moneynever Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 I'l try keep it brief as I can. Basically I've been going to this particular gym for over 10 years and always on and off saw this woman I found quite hot but never spoke to her (headphones in type) anyway through someone else there we started chatting and really hit it off. she was so down to earth, funny and easy to talk to. we started to do classes together once a week (alone) she would share her issues on life, relationship everything, we had a lot in common and we just really "clicked" it would leave me feeling amazing for the rest of the day, id think about her a lot and started to really like her. she said I made her laugh so much and she loved it. the once a week classes then progressed to twice a week, then eventually I offered for her to train everyday in the gym with me, we trained hard gave each other focus and motivation my body changed for the better and so did hers. we laughed a lot and again the chemistry was just firing. As I found her super attractive I couldn't help but flirt and make comments about her appearance, when training I would touch her to show her what she should be focusing on etc. She never really made it clear if she was attracted to me but on one occasion I remember we were joking around and I said to her il put you over my knee if you carry on she said ooo I might like that. From then I wondered if she was attracted the same way but always second guessed it. fast forward and we started texting a little outside of the gym, after having a few drinks id send quite flirty and innuendo texts she'd laugh off then one day she came into the gym upset and said she found a tracker in her car that he put there she found it on his amazon order history after we started training together, found out he had been logging into her accounts Facebook, insta etc and reading everything I and her other friends had been talking about. she was distraught I apologised if it was my fault she said it wasn't about me he was concerned about it was one of her old male friends she used to date but has been friends for years with. she had some time off the gym as she got sick, when she returned she was upset and said its been hell with him. she said he packed his bags and stormed out but came back. arguments about me and her other friends, things ive been sending her mainly innuendos and jokes. I gave her a hug and we started to train. she was on edge the whole time, looking out the window. she said I have a feeling he is going to come here. well he did, just as I had my hands on her he stormed in. shook my hand and said nice to meet you. he was super nervous, adrenaline shakes he could barely speak he said I don't mind you training together but the texts stop now. I apologised and said its when i've had a drink but is no excuse I won't text. I didn't see her at the gym after this, I left things didnt make contact for a few months but it was killing me not knowing if she was ok or what was going on, I text her work phone and just said I wanted to know she was ok etc she called me at work and said its been hell on earth, he made her train with him instead at another time. he said basically me or him. she said its so rubbish I would prefer to train with you, I think about you everyday and I miss you. I text her to say it was good to speak to her and I missed her, and at some point id like to see her even if its just 5 minutes before work. she arranged a coffee date where she basically vented how much she hates him and how s*** life has been, I just listened, she said when she gets back off holiday we will do it again I haven't heard from her in another 2 months, I really want to reach out again as I want to see her but part of me doesn't want to keep making the effort texting first if its not received back I don't want to pressure her into meeting up if she isn't as keen. I just can't stop thinking about her we got on so well and I certainly made her feel good so I don't get how she can just not get in touch after such a connection we both obviously felt. Before anyone says yes I know its wrong to meet with a woman who is living with someone but I cant ignore the feelings I have and connection we had together that's just at the forefront for me. If it helps I'm 28 and she's 54 not that age matters. Should I reach out AGAIN and see how she is or just leave it up to her?
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 36 minutes ago, moneynever said: she found a tracker in her car that he put there she found it on his amazon order history after we started training together, found out he had been logging into her accounts Facebook, insta etc Should I reach out AGAIN and see how she is or just leave it up to her? Whether the tracking snooping etc stories are true or not, she is with someone and doesn't want anymore contact. She knows your contact info, so don't smother or stalk.
Author moneynever Posted September 1, 2022 Author Posted September 1, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Whether the tracking snooping etc stories are true or not, she is with someone and doesn't want anymore contact. She knows your contact info, so don't smother or stalk. after the coffee date she was the one who instigated we hugged she said come here and gave me a big squeeze. and she was the one who was first to say about meeting up again after she got back from her holiday that's what's playing on my mind and confusing me. I'm thinking to myself is she still embarrassed and waiting for me to make contact again. As when I did reach out after the drama the way she was talking was like a "finally" kinda thing she said she was so embarrassed and felt bad for me for what he did coming into the gym. I don't know.
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 Just now, moneynever said: I'm thinking to myself is she still embarrassed and waiting for me to make contact again. She has already warned you not to contact her because of the supposed spyware, tracking devices and snooping. Leave her alone. Why not find another workout buddy?
Estes Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 She's 25 years older than you. Sorry there's no future there with her, for that reason and probably a whole lot more. Go live your life man. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 1 hour ago, moneynever said: I'm thinking to myself is she still embarrassed and waiting for me to make contact again. This is your hope speaking. Her silence is your answer. She has chosen him and not you, and frankly, you should have honored your own word and stopped all communication a long time ago. 2 hours ago, moneynever said: I cant ignore the feelings I have and connection we had together You're going to have to, man. There is no other alternative here, when she's making it pretty clear she doesn't have any intention of actually meeting again. You can't make someone want to be with you, nor should you try - especially when the other person is not available to date you anyway. 2 hours ago, moneynever said: I'm 28 and she's 54 not that age matters. Acutally, it does matter, considering the vast disparity in your stages of life. While you're both adults, you are coming at this from two completely different perspectives and life experiences under your belts. The chances of something long-lasting with such a big age gap are slim, and for good reason. And really? You'd never be able to trust her. Look how she behaves behind her partner's back. It would be naive to assume she would not do exactly the same thing to you. You need to let go. It seems she already has. 3
glows Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 I echo the other comments. Please don’t contact her again. Good work getting in shape. Let this fade and see if you’re open to dating or meeting new people through a more viable means. 1
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 You are emotionally roped in, and now acting like a lost puppy. She's not in love with you, she is using you, like an emotional succubus. I know my words sting but you are making this into something it's not. Your feelings are misleading you ten fold. Think about it...you stepped out of bounds trying to get with this taken woman. And can you really blame her BF for being painfully insecure? Would you like your GF to act this way with other guys...letting them get close enough to get emotionally obsessed? Snap out of it. It's hell for her alright...she's not allowed to flirt with other men anymore.
stillafool Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 So who was this man, her boyfriend or her husband? Why would her life be hell on earth because she now has to train with him? If she isn't married to him and is miserable why doesn't she leave if she isn't married to hin? 1
Weezy1973 Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 If she wanted to be with you, she’d have left him. Don’t contact her. In fact go full block and delete all her contact info / social media etc. You’ll find someone else you connect with.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 1, 2022 Posted September 1, 2022 Not only is it not smart (really dumb!) to pursue a woman who is living with someone. But in this case--she's living with a guy she claims has tracked her--it's dangerous. Obsessed guys can be violently possessive and jealous. And you would be the target, my friend. Move on and that applies even if he weren't an obsessive. This can go nowhere. People complaining about their dating partners is one of the most meaningless, often dishonest, complaining there is in the universe. There's only one test. You don't like the jerk you're dating, then break it with him. Absent that, all else is useless talk to string you along. And you're being quite strung!
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