Heartbrokenkaren Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 i am broken. I cannot stop crying. I feel someone has stabbed my heart over and over. This is worse pain than my divorce or any other breakup I have ensured. I left my 19 year marriage to be with the man of my dreams (I did not cheat on my husband) I thought he was my soul mate and left my marriage to push things forward and meet this guy as I had spoken to for hours/evenings through work for years. We slept together many times then I found out he was married & he said he was getting a divorce - lies now. Already in love with him, but last night gave him time an ultimatum as too much pain. He did not come through. I feel sick to the stomach. He even put his dog before me as a reason not to leave. He did not fight. He just agreed. Will this pain ever go away? Reality check: he did not even fight for us and invested nothing into it. I am so sad :-( Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 It’s the story that plays out here time and again… woman becomes emotionally attached, leaves her marriage to make herself available for her affair partner, and…he has no intention to leave his wife, his marriage, his children, his family, his dog, his home, his life. He was simply looking for a little “extra” - whether that is excitement, affirmation, sex… I’m sorry this happened, but it plays out time and time again on this site… it’s not wise to plan a future with another woman’s husband. I hope your marriage was well and done when you decided to file for divorce. All you can do is look forward now - if it was me, I would be looking for a good counsellor and I would stay single for a while. There is lots to process and lots to grieve here. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 30 minutes ago, Heartbrokenkaren said: I left my 19 year marriage to be with the man of my dreams. last night gave him time an ultimatum as too much pain. He did not come through. Sorry this happened. Do you still work together? How long were you together? How long have you known he is married? Unfortunately you are feeling back to back pain of leaving your marriage and now this. Unfortunately what served as a distraction and seemed like an escape to a perfect world turned out to be a disappointment. All you can do is distance your self and perhaps seek out a qualified therapist to unpack and sort all this out. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 I’m so sorry this happened. There’s nothing anybody can say or write to you right now that’ll make the pain go away. All you can do is focus on moving forward, away from this situation. You’ve been misled, and you made a big mistake. But this will make you stronger! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 4 hours ago, Heartbrokenkaren said: i am broken. I cannot stop crying. I feel someone has stabbed my heart over and over. This is worse pain than my divorce or any other breakup I have ensured. I left my 19 year marriage to be with the man of my dreams (I did not cheat on my husband) I thought he was my soul mate and left my marriage to push things forward and meet this guy as I had spoken to for hours/evenings through work for years. We slept together many times then I found out he was married & he said he was getting a divorce - lies now. Already in love with him, but last night gave him time an ultimatum as too much pain. He did not come through. I feel sick to the stomach. He even put his dog before me as a reason not to leave. He did not fight. He just agreed. Will this pain ever go away? Reality check: he did not even fight for us and invested nothing into it. I am so sad 😞 Did he ask you to leave your husband and be with him? You still did the right thing by leaving your husband since you weren't in love with him. Sorry he lied to you about being a single man only to find out he was married. He never invited you to his house to spend the night during the years you were seeing him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Heartbrokenkaren said: We slept together many times then I found out he was married & he said he was getting a divorce - lies now. Indeed, that’s a really crappy thing to do and it tells you a lot about his character. It may not be what you want to hear in this moment but it has actually worked out for the best, for you. You don’t really want to be involved with a man who is capable of doing something like this. Imagine that he did divorce and chose to be with you - you know what he is capable of doing! This is not a man that you could ever, or should ever, trust. Edited September 5, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenkaren Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 Just left feeling how I got it so wrong, he never asked me to leave my husband that was my decision, but I left him for him as I could not cheat. I thought how could he not possibly love me after holding me in his arms etc. He never said I love you - those words to me but I thought it was just that he was saving it, how wrong. I am grateful he did not lie and promise me he would leave to keep it going. The thing that hurts more is that I know he wont try to even contact me as that is the way he is. I probablly made his marriage stronger. If anyone reads this, please be sure you fully investigate any new man you let into your heart. I still feel sick to the stomach on the thought of never seeing or speaking to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 How did he hide being married? now at least - you know he is the type that will cheat and lie. you want someone with better character than that. You deserve better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 12 minutes ago, S2B said: How did he hide being married? This is what I'm wondering OP. In all the years you knew him, even had sex with him, he never invited you to his home? Weren't you suspicious of why that was? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 What did he say he was doing when holidays came around? Who was he with? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Did you tell him that you were leaving your marriage for him before you told your ex-h? What was his response to your decision? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 11 hours ago, Heartbrokenkaren said: he never asked me to leave my husband that was my decision, but I left him for him The best thing you can do is explore your unhappy marriage and decision to divorce. It seems like you made the right decision. Hopefully didn't divorce in order to be with this man. You seem to put these two events in tandem. The affair and leaving your husband. Perhaps he was a comfort through your divorce or an inspiration for it, but was his marital status ever discussed when the affair went from an emotional affair to a physical affair?. Sadly he is not the man you hoped he would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 19 hours ago, Heartbrokenkaren said: He did not fight. He just agreed. Will this pain ever go away? Reality check: he did not even fight for us and invested nothing into it. I am so sad 😞 I feel for you, honestly. And I am sorry you are going through this pain. Like @Wiseman2wrote before me: you did decide to leave your marriage. That's a decision should be made independently of any circumstances. It shouldn't be like "I will leave my marriage if I can have this other partner". It should be like "I will leave my marriage regardless of what the future may hold". Hoping that your decision was like that. In that case, you are in deep desolate hurt now but you will recover and come out stronger. And have a brighter future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tullyseptember Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 You didn't make his marriage stronger, unfortunately you were part of his deceitful behavior to his wife. I really think you should seek counseling, you need someone who is there for your best interests and who will guide you on the path of healing 😊 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Davina1 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 So sorry this has happened to you . Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) On 9/5/2022 at 7:24 AM, Heartbrokenkaren said: We slept together many times then I found out he was married & he said he was getting a divorce - lies now. I am grateful he did not lie and promise me he would leave to keep it going. I'm a bit confused about your story, but I suppose you mean once he made up his mind to stay he stuck to it, rather than stringing you along? Putting myself in your shoes, it seems that it being "late news" that he was married should have been quite the red flag. Sadly "love is blind" and "love" doesn't always weave a straight path, even for those intent on keeping it that way, let alone for those who "stray". Your path has led you to a dead-end for now; however, that is likely temporary - once you have processed your emotions from the break up (and I suggest you give them the time they are "due" as these are major changes/disappointments) you will be free to seek a new and hopefully happier partnership. Edited September 6, 2022 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sol Flor Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 On 9/5/2022 at 8:24 AM, Heartbrokenkaren said: i am broken. I cannot stop crying. I feel someone has stabbed my heart over and over. This is worse pain than my divorce or any other breakup I have ensured. I left my 19 year marriage to be with the man of my dreams (I did not cheat on my husband) I thought he was my soul mate and left my marriage to push things forward and meet this guy as I had spoken to for hours/evenings through work for years. We slept together many times then I found out he was married & he said he was getting a divorce - lies now. Already in love with him, but last night gave him time an ultimatum as too much pain. He did not come through. I feel sick to the stomach. He even put his dog before me as a reason not to leave. He did not fight. He just agreed. Will this pain ever go away? Reality check: he did not even fight for us and invested nothing into it. I am so sad 😞 I understand this pain. I wish I had advice to give you to tell you that it will be ok. But I don’t know myself. I’m in the same heartbroken place as you. Sending hugs to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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