ever again. But he is not doing that, is he? He didn't say "I sincerely apologize for standing you up but how about meeting tomorrow for me to make it up to you." What you need to do is to block him, no explanation needed. If he ever contacts you again sometimes in the future, block him again. NEXT.

Breakfast dates are so lame. Even if you are super busy, why did you agree to it? It is sort of like he is trying to squeeze you in somewhere instead of arranging  real date. Why didn't he ask you for an evening coffee or a dinner date instead? More chances that he is married.

Yes, his first impression was no bueno!! Whatever his reason was, I don't think he had to the courtesy to reschedule or feel bad about it. I don't think he's married tho, but yeah you never know

 

[sushiandtacos]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

People are making a lot of assumptions in some of these comments.  I don't think it would be unreasonable to give him another chance.  Maybe it was an honest mistake.  

Yes, I was thinking this too. TBH it wasn't a huge deal because we live close in the city so we were just going to the farmer's market the street over to get coffee, so both walking distance for us. But still it would've been nice if he tried to make up for it after

[sushiandtacos]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Too soon to form judgment.

I do not think you give him a free pass, but you do engage.

I would be blunt.

You have nothing to lose at this point.

In the meantime, be cautious and avoid excessive texting. 

Meet him if HE asks. But if he acts weird again next time or opts out, you know what to do.

I'd add a caveat though and would say if this tends to happen a lot to you then pass. Don't want to risk burn out.

Yeah, not going to reschedule or still not sure if I want to continue talking to him 

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Might be something (his oversleeping). Might be NOTHING. As in nothing negative.

You don't know why he overslept right? He could have been drunk? Or he could have been attending to the emergency illness of a parent. Or he could just have been exhausted and spaced out from work and just didn't set the alarm right. 

Saying you are done with dating already (I hope in jest) just don't go there. This incident is neutral just slightly leaning to concerning.

If I felt good talking to the person after they called to explain, then yeah, I would schedule another date. I came so close not long ago to oversleeping and missing an appointment. I was tired the night before, really tired. I didn't have good concentration setting the emergency alarm. Turns out I didn't turn it on ... or can't remember, might have put in p.m. as opposed to a.m.

You are reasonable if you want to stay. But this could be a one-off. 

We were texting the night before having a chat a bit before bed so it definitely could've been an accident and he forgot to set the alarm. 

Ironic he said he hopes I'm a morning person tho bc clearly he isn't

[sushiandtacos]

35 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm curious to know had this been a first meet you missed due to over-sleeping, how would you have responded after receiving a text from your date asking if you were still on to meet that morning? 

Would you had asked her if she still wanted to meet because it was raining?  

Or would you have apologized for over-sleeping, told her you were still very interested in meeting despite the rain and/or scheduled another time right then and there? 

Imo, it's not that he overslept (if even true), shyt happens.

It was his nonchalant and rather indifferent response afterwards. It reflects a take or leave attitude and low interest.

These are the types of guys women need to next immediately imo.

Too many women ignore these early signs of low interest and then complain later that the guy is hot/cold, flaking and treating her poorly.

Choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment, confusion and heartbreak later.

That's what I always did which worked out well for me.  I didn't end up, jaded, bitter, disillusioned or distrustful.  

This guy is a big nothing imo.  Next. 

 

Very good point poppy!! It's always easier to choose wisely from the very beginning to avoid the difficulty of later on!

Yeah, exactly. I could care less of him sleeping but more so his response after was lacking. 

[sushiandtacos]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

No don't text him to reschedule. His last text was just a lame excuse so don't chase. For all you know he had some hookup from the night before in bed with him.

If he were interested/remorseful for standing you up he would have offered to make it up to you.

 Don't let this taint your view on dating. This is just one bad apple.

I ended up texting him 

"lol so much for being a morning person" lmao and he didn't reply! 

[bene]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

He didn't even say HE still wanted to go, he only asked if you did, but oops it's raining so probably not. 

Good point, it sounds really unenthusiastic. As if he’s doing some favor to OP by agreeing to come. And a grown man fussing about some rain rubs me the wrong way. It’s just not attractive if a slightest inconvenience is good enough reason to stay home.

[poppyfields]

Just now, sushiandtacos said:

I ended up texting him 

"lol so much for being a morning person" lmao and he didn't reply! 

I'm glad you're able to laugh about it sushi, that's really all you can do. 

[Alpacalia]

39 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Yeah, not going to reschedule or still not sure if I want to continue talking to him 

If you are no longer interested then move on.

It sucks that he overslept by 30 minutes but, he did apologize:

6 hours ago, sushiandtacos said:

He texted me 30 minutes after when we were supposed to meet saying he's sorry that he overslept and if I still wanted to go because it's raining now. I didn't reply, I'm over with dating already (lol)

I know his delivery sucked with his choice of words.

It’s not like he stood you up. He didn’t have to say he forgot and just confirmed the date with you.

I'm saying this as someone who arrives early.

I suppose the good thing about this is that you weren't at the location you had confirmed you would meet him at the night before anyway, so you weren't stuck waiting at that location.

Onward and upward!

Edited September 10, 2022 by Alpacalia

[sushiandtacos]

Guys, he just texted back that he's really sorry about today and that he's having anxiety problems.

IDK anymore

[poppyfields]

I kinda wonder though @sushi had you NOT texted him to confirm, would HE have texted you at all?   

What if you hadn't texted to confirm and gone to where you were scheduled to meet? 

I dunno, got a bad feeling about this guy, he sounds extremely irresponsible at best, inconsiderate and disinterested at worst. 

Edited September 10, 2022 by poppyfields

[sushiandtacos]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

I kinda wonder though @sushi had you NOT texted him to confirm, would HE have texted you?   

What if you hadn't texted to confirm and gone to where you were scheduled to meet? 

I dunno, got a bad feeling about this guy, he sounds extremely irresponsible at best, disinterested at worst. 

I agree! Haven't even met him yet and he sounds like he's drama lol

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Guys, he just texted back that he's really sorry about today and that he's having anxiety problems.

IDK anymore

He seems full of it, frankly. He stood you up. Not because of alarm clocks, rain or now..."anxiety"? Oh boy. Delete/block. Timewaster.