First date crazies

[Jessicajones84]

Men of the world (& women)... I'm so confused. I had an AMAZING first date with this guy. We had so much in common - I'd go as far as to say this was one of the best dates I've ever been on. He text me when he got home to say he had "such" a nice time. Then continued to initiate conversation over the next few days. I thought I'd ask him for a second date as he asked me and visited me (we are 2 hours apart) for the first one. He replied saying he was going to ask me closer to the time he is free, and has 3 full weekends ahead, so asked me to meet him next month. No explanation or even offering an actual date he was free in sept.( Not that I'm entitled to know his plansbut it was just like okayyyy). I was like whaaaat. Anyway, he obviously didn't feel the same level of excitement, but why continue to talk to me like he was interested? Including questions about all sorts. There's no way he didn't enjoy that date. Unless he's a very talented actor. I'm not that young (30s) so been on a fair share in my time. It seemed like we had a great connection. He was vulnerable - sharing about his mother's death amongst other stuff. Plus there was a lot of laughter!! Anyway, I've said I'm not a 3 week wait kind of woman (in a jokey, kind way) & wished him well. To which he pretty much said "fair enough, you know what is right for you, and I wish you well in everything you do". I really don't get it. I would have preferred it if he was just honest in the first instance or ghosted me after the first date. 3 weeks is a joke. A real kick in the teeth. I did wonder if I ended it prematurely, but when a guy is excited about you you know right? The 3 week thing just sounded a bit s*** & like he was letting me know I'm unlikely to be a priority. He let me slip away anyway. I can't believe I'm this unimportant. I'm sad I won't see him again, bit I'm not going to chase him. He obviously isn't fussed either way. How can I learn for next time? I didn't chase him at all (not that I care about that stuff). I'm just confused why he's pushed me away. What can I learn for next time? 

 

Thanks for your time xx

[Weezy1973]

12 minutes ago, Jessicajones84 said:

What can I learn for next time? 

 

Don’t get invested after one date. You can never know how the other person is feeling, so don’t try to assume he had a great date or not. Also, tough to date with a 2 hour distance between you. 

[alphamale]

27 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Don’t get invested after one date. You can never know how the other person is feeling, so don’t try to assume he had a great date or not. Also, tough to date with a 2 hour distance between you. 

He passed on you for one of a million reasons which you’ll probably never know. Move on! That’s relationships for you.

[BreakOnThrough]

A guy will make time for you if he's interested, and not weeks out, move on.

[glows]

When someone is very interested you’ll know and usually the same day or next day there’s a follow up for another date. I’m sorry he seemed quite lukewarm about it and may possibly have been turned off by the effort to travel to you or had second thoughts. He mentioned “full weekends” suggesting that he probably thinks it’s best to meet over two days off. All this makes it a little complicated and may have affected interest level. Why would he chase after you? Most average or above average individuals who are attractive and are enjoying their lives/living fully aren’t going to make a non-local person a priority. 

Edited August 18, 2022 by glows

[poppyfields]

Hi @Jessicajones84.

A bit of a different take (as per my usual) but I do think you dumped him prematurely.   You said you had an AMAZING first date and there was no way he didn't have a good time.  Lots of laughter, him opening up to you and making himself vulnerable, which believe me is NOT something a man will do, unless he feels a real connection with you.

Him pulling back after that to regroup and "get back to himself," is not uncommon.  I have had boyfriends do that, I never took it personally, left them alone to figure out whatever they needed to figure out without freaking out (dumping them or otherwise hassling them about it), which they appreciated. 

These were men I ended up having LTRs with.

I am curious why you would expect a man to make you a priority after ONE date.  I hope this doesn't sound rude, but it comes off a bit entitled.

He had (and has) a whole other life before you came along, and again I think it's a bit entitled to expect him to rearrange his previous plans and make YOU a priority after only one date.  No matter how amazing he thought the date was or amazing he thinks you are.

I used to be quite entitled myself (not proud to admit) but even I did not expect that after only one date.

Three weeks after having only one date is not all that long in the grand scheme, and wondering why you couldn't just be flexible, live your life, and be excited and look forward to seeing him again. Allow it to play out.

Which is what I always did which my boyfriends appreciated and we went on to have a LTR (years).

