Fwb and other girl?

[chicksinacup]

I ve been hooking up with this guy since March. Hes 26. I'm  28. Hes a PhD student who claims hes always busy with studies but its total bs as he barely gets any work done and looks least bit interested in his work.

My friends with benefits also has multiple women he texts and sleeps with. I know of this. He goes to their houses, goes on dates, spends weekends with them and texting all the time. He comes to me on a monthly basis.

I recently invited him to a pool sunmer party with a bunch of friends for the weekend and he was in the hot tub with all of us girls. The trip was onviously alcohol, cigarette, sex and sunshine.

We hooked up obviously but he also hooked up with 2 of the other girls. He also took pics with all the girls and he was lying around the same couch with another female friend.

The trip was so much fun and most of the girls changed photos which included him on Whatsapp. When they asked him, he didnt reply and never changed his pic. After much coaxing, he replied rather rudely saying he wont change his pic on Whatsapp (its just a pic of himself). 

Recently, I found out a few things by speaking with someone who knows him at his university. So the university he studies at, there is a girl hes been on dates with many months ago.

This other girl and him went on 2 dates and he realised by the 2nd date that he wouldn't get any bedroom action. So he stopped seeing her and replying to her, hoping she will text him, chase him and beg after him.

She didn't and ended up not texting him which made him furious yet he continued making small talk with her and also keeping her number saved on Whatsapp. Likewise, he has been quite petty and bitter towards her but refuses to stop talking to her in person. 

His friend told me that even when she does not say anything to him herself, he will say something to start a chat.

He used to play manipulative games with her , hoping to get her to chase him again but she didn't. He also used to give her sleazy looks and check her out from head to toe  but after not being in contact with her for 1 month (not seeing her or speaking to her), he has gotten different towards her.

He always stared at her, sometimes even turning back to look at her but these days when she talks with him, he keeps looking at her face. He also looks at her feet, shoes, clothes, the accessories that she wears and just about everything.

He also found out who her teacher was (with whom she's working, earlier when she asked him, he said he didn't know but now he knows so he either google searched him or he found out who he is because his tutors office is beside her teachers office and he obviously remembered what she told him?)

So I dont understand. When he has many girls to sleep with, why is he doing this with this 1 girl?

[ExpatInItaly]

You know a lot of oddly specific details about his interactions with this other girl. 

How do you happen to know all of these things? These aren't details the casual onlooker would pick up on, or things your friend would know as a thid party. 

Assuming you're not her masquerading as someone else in this post, you can be sure he's just looking for his next conquest and it's about his ego. Not about her as a person. I wouldn't waste my time on him. He sounds pretty bottom-of-the-barrel. And I sure wouldn't worry about his intentions with any other women. Not your business. 

Edited August 21, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

If he gets around this much, get tested for STDs. You're just FWB so he doesn't owe you anything. 

If you would like a BF who only dates and sleeps with you, run from this player.

[chicksinacup]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You know a lot of oddly specific details about his interactions with this other girl. 

How do you happen to know all of these things? These aren't details the casual onlooker would pick up on, or things your friend would know as a thid party. 

Assuming you're not her masquerading as someone else in this post, you can be sure he's just looking for his next conquest and it's about his ego. Not about her as a person. I wouldn't waste my time on him. He sounds pretty bottom-of-the-barrel. And I sure wouldn't worry about his intentions with any other women. Not your business. 

Its been 10 months

[chicksinacup]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If he gets around this much, get tested for STDs. You're just FWB so he doesn't owe you anything. 

If you would like a BF who only dates and sleeps with you, run from this player.

I asked about the girl and him

[glows]

5 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

I ve been hooking up with this guy since March. Hes 26. I'm  28. Hes a PhD student who claims hes always busy with studies but its total bs as he barely gets any work done and looks least bit interested in his work.

My friends with benefits also has multiple women he texts and sleeps with. I know of this. He goes to their houses, goes on dates, spends weekends with them and texting all the time. He comes to me on a monthly basis.

I recently invited him to a pool sunmer party with a bunch of friends for the weekend and he was in the hot tub with all of us girls. The trip was onviously alcohol, cigarette, sex and sunshine.

We hooked up obviously but he also hooked up with 2 of the other girls. He also took pics with all the girls and he was lying around the same couch with another female friend.

The trip was so much fun and most of the girls changed photos which included him on Whatsapp. When they asked him, he didnt reply and never changed his pic. After much coaxing, he replied rather rudely saying he wont change his pic on Whatsapp (its just a pic of himself). 

