do you think she wants a 2nd date?

[max3732]

This is the 2nd woman I mentioned here:

 

Basically I thought we connected on big issues and the date went really well. Felt like a lot of good chemistry and we have similar values, education, hobbies, etc.

At the end I suggested an activity and she gave the name of a place nearby that did it and kissed her before leaving. We actually continued talking a bit after that too. She mentioned having a trip coming up and gave me the date, but also that we could try and meet the next weekend.

When I texted her after she said she'd like to go and needed to check her schedule. Then she said she had relatives coming to visit over Labor day she "wont be able to do it this weekend but hopefully soon".

I texted her back asking when her trip was she talked about and haven't heard back for a few days.

I was really excited about her and was sure she wanted to go out again, but the cancellation and silence are getting me worried.

[Ami1uwant]

It’s too early to say if she is flaking on you or not.    The ball should be in her court.

[Lotsgoingon]

She's very specific, busy over Labor Day. 

But she said "soon." Yeah, she's interested--note "interested" means meeting you for a second date. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

I texted her back asking when her trip was she talked about and haven't heard back for a few days.

As a woman, if I were interested in a guy and wanted to see him again, I wouldn't let days of silence pass. 

Even if I were busy, I would send a quick reply when I could, just to keep the momentum going. I would leave this one up to her but I would keep your options open in the meantime. She sounds lukewarm. 

Edited September 4, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

 silence are getting me worried.

Believe her. In the grand scheme of things, you're someone she knows for a few hours. Keep in mind after a couple of dates you're both still talking to and meeting others so try not to take the pulse of every interaction so intensely.

Not everyone wants to ignore their friends and family on holidays so they can text someone they barely know.

Try to roll with it. She graciously gave you the heads up that she's going to be busy with family. Texting is not dating.

Edited September 4, 2022 by Wiseman2

[max3732]

23 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

She's very specific, busy over Labor Day. 

But she said "soon." Yeah, she's interested--note "interested" means meeting you for a second date. 

Hopefully you're right and she's not saying she wants to get together "soon" just to avoid hurting my feelings or maybe toy with me or something. If she's not interested I'd like to know that ASAP.

I'm reluctant to schedule anything that would take up too much time this weekend just in case since I liked her so much. Wish I wrote down when she told me she was traveling.

19 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

As a woman, if I were interested in a guy and wanted to see him again, I wouldn't let days of silence pass. 

Even if I were busy, I would send a quick reply when I could, just to keep the momentum going. I would leave this one up to her but I would keep your options open in the meantime. She sounds lukewarm. 

That's what I would do too. My thought was that since we're communicating on the app maybe she doesn't get notifications and didn't check it over the long weekend. 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Hopefully you're right and she's not saying she wants to get together "soon" just to avoid hurting my feelings or maybe toy with me or something. If she's not interested I'd like to know that ASAP.

I'm reluctant to schedule anything that would take up too much time this weekend just in case since I liked her so much. Wish I wrote down when she told me she was traveling.

That's what I would do too. My thought was that since we're communicating on the app maybe she doesn't get notifications and didn't check it over the long weekend. 

If I’m with family/ relatives I am not being occupied by who I am communicating/ early dating and that turns into a subject of discussion….especially if she has gotten pressure at home to get married

[smackie9]

Tip: she’s busy stop texting. Don’t clutch yer perils with abated breath. Carry on with seeking other women, etc. Leave it til middle of the week to ask her out again. She doesn’t reply oh well. 

[max3732]

20 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

If I’m with family/ relatives I am not being occupied by who I am communicating/ early dating and that turns into a subject of discussion….especially if she has gotten pressure at home to get married

She mentioned her sibilings are all married and she's mid 30's and wants 2+ kids. I'd like to think I'd be a great catch for her if that subject came up.

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Tip: she’s busy stop texting. Don’t clutch yer perils with abated breath. Carry on with seeking other women, etc. Leave it til middle of the week to ask her out again. She doesn’t reply oh well. 

I just sent her that one message. It's a little frustrating not hearing anything back by now, but I'm definitely continuing to pursue other women. I've got 2 I'm chatting with, but it's always tricky going from chatting on a dating app to actually meeting.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

She mentioned her sibilings are all married and she's mid 30's and wants 2+ kids. I'd like to think I'd be a great catch for her if that subject came up.

KIndly, being a great match is far more complex than having similar timelines.  

Slow down and just see where it goes.  If you're in an established relationship and getting on really well, then long term compatibility can be considered.

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

She mentioned her sibilings are all married and she's mid 30's and wants 2+ kids. I'd like to think I'd be a great catch for her if that subject came up.

I just sent her that one message. It's a little frustrating not hearing anything back by now, but I'm definitely continuing to pursue other women. I've got 2 I'm chatting with, but it's always tricky going from chatting on a dating app to actually meeting.

Even more so…if siblings sre married and with kids they will bring up her dating exploits and what’s happening.

 

i hated talking about my early dating stuff with friends and family before it was really established.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, max3732 said:

. It's a little frustrating not hearing anything back by now, but I'm definitely continuing to pursue other women. I've got 2 I'm chatting with.

So she is a preferred choice? She gave you the heads up that she would be busy with family over the holiday weekend so try to to fret. You're talking to others and she probably is as well, since you're not exclusive.

[Gaeta]

On 9/3/2022 at 7:33 PM, max3732 said:

This is the 2nd woman I mentioned here:

 

 

I texted her back asking when her trip was she talked about and haven't heard back for a few days.

I was really excited about her and was sure she wanted to go out again, but the cancellation and silence are getting me worried.