The problem is you took it personally as if it was a reflection on you and how he feels about you (i.e. not interested) which may NOT have been the case at all.

1 hour ago, Jessicajones84 said:

Anyway, I've said I'm not a 3 week wait kind of woman (in a jokey, kind way) & wished him well. To which he pretty much said "fair enough, you know what is right for you, and I wish you well in everything you do". 

Anyway, what's done is done I suppose, you clearly rejected him.   And as such, his response was appropriate and quite gracious.  Many men would NOT have been quite so gracious upon being rejected so abruptly so be thankful for that.

 

Edited August 18, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Also to add to my previous post, it's really best imo to get rid of "shoulds" they serve no good purpose imo.

When a man is interested, he "should" call immediately after the first date and make another.

Or when a man is interested, he "should" drop his life and make YOU a priority, even after only one date.

There are so many other "shoulds" that simply have no place and they place a tremendous pressure on men to live up to women's expectations, and it can be a real turn off.

I have had male friends and my own brothers tell me this.

Every man (and woman) is an individual, they have their own style and own comfort level with respect to how fast or how slow they wish to develop a relationship.

I think it's important to be flexible to these different styles and not place so many expectations and attach meaning to things that may not have much meaning at all.

Relax, have fun and focus on the journey not the destination is how I always viewed it (I recently got married).

I think you will enjoy dating a whole lot better if you can do that.

 

Edited August 18, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jessicajones84 said:

we are 2 hours apart. he was letting me know I'm unlikely to be a priority.

Sorry this happened. It stinks to feel you had a great first meet, only for it to fizzle and become a one-and-done situation.

In this case the distance is an issue and he probably has a lot of local dates lined up. You should do the same.

No one is a "priority" after one meet, because you are still more or less strangers. Don't take it personally. Date locally and more realistically.

[Jessicajones84]

55 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hi @Jessicajones84.A bit of a different take (as per my usual) but I do think you dumped him prematurely. 

I am curious why you would expect a man to make you a priority after ONE date.  I hope this doesn't sound rude, but it comes off a bit entitled.

 

Thanks so much for your words @poppyfields Yes, on reflection I think I could have calmed down a bit. I definitely acted on my emotions, and should have waited and thought about it rationally. I think with the dating scene these days, I'm really keen to move on quickly to not waste my energy if I think my interest is not reciprocated. 

 

Yes, I need a balance with the entitlement. I've spent many years not valuing myself in relationships and haven't got the balance right. I'm so awful at navigating dating! I rarely meet someone who I feel there's an exciting spark, so probably craved the validation or something.

Yes, I'm grateful he was gracious - and I'm glad I didn't respond in a way where he would know I was upset or annoyed. I told him it was great to meet him, but this wasn't for me and wished him luck with his training. He is training in the same profession I am due to start soon (at different universities) which meant we had a lot to talk about. As well as both losing one of our parents recently and share the same heritage from a very small country. From what what I knew of him before the date and some stuff he shared during the date, he seems like someone who maintains their boundaries and takes time to process things. What put me off was the way he replied with not actually pinning down a date or any kind of mention of being excited to see me. All this is over text - I just didn't see in the words any kind of energy. Maybe I felt insecure at the thought of my feelings moving quicker than his.

Anyway, as our last messages were not in any way  angry or anything. I was thinking of just letting it all settle for now for a month or two and reaching out suggesting a hang out as friends. There are little people of colour in our field let alone having exactly the same heritage from a little known country. We could share research etc. We got on so well, and it just feels like its ended abruptly. I don't think we are in the same place dating wise but maybe a friendship would be nice. But, I'll leave it for now. Have you ever pursued a friendship with a guy you dated short term?

[Jessicajones84]

59 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

Relax, have fun and focus on the journey not the destination is how I always viewed it (I recently got married).

 

 

Yes  I would love to enjoy dating! I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse which does affect my relationships. It's not an excuse, I just have trust issues. So I'm always worried about being used. I go to this automatic way of thinking where if there any less than dreamy experiences, I want to run a mile! 

I don't really know what I was doing and was a little freaked out by dating advice suggesting if the man is truly 'into you' you just know it. 

