ohjess Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 (edited) Matched with him, and messaged him, he seems to be interested and relatively engaging. A little flirtatious and cheeky, all appropriate. Complimented on a photo of mine. I admit I haven't asked him any questions and he still responds relatively engagingly in a way that almost requires a response. He did ask a question the other night, I replied but I didn't return with another question. He still responded. I finally did ask him something, so will be interesting to see if he returns a question back so the communication continues so we can meet up. He does take many hours to respond as well. We've only been speaking for a day. He replied with a question just now. Advice? Edited August 22, 2022 by ohjess 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 This is super early. You are trying to read more into things here. 1
NuevoYorko Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 Why do you ask? It's pretty clear that YOU are not interested. If you were, you'd be asking him questions about himself in order to get to know him. You're wasting your time. Spend it on people you care to learn about. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 1 hour ago, ohjess said: We've only been speaking for a day. He replied with a question just now. Advice? On the next round of messages suggest meeting for a coffee/drink sometime later this week/weekend. If he hems and haws or just keeps texting, you'll know he's a timewaster and can move forward.
poppyfields Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 (edited) >>I admit I haven't asked him any questions and he still responds relatively engagingly in a way that almost requires a response. He did ask a question the other night, I replied but I didn't return with another question. He still responded.<< ---- @ohjess are you actually interested in this man? It sounds like you care more about his interest in you rather than your interest in him. Apologies if I got that wrong, it's just how it appears from your OP. Also, the expectation that HE should be asking you questions to show interest but you NOT asking him questions, testing to see if he still responds? What's this about? Edited August 22, 2022 by poppyfields 1
glows Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 No suggestion of meeting within a few minutes of matching is a waste of time. Try not to get caught up with the back and forth. 3
mortensorchid Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 Have you not even exchanged contact information? You haven't even met this guy face to face.
Author ohjess Posted August 23, 2022 Author Posted August 23, 2022 53 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Have you not even exchanged contact information? You haven't even met this guy face to face. I haven't suggested that yet no, too early. Waiting until he does, as I assume that is what he should be doing if he wants to meet.
NuevoYorko Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 29 minutes ago, ohjess said: I haven't suggested that yet no, too early. Waiting until he does, as I assume that is what he should be doing if he wants to meet. What about what YOU want? Do you have any interest in the guy; do you want to meet him? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 15 hours ago, ohjess said: I admit I haven't asked him any questions Why not?
R22X Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 Are you serious? Why are you asking this when you haven't met? I am so confused 1
Maldives Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 (edited) 20 hours ago, ohjess said: Matched with him, and messaged him, he seems to be interested and relatively engaging. A little flirtatious and cheeky, all appropriate. Complimented on a photo of mine. I admit I haven't asked him any questions and he still responds relatively engagingly in a way that almost requires a response. He did ask a question the other night, I replied but I didn't return with another question. He still responded. I finally did ask him something, so will be interesting to see if he returns a question back so the communication continues so we can meet up. He does take many hours to respond as well. We've only been speaking for a day. He replied with a question just now. Advice? You're not showing enough interest Edited August 23, 2022 by Goodguy05 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2022 Posted August 23, 2022 6 hours ago, ohjess said: I haven't suggested that yet no, too early. Waiting until he does, as Not necessarily. If someone is interested they'll suggest meeting sooner rather than later. Do not hand out your phone number to men you don't know. For many reasons, including safety and to discourage number-collectors, timewasters, etc. Message through the app a few times, then set up an in person meeting. Dating apps are to meet people. Is that what you ultimately want? Because if you happen to be the one looking for chat and sexting buddies, there's plenty of weirdos out there looking for that. Make a firm decision. Have an organized approach. Participate in your own dating safety and success. Don't leave that in some internet stranger's hands. 1
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2022 Posted August 24, 2022 On 8/22/2022 at 11:52 PM, ohjess said: I haven't suggested that yet no, too early. Waiting until he does, as I assume that is what he should be doing if he wants to meet. He will invite you for a coffee when he feels you are interested in him as much as he's interested in you. Start to show your interest and start asking questions to know more about him. Men are not machines, they need to feel a woman is interested in them as well. 3
stillafool Posted August 24, 2022 Posted August 24, 2022 On 8/22/2022 at 11:52 PM, ohjess said: I haven't suggested that yet no, too early. Waiting until he does, as I assume that is what he should be doing if he wants to meet. How long have you been waiting now?