Recently, I found out a few things by speaking with someone who knows him at his university. So the university he studies at, there is a girl hes been on dates with many months ago.

This other girl and him went on 2 dates and he realised by the 2nd date that he wouldn't get any bedroom action. So he stopped seeing her and replying to her, hoping she will text him, chase him and beg after him.

She didn't and ended up not texting him which made him furious yet he continued making small talk with her and also keeping her number saved on Whatsapp. Likewise, he has been quite petty and bitter towards her but refuses to stop talking to her in person. 

His friend told me that even when she does not say anything to him herself, he will say something to start a chat.

He used to play manipulative games with her , hoping to get her to chase him again but she didn't. He also used to give her sleazy looks and check her out from head to toe  but after not being in contact with her for 1 month (not seeing her or speaking to her), he has gotten different towards her.

He always stared at her, sometimes even turning back to look at her but these days when she talks with him, he keeps looking at her face. He also looks at her feet, shoes, clothes, the accessories that she wears and just about everything.

He also found out who her teacher was (with whom she's working, earlier when she asked him, he said he didn't know but now he knows so he either google searched him or he found out who he is because his tutors office is beside her teachers office and he obviously remembered what she told him?)

So I dont understand. When he has many girls to sleep with, why is he doing this with this 1 girl?

Not sure why you care. He’s an fwb and free agent. He doesn’t owe any of you anything. His lifestyle is his choice, his photo is his choice, who he has a crush on is his choice. Also bear in mind please that much of this is gossip and hearsay, none can be considered accurate. 

If you’re more curious about him as a person why don’t you get to know him a bit more as a friend? Get the info straight from him and enjoy the sex. Try not to muddy things up with gossip. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

Its been 10 months

That a long time to put up with this Hugh Hefner wannabe. Cut your losses. You'll thank yourself for the peace of mind and freedom you'll gain from that.

[glows]

2 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

Its been 10 months

Is there a reason why you’re engaging in fwb situations? Is this the popular thing to do or something you choose for yourself? They usually involve emotionally unavailable individuals. You are entitled to date and see whomever you want. Just make sure that person is worth your time. 

Seeing him just once a month is low investment on your part so if you do like seeing him that’s your choice. Don’t let it hold you back from growing emotionally and finding other fulfilling relationships.

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

why is he doing this with this 1 girl?

Because she is the one girl who is doing something different.

She has standards where she is putting herself before his shenanigans. That sends a message that she IS valuable because of how she treats and carries herself, rather than throwing all their standards out the window and chasing after a guy who treats them sort of like dirt, which is what everyone else is doing. 

What she is doing tends to attract people. No quicker way to telegraph what you are about inside than to respect yourself. And it looks like it's worked on him and more importantly for the girl.

[chicksinacup]

18 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Because she is the one girl who is doing something different.

She has standards where she is putting herself before his shenanigans. That sends a message that she IS valuable because of how she treats and carries herself, rather than throwing all their standards out the window and chasing after a guy who treats them sort of like dirt, which is what everyone else is doing. 

What she is doing tends to attract people. No quicker way to telegraph what you are about inside than to respect yourself. And it looks like it's worked on him and more importantly for the girl.

Worked on him? What worked?

[chicksinacup]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That a long time to put up with this Hugh Hefner wannabe. Cut your losses. You'll thank yourself for the peace of mind and freedom you'll gain from that.

Hes after the girl for 10 months not me

[IrinaM]

5 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

I asked about the girl and him

asked who exactly? Who would know this whole laundry list of interactions?

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

Its been 10 months

What does this mean?

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Because she is the one girl who is doing something different.

She has standards where she is putting herself before his shenanigans. That sends a message that she IS valuable because of how she treats and carries herself, rather than throwing all their standards out the window and chasing after a guy who treats them sort of like dirt, which is what everyone else is doing. 

What she is doing tends to attract people. No quicker way to telegraph what you are about inside than to respect yourself. And it looks like it's worked on him and more importantly for the girl.

^^This!  Took the words right off my page.  

[chicksinacup]

11 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

asked who exactly? Who would know this whole laundry list of interactions?

Our mutual friend

[stillafool]

11 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

asked who exactly? Who would know this whole laundry list of interactions?

Whoever she asks about this girl that person needs to get some business of their own and out of this girl's face.  They seem obsessed with her.

[chicksinacup]

Just now, poppyfields said:

^^This!  Took the words right off my page.  

What has worked i dont get it?

Hes still hooking up with me and us

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, chicksinacup said:

What has worked i dont get it?

