I have a crush on a boy at my college who is 'too popular'

[Jessie-03]

There is a boy in my college class who I have had a crush on ever since we started a few weeks ago, and I really want to make contact with him.
However, the problem is that he is completely drop-dead gorgeous, and this makes all kinds of things difficult;
partly because I get very nervous literally every time I see him, and partly because he is swarmed by other girls all the time.
It is pretty common that some girl is enticing him and asking him on a date, and I have seen him in the company of various different girls when he has seemed to be heading home (or at least in that direction), so I suspect that he might have sex with them as well (I don't know that for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me ).

I have no idea how to approach this guy.
I know that guys find me cute, and I usually get approached by them or easily get their attention if I flirt a little bit with them, but this doesn't seem to cut it for this particular guy;
I have made eye contact with him a few times and tried smiling at him a bit, and he does seem a bit flattered by that, but he almost immediately forgets about me and gets distracted by some other girls who are talking to him, and it is also very common that girls are flirting with him from a distance, so he really has his hands full when it comes to getting effortless attention.

Do you know what I can do?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Jessie-03 said:

 it is also very common that girls are flirting with him from a distance, so he really has his hands full when it comes to getting effortless attention.

It's fine to have a crush, but why be in someone's fan club when you can date and have a BF focused on you and only you?

[Jessie-03]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's fine to have a crush, but why be in someone's fan club when you can date and have a BF focused on you and only you?

I guess it is probably very risky to get involved with this guy, I just hope that I will end up liking him when we do start to talk to each other.
It is pretty hard to avoid the temptation to approach him when there is that massive physical attraction there.

Edited August 23, 2022 by Jessie-03

[BaileyB]

14 hours ago, Jessie-03 said:

It is pretty hard to avoid the temptation to approach him when there is that massive physical attraction there.

Well then, walk up to the man and say hello. 

Just don’t be surprised when he blows you off, because based on your description that is likely what he will do -

I too think you are wasting your time here. I would admire him from afar and focus more on finding a boyfriend who wants to spend time with you…

[stillafool]

He's been used to this attention all through highschool and probably has a girl at another university.  He's probably tired of all the attention.  Don't be number 1,000,001 to go after him because as you can see half the girls on campus have the same idea.  Go for personality, looks fade fast.  Every day there's a better looking person coming along.

[Jessie-03]

I guess I should lie low for a while, and see what happens.

I am not sure if this is something that usually happens, but I have seen several occasions when 4-5 girls have approached him out of nowhere almost at the same time, and tried to beat each other in asking him on a date;
so that would be one example of how easy it is for him.
And that is only one small example;
I have seen a few girls touch his upper body and giggle when they have passed him, and sat down very close to him and started flirting and giving him compliments.

Edited August 24, 2022 by Jessie-03

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Jessie-03 said:

I guess I should lie low for a while, and see what happens.

I am not sure if this is something that usually happens, but I have seen several occasions when 4-5 girls have approached him out of nowhere almost at the same time, and tried to beat each other in asking him on a date;
so that would be one example of how easy it is for him.

Like I said he's been used to this since grade school and is probably sick of all the attention.  The girl who gets him or already has him is probably the one who ignored him and made him chase her.  That's usually how that works.

[Jessie-03]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Like I said he's been used to this since grade school and is probably sick of all the attention.  The girl who gets him or already has him is probably the one who ignored him and made him chase her.  That's usually how that works.

I guess so.
I was a bit surprised by the amount of attention that he gets;
he literally doesn't need to make any effort at all, but can simply wait for girls to go up to him and starting flirting with him, and then accept date invitations if he feels like it.
The girls don't seem to spend that much time on learning to know him either;
they seem to be mostly focused on getting a chance to sleep with him.

Edited August 24, 2022 by Jessie-03

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Jessie-03 said:

I have seen several occasions when 4-5 girls have approached him out of nowhere almost at the same time, and tried to beat each other in asking him on a date;

This is just weird. If this is true, it would be a real turn off for me. 

[NuevoYorko]

He's probably some kind of performance artist.  

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Jessie-03 said:

they seem to be mostly focused on getting a chance to sleep with him.

How do you even know this? 

You don't appear to know any of these people very well, let alone what their true intentions are. I think you're letting your jealousy cloud your perception here a bit, Jessie.