Author ohjess Posted August 24, 2022 Author Posted August 24, 2022 59 minutes ago, stillafool said: How long have you been waiting now? Haven't heard from him in 2 days now, he does work in the medical field and I have been busy too.
NuevoYorko Posted August 24, 2022 Posted August 24, 2022 I can't imagine why any guy would make much of an effort for a woman who had showed exactly zero interest in him. What would be the point? The whole point of OLD is to find a match, whether it's for casual hookups, a long term relationship, or anything in between. That means that BOTH people are checking each other out. There seems to be a growing population of women on these boards (or one or two with a lot of profiles) who are only focussed on how everything a man says or does, or looks, everything, reflects how "into" her he might be. The big disconnect is that the man never really knows anything about the woman because she is not revealing herself at all - just trying to do all the behaviors that are supposed to captivate a man. And the woman never knows anything about the man because, evidently, as long as he's into her enough his personal qualities are immaterial. It can't work that way. 2
BrinnM Posted August 24, 2022 Posted August 24, 2022 (edited) He might have been initially interested in meeting up (not to be confused with “interested in you as a woman” per se, because he doesn’t even know you). BUT the way you’re describing this rather one-sided attempt of having/maintaining a conversation makes me believe that he’s now at a point where he believes you’re a bit of a drag. Or that you’re not witty, or that you can’t keep up with him. Or that you’re not a good communicator. Hence, no contact for 2 days. My assumption/conclusion based on your description is that he’s lost interest by now. No man is interested in grilling a woman who doesn’t reciprocate. That’s just boring. Especially in the beginning it would be important to show a little bit of enthusiasm. Or some excitement before meeting up in person. Just put yourself in his shoes: He’s trying to keep a conversation going and flowing, and the woman hardly says anything back. If he can draw a logical conclusion, and/or has half a brain, he will assume that the actual date would be super boring as well. And if he’s in the “medical field”, he’s probably got a full schedule, and no time to waste. He, like every typical online dater, probably pre-selects his potential dates based on the chemistry and interest level before a date is even scheduled. If communication is boring & subpar, why should he keep it going, and why would he meet up in the first place? Nobody wants to date or spend time with a person who wants to be entertained all the time. That’s probably how he feels. Edited August 24, 2022 by BrinnM 4
Author ohjess Posted August 25, 2022 Author Posted August 25, 2022 Thing is, I have been responding enthusiastically. Even my opening message which reasonably witty. I responded to something he said and still haven't heard from him in a few days. I'm unsure if he has intentions to even meet up. He did say he was looking at my instagram the other day because I've got minimal photos, but he didn't follow me. We seem to listen to very similar music which is kind of interesting. Don't double message him right?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 Responding is not the same as initiating, OP. If you're leaving it up to him to carry the converstion by asking questions, he is likely to get bored quickly and let it fizzle. You need to show a little interest by asking him questions, too.
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 I agree he's probably bored by now and that's why he's not responding.
BrinnM Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 On 8/22/2022 at 9:51 AM, ohjess said: I admit I haven't asked him any questions and he still responds relatively engagingly in a way that almost requires a response. He did ask a question the other night, I replied but I didn't return with another question. He still responded I apologize, if I misunderstood your OP, but I based my above “assessment” on this snippet. - And this tells me that he got bored. [Why: To me personally it read as if you were trying to measure his interest by offering as little as possible, so you could see how much he “works” to keep the conversation going.] 1
stillafool Posted August 25, 2022 Posted August 25, 2022 41 minutes ago, ohjess said: Thing is, I have been responding enthusiastically. Do you guys actually have a conversation or are you just responding to him? I'm surprised you aren't bored by now yourself. This is a snooze fest. 2
Author ohjess Posted August 25, 2022 Author Posted August 25, 2022 37 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Responding is not the same as initiating, OP. If you're leaving it up to him to carry the converstion by asking questions, he is likely to get bored quickly and let it fizzle. You need to show a little interest by asking him questions, too. Thank you. However, given his work etc I think it's a bit unrealistic that he would be expecting me to be constantly asking questions. I don't think he would have the time to be answering them either. I don't want to suffocate him as to my fewer questions. Do you suggest I just not do anything now?
Author ohjess Posted August 25, 2022 Author Posted August 25, 2022 15 minutes ago, stillafool said: Do you guys actually have a conversation or are you just responding to him? I'm surprised you aren't bored by now yourself. This is a snooze fest. We have gone back and forth a bit, a few sort of jokes and cheeky comments. I definitely have asked him things and he's done the same.
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