Uptown182 Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 So had a second date with a guy this past Sunday. Seems like we both had a nice time, the only issue is we’re both on the quiet side so it sometimes makes it awkward (at least for me) but our first date was the same way and he seemed to be super into me after that. Thing is, he hasn’t tried to kiss me yet. When we say goodbye he gives me a tight hug and kisses me on the cheek. About 10 minutes after we parted ways Sunday evening he texted me saying he had a nice time with a smiley face, I replied saying I had a really nice time and thanked him for the date, he responded saying good with a smiley face. His birthday was the following day (yesterday) so in the morning I texted him wishing him a happy birthday, he responded with a thank you but there was no follow up conversation after that. Now so far we don’t really have big conversations over text, he only really texts to make and confirm plans and occasionally ask how my day is going. I would like one more date with him to see if this could be something, but I fear he may have lost interest after the second date. Does it sound to you guys like he has?
stillafool Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 Since yesterday was his birthday he probably didn't text anymore because he was celebrating. The next time you go out if he doesn't try to kiss you, at the end of the date kiss him on the lips. He may be shy and needs to know you want to kiss him. Do it.
Author Uptown182 Posted September 6, 2022 Author Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Since yesterday was his birthday he probably didn't text anymore because he was celebrating. The next time you go out if he doesn't try to kiss you, at the end of the date kiss him on the lips. He may be shy and needs to know you want to kiss him. Do it. He told me he wasn’t doing anything for his birthday when we were out on Sunday. He celebrated Saturday with his family. I will do that if we go out again Edited September 6, 2022 by Uptown182
poppyfields Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: I fear he may have lost interest after the second date. Is it safe to assume he initiated the first two dates? If so, why not think positively versus negatively like you're doing now? Assume he likes you, and initiate the third date yourself? Nothing fancy or elaborate; something light breezy and casual. It's not chasing/pursuing if that what concerns you. It's called making effort and reciprocating. I would (and have) assuming I really liked him, and the first two dates went great. Your call though. Good luck whatever you decide and let us know. Edited September 6, 2022 by poppyfields 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 47 minutes ago, poppyfields said: initiate the third date yourself? This is my suggestion, too. Ask him out. I imagine he will accept.
Calmandfocused Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 If enthusiasm doesn’t pick up for both of you soon this is going to die a death. Your interactions with each other sound perfunctory, business like and cold. Introversion doesn’t create this, lack of interest does. My advice is stop dating him like you’re booking an appointment at the dentist. Have a bit of fun. My hunch is that this ship has sailed but I’m happy to be wrong. I hope I am.
Author Uptown182 Posted September 6, 2022 Author Posted September 6, 2022 18 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: If enthusiasm doesn’t pick up for both of you soon this is going to die a death. Your interactions with each other sound perfunctory, business like and cold. Introversion doesn’t create this, lack of interest does. My advice is stop dating him like you’re booking an appointment at the dentist. Have a bit of fun. My hunch is that this ship has sailed but I’m happy to be wrong. I hope I am. We both have a lot in common, are looking for the same things and I think check a lot of the boxes on each other’s “lists” but the truth is I think we’re having a hard time connecting. Maybe it’s the age difference (it’s 12 years, although I don’t really think it’s that as My last ex was 10 years older than me). After our first date he just seemed a lot more enthusiastic, texting me and telling me how he thought I was amazing and he sounded excited to see me again. I didn’t get that vibe after our second date. And if I’m being honest with myself I don’t really feel a spark or connection with him but because he seems like such a great catch and very genuine, I feel like it can develop. But I also think sometimes it’s better to have a connection that grows over time rather than one that comes on strong and then fizzles out quickly.
poppyfields Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: After our first date he just seemed a lot more enthusiastic, texting me and telling me how he thought I was amazing and he sounded excited to see me again. I didn’t get that vibe after our second date. And if I’m being honest with myself I don’t really feel a spark or connection with him... If I were to hazard a guess, what's bolded above is why he seemed less enthusiastic after second date. He sensed your lack of interest, attraction and enthusiasm and it caused him to lose some, if not all, of his attraction and enthusiasm. Let this one go is my advice. It's best to date men you're into and who are into you. Edited September 6, 2022 by poppyfields
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 14 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: After our first date he just seemed a lot more enthusiastic, texting me and telling me how he thought I was amazing and he sounded excited to see me again. And would you say you seem enthusiastic and excited, too?
Author Uptown182 Posted September 6, 2022 Author Posted September 6, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: And would you say you seem enthusiastic and excited, too? Yes I told him I was looking forward to seeing him again as well
Author Uptown182 Posted September 6, 2022 Author Posted September 6, 2022 9 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If I were to hazard a guess, what's bolded above is why he seemed less enthusiastic after second date. He sensed your lack of interest, attraction and enthusiasm and it caused him to lose some, if not all, of his attraction and enthusiasm. Let this one go is my advice. It's best to date men you're into and who are into you. I think I acted the same on both dates. I didn’t act more into him on the first than on the second.
poppyfields Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: I think I acted the same on both dates. I didn’t act more into him on the first than on the second. Well, if you want to continue dating him, you're going to have to at least pretend you're into him and initiate the third. He may be confused about your interest level (rightfully so) and needs that. It's unfair to expect a man to continue pursuing you when he's not receiving much from you in return. That's called entitlement. Honestly at this point, I don't think it's quite there for either of you. But wait and see, he may reach out asking for third, or you can initiate yourself. Good luck. Edited September 6, 2022 by poppyfields
glows Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 My guess is you’re overthinking this. Stay busy with other things and if he shows more interest in the next date see how it goes. It’s too early to tell as it’s only been two dates. I wouldn’t get stuck on this. Spend time doing other things and try not to drive yourself crazy wondering if he’s into you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 3 hours ago, Uptown182 said: I would like one more date with him to see if this could be something, but I fear he may have lost interest after the second date. He wouldn't have asked you on a second date if there were no interest. try to relax and don't judge interest so fast by texting or kissing. have confidence and let it unfold naturally. It's a myth that texting a lot indicates interest or that not being too physical too fast indicates lack of interest. 1
poppyfields Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) Uptown, I am curious, since he seems to "pulling back" a bit, how is this impacting your interest level? Has the uncertainty caused your interest to increase a bit? Is this wondering about him intriguing you? Or is it having the opposite effect? I only ask as there is quite a bit of advice for men circulating out there telling them when they are confused and uncertain about a woman's attraction and interest level, to lean back giving her a chance to step up and initiate. The same advice is given to women about men. So, if he sensed your self-admitted lack of interest, connection and enthusiasm, him not asking for third may be a strategic move on his part, to gauge and/or increase your interest. I'm speculating but it's possible. Edited September 6, 2022 by poppyfields
Recommended Posts