[Jessie-03]

  

12 hours ago, BaileyB said:

This is just weird. If this is true, it would be a real turn off for me. 

I might have misinterpreted those situations, but I do know that he generally comes off as extremely good-looking, so it could be situations like that when several girls see a good opportunity to ask him out.
Also, those situations have happened right before school classes, when there were girls from other classes in the same area.
 

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How do you even know this? 

You don't appear to know any of these people very well, let alone what their true intentions are. I think you're letting your jealousy cloud your perception here a bit, Jessie.

It seems that way to me, based on how the girls who start hitting on hit seem to mostly give him comments about his looks and find excuses to touch him, and talk about "going home to their place", and how he seems to be very fine with all of it.
And if this is true, then he might be the kind of guy who switches girls very often, and that would make it quite hard to have any relationships with him.

I haven't really decided myself how far I would want to go with him if I made contact with him, but I will think about it for a little while longer.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Jessie-03 said:

I haven't really decided myself how far I would want to go with him if I made contact with him, but I will think about it for a little while longer.

Are there other boys asking you out, talking to you or interested in You? Are there other boys you like? Focus on that rather than be paralyzed by a crush and a guy you feel is out of your league. Join some clubs and groups and sports at school.

Get comfortable talking to boys. Smile, say hi to people. Soon enough a nice guy you like will ask you out. But if you stay focused/obsessed with a crush/fantasy, you'll miss out on opportunities to have fun and have a BF.

[stillafool]

I agree with Wiseman to talk to other guys who show an interest in you rather than trying to go after a guy all the other girls are going after also.   Even if you got him you'd be so paranoid about other girls it wouldn't last.

[smackie9]

This is easy...you find a way to get in his space...like passing by him and "accidentally" bump into him, drop your books. That's when you can strike up a conversation and introduce yourself. 

[Alvi]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

This is easy...you find a way to get in his space...like passing by him and "accidentally" bump into him, drop your books. That's when you can strike up a conversation and introduce yourself. 

Yeah, right. Like in one of the movies, where a shy, geeky looking girl accidentally bumps into a most handsome, popular guy that half of females are pining for. But somehow, I don't think it is going to work out for her in a real life (as opposed to the movie, where this shy, geeky girl wins this guy over).

[Alvi]

14 hours ago, Jessie-03 said:

I guess I should lie low for a while, and see what happens.

I am not sure if this is something that usually happens, but I have seen several occasions when 4-5 girls have approached him out of nowhere almost at the same time, and tried to beat each other in asking him on a date;
so that would be one example of how easy it is for him.
And that is only one small example;
I have seen a few girls touch his upper body and giggle when they have passed him, and sat down very close to him and started flirting and giving him compliments.

So, what you are describing is that girls treat him like a piece of meat and he enjoys every single minute of it. Are you sure, you want to date guy like him? Dating this guy is going to become a  nightmare very fast. You contently worrying about women always approaching him and him craving their attention and not saying no to them. Problem is not that he is too good looking. Real problem here is that he craves the attention from the females and doesn't set any boundaries. But at the same time, he is single and can do what he like.

 I remember reading, eons ago,  Gwyneth Paltrow talking about why she broke up with Brad Pitt. She couldn't handle  women constantly coming on to him wherever they went. Also, women were showing up at the front door at their residence and at times she had to chase them with the broomstick because they refused to leave. Guessing that was a last straw for her, lol. 

[Jessie-03]

18 minutes ago, Alvi said:

So, what you are describing is that girls treat him like a piece of meat and he enjoys every single minute of it. Are you sure, you want to date guy like him? Dating this guy is going to become a  nightmare very fast. You contently worrying about women always approaching him and him craving their attention and not saying no to them. Problem is not that he is too good looking. Real problem here is that he craves the attention from the females and doesn't set any boundaries. But at the same time, he is single and can do what he like.

 I remember reading, eons ago,  Gwyneth Paltrow talking about why she broke up with Brad Pitt. She couldn't handle  women constantly coming on to him wherever they went. Also, women were showing up at the front door at their residence and at times she had to chase them with the broomstick because they refused to leave. Guessing that was a last straw for her, lol. 