Hes still hooking up with me and us

That's because he still needs sex and you're happy to provide it whille he looks for someting new.

[chicksinacup]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

That's because he still needs sex and you're happy to provide it whille he looks for someting new.

I dont get why the ladies are saying it worked. What has worked??

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, chicksinacup said:

I dont get why the ladies are saying it worked. What has worked??

Because people value what is hard to get.  They devalue and take for granted what is easy to get.  

[poppyfields]

Just now, chicksinacup said:

What has worked i dont get it?

Hes still hooking up with me and us

Yeah but clearly SHE is the one he desires, who has captured his heart. 

Hookups mean nothing, some men can enjoy sex with a woman wearing a bag over her head, it's sex, period.  

He won't ever respect a woman offering easy hookups and he sure as hell won't ever want a relationship with her. 

This girl is different.  It appears he has fallen for her, or perhaps he considers her a greater challenge but nevertheless she intrigues him and that is why he behaves with her as he does and has been for 10 months. 

By not falling for his "game" he respects her. 

Sure it pisses him off, but that's a good thing, it's emotional and any time a man behaves emotionally with or because of a woman, you can bet he's got feelings for her beyond a hook up. 

 

[chicksinacup]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah but clearly SHE is the one he desires, who has captured his heart. 

Hookups mean nothing, some men can enjoy sex with a woman wearing a bag over her head, it's sex, period.  

He won't ever respect a woman offering easy hookups and he sure as hell won't ever want a relationship with her. 

This girl is different.  It appears he has fallen for her, or perhaps he considers her a greater challenge but nevertheless she intrigues him and that is why he behaves with her as he does and has been for 10 months. 

By not falling for his "game" he respects her. 

Sure it pisses him off, but that's a good thing, it's emotional and any time a man behaves emotionally with or because of a woman, you can bet he's got feelings for her beyond a hook up. 

 

But like I said hes still seeing me and other women??

He also has only ego boost for her like only a conquest???

[poppyfields]

Just now, chicksinacup said:

But like I said hes still seeing me and other women?

Why do you keep harping on this? 

He needs sex, which you and others easily provide.  It means nothing to him but getting his rocks off.

Again, because this girl values and respects herself more than being a casual hookup like you and the other girls, she intrigues him, and he values her, respects her. 

Which causes him to behave differently with her. 

I'm not sure why you're unable to grasp this, unless you believe when a man has easy casual sex with you, it means he likes you, values you and respects you. 

It doesn't, it's often the opposite.

If you want a relationship with a man, stop leading with your sexuality, believing good sex will win his heart. 

It won't, ask any man.

Yes he will keep you around, you fulfill his sexual needs but doubtful it will ever go beyond that. 

I'm sorry. 

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, chicksinacup said:

But like I said hes still seeing me and other women??

He also has only ego boost for her like only a conquest???

Because you guys are still providing sex.  He'll probably end up dropping all of you guys in the end and making her his gf.

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, chicksinacup said:

Worked on him? What worked?

He can take or leave you and your friends. It's easy for him....so much so that he additionally disrespected you by getting together with your friends while on a trip with YOU. After repeatedly allowing this stuff for a long time, if you disappeared tomorrow, he'd probably think "no big deal" and move onto other girls (for both a similar FWB relationship where he does as he wants or perhaps even fall for some girl who values herself higher than she values him like the one you are asking about.  

If you aren't real equals or more likely "his better", he's not going to see you with the mind for a real relationship.   Whereas the girl you are asking about said immediately to him essentially: "we need to do things my way or where I have trust that you like me for me, otherwise I'm not interested" (also messaging that not only is she BETTER than him but she will have other choices easily in the future! ironically much as he messages his value to you and your other FWB friends via his actions)...it's implicated that this is the negotiation..if you aren't willing to invest in me for a relationship, I'm not interested, ie more on her terms, whereas the rest of you are puppy-dogging around after him on only HIS terms (low value, low self-esteem b.s and conveys that there isn't much value to be had with you guys). 

It's sort of econ 101. What is scarce is valued, what is easy to get is not valued. In terms of humans, how you project your value and manage it affects how others will treat you and subsequently value you. 

Guy sort of sounds like a jerk--who is completely getting away with his stuff--on one count I totally agree with him though: why in the world should he change his WhatsApp photo to some random hookups instead of just himself? First off, just no...and Second off, that sends a message to whomever else he is hooking up with and talking to that he's all over the place with randoms, which makes drama for him potentially, makes it less easy for him to hookup with others and perhaps even turns off the girl he really likes (emotionally...the one he cannot easily get).