kezza222 Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 Hello everyone, Currently trying the no contact method with my ex. I’, 36 – she’s 29. We dated for 8 months and she broke up with me 8 days ago. Neither of u did anything major wrong – she said she misses how it was at the start i.e the honeymoon period. On that note – she has a 2 year old son and she wanted me to meet him after 3 months which I did and for me the honeymoon period subsided then as we went from being a couple in that giddy loved up honeymoon period to kinda like a family unit and it became about the 3 of us… we still regularly got nights to ourselves however when her son was at his dads. Lately also over the last couple of months every 2/3/5 days or whatever shes been getting annoyed over little petty things I do. These things bug her and she changes her mood towards me – so that was another reason so I kinda get that reason. She cant go on like that so needs to take a step back. She also said she should maybe of been single a while longer before we started dating. She had split from her sons dad only 2 months before we started talking. I did initially express a concern about the short time she had been single however, she said she had near enough been single 2 years as they didn’t sleep together, slept in separate beds, never went anywhere together and so on. I didn’t put up a fight or anything. I accepted her reasons and agreed she needed time on her own. She said she wanted to remain friends to which I declined and she said she was gutted. She then said hopefully we’ll touch base in a month. It’s just really tough – im dying to contact her and say this is stupid. We went so well together – loads of people agreed but I know I cant. Im doing no contact and respecting her decision to end the relationship and giving her the space she needs to sort her head out. It makes it even harder cos I really miss her son. He instantly took to me – id put him to bed, take him places, be his comfort when he needed it and so on. Im missing both of them a huge amount – has anyone ever done no contact when their ex had a child which they had become close with? Thanks for your time.
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 10 minutes ago, kezza222 said: She had split from her sons dad only 2 months before we started talking. Im doing no contact and respecting her decision to end the relationship and giving her the space she needs to sort her head out. Sorry this happened. It sounds like she's on the rebound and of course still talking to and seeing her child's father. She's not ready to date. Give her space but no contact is for you to move forward in peace not a tool to get anyone back hoping they change in the meantime.
Author kezza222 Posted August 25, 2022 Author Posted August 25, 2022 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. It sounds like she's on the rebound and of course still talking to and seeing her child's father. She's not ready to date. Give her space but no contact is for you to move forward in peace not a tool to get anyone back hoping they change in the meantime. Thank you. Shes not still involved with her childs father in a romantic way. that would never happen their relationship involved violence from him etc . She was ready to date at the time though and entered into an official relationship and did so after 8 months. Shame its taken all this tine, bonding with her son etc to make her realise
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 Her ex may be awful, but that does not mean she was ready in her heart to move on. I think she was fond of you but very much on the rebound and it was just all too much, too soon. Especially considering she has a child, she should have taken much more time in finding her own two feet first, and waiting a lot longer before bringing a new man into his life. In the future, steer clear of people fresh out of relationships, even if they swear up and down they're ready. They're often not, especially if the relationship they've just left was toxic and there are kids involved.
Wiseman2 Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 3 hours ago, kezza222 said: Shes not still involved with her childs father in a romantic way. She was ready to date at the time If there was violence that makes it even more so that she s far from ready to date. She is ready for something like comfort or company, but she a a great deal to work through. The "like roommates" story indicates that there is excessive attachment . The bed wasn't even cold and she's already using men as a substitute partner. Hot/cold like this is typical of rebound. By the way, never buy the "like roommates" story. That's a huge red flag.
bene Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 To have a baby, break up with his father and meet a new guy all within two years is a lot. She might have started to realize that it’s too much too soon. First year with the new baby is a whirlwind of emotions and she hasn’t had any time to process the breakup from her ex. I think you did the right thing not to be “friends” with her, this is not how real friendships start. 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 I agree that you did the right thing by not trying to persuade her to stay in the relationship and that you did not settle for just being her friend. If you did chances are you would stay a friend. It's not fair to kids to bring someone into their lives and then shew that person away. I'm sure her kid misses you too. I too agree about the ex that just because he was violent does not mean she's over him completely. You are free and can do better. When you're ready start dating again.
chillii Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 (edited) Yeah , agree with others op it was way too soon for her and it was way too soon for you to be that involved with her child. That might all seem a nice little novelty to you and l did so well with him and ra ra, but now the poor little fella will be missing another man in his little world. All this stuff is why people are suppose to wait at least 12mths, at least, and even only then if the relationship has a very long term view from there, 6mthss, 8mths, it;'s nothing. As far as she goes , she has no clue, it was all too soon and the getting irritated at you is likely just a knowing you more by then and and whether or not you are truly suited. Give her this space though , she also could've just been tired or confused or needed some space to think or all and need some time. Never know. Edited August 25, 2022 by chillii
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2022 Posted August 27, 2022 (edited) People do and can reconcile, even if it's months or even years later so regardless of what she has told you, it's not always the gospel truth. They have a baby together, things are a little fresh still, she's telling you she's really not emotionally tied to you as she thought. People do fall out of love, mostly because of limerence/ rebound/trying to escape the pain, etc. She has a lot going on. She has to contemplate where her life is going/ her future not only for herslef but with the child. That's pretty emotionally draining. She has no room to invest in a relationship at this time. Edited August 27, 2022 by smackie9
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