It was hard to navigate the situation with him where he was reaching out and continuing the conversation vs seeming a bit lack lustre with nailing the next date. I don't know who missed out - me or him lol. I'm viewing this as a learning experience. I'm sad that I viewing him as not really bothered and forgotten my name always! 

[Jessicajones84]

6 minutes ago, Jessicajones84 said:

Yes  I would love to enjoy dating! I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse which does affect my relationships. It's not an excuse, I just have trust issues. So I'm always worried about being used. I go to this automatic way of thinking where if there any less than dreamy experiences, I want to run a mile! 

I don't really know what I was doing and was a little freaked out by dating advice suggesting if the man is truly 'into you' you just know it. 

It was hard to navigate the situation with him where he was reaching out and continuing the conversation vs seeming a bit lack lustre with nailing the next date. I don't know who missed out - me or him lol. I'm viewing this as a learning experience. I'm sad that I viewing him as not really bothered and forgotten my name always! 

 

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

(I recently got married).

 

Congratulations on your wedding! @poppyfields

[chillii]

Sorry , don't agree and l think talking about past things yaknow, if it was gonna be something , it would've but whatever we did or didn't , it amounted to nothing in the end anyway, bc it was never going to be. Maybe some useless short relationship or whatever but nothing more, real. These finer points aren't going to wreck anything that was ever gonna be anything real, real is too powerful for some little wrong move to ruin it. Thing is you could have a time like that meeting someone but that doesn't mean it's in his eyes or feelings relationship material. Only 2hrs, that's not much if l was truly exited about her no way l'd be waiting a mth l'd spin over after work on a wknight or find some time long before that, he won't just give up as if this stuff grows on trees.

l think he's just giving it the slip. Sure you can wait a mth , get together again, maybe it even turns into something, for awhile, big deal. But l'd just about guarantee it won't go anywhere real for long.

Edited August 18, 2022 by chillii

[stillafool]

Chances are this guy really enjoyed the date as much as you did and thought you were a lovely person, but wasn't blown away to the point he couldn't wait to see you again.  He's also very good at dating and knows how to make a girl feel good and have a good time in his presence.  Mentioning he lost his father seems natural to me, if it didn't happen long ago, and I don't see that as a sign of him being vulnerable, just telling you what's been going on in his life.  I doubt I would have told him what you did in the end; but would have said okay, continued dating others, and if he showed back up again (and I was still available) we'd have another good time and go from there.  

[ShyViolet]

Your first mistake was going on a date with someone who lives 2 hours away.  How did you expect this to move forward?  Especially if you have this expectation that you would see each other frequently.  That's kind of difficult when every single time you see each other, it's two hours travel time each way.  This is unrealistic.

[Ami1uwant]

Long distance relationships are very difficult if you actually already know them.  It’s even harder early on.  I think this guy would have pursued this if you were near each other.

[Rider on the Storm]

51 minutes ago, chillii said:

 Thing is you could have a time like that meeting someone but that doesn't mean it's in his eyes or feelings relationship material. Only 2hrs, that's not much if l was truly exited about her no way l'd be waiting a mth

 

43 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Chances are this guy really enjoyed the date as much as you did and thought you were a lovely person, but wasn't blown away to the point he couldn't wait to see you again.  

The above sums up my thoughts on this scenario. 

I suppose it's about perspective because if I went on a date that I felt went really well - and that person wanted to see me again sooner rather than later - I wouldn't view that person as entitled, pushy, or anything of the kind. It seems to me that he just wasn't as interested as you were, unfortunately.

If a man truly likes a woman, he will be equally as eager to see her again and won't let a 2 hour commute stop him from doing so. 

Good luck. You'll eventually find that person who is right for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I think he was lukewarm after the first date, and seeing you wanted something more concrete and timelier, he was fine just letting this be. It wasn't a match, even if he enjoyed your company. There wasn't a strong enough pull for him, is my take. It's disappointing, but given that you would like to see a guy more regularly, well, this one wasn't it for you. 

10 hours ago, Jessicajones84 said:

He was vulnerable - sharing about his mother's death

To be fair, I was on a tour this week on holidays and the tour guide shared some things about his mother's death as well. Some people are just open like that. It isn't necessarily a sign of deeper emotional connection. 

[Alpacalia]

12 hours ago, Jessicajones84 said:

How can I learn for next time?