I guess it would be that way, yes.
It is a bit frustrating, because he is definitely very hard to resist when it comes to his looks, and the best way I can describe it is probably that it feels a little bit like having a sugar withdrawal and noticing a lot of candy somewhere - it is a little bit like that.
So it is aggravating to also realise that he would be very hard to be with.

I have of course had a few thoughts about maybe going for more of a pure physical relationship with him, so that we essentially meet specifically to have sex, but I feel like one risk there would be that it would be very hard to have any regular meetings with him, and if I have sex with him on one occasion then I might feel even more eager to have it with him again, and feel more frustrated.
And of course, he also probably wants to focus a lot on studies and other things in life at the same time, and also probably always have several other girls who have those meetings with him, so it will most likely not be the frequent regular meetings even in that scenario.

[stillafool]

LOL, I bet the other guys dispise him.

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Jessie-03 said:

I have of course had a few thoughts about maybe going for more of a pure physical relationship with him, so that we essentially meet specifically to have sex, but I feel like one risk there would be that it would be very hard to have any regular meetings with him, and if I have sex with him on one occasion then I might feel even more eager to have it with him again, and feel more frustrated.

What makes you think this isn't what those other girls are thinking about and plotting?  I doubt he's needing sex. That probably comes waaaay tooooooo easy for him.

Edited August 24, 2022 by stillafool

[princessaurora]

I had a guy like this in one of my college classes, and all the girls were constantly fawning over him.  I found it quite entertaining to watch them all make fools of themselves trying to get his attention because he was studying law and was very school focused. While I did think he was  attractive, I wasn't particularly interested, but he came into my workplace a few weeks before final exams for the spring semester and I acknowledged we were in class together, but was honestly just making small talk like I would with any other customer.  He asked me out on a date and we ended up dating for a few months. I guess he was able to focus on other things beside school in a different environment.  It could have also been that I didn't throw myself at him like everyone else was. I did say "hey, you're in my political science class" but he pursued me from there.  

I can tell you if you act like all these other girls, you're probably not going to get anywhere. But if you find a way to talk to him platonically  (study together, maybe?) and he finds you attractive he might ask you out.  

Edited August 24, 2022 by princessaurora
grammar

[Jessie-03]

14 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

I had a guy like this in one of my college classes, and all the girls were constantly fawning over him.  I found it quite entertaining to watch them all make fools of themselves trying to get his attention because he was studying law and was very school focused. While I did think he was  attractive, I wasn't particularly interested, but he came into my workplace a few weeks before final exams for the spring semester and I acknowledged we were in class together, but was honestly just making small talk like I would with any other customer.  He asked me out on a date and we ended up dating for a few months. I guess he was able to focus on other things beside school in a different environment.  It could have also been that I didn't throw myself at him like everyone else was. I did say "hey, you're in my political science class" but he pursued me from there.  

I can tell you if you act like all these other girls, you're probably not going to get anywhere. But if you find a way to talk to him platonically  (study together, maybe?) and he finds you attractive he might ask you out.  

Thanks, I will keep that in mind.

I was just wondering, in which ways did those girls at your school act and make fools of themselves?
I guess I should avoid their kind of behaviour, haha.

[Amy4love]

I use to hear someone say, what everyone does to their crush  in school, look at him/her from far away and dream of the

date you two would never go if you continue to do. lol.

Edited August 24, 2022 by Amy4love

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

Yeah, right. Like in one of the movies, where a shy, geeky looking girl accidentally bumps into a most handsome, popular guy that half of females are pining for. But somehow, I don't think it is going to work out for her in a real life (as opposed to the movie, where this shy, geeky girl wins this guy over).

 I didn't guarantee positive results. Just giving her a suggestion in what she can try. 

[mark clemson]

17 hours ago, Jessie-03 said:

I guess I should lie low for a while, and see what happens.

If you lie low all that will happen is nothing.

Consider making a play for him if you must, but otherwise (and I believe more productively in the long run) just drop him and look for someone who likes you.

There can be, I believe, something of a bandwagon effect WRT women's attraction to men - e.g. what happens with some pop stars and similar "super high value" men. "They all want a piece of him" (sometimes). Consider that something like that MAY be going on with you and could be a substantive part of what's driving your interest.

Edited August 24, 2022 by mark clemson