What are your thoughts on initiating communication with men first via dating apps (bumble)

[ohjess]

I rarely ever message them first but with a good match, every now and then I will. But it still feels wrong to me. I cut communication if the chat gets dry/or they don't officially ask me out. I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too.

[max3732]

On bumble you have to initiate or the chat expires. As a guy on the app it would be nice to get something besides "hello" or "hi" as the first message. As long as you're sending a message why not at least ask him a question or make a comment on his profile? See how it takes it from there. At least that's what I'd prefer.

[Ami1uwant]

11 hours ago, ohjess said:

I rarely ever message them first but with a good match, every now and then I will. But it still feels wrong to me. I cut communication if the chat gets dry/or they don't officially ask me out. I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too.

You have to initiate it. Thats how bumble works.  E rn if you swiped right first then later he swiped right and you saying you’ve matched. It’s up to you to send first.

 

if you use some other dating app/ OLD site then you could get a bunch of initiations.  Ifyou are attractive on your profile you could get hit with 100+ different men.

 

with eharmony it’s tied to who initiates first.  In Eharmony it’s designed around set of questions in steps before you get to an open communication setting unless you want to skip it all and jump to open communication.

[basil67]

From what I know, Bumble is place for women who wish to have a bit more control in who messages them.   But as the women does need to message first, she needs to be the confident type who's happy to initiate a good message.   

I would wager that the vibe of Bumble is one where men and women are considered equal and as such, it's less likely you'd be "courted". 

[Otter2569]

Yes!  Get with the times and just do it.  Men, and anyone for that matter, appreciates a nice, thoughtful message plus it shows interest and initiative! 

[Weezy1973]

13 hours ago, ohjess said:

I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too.

Most of online dating will turn out this way, regardless of who messages first. The best tactic in my opinion, for women that are attractive and get a lot of messages. Is to filter and search and make a list of all the guys that appeal to you, and then see if any of them sent you a message. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman messaging first, I do think there are certain advantages to letting a man pursue you in the very early stages. 

[Gaeta]

I tried Bumble and deleted it after 12 hours. Too much work.  You've got to log in often so your match don't expire, women have to message first, it was not for me. 

[ohjess]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Most of online dating will turn out this way, regardless of who messages first. The best tactic in my opinion, for women that are attractive and get a lot of messages. Is to filter and search and make a list of all the guys that appeal to you, and then see if any of them sent you a message. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman messaging first, I do think there are certain advantages to letting a man pursue you in the very early stages. 

Thanks. How can one do that if we have to message them first? Did you mean ‘filter and see who makes an active effort with messaging’ 

[mortensorchid]

Bumble in particular is for the women to initiate.  So you both swiped, the woman has to say something.  Even if it's just "hi how are you".  If not the match expires.  However, my experience with Bumble has been ... Not good.  [ ]  you might meet one guy then that's that.

On others where the woman doesn't have to?  Well... Either way I guess.  But don't some of these apps have features where you can see who's been looking at your profile?  It's kind of like cruising.

Edited August 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Trail Blazer]

I met my partner on Bumble in 2019.  It was nice to receive a well-written message sent by a funny, cute and obviously very intelligent woman.

We ended up exchanging messages all day and then met up for a date that evening.  She is the confident and outgoing type.  I was what she sought and vice versa.

The rest is history.