Life is short and real love is totally worth waiting for.

Which means sometimes you have to accept some guys at face value - they're simply not the right one for you.

Someone who is truly interested in you deserves your attention. 

There may be a difference in how you define it from how he does.

It's OK to want to feel romantic and keep things moving, but if he doesn't seem to be interested or trying to make things romantic, he may not be the right match. 

I will also say this though.

It's not necessary to take a soft rejection like this personally after a single date. 

Laugh it off, cry a bit if your expectations were unrealistic, and then move on. This certainly does not define who you are. Chances are, like most individuals, you will encounter this type of "unfair" rejection several times in your life. You cannot always expect to be wanted. In fact, one may argue to always believe the opposite.

 

Edited August 19, 2022 by Alpacalia

[bene]

17 hours ago, Jessicajones84 said:

He was vulnerable - sharing about his mother's death amongst other stuff.

I have found that some people might find it comfortable to share these things with strangers and it doesn’t always mean that there’s some special bond. Some players might even add a dose of “vulnerability” knowingly.

[smackie9]

I don't think you dumped him prematurely. You have expectations, and he didn't meet them. 2 hours away, his weekends full for a month before being available. These are permanent, he live too far away and he's a real busy guy. That's worthy of being scratched off the list. Stick to your expectations and keep looking. reality check, just because the date went really well doesn't mean he felt you had a connection. I bet money on it, he's not busy, he was just hoping you would give up and it worked. Not everyone is forward in the dating world...it is what it is. You need to learn to read between the lines with their comments, and actions. My experience with dating, an interested man asks for another date asap, either on the date or the next day without any hesitation. Most guys came straight out and said they really like me and how does Tuesday for a movie sound?, or doing anything tomorrow night? 

Edited August 19, 2022 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

Jessica, I think it's good you're reflecting on how you responded, and owning that you allowed your emotions to drive your ship.  At least in part. 

And I'm sorry to hear about your past traumas, the abuse you experienced, that definitely played a role in your reaction, no question.

It's about fear.

Fear of getting hurt, fear of being played, fears pertaining to any number of things.

I understand fear, fear played a very large role in my life and relationships for many years.

But I've worked through it, for the most part anyway, with the help of good friends and a good qualified therapist.

Always do what's best for you, I'm a huge proponent of that.  And if you truly feel in your heart of hearts that this man was not interested and stringing you along, then you absolutely did the right thing. 

But that's not the sense I got from your original post. And how you explained your date.  I could be wrong.. 

Anyway, for me personally, I always try to see and understand the other side of things, in addition to my own side. 

He's not here so we only have your side and how you felt. 

However, if HE were here, he might have posted that if YOU were truly interested and liked HIM, you would have waited the three weeks. It goes both ways.

Three weeks after a first date is not that long in the grand scheme.

Remember he had a whole n'other life before you showed up.  He might be traveling, have friends visiting, or even other dates, which is OK.

It was only one date after all. And he had been staying in touch, texting, flirting etc.  Until you dumped him. 

Try to lower expectations and be flexible and open to different dating styles.. Relax, enjoy and focus on the journey versus the destination.

Dating should be fun!  Not overwrought with anxiety and uncertainty although there will be some uncertainty during early stages, that's pretty much a given. 

Try to embrace it versus fighting it.  

I think you will enjoy dating a whole lot better that way. 

 

Edited August 19, 2022 by poppyfields

[Jessicajones84]

19 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I don't think you dumped him prematurely. You have expectations, and he didn't meet them. 2 hours away, his weekends full for a month before being available. These are permanent, he live too far away and he's a real busy guy. That's worthy of being scratched off the list. Stick to your expectations and keep looking. reality check, just because the date went really well doesn't mean he felt you had a connection. I bet money on it, he's not busy, he was just hoping you would give up and it worked. Not everyone is forward in the dating world...it is what it is. You need to learn to read between the lines with their comments, and actions. My experience with dating, an interested man asks for another date asap, either on the date or the next day without any hesitation. Most guys came straight out and said they really like me and how does Tuesday for a movie sound?, or doing anything tomorrow night? 