Sorry l will go against the grain here, she's not that interested, you're more like a backup plan. Doesn't mean the wind won't change and you'll end up being her number one, but as of now you are not. 

When we meet someone we like we look forward to hear from them and meet them again. We don't leave their text unattended for days even during a long weekend.

C'mon! We all check our phone several times a day during vacations, holidays or business trip. We may not check it as often but we do, certainly first thing when we get up and last thing before sleeping. 

Everytime l left a man hangning for days was because l was not that interested.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

We all check our phone several times a day during vacations, holidays or business trip. We may not check it as often but we do, certainly first thing when we get up and last thing before sleeping. 

Agree that is true for some, but she did mention she would be incommunicado and busy with family and even when there is interest may not want to be rude to her family by texting someone she barely knows. I also feel that texting is not dating.

Patience is a virtue in this case with this woman and in general. Just wait until she reaches out, or now that the holiday is over, perhaps set up another date.

[Alpacalia]

Earlier this year, I went on a date and the next day I reached out to thank him again for the date but saying that I didn't think we were a match.

If you've been chatting every day and haven't heard from her for awhile, that could potentially be a red flag. Some people look at their text messages and decide to reply later. So you're not a priority - when she doesn't reply to your text message, that simply means you're not a priority. 

You've made it clear you want to see her again. 

Until more than a few days have passed, delay jumping to conclusions.

Let reality reveal itself.

A woman who have had a few days at work that have been hectic might think you're overreacting if you tell them you are worried sick about them.

Decide if she comes back with an explanation you find reasonable. Think about what you want and align your actions accordingly. Don't jump that gun if you want somebody who takes initiative. After making your interest clear, you have to let them do it.

 

[max3732]

Just to follow up. I sent a message just asking how things went with her family. I won't send her anything else again for at least a few weeks.

Since I haven't heard from her by now I'm going to make other plans. I really wanted to see her again, but I don't want to avoid missing out on other opportunities.

I thought things went really well and hope she didn't say she wants to get together soon to avoid hurting my feelings instead of letting me know what's going on. It gets me so frustrated

[Despin]

Texts sometimes don't get delivered. She could be wondering what happened to you.

I'm old school, not hesitant to pick up the phone in a situation where there just might be a miscommunication.

If she doesn't pick up, then you leave a brief VM to the effect of "Hey, how's it going, I sent a text the other day, did you receive it, would be nice to see you again".

 

[fred123]

On 9/4/2022 at 2:21 AM, Lotsgoingon said:

She's very specific, busy over Labor Day. 

But she said "soon." Yeah, she's interested--note "interested" means meeting you for a second date. 

lmao she aint interested. fools. only go out with a girl thats a hell yes

[poppyfields]

On 9/7/2022 at 1:01 PM, max3732 said:

I thought things went really well and hope she didn't say she wants to get together soon to avoid hurting my feelings instead of letting me know what's going on. It gets me so frustrated

max, what I've learned (and this includes my own behavior when not interested) is words like "soon," or "maybe" or "I'll get back to you" mean NO.

An interested person is more definitive and also aware how such words like "soon" and "maybe" are perceived by the other person and they wouldn't risk putting them off.

Just my take, I hope I'm wrong. 

In any event, you have a great attitude and glad to hear you're exploring your other options!

Edited September 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[max3732]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

max, what I've learned (and this includes my own behavior when not interested) is words like "soon," or "maybe" or "I'll get back to you" mean NO.

An interested person is more definitive and also aware how such words like "soon" and "maybe" are perceived by the other person and they wouldn't risk putting them off.

Just my take, I hope I'm wrong. 

In any event, you have a great attitude and glad to hear you're exploring your other options!

Hopefully you're wrong, but if you're right I will just move on. The thing is I really liked her and she seemed so straightforward I didn't think she'd be the kind to string me along, but I've learned I will never understand women.

I just the dating app and she is in fact traveling now so there's a chance she's just not checking the app. If she does contact me I will have to ask for her number.

[Ami1uwant]

25 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Hopefully you're wrong, but if you're right I will just move on. The thing is I really liked her and she seemed so straightforward I didn't think she'd be the kind to string me along, but I've learned I will never understand women.

I just the dating app and she is in fact traveling now so there's a chance she's just not checking the app. If she does contact me I will have to ask for her number.

I agree with what they said.

 

most, not always, those vague comments on a second date can be a polite way to blow you off.

 

sometimes it could be legit because she didn’t know what her work schedule would be like if she had a profession with weekend or night work hours.

 

sometimes she could be on the fence either because she’s unsure about you or more likely she has a few other dates later that week with other guys and wants to meet them all first before deciding who wins.

[Alpacalia]

58 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Hopefully you're wrong, but if you're right I will just move on. The thing is I really liked her and she seemed so straightforward I didn't think she'd be the kind to string me along, but I've learned I will never understand women.

I just the dating app and she is in fact traveling now so there's a chance she's just not checking the app. If she does contact me I will have to ask for her number.

There are some women who will not come forward when they are not interested in you, and they will use their words (like mentioned "soon," or "maybe" or "I'll get back to you") to either brush you off or leave you hanging. I don't understand that really. Maybe it's for attention.

If I am not interested after a date I'd rather say, look, we're not a match, then have some man I am not interested in blowing up my phone.

Somewhere along the way she lost interest.

It happens.

Don't contact her anymore.

Sorry it didn't work out.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Alpacalia

[CLS63AMG]

I hate when women do that, it happened to me last summer.  We had a pretty good date and during it she basically set up our second one - note basically.  She would come to my area and we would go do whatever it was, just unsure about the exact date.  Yeah, that never happened.