I completely agree. I think it's really important to understand what you're own needs are and if someone is unable to meet them, for whatever reason, it's time to move on. I think in this case though, what I would change, is my emotional reaction to it. I think I could have just chilled out and taken my time to consider what was going on and how I really felt. He didn't need an answer immediately, and I didn't owe him one. However, I do disagree with him just hoping I would give up on it. He might not have been that fussed, but I think it was rather him seeing me as an option rather than hoping I would give it up. From I've understood of him, he's not really someone who would play mind games like that. If they were short texts, then maybe, but it's unlikely he would continue to reach out, and share, asks questions, whilst simultaneously hoping I would just give up. He's definitely capable of honesty and I don't think he would waste his time doing that.

[Jessicajones84]

18 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Jessica, I think it's good you're reflecting on how you responded, and owning that you allowed your emotions to drive your ship.  At least in part. 

And I'm sorry to hear about your past traumas, the abuse you experienced, that definitely played a role in your reaction, no question.

It's about fear.

Fear of getting hurt, fear of being played, fears pertaining to any number of things.

I understand fear, fear played a very large role in my life and relationships for many years.

But I've worked through it, for the most part anyway, with the help of good friends and a good qualified therapist.

Always do what's best for you, I'm a huge proponent of that.  And if you truly feel in your heart of hearts that this man was not interested and stringing you along, then you absolutely did the right thing. 

But that's not the sense I got from your original post. And how you explained your date.  I could be wrong.. 

Anyway, for me personally, I always try to see and understand the other side of things, in addition to my own side. 

He's not here so we only have your side and how you felt. 

However, if HE were here, he might have posted that if YOU were truly interested and liked HIM, you would have waited the three weeks. It goes both ways.

Three weeks after a first date is not that long in the grand scheme.

Remember he had a whole n'other life before you showed up.  He might be traveling, have friends visiting, or even other dates, which is OK.

It was only one date after all. And he had been staying in touch, texting, flirting etc.  Until you dumped him. 

Try to lower expectations and be flexible and open to different dating styles.. Relax, enjoy and focus on the journey versus the destination.

Dating should be fun!  Not overwrought with anxiety and uncertainty although there will be some uncertainty during early stages, that's pretty much a given. 

Try to embrace it versus fighting it.  

I think you will enjoy dating a whole lot better that way. 

 

Thank you and yes, I woke up thinking I can't believe how much one can learn about themselves in such a short amount of time. I think this had to play out in the way it did in order for me to learn and probably adjust my attitude to dating/confidence/expectations/entitlement.. amongst other things! 

I spoke to one of my male friends for about 3 hours about this, and he mirrored a lot of what you said. Living my life and not being full to the brim with expectations and not craving the validation are so important. On reflection, due to my ghosts, I recognised some behaviour/ things I said on the date that were pure sabotage. I was really freaked out by how easy and full our conversation was and think some unconscious stubborn mechanisms came into action. There may have been red flags for him. The way I was talking about my experiences with other men for instance, would have likely indicated that he was one of my MANY options.  I think now, he probably liked me, but at this stage I became one of his options and not his priority. He may well have guessed how little I value myself. The way I did the whole self protection thing was so different to the content of our conversations and curiosity about each other prior to meeting him.

Who really knows. But he is a trainee psychotherapist, so he most likely would have picked up on something like that. He definitely would not want to throw himself into any kind of toxic relationship. 

I disagree with the above suggestion he was hoping I would give up though. I doubt he would have taken the time to stay in contact when I clearly wasn't chasing him. He was actively asking questions and sharing about his day. Also the regularity of that contact. He seems considered and was probably still processing his thoughts. Also, I have plenty of guys pressure me for second dates who have turned out to be not untrustworthy or not genuine.

My male friend was talking to me about my lack of confidence and also how sometimes, things can change all the time. He may not have left thinking I lit his world up, but more likely he was interested in keeping in contact at least and meeting down the line.  And more than likely dating others in between. Maybe not even as a relationship - we just clearly got on and had a lot on common. I've got a bit of a 'rom com' attitude, when in reality a lot of LTRs don't necessarily start with 'boy meets girl, falls in love' blah blah. Sometime things take time to develop, and you're own life is the most important thing in the meantime. I doubt he would spend his time messaging, keeping the option open purely with the intention of me giving up. However, I was clearly more excited and probably because of my own issues - a neediness. He deserves better than that - everyone does.

 

I had a date last night, and it was good to put all this learning into practice. Enjoy the experience of learning from new people you meet and just seeing how things play out. (As much as I was trying not to compare, it didn't feel as connected). 

 

The best thing about this is the self care I've implemented as a result of this experience. Thinking about my attachment style and what I can do to invest in my own life and build confidence and value what I bring. I would be too much on him to fulfil that for me - so I'm glad that's not where I'm heading with him anymore. I'm disappointed to miss out on that, as I do believe we had something, but it had to be as it was and I wouldn't change it. Only how I want to change things going forward.

 

My male friend and others have suggested I reach out to him again (without expectation), and in a breezy way explain how I 'miscalculated' and would like to see him again. With the male friend emphasising how you never know how things can change and develop. He was struck by how I was sucked into the power dynamics of this rather than trying to understand how he may have seen our date and his perspective and reacting so quickly and emotionally in order save face. He clearly didn't want to play into my games. I may do so in a month or two when I've calmed down and if still interested by then. I may change my mind! He showed a lot of interest in the books etc I'm reading, and I'm about to read a book he's already read and loved. Potentially I could reach out once I've finished and initiate a convo about that or whatever. But, I'm going to wait for the emotions to die down and for things to just move on. Go on more dates if I want and get on with my self care! YES enjoy the dating!

 

 

[Maldives]

On 8/19/2022 at 4:21 AM, Jessicajones84 said:

Men of the world (& women)... I'm so confused. I had an AMAZING first date with this guy. We had so much in common - I'd go as far as to say this was one of the best dates I've ever been on. He text me when he got home to say he had "such" a nice time. Then continued to initiate conversation over the next few days. I thought I'd ask him for a second date as he asked me and visited me (we are 2 hours apart) for the first one. He replied saying he was going to ask me closer to the time he is free, and has 3 full weekends ahead, so asked me to meet him next month. No explanation or even offering an actual date he was free in sept.( Not that I'm entitled to know his plansbut it was just like okayyyy). I was like whaaaat. Anyway, he obviously didn't feel the same level of excitement, but why continue to talk to me like he was interested? Including questions about all sorts. There's no way he didn't enjoy that date. Unless he's a very talented actor. I'm not that young (30s) so been on a fair share in my time. It seemed like we had a great connection. He was vulnerable - sharing about his mother's death amongst other stuff. Plus there was a lot of laughter!! Anyway, I've said I'm not a 3 week wait kind of woman (in a jokey, kind way) & wished him well. To which he pretty much said "fair enough, you know what is right for you, and I wish you well in everything you do". I really don't get it. I would have preferred it if he was just honest in the first instance or ghosted me after the first date. 3 weeks is a joke. A real kick in the teeth. I did wonder if I ended it prematurely, but when a guy is excited about you you know right? The 3 week thing just sounded a bit s*** & like he was letting me know I'm unlikely to be a priority. He let me slip away anyway. I can't believe I'm this unimportant. I'm sad I won't see him again, bit I'm not going to chase him. He obviously isn't fussed either way. How can I learn for next time? I didn't chase him at all (not that I care about that stuff). I'm just confused why he's pushed me away. What can I learn for next time? 

 

Thanks for your time xx

Gave up way too easily in my opinion. Imagine things like that didn't get to you how successful you could actually we all could be if we didn't let these things affect us in a way where we put up walls 

Plus a 2 hr drive, that's probably another reason for a few weeks out. Did U offer to drive to him maybe he would of been ok with that take turns 

Edited August 20, 2022 by Goodguy05

[Jessicajones84]

20 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Gave up way too easily in my opinion. Imagine things like that didn't get to you how successful you could actually we all could be if we didn't let these things affect us in a way where we put up walls 

Plus a 2 hr drive, that's probably another reason for a few weeks out. Did U offer to drive to him maybe he would of been ok with that take turns 

Yes, I agree. I overreacted and I regret it. I learned a huge lesson from this about my lack of confidence and insecurities. 

I'm working on myself and going on other dates. Practicing enjoying the experience but putting my life first - I don't want to be a pick me girl! 

I'm letting the dust settle, get on with things and in a month or so perhaps I'll reach out to him.